18 answers

What Do You Do When Someone Doesn't like You?

Hey moms!
I know this may sound silly. I always go out of my way to be nice to people. It eats away at me if I think I hurt someone's feelings or if someone doesn't like me for some reason. Well my uncle is married to a woman who I used to be friends with. All of us women in the family would have girls' nights and would hang out and we helped her with her wedding and threw her a bachelorette party. She was always so friendly and nice towards me and me to her. Well the past few years she's been extremely cold towards me. It's not only obvious to me but to my sisters and mother as well. It bothers me so much since I know I haven't done anything to make her dislike me. So, my question is this: what would YOU do? I'm hosting Thanksgiving at my house this year and I know her and my uncle will be there. She is perfectly nice to everyone except me. Should I ask her ahead of time why she doesn't like me so I can try to correct it? Should I just drop it and try not to let it bother me? I see this woman about once or twice a year, but it bothers me everytime I do see her. Thanks for any advice you may have moms!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

J., You sound like such a nice person. My suggestion is to ask her ahead of time if you may have done something to offend her? Then explain why you are asking her that question and that you would very much like to have a good relationship with her. Please don't get me wrong I am by no means putting the blame on you for this situation. I just know that sometimes people hear things and misinterrupt them so maybe that is the case here. You will never know if you don't ask her and I have a feeling it will continue to eat away at you since you are such a caring person. If that doesn't work at least you know that you did everything you could to solve this problem.

3 moms found this helpful

I learned the hard way deal with it now ask her what's up!!! Otherwise it will keep eating at you till some one blows! I just went through this and so I called up the person and we talked it out and everything is fine!

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Just ask her. Tell her you miss the closeness you shared, and wonder if you've done anything to offend her or hurt her. Then just listen. Good luck to you.

3 moms found this helpful

I have had a LOT of experience with people not liking me. When I was a child I just didn't come from the right type of family and didn't have money like my classmates. As a childcare provider I've been very successful and a lot of other providers have been jealous and tried to make trouble for me. I guess my upbringing has caused me to not really care what people think about me. My only guide for how to behave is my love for the Lord. I am happy with myself and even when I want to change something about myself, I am confident that with God's help the changes will be made over time. I don't believe I need any other human beings approval. I am kind, hard working and diligent.

You do sound like a nice person that cares about other people and how they are feeling. But you can never make everyone happy. I tried to do that for years! You just stay true to you. That's all you can really do.

S.

3 moms found this helpful

J., You sound like such a nice person. My suggestion is to ask her ahead of time if you may have done something to offend her? Then explain why you are asking her that question and that you would very much like to have a good relationship with her. Please don't get me wrong I am by no means putting the blame on you for this situation. I just know that sometimes people hear things and misinterrupt them so maybe that is the case here. You will never know if you don't ask her and I have a feeling it will continue to eat away at you since you are such a caring person. If that doesn't work at least you know that you did everything you could to solve this problem.

3 moms found this helpful

I learned the hard way deal with it now ask her what's up!!! Otherwise it will keep eating at you till some one blows! I just went through this and so I called up the person and we talked it out and everything is fine!

3 moms found this helpful

I am not very good at confrontation. I would probably take the "long distance" approach and write her a very carefully worded letter, tell her that you always enjoyed being around her so much, loved doing things with her as part of the family etc etc, but that you have noticed a strain between the two of you and you are hoping that it is nothing that you have done to cause it. Try not to be accusatory in tone but don't let her think she can just dump on you either. Ask her if there is something that the two of you can do to restore peace to your relationship.
And remember...sometimes there is just no explaining why people act the way they do...if she doesnt respond to you and doesnt change the way she treats you just chalk it up to a personality conflict and forget about it as best you can. When you have to be around her, treat her with respect and be warm towards her, then it will be HER that comes out looking bad!!!
R. Ann

2 moms found this helpful

It isn't silly; everyone likes to be accepted, especially by family. It hurts not to be liked, especially if you have done nothing wrong. Some people just do not care as much as others. I simply try to just be nice to others and if they are rude, then so be it. At least, I acted as the adult. It still bothers me though.
I recently found out from a good friend that someone on the school PTO really does not like me. I have not done or said anything to her that should make her dislike me; but apparently she does. She is super sweet to me in person, but it bothers me to know that her demeanor is fake.
I would simply ask your "friend" once about why she is so cold to you; then, if she doesn't try to rectify the situation, I would just go on with life. Everyone else can see how rude she is being and until one of them points this out to her, it is likely to continue. You will look (and actually will be) the better person by continuing to be polite despite her rude behavior.
Best of luck. I hope it all works out that it is a misunderstanding and you can all get along. IF not, remember when she is in your house, you have the right to lay the ground rules. You could simply say, "I realize that for whatever reason, you have a problem with me. I would like to get along, but if that is not possible, then I expect you to treat me with respect when you are here because I am trying to raise my child in an environment where respect is upheld." Let all present know your expectations and have them agree to help enforce the respect issue. Kids can pick up even the smallest details and her lack of good etiquette is not something you want your son to acquire!
Best of luck! Have a great day!
K.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,
Boy have I been there before. Not with a family member, thank goodness, but with some ladies in our group of friends. You are completely right, it feels horrible and eats at you- especially when you know you go out of your way to be nice and accommodating to everyone.

That said, some ladies (and guys, for that matter) are just hateful. If you guys were friends before the marriage, perhaps there's been some misunderstanding that you're not aware of. At some point (depending on how confrontational you are) I would take her aside and address the problem. Like some of the other mamas have said, tell her that you've noticed a change in your relationship over the last several years, that it hurts you to think that she's angry at you and that you'd like to figure out a way to fix it.

