What Do I Need to Start Potty Training?

Updated on August 04, 2008
H.W. asks from Lexington, SC
22 answers

I am finally ready to begin potty training next week with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. We've had a lot of false starts and practice, but I'm finally ready and I think she is too. So here's the question: What do I need to have on hand to help with this? I have a potty, of course, that we've used here and there from time to time. I have training pants and my reward system all figured out. I'm thinking that I need a "piddle pad" to use in the car in case she has an accident in her car seat. I even have a little portable potty for the car (no idea why I bought it several months ago.). Is there anything else that I'm forgetting? Any suggestions or advice on jumping in with potty training? I'd planned to give her an m and m every time she sits on the potty and 2 every time she actually does something. I am making a chart that we'll put a sticker on too every time she goes. After every 3rd time, she gets to play with a new toy for 15 minutes. (It's a keyboard she asks for every single time we go to Target!). Then we'll take it away and she'll have to earn it again for 15 minutes. Thoughts?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all of the responses, especially the encouraging ones. It's true that no one knows your child as well as you do, and I honestly feel like the system i have set up will work. The ped. even recommended the M and M's. I know what will motivate my child and I really do appreciate all of the feedback on it. As with any extrinsic reward, we slowly phase it out. We did stars and stickers for teeth brushing and once it became a habit we let it go and now we don't need it at all. I did make mention to being ready myself to potty train as well as my daughter. I very much understand that it isn't ALL about me, but it is about me. Parent AND child have to be ready. Honestly, we could have done this 6 months ago, but I wasn't willing to put forth the committment at that time as I had a baby only 5 months ago. So yes, it is about BOTH of us. so based on all the responses, I guess i don't need much of anything else. Sorry if this sounds defensive, i guess it might be, but I was looking for some encouragement. Thanks again to those who offered just that.

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C.N.

answers from Macon on

I tried the pull ups while my daughter was at her babysitters, but shw was smart enough to know that if she had on a pull up, she would not make a mess. I am a teacher so when i was home for spring break, i refused to let her wear a pull up. After about two accidents in her panties, she knew what to do. i have always heard that waiting until the child is closer to three is more successful when potty training. My daughter had a difficult time having a bm in the potty. She seemed to be scared. She would actually go to her closet, get out a pull up, go the bathroom, shut the door, and call me when she was done. It was great that i did not have to clean up stinky panties, but it got a little out of hand. Her doctor suggested, not giving her a pull up or hide them so she could not get them, and if she had a bm in her panties, have her clean up the mess. After two clean ups, she hasn't had a pull up since. She will be three at the end of August.

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I.O.

answers from Stationed Overseas on

Buy the book "POTTY TRAIN IN JUST ONE DAY" by Teri Crane It worked for me. I had my son done in 1 day with lots of resistance before. I think the key was using the doll. Good luck.

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B.W.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

After stressing about potty training my first I believe I learned one key thing. All the stuff, the systems, they don't really matter. They are just gimicks. They may work with some kids, but it will usually be a struggle. When the child is ready it is ever so simple. So after just this week getting my 3rd child potty trained I can tell you this is my system.

When the child becomes aware that they are wet or dirty and is coming to you independently wanting their diaper changed, this is a good sign. When this starts happening, then I start doing a "test run" once a month or so. This means I put them in underwear for a day to see how long they go between accidents, what their interest level is in the potty, and what their reaction is when they have an accident. The child that is ready to be potty trained needs to be able to go at least an hour in between accidents, be willing to sit ont he potty, and at least be aware that they had an accident if not a bit ambarassed.

If they are going more than once an hour, refuse to sit ont he potty, or don't even notice the accident, they're not ready yet and we go back to the diapers.

When they have shown all those signs it's been about a day of cleaning up messes with each child and then they were done! All I did was tell them each time they had an accident that we needed to do that in the potty, demonstrated going potty for them, and then made a BIG deal out of it when they did finally go. With mine, once they went in the potty once, that was it, they had it. We rarely had any further accidents. (Now away from home in the beginning is really hard as strange potties are scary.)

All kids are different, my first boy trained at 3 1/2 years old, my second boy at 2 1/2, and my daugther that just did it will be three in Sept. But, I think it is absolutely key to do it when THEY are ready not when we want them to be ready!

