What "Chores" for a 3-Year-old

This would be a great topic to bring up to your child's classroom guide. Most Montessori schools will have parent education opportunities or Montessori books that will help you be consistent with what happens at school.

My first thought is instead of focusing on "punishment" I would let the child experience the natural consequences of his actions. For example, if he doesn't eat his breakfast he goes to school hungry. If he doesn't get dressed, he goes to school in his pj's. Most good Montessori schools will support you in allowing the child to "suffer" the consequences of their choices. Just communicate with the guide as to what is going on.

I would also give him subtle rewards for doing things well. A passing comment like, wow, what a big boy...you ate all your breakfast, now you'll grow so strong & run really fast...cool.

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There are a lot of things that can be bought in large amounts at the store. Have him help pick them out for his lunches. Then every morning have him help pack his own lunch out of the things that he pick out for his lunch. He will need to remember that he will need to have something different everyday. There must be a fruit, or vegetable, etc. in the lunch everyday. This can both be a learning and a teaching thing. and you can turn it into a chore for the morning when he is dressed. See of this works. There can also be a special treat in the lunch everyday as long as he packs his own lunch, and gets ready to go on time. Good luck.

You've had similar resposes so I will keep it short...
My 2.5 yr old unloads the dishwasher of his plates/cups and does the silverware (great pre math..sorting) He also brings me the garbage cans from around the house- and returns them when I empty them. He does the top sheet and blanket on his bed and brings me the dirty laundry or puts it in the basket.
I love to see the look in his eyes as he is learning responsibility and then I give him a few pennies for doing his job. As he grows I will make a chart so he can connect it and be more "in charge".

Good Luck

My son who will be 4 in Nov. feeds/waters the cats and lets them in & out the door when they ask (while he's up anyway). He also helps with separating and washing the laundry, though by his choice, not my request. We ask him to keep his clothes picked up and in the hamper and his toys put away each night. He does dress himself and has for a while (since he was about 2), but I understand this is not "typical" for his age. He has always been very independent and loves to help.

He knows he is supposed to do these things, but we do still have to remind him to check if the cats need food each night (and that the bowl has to be FULL- my female is a pessimist in that if it's not overflowing, she may starve!). Each time we remind him, he says, "Oh, yeah! I forgot!" and happily goes about completing his tasks. I think at this age they are still too engrossed in the NOW and not remembering each task to complete each day.

If he argues about doing something, then he doesn't get to watch his daily dose of "Speed Racer." He's addicted to the old cartoons that my husband downloads. He's allowed to watch one episode each night after dinner, before bathtime if he takes care of the cats and eats with no fight. He's gotten used to the routine and we hardly have to say no to Speed Racer any more.

We made a chore chart for our 3 and 2 year old a few months ago. They don't recieve discipline for not doing the chore except the occasional time out if I had asked them to do it several times and they weren't trying at all. It's a basic chart that includes making their bed, feeding the dogs (they help me do it), clean their room (after nap), brush teeth, and pick up toys (downstairs, the ones not in their room). They both love putting their stickers on it after the complete a task. We give the two year old a little more grace when it comes to getting a sticker because she's still young but she loves to help her sister do everything. At the bottom of the chart I put a box that says, "This week I will learn". I write in a new vocabulary word for them every week and another goal to work towards. If they do anything really well they get to put a sticker in the box but we only try to do that about once weekly. That way they have short term goals daily and a long term weekly goal.

We don't really give any rewards for their stickers, right now the stickers are more than enough for them. They love to show off their chore chart when people come over and are very proud of their accomplishments.

If you want to see a copy of the chart, you can message me and I'll send you one through your email.

my 3 year old had at least 5 chores. making her own bed, picking up her own toys, feeding her rat, taking out the trash (we have small cans), and wiping down the tables in the house (she loves to do this). shes 4 now but has been doing all of these for about a year and a half. and i just recently got all plastic dishes so she can help dry the dishes without dropping them on the floor.

Hi N.,

I use a thing I call the good bead(good deed) system. For every chore or task done well and without complaint, my boys(4,3,2) put 5 beads in a jar. If they complain or don't do a task their best they put less beads in. Saturday is our reward day and if the jar is full then we get to do something fun. Go to the playground, have a pick nick, go out for icecream...what ever you like doing. They can see all the good they are doing as the jar fills. These are the chores I have them do: make their beds, pick up the floor(so I can vacuum), sort, fold, and put away their laundry(on washing day), put away their toys, clear their plates from the table, wipe the table, and also the youngest puts away the silverware. Yes, this does sound like a lot, but they can do it and it helps me and them. They learn that families work together, and chores reinforce visual, motor, and auditory skills that are very important. Now we do have bad days where thing don't always go smoothly, but for the most part everything gets done.

