What Did You Erroneously Think Was "Common Sense"?

Interesting question.

I assume that a babysitter will not take my child anywhere unless I know about it first and approved the trip.

I assume the babysitter will not leave my child with older children (or unauthorized adults) unsupervised.

Please do not cut my child's hair, pierce their ears or involve them in any religious type rituals.

Please, no corporal punishment and don't tape my baby to the wall.

I assume that ONLY the person babysitting will be there when I'm not...and that they will *always* be there till I get home.

I assume that a babysitter will not just let my children stare blankly at innapropriate television like zombies the whole time I'm gone.

I assume that my children will be fed something at least *semi* nutritious if they're hungry and given something to drink if they're thirsty.

I assume that kids are kids: they fall down, skin their knees, get boo-boos...BUT these things should not happen while climbing bookcases, operating heavy machinery or playing with fire.

How bout - don't let my kids eat like 12 cookies!! or split a whole pan of brownies between the two of them.......LOL

The things that would happen at home with your own children on a daily basis, like losing them for a minute, or leaving them in a diaper a little long, or letting them cry because you were tending to something like an overflowing toilet... are all things that people you are babysitting for cant tolerate.
There is no such thing as "common" sense. Trust me.

This isn't really going to help you, lol, but still going to share my horror story. I had a sitter who honestly thought it was ok for her son to continuously bash my son in his head with a bad mitten (sp?) (like a tennis racket) that was so severe that when we picked him up he had the mesh grid marks inprinted into his forehead with a huge goose egg bump. I mean are you seriuos! She laughed about it and said she thought it was so cute watching it. Obviosly we didn't pay her and never went back!!!

So I guess my common sense would be "it is not ok to watch other children hit and hurt other children".

Do not drive my child anywhere without his booster seat. He doesn't meet the requirements to go without one and frankly, neither does your son. This happened on a playdate just a couple months ago. Not happy. If you're unsure about the need for a booster in an elementary-aged child, ask the parent first.

I would not want them to assume that it is ok for them to watch R-rated movies with my child around. I was amazed at what the daycare would let the kiddos watch.

Not texting on your phone while the baby is learing to walk and letting him fall and hit his head on a coffee table right infront of you because you are too busy texting to notice.

"Please do not allow door-to-door salesmen, or really, anyone, inside my home while I am away. Please do not allow anyone to perform cleaning demonstrations on my carpet, couches and bathrooms."

"Please do not scream at my kids or threaten to flush them down the toilet if they do not behave" (definitely discuss what discipline measures may be taken if needed!)

"Please do not drive my child around without a car seat, even if it is "just" down your residential road."

"I want to know where my kids are going, so if you are intending to take the kids to a carnival, the park, or your sister's boyfriend's house, please check with me first."

All based on experience.

LOL, well, let's see... my kids are big now, but in the past I allowed some things that other mothers looked askance at or got pi*sed off at.

I have been known to: let them eat junk food; let them play at another kid's house across the street when they were attending my kid's birthday party; let them bathe together; let them run naked in a sprinkler; let them get bitten by our pig; let them watch PG 13 and R rated movies; let them hear bad words; let my and their kids draw on each other with markers during a long car ride; let them play in a fountain in the outdoor mall and take pennies from it; let them jump over fireworks.

Those are a few that come to mind. Does that give you fodder for your list?

This is what made me quit work...

Picked my dd who was 2.5 at that time from a home daycare. She, my dd asked me for an apple the moment I walked in the door. The lady said, " She has been begging but I figured you were coming." No child should be begging for food especially when the daycare is supposed to include food.

It is not ok for my dd (this was my youngest who was about 9 mo at that time) lunch to still be on her face when I pick her up at 530. Clothes fine but on her face. I will assume that if you didn't do that basic task, what else have you neglected.

It is not ok for the daycare provider's child who is supposed to be in daycare to leave the daycare area as she pleases and comes back with goodies from the family fridge/pantry and munch on them in front of the other kids. ( Mind you this kid favored my dd and handed her and her alone the goodies- STILL not ok)

It is not ok for me to find my dd in the hallway of the school when I am supposed to sign her out from your classroom. Especially after I told you and the school that she is a flight risk and you said you can handle it. It is even worse when you give me the excuse of having to be in the bathroom to assist a child who had an accident. I'm sure you've heard of a classroom door- CLOSE it. ( This happened in a 2 teacher classroom). If there were no bowling pictures in the hallway which was her fascination at that time, I can only..don't even want to think where she would be.