I know this is long, but I hope this helps some!

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Y.Z.

answers from Columbus on

I think you have all the things you need. I am potty training right now myself and I always keep regular pampers on hand because at night the pull up don't quite get it not even the night time ones. I think the portable potty is a great idea and that seems to be what I need because we are at the stage where my daughter wears regular "big girl" panties all day and when we go somewhere I dont want to put a pull up on because I think she does better with wearing the panties so could you tell me where you got the porta potty from? I also think one of the biggest issues people make is not being consistant so just make sure that you get her on a steady pattern with the potty and give her all the praise in the world when she goes.

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B.S.

answers from Atlanta on

I'd get a timer. Use the timer to let her know hwen its time to sit on the potty. THat way it doesn't become a battle of wills since she can't reason/negotiate/argue with a timer. Put her on the potty 20 minutes after she has had something to drink, then if she isn't successful, set the timer for 10 minutes, then 5, then less, etc. until she's successful. After she goes potty, you should be good for another 2-2/1/2 hrs as long as she doesn't have anything to eat/drink.

On going out-put a pair of panties on under a pull up. Use pull ups only when you are out. This way you save yourself a mess to clean up in the car or grocery store, etc. but she is still uncomfortable when she wets.
Good luck!
(If she is a sly one-I'd be careful with the m&m's. I taught a 2 yr old once that was happy with 1 m&m and would go to sit on the potty just to get the m&m. )

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B.S.

answers from Atlanta on

You sound ready to go (sorry, pun was not intended). I guess I should say you are ready to get started. The only thing I would not do is reward with m and m's. That is a personal thing though. I do not like rewarding with food because I feel it establishes an unhealthy relationship with food. I want my daughter to know food as nourishment, not a reward. She gets treats, but they are just like any other snack or food, not because she did or did not accomplish something. Those are just my thoughts. Everything else in your potty training plan sounds ready and awesome! Good luck!

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A.J.

answers from Atlanta on

Coming from a mom of a 4 1/2 year old and a 13 month old who also worked 6 years with children's mental health, it seems the system is too complicated for the 2 year old. I would recommend praising her for attempts and encouraging her to "be such a big girl" instead of m & m's. It sets the tone for future learning episodes - "I'll earn something if I do it" and not have any intrinsic motivation. What I did with my daughter is have her go to the bathroom with me every time I went and asked her to at least try to potty. We read a cute little book about "my potty time" that had a button that made a flushing sound. It took about 6 months to fully transition. What really helped was her friends at daycare motivating her - "I want to be like Lexi!" and she would go potty like a big girl.

A.

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B.R.

answers from Atlanta on

Just a small piece of advice: Take her to the potty every morning around the same time no matter how bad you feel. She should always go before going to bed. Fluids should be stopped at a specific time each evening (even weekends and vacations if possible). Remain consistent. As she drinks thoughout the day, ask her every 20-30 minutes if she has to potty. Encourage her to tell you and your husband. Remember that although she make tinkle, it might take longer to get her to go poo poo. Please remember every child is different. I hear people say wait but that doesn't mean you and YOUR child have to wait. There have been many children successfully trained at 2 years old. My mom potty trained my niece and by 2 she was in panties. I hear training in panties work well! I didn't try this myself. Good luck to you!!

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A.M.

answers from Atlanta on

sounds like you've got it covered...you may be disappointed that you may not need all of the stuff you have prepared...if she is ready, she'll do it so fast you won't know what you were so worried about. i have two boys and a girl, and my daughter trained herself...so different from the boys. i was prepared with lots of things when i trained my first son, and when it came to my third, (a girl), i needed nothing. she wanted to sit on the potty, and she rarely even asks for help...(she's 3) i think when they are really ready, (and it sounds like your daughter is if you've started and stopped a few times,) it happens much faster than you'd expect. good luck!

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S.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

H.,
This is my experience with my 2 kids. You say that YOU are ready to potty train. This is not about you, only your daughters willingness & bladder/bowel control ability. I don't think any reward system works. With both of my kids they made the decision to not be wet or dirty. And when they realized this, they both stayed clean. My sister in law is a mom of 3 & a pediatric nurse at Childrens Hospital, Cincinnati OH. She has always said to never start potty training untill the child turns 3. Both of my kids were trained right after the age of 3. I wouldn't worry so much. Nature always takes its course. Your daughter will be potty trained when she's ready! Hoped I helped some, S.