If you lay it out for her and she's not receptive, then you simply have to just move on. At that point, it becomes her problem, not yours. You've tried and that's all you can do. Life's too short to waste your time on hateful people. And anyone who's using that much energy to be mean-spirited isn't really someone you want to be friends with anyway. Just let it go. :)

Best of luck!
H.

1 mom found this helpful

You do need to ask her before you can determine what she is disliking you for. There are many reasons-is she jealous of you? Did her husband say something and hold you responsible? Did you say something she did not get or said it "wrong" and she took it "wrong"? Is your uncle really a dirty old man and said something to her-about you? ok maybe those are extreme and maybe not? Ask her and get her to talk to you. And if after that nothing changes tell them they don't need to come to your home and ruin your holiday dinner with tension. Themost you will do is have a pleasant dinner without them and if the others don't show then more is going on than you are aware of and somebody better be doing the talking cause this is too small to get the whole family in a mess over! Good luck and happy dinners.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you defintely need to confront the problem - I wouldn't quite phrase it by asking her why she doesn't like you but maybe if something has happened that you aren't aware of. Just let her know that you've noticed a change in her behavior towards you over time and want to know what you guys to do to fix it. Family tensions are never easy to correct - so good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Even if you were to ask her, it doesn't mean you will even get the truth. She just may go out of her way to be nice because she realizes her actions are being perceived.

I don't take it personal if someone doesn't like me. I've learned that sometimes it really has nothing to do with you and there's not much you can do.

You can be kind to a person and hospital to someone but it doesn't always guarantee they will return the gesture.

So in summary. Do not take it personal, it really could be something that has nothing to do.

1 mom found this helpful

J. you ask what "I" would do, and i'll tell you. in our family everyone helps with thanksgiving dinner, and the "host" family just does the turkey and maybe a side or two. so then you start making the calls about dinner (or if you can think of another excuse to call), just drop into the conversation, "are you mad at me or something?" if she doesn't bite, just make it lighthearted and throw out something like, "oh i was just wondering you've been kind of quiet..." and change the subject. if she takes the opportunity to woman up and talk to you, great. if not, you gave her the opportunity. i wouldn't try again, because at that point you've done what you can...good luck! just my two cents :)

1 mom found this helpful

Way I see it is that you can either be confrontational and try to get an answer out of her and some resolution or you just let it go. I've gone round and round with my in-laws family (they constantly slight or ignore me)...I've just chosen not to associate with them more than I have to for my children's sake. I find that I am a much more happy and harmonious person for it.

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds to me like you just need to ask her. If you don't want to do it in person, call her or even email her. You can just do it nicely, I notice you have been distant to me, did I do something wrong?

J., I really don't have advice. but I know how you feel. I live in subdivsion that is like that too. except for a couple of really nice ladies. and it hurts doesn't it. Just want you to know your not alone. we get together a play bunko I feel like no one ever knows I there except those few. I know I would ask but not sure if that is te right thing. I guess you could ask her and your uncle to go out and to come over and talk before. Best wishes to you. I hope all turns out well. at least whne you get together they come. I have a sister in law that mad at the family for a really dumb reason. so they don't ever come and have not seen her in 20 yrs. we used to get along very well and I have tried writing and always remember to send christmas cards and say I miss them. if you find something that works let me know

I think the only thing you can do is ask if you done something to offend her. You may have said or done something that you didn't even know about. That happened to me and my sister. Our step-mother (who has since past away) came for a visit, first time we had met her. Sister and I had a wonderful time and thought that step-mom had also. But later we found out that she thought that we were rude and made her feel unwelcome and told our whole family that we were mean to her. Sister and I were shocked. We asked our hubbys if they noticed anything and they said no. Step-mom and my dad never said a word to us while they were with us, but later all we heard was how horrible we were. Come to find out she didn't get our sense of humor and thought we were mean. Sister and I have very dry, sarcastic senses of humor, step-mom just didnt get it (she was also Koren so that may have been part of the reason, a cultural thing). But it was bad, for a year we hardly spoke to our dad or her. We never saw her again before she died. But we were speaking again. So not that it will get that bad for you, but just flat out ask, it may be tht you craked a joke that she didn't like. If she said you didn't do anything, then all you can do is keep being yourself and nice to her, I'm sure she'll come around. Good luck!

I would just ignore her. Speak to her only when spoken to and just be cordial. Don't strike up any uneccessary conversations w/ her. If it's really bothering you, you could say to her "You seem different lately, are you upset w/ me for some reason?" I would wait until the end of the day, but really her behavior is on her, so just make sure you aren't acting like her. You don't have to act like you like her though either, just politeness.

If I were you... :o) I wouldn;t say anything to her or confront her about it in any way. I'd treat her just like I do everyone else and if she acts strangely then it's her issue, not yours and like you mentioned, everyone will see this. If she has some sort of negative feeling toward you for whatever reason perhaps if you just continue to be yourself and treat her as you like to be treated she'll come to realize she was being silly about whatever it is thats making her act this way.

I found that personalities change once married.I was ok and talkative to my husbands family and now not so much and the same with them i'm talking about his girl cousins who are 10# yrs older than I and their young adult girls.I have 3 kid's so i'am busy we did go out a few times and it was great but now I feel as if maybe they sometimes ignore me.I know I ignore them because they can be rude not all of them.So I just keep to myself at all gatherings.If you want to ask what her problem is then do so but me it's not worth my time.

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