What Do You Do to Cope?

Why are you keeping the business open when clearly it can't support you? Have you actually ran the numbers? It sounds like you are pulling money and goods out to survive with no accountability. You are creating a bigger nightmare!

You need to liquidate the business and your husband needs to get a different job! If you look at what you are putting into the business and what you are taking out I am going to bet you are making 50 cents an hour, Wal Mart pays better!

Accept your business and what you have put into it is a sunk cost you will never see again and move on. Otherwise you are both going down with that ship.

Sounds like you can't afford to be a stay at home mom.

Am I reading this correctly? You mentioned "my family lives in the States" so... you are overseas? You also mention that you are awaiting sponsorship (to stay in the country, right?) and can't go on government assistance or your husband will be deemed unfit to care for you -- I assume that means that the government wherever you are would then do...what? Deport you? I know that many countries don't let people stay if they can't support themselves and their dependents.

Whatever the situation, you need to find someone to help you navigate all this and understand what you may be entitled to receive. There may be more assistance available to you (dependiing greatly on the country) than you realize. Are there other expats around you, American or otherwise, who have had dealings with any expat assistance groups? Or can the American consulate advise you? Be sure to find out what resources may be out there that would not necessarily exist in the U.S.

Unless there is a pressing reason for you to be in another country, can you consider returning to the U.S. for good? As someone else posted, the business seems to be a drain, not a livelihood. At a certain point you and your husband may need to reconsider where you are (maybe you moved to be near his family? But you still have to make a living! And he's not seeing his family if he's working 12-hour days anyway.). Even if you get formal sponsorship to remain in the country, if you keep this same business, you are not really gaining anything, unless sponsorship would somehow mean you could improve the business and it would make money. But that may take so long that you will end up in huge debt and stuck overseas.

And sorry to have to bring this up, but....do you have to pay taxes on any of this money you'd collect through an online fund?? That could eat much of what you "make" doing that. Check it out carefully.

Are you affiliated with any kind of church / temple / religious institution? These institutions can often step in and fill in the gaps for families that are struggling. And you guys sound like incredibly admirable, hardworking solid citizens. If you have any kind of association with a faith-based institution, whether by membership or by heritage, you might think about reaching out.

Best wishes and take care.

I agree with Julie. And prayer. Defnitely pray.

The business needs to go if it is not only not supporting your family but causing you to go further into debt. It's not working. Heck, working at McDonald's would be a better deal right now. And it sounds like you can work a job too - ADHD doesn't normally mean a parent must stay at home. Make the appointments for later in the day or work a job with flexible hours so you can make those appointments.

It's time to put on the big girl pants and do what needs to be done to get out of this mess. I've been there, done that. I know it sucks to hear that you have to let certain things go, but it's what you have to do.

I am wishing you all the luck in the world. Keep your head up, it does get better!

I'm so confused by this whole post. I can feel your frustration and stress!

You work in the store/deli but can't work because your son has ADHD and you have live in child care but they don't keep the kids because you can't work because you have to take the kiddo to the doc and care for them???????

You contradicted yourself several times, sorry.

So, what you're really saying is this, please correct me if I'm wrong.

You are in another country with your hubby and he's running a business that is growing but you're behind in it's bills and borrowing money to keep it open.

You work several hours per day in the business alongside hubby when it's busiest. But since you don't get a paycheck you don't see that you actually do get money for your household from this.

If you didn't work there either he'd have to pay someone to help him and therefore you'd bring home less OR you're working and serving people so more come in and buy more things thereby increasing your household income and you have more money due to more sales.

So, either the business is making good or it's not. It can't be both.

If hubby can work in this other country he needs to go to work full time anywhere he can find work and YOU need to run the store/deli full time 12+ hours per day so your family can get on their feet, at least until this time. You have live in babysitters so you have no excuse. Go to work and make that business profitable. If hubby is not able to work in this country yet due to paperwork not ready then how is he able to work in this store/deli?

Either that or you need to close the business and get rid of every debt you cannot afford.

I don't mean to sound mean or anything, I truly think you have to work and bring in an income. It seems you don't have any choice.

I may sound mean but I don't think that's what I intend to sound like. I do think you're not able to think straight right now, that's probably why your post is so confusing.

It looks like you guys are failing at this business. I'm sorry, I know how it is. My husband tried to start a business and we started falling behind on all our bills,almost got evicted, had the power/tv/phone shut off. I totally get where you are coming from.
But this business is obviously not working.
Time to get a J O B that pays money. Both of you. You may have to close down this deli job. Even if you are both working fast food I bet you will make more money than you are now.
Good luck, L.