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C.I.

answers from Atlanta on

Good for you! I agree 100%... both parent and child have to be ready otherwise it will be an unpleasant experience and probably not very successful. I have to start too. My daughter just turned 2. I'll probably ask you for some advice and see how you are doing with it if you don't mind.

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J.C.

answers from Columbus on

H.,
My only suggestion is to stick with one form of reinforcement. Little children are easily overwhelmed, so I think that choosing one of those methods will suffice. I bet that using a chart and putting a star on it every time she uses the potty will be good enough. Once she gets the hang of sitting on the potty, you can give her a star only when she actually uses the bathroom in the potty. I would also recommend staying at home for a couple of days so that you can focus the attention on getting on the potty every hour so that she gets used to that and doesn't have the distraction of going places.
These are just my thoughts from a teaching and developmental psychology perspective. I have not actually experienced this yet. Good Luck!

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S.G.

answers from Savannah on

I wouldn't use the pull ups unless you are leaving the house. Put big girl underware on her and only put the pull ups on over her underware when you leave the house. Pull ups act no different than diapers and will only make it harder for her to tell when she is wet. I struggled with that with my daughter and after I just put underware on her she was trained in less than a week!! Potty candy is great but only 1 piece for pee, 2 for poop and when she is full trained she gets her new toy. Only offer praise for good effort, no candy and let her know she gets that keyborad after she is trained. A good idea to keep her sitting on the potty is a book for her to look at and keep a timer with you while at home and take her every 20mins or so working up to 30 mins and then 45 if she isn't taking you buy the hand leading you to the bathroom.

Just be patient, don't doddle on accidents and give lots of hugs, hi fives and praise for all attempts of using the potty!!

Good luck!
S.

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N.L.

answers from Atlanta on

The only thing I would have to add to what others are saying, is to be careful when dealing with a positive reinforcement system. We hear the word "positive" so we believe it must be good for them, but it isn't always. It can bring about a learning experience that in order to "co-operate", they deserve a reward.
What you want is for your child to make the decision for themselves to use the potty, like they came up with the idea.
Verbal encouragement is always nice "It makes me very happy that you decided to use the potty", but getting presents for using the potty may be a bit overwhelming-and when will you stop rewarding her? (plus you will be taking it away from her which will associate her with a Negative Experience and the potty).
Get her naked. All the time. take her as soon as she wakes up, kids do not pee in their sleep, only in the waking state, they always pee first thing in the morning. This is the best start you can do.
It's a challenge for most parents (I'm one of them), I'm potty training my 4 month old daughter(elimination communication) and 2 and a half year old son right now, and my daughter is actually doing better because she is not into resistance or wanting to do things on her own accord. It's not a potty training book, but Respectful Parent, Respectful Kids was a great source to teach me about co-operation and how do best deal with teaching kids by letting them come up with ideas that work themselves-our actions now (including how we potty train) are keys for how they learn and react to life.Good Luck and I wish for you patience!

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L.R.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

Lots of patience and a sense of humor!? :) Sounds like you have a plan, and all the tools to be ready. If your daughter is showing all the signs that she is ready too, then it will be a fairly easy transition. However, don't push it if she is not, it will just have you both frustrated. Just make sure once you start to not stop, be consistant, and make it fun. Be prepared to spend alot of time in the bathroom for the next couple of weeks.

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B.L.

answers from Atlanta on

You sound prepared and ready for the unexpected. I think you'll do fine.

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N.C.

answers from Atlanta on

Sounds like you are very prepared! My kids would likely have been overwhelmed by the reward system you have set up but you know your daughter and you know if that is the right thing for her.

With mine, once we decided to go forward, we went cold tukey - all diapers/pull-ups went completely away. I told them what was expected, put regular underpants on them, set a timer for every 45 minutes and changed underpants a lot the first day. I did give 'potty candy' (an m&m) but nothing else. I did away with the timer after day 2 and all of them just got it. I do carry a potty seat in the car because I prefer that to public potties. And keep extra clothes in the car if only so you are not always panicked about what could happen.