Other horrors - not mine.
Do not restraint a two year old in a stroller
Do not keep an infant in the carrier for prolonged periods

A few things I can think of that should be discussed:
-Consequences for misbehavior
-Pets
-Allergies
-Food in general
-Screen time (of any kind)

I once let my daughter go to a friend's house to swim. We were living in Texas, it was really hot (and everyone in our neighborhood had a pool). Parents in our area were really good about pool safety, my daughter could swim, knew to stay out of the deep end without a grownup with her, and wore her life jacket (because she liked it). When she got home, we were talking about her "fun" play date. The things I was initially concerned about went exactly how I had hoped -- very safe practices and she had a great time. Later she said "Oh! and Mom, I love Grace's car!" I figured it was because the family had a big suburban, but no she said "When we drove down the street to the pool, we didn't even have to wear our seat belts!!" OMG! Not only was my daughter WAY too small not to be in a booster seat, but the pool was about a mile from their front door! I assumed they were going to walk! Needless to say, Grace came to play at our home from then on.
When I was 8, I spent the night at my friends house. Her older sister was in middle school and she and her friends had a dance they were going to that evening. When it came time to take the older girls to the dance there weren't enough seats in the car, so her dad put us IN THE TRUNK! We thought it was a ton of fun and we got to stay at the dance for a couple of songs too. When I got home and excitedly told my parents about the great time I had, they were livid!! It wasn't until a few years later that I realized why they were so angry.
I have also had a parent of one of my children's friends ask "Do your dogs bite?" when I told her "No, they run away if they're getting too much attention." She replied "It's OK if they do bite, my boys are rough and our dog bites them all of the time." WHAT?!! This woman had invited my child to play the week before, but our schedule didn't allow it. We were planning on trying to schedule something in the future, now I'll just make sure it is at our house!

Do not assume its ok to let my child play on the playground unless you are in plain site of them at all times...
do not assume its" just a little snot or its a fever because of teething" and its ok to bring your ill child around mine and many others..
those are my two biggest. Id be here allday explaining the others!

Well, its also all about child safety, supervision and having adults PRESENT to do that.

This is not my own experiance, but a friend of mine had a sitter for her infant son (2-3 months old) he fell asleep in his bouncy seat, the babysitter looked down at him a while later and the little boy was blue. she first tried to wake him, when that didnt work **she called my friend BEFORE she called 911. My friend called 911 as she was rushing home. I would think in that situation the first thing ANYONE would do is call 911. but apparently some people need to be told. Just thought I'd throw that out there. (The little boy was given cpr, she was later told that they think it would've ended up a case of sids as he was not choking, he simply stopped breathing, hes now a very healthy little boy so it all turned out ok in the end)

telling my child to STFU cause she was crying cause i had to leave for work. didnt find out till years later.

i babysit for a friend of mines, and i do not allow her daughter answer me "what", i don't allow her to tell me "no", or talk back or throw temper tantrums! and whats crazy is the little girl will do it to her mother but she knows not to do it to me. and when her mother is in my presence and she tries those things she looks at me first then thinks twice because she knows i don't allow that. and i would expect her do the same if she was watching my son. i do not tolerate disrespect from children and do not allow my son to disrespect any adult. and i do not accept excuses for it either. i thought that was common sense but i see to much of it going on so maybe.......nah! that's common sense.

OMG, lol, after reading all the responses I am reminded why I never let anyone but my parents watch my kids!

spanking is a big one. Some families are okay with other people spanking their kids and some are not. Some are comfortable spanking other kids while some are not.
Cry it out if someone has a young child. Some parents do NOT let their child cry about anything and some will let a child cry until they stop.
Can't really think of anything else.
L.

Shari's point about diapering is a good one if you're dealing with infants or kids still potty training.

I had an uncomfortable situation during a playdate. We hosted 5 boys ages 4-6 for a playdate with one of my sons. Found out the 6 year-old friend wasn't out of diapers yet (had some Autism issues) when he came downstairs pants off, with a pull-up in hand, after going to the bathroom, asking me to wipe him and get him changed.