This sounds awful. You need a long term plan.
1-check with local churches to see if you can get some assistance. They may be able to help you with food, help you find child care, pay some bills, help you find a job. The LDS church is very helpful in this sort of situation.
2-Consider closing up shop on your small business. It is not working oyut. I had some good friends that owned and ran a restaurant. It was a great restaurant and they loved it, but they were about to lose their house and the employee paychecks were bouncing...they liquidated, sold the building and were able to recover by taking jobs. It sounds good to " be your own boss" but you can see that in actuality you guys are working longer hours for less pay and less stability than you would have working for someone else.
3-You need to look into a job for yourself. You could try doing daycare from home and schedule your doctors appts after hours. Many companies offer at home jobs if you have a computer and internet. Or take a part or full time job at night when your husband is at home. I tell ya, that is how most people have to do it if they cannot afford child care.
Good luck.

I completely understand your situation in having a child with severe ADHD. I have chosen to work for myself as a freelance writer to have the flexibility to deal with all of our son's medical appointments (he also has a full slate of other brain disorders). I know just why you can't get another job ... because it's so hard to get in with the specialists as it is and you can't be picky about appointment times. I live your situation in dealing with this awful disorder and I get it.

I would think seriously about any type of work you can do around your son's school schedule. Are you craftsy? Try selling things on Etsy. Writing skills, like me? Freelance (but avoid content mills no matter what). Give serious thought to what skills you have that might be marketable.

It doesn't sound like one income is going to work for your family. Once your husband is well again and he can resume work at your business, I'd get the ball rolling on a career move for you.

As far as coping with stress, I wish I had words of wisdom. I'm struggling right now, too. I lost the majority of my freelancing work for my former employer (work I've done for 16 years) just a couple weeks ago when they decided to go cheap with a content mill instead. Our son with ADHD is also dealing with an eating disorder, ODD, OCD and other issues. I got attacked by a cat while walking our dog last summer and still have scars. I also recently got diagnosed with plantar fasciitis and can't exercise as much as I used to ... which used to be my stress relief and weight loss maintenance. I'm grinding the heck out of my teeth at night and clench my jaw during the day. You're not alone in wondering when things will get better.

Let's hope 2014 brings good news. Best of luck to you with everything!

Think positive my luv! Say grace every morning and every night. Give thanks and let GOD know that you believe in him. Things will get better so stay positive. Don't try just do it. Keep doing what you feel is right for your family and things will come around. I wish you the best sweetie. Happy Holidays. Just appreciate that you have your husband and your children and you all can be together. Good luck.

We've had some really tough years. Just recently out of it as a matter of fact. I know you are overwhelmed, I was too. Pretty much had to back out of our life as we knew it. Moved in with family, cancelled everything we could, sold 2 cars and paid for a clunker with cash from that sale, etc. etc. Much like what you're doing.

I don't for a second want to minimize the frustration you're feeling but I'd like to encourage you. Now that we are on the other side I can honestly say that we have all been transformed by it, and in a good way. Simple things took on great importance. My kids still are very simple in their "wants". They know the difference between needs and wants and while you want to give them so much, I sometimes think doing without was the most amazing gift we could give them. They are awesome because of it.

This is our first Christmas being able to give semi-freely and you know what, none of us really have any "wants". It is odd but transforming at the same time.

I suggest you step away mentally. Talk with the most grounded, trusted friend you have and map out a plan. If family can't help you, could you live with friends and work out something to trade? Take care of their house, kids etc. while they work. Something you can trade since you have to be home with your child. Just brainstorm, don't give up. There is another side to all this craziness.

I wish you peace and will pray for you. Just love on your family and I promise, things will change. Blessings...

Sometimes I read posts like this and then life seems so easy.

Makes me not stress about anything at all.

Find a post that's more stressful than yours?
Hang in there!

Which country are you in?

I'm sorry you and your family are struggling so much.

Looks like you need to get a job. I would also look at closing the business. I'm not sure where you are or whatnot but if your husband can close the business and get a job that has a steady income you might be able at sometime in the future be a SAHM again.

If you have a church or community center, reach out to them. They can be of valuable assistance. I would sign up at some of the stores to be a family who needs help with Christmas. Maybe someone can "adopt" your family and help that way as well.

I have done jobs I didn't want to do but you do what needs to be done. Sucks being an adult sometimes.

Work the problem, don't let the problem work you.