What Do You Do for Self-care?

Yay this question.

For me, self care is a LOT about boundaries and checking in with myself.

See, if I'm not careful I can fall into the typical co-dependent trap: I'll focus on you so that I don't have to focus on me / if I give and give and give I can make people love me because I don't feel inherent self worth...then I'll resent the person/people/organization I'm giving to, and myself, and I won't take care of myself so I'll end up sick and wiped out. Not pretty.

So self care for me means:

- Saying what I mean and meaning what I say
- Not agreeing to more than I can handle
- Accepting my limitations
- Learning to say "No," and "I won't/I can't do that".
- Owning my choices
- Owning my emotions (you don't get to make me feel anything. These are my feelings, I make them in my body all by myself)
- Not owning other people's feelings
- Not feeling responsible to fix/change other people
- Not feeling responsible for making other people happy
- Accepting other people's limitations
- Practicing assertive boundaries and non violent communication
- Practicing authenticity
- Making choices that are not based on (my perception of) other people's opinions of me
- Being realistic and humble about the gravity of my own life. I didn't create all the world's problems and I can't fix all the worlds problems.
- Knowing and listening to my own needs
- Knowing what I want and not becoming attached to one expectation or desire
- Not taking myself too seriously
- Practicing flexibility
- Quitting perfectionism (probably one of the most difficult undertakings ever)

...The list goes on and these are all just works in progress. I'll tell you what though, even just practicing these concepts has completely reshaped the experience I have of my life. It's pretty awesome, 'cause I feel free for the first time in my life. Liberated, I guess you could say. And what's totally weird is that now I have more of an ability to actually help people, to witness them as they move through their own life, to support them while they come to their own right conclusions, etc. AND I feel invigorated by my 'work' rather than drained by it.

Now for the activities I use to practice self care:
- Alone time (after the kids are in bed)
- Listening to music while I do chores (makes the dishes much more fun)
- Writing
- Outside time. It doesn't matter if it's me getting sweaty or me relaxing. Being outside is good for the ol' constitution.
- Hanging out with my girlfriends.
- Trading childcare with my girlfriends
- Hanging out with my girlfriends while the kids play outside or in the other room
- Being nice to myself. Like, okay, my girlfriends recently called me out. They said that if they heard me talking about a friend the way I do about myself, that they'd be pissed. They said I'm too hard on myself and don't give myself credit. Still, when I write this down, I'm like, these people are bananas. I'm not hard on myself, I just don't let myself get away with stuff. But, I don't know, then I think about it and I'm like, wait, if I heard someone talking about my friend the way my internal voice talks about me, I'd feel really upset! I'd stand up for my buddy! Why aren't I doing that for myself? Why am I letting myself trash me?

So recently I put a bunch of love letters all over my mirror. I put colorful fabric up (just old tattered scraps that I find pleasing to the eye) around my windows and I made this big wall of beauty above my bed, putting pictures and poems and prayers up so that I wake and see them first thing. When I catch myself being mean to me, I try to love on me hard. Hey, I am valuable. I am doing my best. Get off my back!

And spiritual practice is, for me, kind of the most important thing ever. That's where I really get to fill up my reserves and connect with something loving and hopeful.

Whoa, this has gotten long. I hope you find what works for you!!! You deserve it!!!

10 moms found this helpful

I gain my energy back by being alone. Here are a few ideas from my "chill out" list:

Long shower including shaving legs--break out the good lotion after
Nice long walk or bike ride on a nature trail
Cup of coffee/glass of wine with a good book
Read recipes (not kidding, I can do this for hours)
Play a mindless game on my phone/do a crossword puzzle

And sometimes, I just spread out on the floor and stare at the ceiling in complete silence. Sounds strange, but it can be very relaxing to just space out and clear your mind for a while.

7 moms found this helpful

I like to go to Barnes and Noble. I browse the store, pick out a few books that look interesting, take them to the cafe, buy a drink (sometimes a $1.50 soda), sit down and relax.

One time I read about 150 pages of a book before I decided that I should really just buy the book.

For me, there's something very relaxing about being out in the world and totally surrounded by strangers. I just love it!

4 moms found this helpful

I do community theater and knit.

4 moms found this helpful

Maybe have a scheduled hour that's all for you. Take a deep breath and ask your self what do you want to do. Then do it. I do all kinds of things for my hour, it's all different, but it's MINE. :)

-Read a book
-Watch a show (start a series)
-Take a walk
-Make a coffee "monstrosity" and go take a bath
-Take a nap
-Take up light exercise (yoga or ti-chi)
-Buy a coloring book and color (I paint minitures for my husband's D&D games)

3 moms found this helpful

Reflexology! Find a place nearby that does it. I've used yelp to find my place. It's a great resource. Anyway, you can get a GREAT foot, head, neck and shoulder massage for $25. I DEFINITELY enjoy those.

If that's too much to spend, what about a starbucks and a nice walk with a girlfriend? Or, sitting in a bookstore alone with a cup of coffee?

