18 answers

What Do You Do When Someone Doesn't like You?

Hey moms!
I know this may sound silly. I always go out of my way to be nice to people. It eats away at me if I think I hurt someone's feelings or if someone doesn't like me for some reason. Well my uncle is married to a woman who I used to be friends with. All of us women in the family would have girls' nights and would hang out and we helped her with her wedding and threw her a bachelorette party. She was always so friendly and nice towards me and me to her. Well the past few years she's been extremely cold towards me. It's not only obvious to me but to my sisters and mother as well. It bothers me so much since I know I haven't done anything to make her dislike me. So, my question is this: what would YOU do? I'm hosting Thanksgiving at my house this year and I know her and my uncle will be there. She is perfectly nice to everyone except me. Should I ask her ahead of time why she doesn't like me so I can try to correct it? Should I just drop it and try not to let it bother me? I see this woman about once or twice a year, but it bothers me everytime I do see her. Thanks for any advice you may have moms!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

J., You sound like such a nice person. My suggestion is to ask her ahead of time if you may have done something to offend her? Then explain why you are asking her that question and that you would very much like to have a good relationship with her. Please don't get me wrong I am by no means putting the blame on you for this situation. I just know that sometimes people hear things and misinterrupt them so maybe that is the case here. You will never know if you don't ask her and I have a feeling it will continue to eat away at you since you are such a caring person. If that doesn't work at least you know that you did everything you could to solve this problem.

3 moms found this helpful

I learned the hard way deal with it now ask her what's up!!! Otherwise it will keep eating at you till some one blows! I just went through this and so I called up the person and we talked it out and everything is fine!

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Just ask her. Tell her you miss the closeness you shared, and wonder if you've done anything to offend her or hurt her. Then just listen. Good luck to you.

3 moms found this helpful

I have had a LOT of experience with people not liking me. When I was a child I just didn't come from the right type of family and didn't have money like my classmates. As a childcare provider I've been very successful and a lot of other providers have been jealous and tried to make trouble for me. I guess my upbringing has caused me to not really care what people think about me. My only guide for how to behave is my love for the Lord. I am happy with myself and even when I want to change something about myself, I am confident that with God's help the changes will be made over time. I don't believe I need any other human beings approval. I am kind, hard working and diligent.

You do sound like a nice person that cares about other people and how they are feeling. But you can never make everyone happy. I tried to do that for years! You just stay true to you. That's all you can really do.

S.

3 moms found this helpful

J., You sound like such a nice person. My suggestion is to ask her ahead of time if you may have done something to offend her? Then explain why you are asking her that question and that you would very much like to have a good relationship with her. Please don't get me wrong I am by no means putting the blame on you for this situation. I just know that sometimes people hear things and misinterrupt them so maybe that is the case here. You will never know if you don't ask her and I have a feeling it will continue to eat away at you since you are such a caring person. If that doesn't work at least you know that you did everything you could to solve this problem.

3 moms found this helpful

I learned the hard way deal with it now ask her what's up!!! Otherwise it will keep eating at you till some one blows! I just went through this and so I called up the person and we talked it out and everything is fine!

3 moms found this helpful

I am not very good at confrontation. I would probably take the "long distance" approach and write her a very carefully worded letter, tell her that you always enjoyed being around her so much, loved doing things with her as part of the family etc etc, but that you have noticed a strain between the two of you and you are hoping that it is nothing that you have done to cause it. Try not to be accusatory in tone but don't let her think she can just dump on you either. Ask her if there is something that the two of you can do to restore peace to your relationship.
And remember...sometimes there is just no explaining why people act the way they do...if she doesnt respond to you and doesnt change the way she treats you just chalk it up to a personality conflict and forget about it as best you can. When you have to be around her, treat her with respect and be warm towards her, then it will be HER that comes out looking bad!!!
R. Ann

2 moms found this helpful

It isn't silly; everyone likes to be accepted, especially by family. It hurts not to be liked, especially if you have done nothing wrong. Some people just do not care as much as others. I simply try to just be nice to others and if they are rude, then so be it. At least, I acted as the adult. It still bothers me though.
I recently found out from a good friend that someone on the school PTO really does not like me. I have not done or said anything to her that should make her dislike me; but apparently she does. She is super sweet to me in person, but it bothers me to know that her demeanor is fake.
I would simply ask your "friend" once about why she is so cold to you; then, if she doesn't try to rectify the situation, I would just go on with life. Everyone else can see how rude she is being and until one of them points this out to her, it is likely to continue. You will look (and actually will be) the better person by continuing to be polite despite her rude behavior.
Best of luck. I hope it all works out that it is a misunderstanding and you can all get along. IF not, remember when she is in your house, you have the right to lay the ground rules. You could simply say, "I realize that for whatever reason, you have a problem with me. I would like to get along, but if that is not possible, then I expect you to treat me with respect when you are here because I am trying to raise my child in an environment where respect is upheld." Let all present know your expectations and have them agree to help enforce the respect issue. Kids can pick up even the smallest details and her lack of good etiquette is not something you want your son to acquire!
Best of luck! Have a great day!
K.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,
Boy have I been there before. Not with a family member, thank goodness, but with some ladies in our group of friends. You are completely right, it feels horrible and eats at you- especially when you know you go out of your way to be nice and accommodating to everyone.

That said, some ladies (and guys, for that matter) are just hateful. If you guys were friends before the marriage, perhaps there's been some misunderstanding that you're not aware of. At some point (depending on how confrontational you are) I would take her aside and address the problem. Like some of the other mamas have said, tell her that you've noticed a change in your relationship over the last several years, that it hurts you to think that she's angry at you and that you'd like to figure out a way to fix it.

If you lay it out for her and she's not receptive, then you simply have to just move on. At that point, it becomes her problem, not yours. You've tried and that's all you can do. Life's too short to waste your time on hateful people. And anyone who's using that much energy to be mean-spirited isn't really someone you want to be friends with anyway. Just let it go. :)

Best of luck!
H.

1 mom found this helpful

You do need to ask her before you can determine what she is disliking you for. There are many reasons-is she jealous of you? Did her husband say something and hold you responsible? Did you say something she did not get or said it "wrong" and she took it "wrong"? Is your uncle really a dirty old man and said something to her-about you? ok maybe those are extreme and maybe not? Ask her and get her to talk to you. And if after that nothing changes tell them they don't need to come to your home and ruin your holiday dinner with tension. Themost you will do is have a pleasant dinner without them and if the others don't show then more is going on than you are aware of and somebody better be doing the talking cause this is too small to get the whole family in a mess over! Good luck and happy dinners.

1 mom found this helpful

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