What Do You Do to RELAX?

I agree with the poster on the Merlot, although I prefer a Pinot Noir.... If you are as fortunate as I am to have a couple of girlfriends around, have them bring their kids over, lock them in the bedrooms and have a moms-night-in with a couple of bottles of wine.
M

C.,

I am so sorry for how you are feeling. If it helps at all...we've all been there. Yesterday at 5pm I decided to sit down with a book while waiting for dinner to finish...and that lasted for 3 minutes! I have a very early bedtime for the kids and that does work for us. They are all usually in bed and asleep by 7pm, which gives me time for myself, my hubby and my volunteering meetings and such. I love DVR and that is when the TV goes on. It gives me about 3-4 hours to unwind and be me. Of course when the kids are older that won't be as easy...but I will continue trying.

Good luck!

H. Z. (SAHM 5, 4 and 17 month old boys)

C.. I wish I had a magis spell for you but I dont. I just wanted to let you know alot of us feel the same way you do. In my house the kids pick the bathroom door lock with a wooden skewer. My hubby works nights and tries to help out but you know how that goes. The best I can tell you is to hang in there eventually the kids get older(my 12yr old is starting to think were morons) and then things will hopefully calm down. Hang in there and feel free to vent anytime

Hi - I know how you feel, I think we all feel this way now and then. This may sound dumb but if you can't get away from the kids I think coloring is relaxing. They are engaged and when you are coloring your own picture, like from a coloring book...it is actually cathartic. Good Luck!!

On days like that I go crazy if I can't get some sort of exercise in to let off some steam and have my thoughts to myself. I am lucky I have a gym at work so I go down on most lunch hours and at least get in a walk on the treadmill. When I am stuck at home with sick kids I will often call my husband at work and give him a "heads up" that he needs to try and get home a tad early and that I will fly out the door when he does. I get myself ready in workout clothes and literally, the second he comes through the door, I head outside (no matter what the weather) to go for a brisk walk - even for just 20-30 minutes. It's the only way I can settle back down at night and get some sleep.
(I've also locked myself in the bathroom before - but it's never very satisfying - you can still hear the screaming outside!)

Oh, I go through this alot. I'm from Mass. and now live in Maine and don't have really any friends around here. I have 2 kids who are 3 and 6 and can be very challenging.....so I can completely understand, what I do is after the kids go to bed just lay down and watch tv, and even if for an hour or so I can feel so much better. Well if u wanna talk sometime u can email me. Good luck!

Merlot.......just a glass will do!

I'm sorry your house is down with sickness.
You don't mention how old the kids are. Picking the bathroom lock with a fork while you or anyone else is occupying it is unacceptable in my book.
You might want to set some sort of punishment for that.

Unfortuanately when the kids are small or even when they are teens and sick, nope you don't get downtime... I recall when mine were little and I'd get sick how unfair it was that I couldn't even be sick and taken care of.

I do a lot of what your first respondent replied. I do take long soaks in the tub and fill it with 2 cups epsom salts to a cup of baking soda to calm and relax myself.
When my kids were small they would pound on the door, wiggle their fingers under it, call me etc. They didn't like when I dissappeared into the bathroom. I saved my bath time for when they were down for the night. My relaxing bath followed by some pleasure reading put me in a good state and allowed for a good nights sleep so I could tackle the challenges of motherhood the next morning.

I think it's important to get OUT of the house! I find that it is hard for me to relax in the house because it is where I am all day long sometimes! Even though I'm often tired, every once in a while I force myself to grab a book and a journal and just go to Starbucks or Barnes & Noble, get a decaf drink and just sit and read and journal... I've been amazed at how normal it makes me feel again, even after just an hour or so.

My husband is a super big help...I'll often pack up right after dinner (like 7 p.m.) while I still have a bit of energy and let him do bedtime with our 18 mo. old. He realizes I'm with her all day long and is happy to give me the break.

But really, I've found that I only really relax either when I leave the house or he takes her out to run some errands and I have the house to myself...but what it comes down to for me is true "alone" time...

Here are some things i came up with, when we were going through a spell of sickness after sickness and my husband was very tide up at work:

- write one sentence in a journal every day. I know it sounds very trivial, but it did restore my sense of self -- believe it or not. I also found out that a good friend of mine does the same, even though she never used to keep a journal.
- breathe mindfully whenever i can, during the everyday
- seeing the bees in the honey, the clouds in a glass of water, the beauty in my children, even when they are tormented by illness and extra-needs
- holding my children, just being there with them, awarenessing on their existence and mine
- telling me that everyday they grow toward independence
- listening to music
- dancing (with and without kids)
- laughing at challenges (cause why not?)
- calling a good friend, even just for few minutes
- recalling favourite sayings or mantras, like "never walk when you can dance", "If your cup is small, a little bit of salt will make the water salty. If your heart is small, then a little bit of pain can make you suffer. Your heart must be large." (Thich Nhat Hanh)
- visualizing myself as a perky little animal, buzzing through her day
-remembering strong women, that i admire, and visualizing their challenging moments, and how they endured
- conjuring the strength of my ancestors (mostly female ancestors), by remembering my mother, what I know of my gradmother, etc
- putting on a piece of jewelry or a special garment to feel myself, despite the lack of sleep, time, and care...