3 moms found this helpful

I watch a movie, read, or do something else that I love but can't do when the kids are up. Some of those activities (for me) are knitting, sewing, etc. Even something as simple as taking a nice, long, hot shower goes a long way for me. :)

2 moms found this helpful

I find time to read quietly....before bed each night.

Sometimes I visit my Dad's grave.

I work on scrapbooking.

Sometimes I even find clearing a pile of papers/books...rewarding.

I just kinda go with the flow & see where my mood takes me. & it really helps if the house is quiet!

2 moms found this helpful

I have a few things I like to do.

Read
watch favorite tv shows
read/write fanfiction based on favorite tv shows/movies/comic books
have a craft night (once a week my mommy group gets together at someone's house, usually mine since I'm the only not-stay-at-home mom and we work on whatever craft each person is doing. Like last week I made bows and my friend crocheted. Different people show up every week, we sometimes watch movies or shows while we work and catch up on the week. It's nice to have scheduled time to both see friends and work on crafts. Sometimes we help each other, like when I was doing a tie blanket and someone helped me cut it out, or when a friend was working on birthday invitations.)
take a bubble bath with a book
give myself a manicure/pedicure

2 moms found this helpful

I don't know that I actually think of it as rewarding myself. But since I don't really have money to do the things you've mentioned, I do other things like soak my feet in my foot bath, read, sew, just rest and sleep if needed. I do treat myself to the hair salon now and then otherwise my sister cuts my hair.

Also, meditate and prayer - this is a biggie and I enjoy it and energizes. Art can bring a sense of calm and retreat at times. Just being alone at times is refreshing for me.

2 moms found this helpful

Two simple things greatly help me:

1. Walking daily. I put on my headphones and walk for 4 miles with my dog. I daydream, think about my day, think about nonsense, think about reality. It doesn't matter what you think about, just keep your feet moving and without a doubt, your mental state will be altered. Every time I walk, I catch myself letting out a huge, involuntary sigh, as if my body was getting exactly what it needed. Never underestimate the power of walking!!
2. Reading. I love a good, meaty story that makes you think. BUT...when I need a mental vacation, I head to easy page turners. This summer I devoured a series of vampire books- utterly cheesy and melodramatic, but entertaining and I felt so accomplished at having finished 8 books this summer.

Good luck with your self-care and let us know how you're doing!

1 mom found this helpful

I like to read a good book while having a glass of wine, after everyone else in the house has gone to bed.

Or during the daytime, I send the kids outside to play, and turn on music I like inside the house. I'll do that while I'm doing chores, and it makes them seem so much less like drudgery. :)

1 mom found this helpful

I work out every morning. I don't get manicures. pedicures or messages or anything else that is a true waste of money. Instead, I work out and let myself watch cheesey TV.

Now, what I do to take care of myself is own my Nos and Yes's. If I don't think I can do something, I don't do it. If I feel like I am being taking advantage of, I change the situation. I eat healthy, work out, and try to give myself a little "me time" every day.

1 mom found this helpful

Happy hour with my girls.

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- Wash my hair, brush it till it shines.
- Make small late-night snack (a favorite salad, fruits and cream, chocolate dessert, anything)
- Read books
- Watch some TV series, and read up about its previous episodes from the net. Really helps me get involved into the series, and unwind.
- Ginger tea.
- Collect all the cushions on the couches, pile them up on the big couch, and lie on them all for a while. :)

1 mom found this helpful

Great tips already....

And don't forget to add brush and floss your teeth every night, wash your face with hot wash clothe and apply a nice night cream and got to bed extra early. Buy yourself the best cotton sheets you can afford, the best pillow and mattress you can afford and a good down comforter and duvet set. Make your bedroom welcoming and serene.

Sleeping well is a huge part of my self-care.

1 mom found this helpful

I have a secret stash of chocolate that my kids don't know about :) Once they are in bed, I will eat some and go down stairs and watch a movie that is not a cartoon. I go to the gym and that helps to de stress.
That's pretty much it. I do paint my nails (can't afford to go and get a pedicure, so I just do it myself), I color my hair, go shopping by myself when I can.

1 mom found this helpful

Working out. I made the commitment to myself long time ago, that I will always be doing this for my health and my spirit. I love the way I feel after I have done something for my health..and therefore it is also for my family..I don't know I just find pleasure and a relaxing moment just for me.
I also like reading books about how to enhance my life my self, self enrichment, and I leave a few minutes before going to bed to enjoy my books.

Sadly shopping is my main thing I do for myself. It totally relaxes me. But I am resolved to add better outlets now that the kids are off to school. I want to start walking somewhere beautiful a couple of times a week, take yoga/pilates classes, learn to ride a horse, go skating. I do read every night and love it. Oh-I also want to make more effort to do things with friends. I am solitary by nature but do enjoy company after the initial discomfort.

I read a good book, practice yoga, scrapbook, play the piano or just lounge in bed watching a ball game.

Have a girls night out!!
Relax with my Husband
Go to the Spa
Go Shopping
Curl up with a book
Take long showers
Go to the Gym
Take a stroll in the Park with the Dog
Take Yoga Class
When my daughter and Husband arent home, I turn my Suround System on an Jam to my favorite tunes!