My jaw dropped. No way was I going to wipe that kid's bottom! And mom never mentioned anything about me needing to do so! We didn't have any supplies, so I sent the kid back up to the bathroom by himself with some hand wipes I had in my purse, and told him to put the pullup back on and wash his hands. And no, I didn't wipe him! Sorry, some probably think it's cruel to not clean the kid up. But I felt it wasn't my place to go there, and mom never brought it up, so the kid had to spend the rest of his visit a little less than fresh than the others until mom showed up.

That whole experience really turned me off on watching other kids. It's bad enough worrying about food requirements and keeping them from getting into a serious accident with injuries. But the whole diapering thing is equally stressful. Especially if there are special circumstances. Definitely come up with a protocol for that one! Should dads be allowed to change little girls? Should parents help older kids clean themselves and all of that...talk about it. It's important.

Kissing on the lips.

In my family I grew up with NO one kissing on the lips so kissing on the lips was a BIG no-no.

My sister in law let my 6 year old daughter sit in the front seat of her SUV with no booster seat!!!!
I make my 7 year old neice (her daughter) sit in a booster in my car, even though she doesn't have to in mom's car.

She thinks I am crazy because I follow the safety recommendations brought out by the NHTSA www.nhtsa.gov and the pediatrics association when it comes to car safety. I think she is crazy for not!

Be respectful of other parents wishes and be safe in the car. better safe than sorry, I say. :)

Wow these are funny and sad and horrifying. I was just thinking that I am so glad that I have had consistent access to nothing but the highest quality childcare for my children.

And then I remembered my brother (while my kids were being watched by my mother)

If you have a relative (adult child, adult sibling, etc.) who is a recovering addict please do not leave my child in his or her care for even a few minutes. Or he or she might, say, take off for a walk down the street to go meet his or her dealer while my 8-month-old is napping in his crib while you are at the bank. Or he or she might, say, DUCT TAPE a 3-year-old TO THE GARAGE WALL because "it was funny" even though you are just on the other side of the wall, in the kitchen, assuming that your grown child could keep an eye on the pre-schooler riding his trike in the garage while you started dinner.

It's a really good idea to have each family come up with a list of "house rules". Have them write it out and also the consequences for each child if needed. That way there is no questions. I also suggest doing an in home visit for each home. There you should do a safety check and point out any hazards and follow up to be sure they are fixed before any child is in the home. I would make sure every person is insured either by home owners insurance with an umbrella policy or renters insurance that covers liability. Aside all of that make each participant sign a waiver that the co-op and you specifically are NOT liable for anything so you don't get sued if someone gets hurt or god forbid dies.

I had a babysitter that I fired that watched my kids last weekend. I purposely skipped my 3 year olds nap because he was up until 10 the 3 previous nights, which I told her. I left them dinner (microwavable) to do as we left at 5 p.m. I got a phone call at 7 p.m. because my 3 year old was crying because he had a tummy ache. THEY HADN'T eaten yet! She said they had told her they weren't hungry so she just gave them each a half a banana?!

Followed by that the 3 year old wasn't sleeping until about 10 p.m. when he was CLEARLY tired and I had said that he needed a 7:30 p.m. bedtime.

The next day I found crayon on the carpet and tomato juice on the carpet in the living room. I guess I just assumed that people wouldn't give a 5 year old and open cup of juice in their living room?!

What a nightmare. I called her the next day, shared my concerns and told her we wouldn't be using her again.

My neighbors tried to show my young children a PG-13
movie. They seem to think if the violence isn't that bad a PG-13 movie is ok for a 7 year old. These same neighbors let their 9 year old boy watch toddlers outside while the older sisters are supposed to be babysitting. This 9 year old was never well supervised himself so he doesn't know how to behave. I always wonder if the parents know what is going on.

how about young kids, say 10 yrs or less, watching younger kids, like 5 years or younger while the adult steps out for a bit?

I was in a babysitting coop when my kids were little. It was wonderful but here are some of the things that came up:

One mom fed my food-allergic daughter bananas, even though I brought my daughter a safe snack and instructed this mom not to feed her anything else. The mom's excuse was that "no one is allergic to bananas" so she knew it would be OK. My daughter was fine but the woman's reasoning was not since I am allergic to bananas!

Another mom was about to give my nut-allergic daughter a muffin, saying it was nut-free. I asked her what kind of muffin it was and she said, "almond poppy seed", then looked horrified when she realized an almond is a nut!