Hi N.,
You got alot of good advice. The chart idea is great (you may want to use pictures instead of words unless he can read already), allowing him to put stickers on as he completes a task. Personally, I would start with the stickers being the reward as long as that will work. I would not punish him. I like the one response that mentions natural consequences. If his school goes along with it great. Just remember, kids need structure and positive reinforcement (along with the word "no" sometimes). If you're positive about the chart and his good work, he will be too. They will test the limits as he's doing now but as long as you stay consistent and calm he should come around. As far as chores, you got alot of good advice on that, too. Good luck.

Have him do as much as he can with you the night before. Make his lunch, lay out his clothes, etc. Rushing around in the mornings isn't fun or easy for most - especially 3 year olds. You could make it a special time for the 2 of you without the baby's interference.

N.,

Games always worked for my kids at that age. Try assigning each task a "checkmark". Explain to him what you expect from each task. If he completes each task each day well, then he gets a check mark. If you have to fight with him about the task, he doesn't. You can utilize the chart you mentioned to keep track of his checkmarks.
At the end of the week, count the number of checkmarks he got and if he gets 12 checks then get gets a little treat.

I hope this helps!

When my daughter was that young. We had a toy chest and all we asked her to do was to make sure all her toys were in the chest before she left the room. It was easy enough for her but the trick to it is alot of praise for the good work. And have to have some kind of reward. Like a piece of candy, any time of day when she chose. Also the punishment would be whatever toys were left out, we would take those away for one week and she could not play with them. Good luck!

I think that at this age he still needs a daily step by step. Try packing lunches after he has gone to bed. In the morning try saying put your shirt on ok now your pants great job now your socks are next fantastic now the shoes. lots of praise and lots of step by step when he remembers whats next prais him even more. if he throws fits then its time for time out because we dont act like that. if he wants to put his socks on before his shirt thats no big deal let him. pick your battles. i personally think that expecting to leave him in his room with his clothes laying out for him is a bit much for his age. good luck.

N.,

I have a 3 year old as well. He does not get dressed by himself completely (yet). It's rare that I hear a 3 year old can do that all the way through. It sounds like your child is actually a little on the advanced side of things. I have noticed that 4-5 years of age seems to be the time when children can start doing small chores around the house. The mind of a 3 year old hasn't quite grasped memory/retention about too many things yet. I realize this can be frustrating to parents like you and me. Just hang in there and be patient with him. He'll eventually get the swing of things, especially if you never interrupt or change the morning routine.
I'm a big fan of predictable routines for children as well. I think it builds security and stability for a child.
Incidentally, my 3 year old likes to help. I've started having him feed our pets in the morning and in the evening. That's one of his chores. Of course he doesn't remember he needs to do it yet. So I must remind him of it each time. Eventually, he'll remind me. Can't wait for that day.
-Jen

We use the reward system it sounds so simple I make a chart with the little star stickers you can get them in walmart I make a chart with the kids name on it each time they do something the first time they are asked to they get a gold star, second time it is a silver star, third time a different color and at the end of the week depending on the amount of stars for example if my two year old has all gold at the end of the week it is a toy at walmart he gets to pick out for the older kids it is cash. If he gets a few silver and gold he gets extra tv time. I also let him put the stars on. I t will take a few days for him to remeber the rewards chart but it does work it also teaches them their actions have consequences. Trust me it works.

I cant help with with discipline - I dont have a problem with my daughter not doing her chores at 4 yrs old.

She feeds the cat and the puppy she just got. She makes sure they have water. She mops her own floor (of course when she isnt looking I re-mop it) she keeps her room fairly clean. She attempts to put away her own clothes. She also helps set the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher. She also has to brush her teeth on her own every night and at school (which I am glad her school promotes after lunch).... If I have to remind her - she doesnt get her TV at bedtime. But - honestly I never have that problem because she loves to brush her teeth..... there are a ton od websites for ideas on age appropriate chores. If you cant find them, let me know and I will search and send you some. thats how I decided what my daughters chosres would be.