**All of this in contingent on the child being ready. I think it is a breeze once they are big a fight when they are not. All kids are different.

mommy to ds8, dd6, dd3

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B.

answers from Augusta on

You've gotten some great advice, what I didnt see was something about useing a potty seat instead of a little potty, that way there is no transition to the big potty. And MAKES SURE SHE is ready before you start. if you start training her and you get lots of resistance then back off, you'll only cause frustration and anxiety for both of you. Start with the naked methiod that is let her go naked while at home so she can see her self go and feel it at the same time. If she's in undies theres no coalation between the feeling of needing to go and actually going. it goes faster. yes you will have a couple of messes but have her help clean it up. But dont be surprised or frustrated if it takes a few months to get her trained. nither one of mine trained until they were almost 3. I still have to ask my 3.5 yr old if he needs to go cause sometimes he dosnt want to stop and holds it for as long as he can and he's doing the potty dance before he finally goes.

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Y.W.

answers from Athens on

I didn't use treats and rewards to potty train my girls. I used praise to encourage them. When my girls went to the potty I chapped and sung them a pee-pee song I made up. We would dance around the potty singing what a great job she did using the potty. They loved it. Sometimes we would about two or three other family members join in and it would be fun having a conga line going around a potty chair or sometimes we would take it through the house!!! And my girls were so PROUD of what they put in the potty. The potty girl would be the leader of our little parade!!

Aside from that, try to have potty breaks at times of the day that you know you will get a good result. Like first thing in the morning or 30 minutes after a meal. Start noticing now if you haven't already what time of day she has a BM. They usually will do it around the same time every day.

I put training pants on my daughters when we went on outtings and at night at the beginning until they were consistanting going at home and I thought they could hold it longer.

Most of all be consistant!! Don't do it for a few days and slack off for a few days. You'll confuse her.

Good luck and have fun with it, and she will too.

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S.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Seriously, the ONE thing you REALLY need is PATIENCE.
Perhaps, more than Mother Teresa.

It wouldn't hurt to have waterproof matress covers. Maybe even a waterproof pad for the sofa.

I saw that someone recommended that "Potty train in a day" book. I'm sure it must have worked for somebody - I read that one, too, but it didn't work for us. By all means you can give it a shot, though.

If things go well, wonderful. But with my son we had a lot of back and forth, regressions, do great for a day, or a week, or even a month, and then Bam! - back to the old drawing board. (To be fair, he had a baby brother show up, and a new school - several things were going on that messed him up. Major life changes tend to throw a monkey wrench into potty training.)

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J.M.

answers from Atlanta on

hey H.,

we made a really big deal whenever our daughter used the potty and gave her lots of praises. we also watched the Once Upon a Potty movie for girls which i purchased at babies r us. started potty training at 18 months and she was pretty much independent by age 2. have fun and good luck.

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L.D.

answers from Atlanta on

Different things work with diferent children. We never did the chart but have been watching Potty Time with Bear (in the Big Blue House) and Once Upon a Potty for months and reading potty books. My daughter is in "training" now and will be 3 in October. I started with taking the diapers away and letting her go comando in the house or outside with a dress on sometime in June. Every hour I would sit her on the potty and tell her it was time to go potty instead of asking her if she needs to go. When she went a few times we would go every two hours or she would just go and sit on it on her own. We started with the potty in the livingroom, in front of the TV or wherever and then moved it to the bathroom and then the little seat on the big toilet. I sometimes do the chocolate as a reward but she is great with verbal praise and just making a big silly deal out of it. if she doesn't want to sit on the potty I just say ok and get one of her stuffed toys and tell her "Frosty" will go then. She then says she wants to go and will. If she has an accident, I tell her that happens sometimes and soon she will always pee pee and poo poo on the potty.
We do the pull ups when we go out and in the car and now sometimes in the house. I am about to put underpants on her for two hours a day at a time and I let her pick them out at the store. I did the same with the pull ups. (She likes Dora and Disney Princess)When we are away from home, she has more accidents and when she is playing she is too busy to stop and think to go so I just try and take her and now sometimes she goes on her own. I ahve a foldable Elmo seat that seems to help her feel more comfortable.
At night we still use diapers and naptime also. it will be a long time before she won't need those. We will switch to pull ups at night if it matters to her but they are more expensive.

As long as you are patient and positive and persistant, it will happen. Piddle Pad is a great idea!

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