One family in our group had to be uninvited because they left ashtrays out around the house that were full of used cigarette butts. They also had construction debris all over their back yard - wood with nails sticking out for example.

I traded babysitting weekly with one friend. Once I went to pick up my daughter and no one was home at the pick up time. I waited ... for almost an hour. No phone call, no way to reach my friend. This was so unlike my normally responsible friend that I was sure something terrible had happened to them. Turns out she was shopping and it took longer than she thought. She figured I'd know they were fine but I was worried sick!

Once when I was babysitting, I let all the kids play in our sand box. Later, another girl's mom called me because her daughter had sand in her hair. My daughter always got sand in her hair, we just shook it off before going in the house so I didn't think it was a big deal or keep the kids from really getting into the sand. But she was upset.

In our coop, we learned to be clear to the kids what we did and didn't allow at our house. In my house, we let the kids walk along the fireplace hearth but we only eat in the kitchen or dining room. Another family didn't allow anyone to step on their hearth, even tho it was only 4 inches above the floor. One friend allowed eating anywhere in the house including while sitting on the bed watching TV.

I think the answers you've gotten are good, but more geared for someone you are paying, not another parent. I would set simple rules, rather than have long discussions.

The main thing is to think about what you'd expect someone to ask you if you were there, and things where you've seen other parents do something that you wouldn't. For example, my daughter has a friend whose mom used to be uber concerned about feeding him only healthy food. She's now swung the other way. Earlier, I gave my daughter she wouldn't give her son. Now she gives him cookies and potato chips fairly regularly, while for us those are a special treat (cookies) or just not offered (potato chips). If I left my daughter in her care, I would expect that she not feed the kids cookies or potato chips.

1) NO TV, movies or computer/computer games without prior consent from the "sittees" and duration and content must be discussed in detail.
(I once made the mistake of showing Wizard of Oz to a kid I was babysitting as a teen. I turned it off within the first 5 minutes because he was terrified.)
2) no sugary snacks, potato chips, cake, cookies, etc without express permission from the parents. If you have something planned let them know in advance (as in, I thought we'd all make brownies!). If it comes out of a box or a bag, you should probably ask first. In Seattle that would almost certainly include "I was planning to serve hot dogs & Mac & cheese for lunch."
3) On a similar note, if a meal will be provided, you should probably let the sittees know what you are planning.

4) no drinks other than plain milk or water. Juice, chocolate milk etc, should be discussed prior. Soda or other caffinated beverages are not OK without express consent.

5) on the other side of the coin, if your kid has non-standard restrictions or allergies, let the sitters know. For example, any fruit should be OK, unless your kid has an allergy to say, Kiwi.

6) If you are the sitter, you do not drink alcohol or ingest any other substance that might impair your judgement. You do not leave the kids for any reason, nor do you leave them in someone else's care. If you might have company, you must clear it with the parents first.

7) any activities outside the home must be pre-agreed. (We might walk down to the park at the end of the street should be sufficient).

8) bathroom/diapering issues should be discussed, as well has hand washing protocol. You insist on hand washing before and after meals and after bathroom. Do you also insist on a full hand wash after playing outside? Other times? Is using a wipe sufficient? How do you feel about Purell?

My neighbor who was babysitting my child sick with chickenpox while I went to take a final exam. Let her run around outside during the afternoon although she had been quite ill in the morning.
It's true the day was hot and nothing happened. Still I did not approve. My child was asleep in her own bed when I left with a large note on the wall to explain where I was and when I would return.

2 summers ago one of my daughters teachers offered to watch my 2 kids for the summer, we paid her, she lived in the apartments near our home. she got along great with both my kids at school and they loved her...no problem...well, DO NOT ASSUME THE KIDS WILL NOT WALK OUT YOUR DOOR AND WALK HOME! She had had the kids about 5 weeks and my husband and I were at home packing up our home office and moving stuff to our new executive suite. theres a knock on the door and its our kids crying. They were 9 and 6. they said the babysitters mom was there and started to scream at them and saying she was going to call the cops on them...WTH???!!! I grabbed my phone and called her. She was crying and wouldn't come to the phone, i asked the mom where are my kids...she was stumbling around without an answer until I screamed at her that they WALKED home and how the F could they not know the kids were even missing???!!! Needless to say, I have worked from home the last 2 summers and never again will anyone but me watch my kids.