N., I understand what you are going through, I am a single mom of two and it is a struggle some days!
I have two kids, 5 and 2(almost 3). For my 2 year old, I have her do things like feed the cat, fill the water, take her dishes to the sink. She is also my laundry "pusher" and pushes the wet stuff into the dryer for me. She also helps me put clothes in the washer and will "clean the kitchen sinks" for me (I fill it up and she plays in them with a spot of soap. I will give her a couple clean dishes to make cleaner too). She also has to brush her teeth every night and get dressed. At that age, they just don't have the focus to do major chores, no matter how bright. For my daughter, if she gets side tracked or looses focus, I will ask her again, then when or if she says "no", I'll tell her, "okay, I'll do it, it's my turn" and the natural competitor in her comes out and she rushes to do it "before me". On days when she doesn't really want to do anything, I just leave it alone. I think yelling at her to get her to do a "big kid" job is just going to put her down more than anything.
Now, with my son (just turned 5), he also takes his dishes to the sink, and helps out around the house. I have him sweep the kitchen (I'm not expecting perfection mind you, or it would never get clean)and occassionaly mop. He also is big enough and strong enough to take the trash bins to the curb by himself (he loves it)and helps me sort the recycling and helps with yard work and other "manly" things. He also loads and unloads the dishwasher for me too. He also takes care of his grooming needs. With him, I am a bit more stern as far as following through on a task, but he is old enough to stay focused. If he doesn't do something I ask, I ask him again and then give a time out. If he fights the time out, it gets increasingly longer (by one minute increments).

As far as a morning routine goes. I got a closet organizer (from Lillian Vernon Kids) and I put all their clothes for the week in there. There are no arguements about what they wear, it's grab it and go!! I also bought a weekly chart (at the Teachers store) and had it laminated (we can use dry erase or washable crayons on it). On it we put down what they want for breakfast, snack (school) and lunch and any activities or appointments we have that day for each day. You would be suprised at how well that eases the tensions. "Oh, you don't want waffles, well that is what you picked, guess what you picked for tomorrow". And, since they picked it, it gives them a sense of control over their day.
It's easy to get frustrated. My son is so mature for his age, and acts much older than he is, but at times, he's just his age and I need to get used to that. I don't like it, but they are still little. hope that helps.

Makethe lunch the night before and put it in the frig. Get up an hour earlier and feed the newborn, even if he's not ready to eat, he'll adjust to a new schedule. Then you can focus on the older one. Maybe he wants more of your morning attention before going off to school and being away from you.

My kids are 2, 4 and 6. They all have chores and even my 2 year old knows how to help. They help set and clear the table, pick up toys (this is easy because all toys have a specific box, so even the 2 year old can help with little direction). My 4 year old and 6 year old make thier beds and help sort laundry. My son has loved to sort laundry since he was 3. They also love helping put laundry into the washer. If you have pets, feeding them is a great chore for little ones. We also have every one help clean. I give my 2 year old a swiffer duster and my 4 year old gets baby wipes and I let them help clean all around the house. We don't use a chart or anything, all of these things are just part of our day. Have a great day!

Have you tried nursing in a sling so that you can get some things done? I found that, in the beginning, I needed to do this right after my daughter was born. My son was 2, and not independent at all. Soon he learned to wait, but in the beginning I used the sling.

My then 4 yo had to clear his plate from the table, empty the utensil basket (with supervision because of sharps, I take of knives) and now he unloads most of the d/w. This is really more work for me, but he really feels like he is helping and is proud of his work, he also gets a dime, or two nickels for his bank for helping. He loves to get the money and he is learning about money, etc. I also have always had they expectation that you tidy up your own toys. This usualy occurs with the boys, 3 and 5, just need verbal reminders.

Hi Natilie,,,,
I think your doing your very best,, but i dont think 3tear olds NEED CHORES or POSTERS the gum thing is cool but thats about it youcould get up a little earlier if You are always rushed
Good Luck L.

Hi N.. I agree with making a chart and having him help out around the house. I have an 8 week old and a 4 1/2 year old. She loves to help me clean the house. I make her lunch at night before I go to bed. This had saved me a ton of time on crazy mornings. Also remember that a 3 year old's attention span is very short so repeating things is going to be a way of life for awhile. He could also be testing how far he can get with you. Threatening to take away my daughter's favorite toy worked for awhile. Now I make her choose what she thinks I should take away as a consequence. Works like a charm. Good luck!