I find that these little things can help a lot. But sometimes of course, it needs someting bigger. Which will also come, at some point. Life seems to take care of everything, eventually...

Good luck!
D.

C.
first of all what you're going through is very normal. Our kids can drive us nuts until we want to scream and run away. We love them but they learn how yo push our buttons. Depending on the age of your kids they should be able to understand that you need time alone. My son is 4 and he knows that sometimes he just needs to play by himself so I can get something done. I like to drink coffee and listen to music or I go on-line and just surf the web a little bit. Sometimes when my daughter is screaming (she's 11 months) I open the front door and let natural light and fresh air come in and it soothes both of us, even when it's really cold.
As far as your husband tell you need a night out by yourself. Even if it's to go to the store and buy milk being alone can be relaxing too. If you have a good friend dedicate a time that you can talk. My friend in Florida and I make dates to talk to each other on the phone. It really helps.
I hope you're having a better day believe me I can understand the stress of a job and finances and family members having problems. Try to dwell on the positive and not worry.

You have gotten some great ideas. I agree with most of them. What I do is tell my hubby I need the down time. He takes our son and goes away for 2-3 hours to run errands for me, visit family etc. Then I have my glass of merlot, a good book, a blanket on my lap and the dog at my feet. We usually do it on Sunday's. My only job on Sunday's is food, besides that he changes the diapers, does bath and bedtime. We call it my day off. Of coarse it does not happen every Sunday...but Dad likes his alone time with him and I like mine. It doesn't cost anything. Hope this helps!

Hi C.,

I feel your pain. It so much a part of being a mom. Everyone needs a break and needs to continue to pursue their interests that they enjoyed before having children. Afterall, the children will grow up and what will you have to fall back on? I hope you find opportunities to do this.

Additionally, on a daily basis, though it sounds overly simple, have you tried praying? Also counting your blessings. It may sound too simple, but when you make a concious effort to participate in these acitivities daily, troubles seem so much less overwhelming. It really brings perspective.

God bless you and your family,
J. L.

Hi C.,
Being a Mum is a fulltime job! BUT you need to take some time for yourself - take care of yourself so that you can better care for everyone else.
You don't say how old your children are... if they're old enough to reason with, you and your husband need to sit down with them and explain that you love them very much and love to care for them. So that you can keep doing this, you need some time and space for yourself.
EVERYONE needs to understand that happy Mum = happy family.
Take up a hobby, take a bubble bath, do some gardening, whatever it is that makes you happy and gives you some 'ME' time. You're not being selfish - it's called self-preservation!
I took up yoga 6 years ago and it has helped to keep me on an even keel. I don't yell, I'm much more calm and better able to deal with the day to day stresses. I also work full-time.
My kids are now 23 & 20. I've just hit 50. Yoga also helps me with the menopausal symptoms, which appeared about 3 yrs ago. It sounds like you're a long way from that stage, but it will help to control PMS /hormonal fluctuations.
A yoga teacher will also be able to take you through a guided relaxation, teach you some breathing practices which will help to calm and relax you and teach you some poses which will help to keep body and mind flexible and strong.
I completed my yoga teacher training almost 2 years ago and haven't looked back. I teach yoga and my students have all reported that coming to class (and some also practice at home during the week), has helped them with body issues, their breathing and general well-being.
Whatever you do C., do not forget to nurture yourself and dedicate some time to yourself- whether that is once a week or 10 or 15 minutes (or more if you can) each day- just do it!
I wish you well.
S.

I read a book. Right now I'm rereading Twilight. It let's me escape a little. You are allowed down time, you just have to make sure you demand it. If it means putting the kids in their playroom with out you or putting the tv on for an hour do it. It is for your sanity!! Make sure you give yourself a "timeout" for everyone's sake. An unhappy mommy makes everyone unhappy. good luck!!

On days they are home sick there is no alone time.But on other days I have had my husband take them out of the house for a few hours and he either goes to visit someone or if the weather is nice he takes them to the park.We also have to find free things to do.I have spent a little $ and gone to a matinee.Or just to walk at the mall is nice.It's very hard to get you time with them in the house with you so ask someone if not your husband to watch them on occasion. T.

Well, you did the first part of my advice already, and that is talk about it with someone. The other part........do you have someone that could come for even just an hour so you could get out for a walk........just to clear your head?