What Can I Do So My Daughter Grows up to Be Happy with the Number on Her Tag??

Haven't read the others:

I'm completely bragging here because this is a gift from my mom!!!!: I have one of the healthiest body images that I know of. No matter my shape, I will wear a bathing suit and play at the beach with my daughter. I don't care a wit what I look like (I try to be healthy, sometimes exercise...)

I don't have fashion magazines at our house, only interested in celebrity culture as it relates to mental health, and talk about choices re: what to eat, moviing our body, etc.

I walk around nude out of the shower (its just my daughter and I), I look in the mirror because I want to improve, not scrutinize.

I earned my wrinkles, I earned my belly flab, my thighs take me me wear I want to go, and my daughter sees me enjoying who I am. By loving my self, I know I'm teaching my daughter to love herself.

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I don't know if any of these observations will be helpful...

I feel like I have a very healthy body image. And for the most part, I always have. I don't have food issues. I have only dieted a few times in my life, because I realized they don't work for me.

I know my mother never dieted. Not one time that I can remember. We ate healthy. Didn't have junk in the house. My mom cooked meals from scratch even though she worked full time. We ate well balanced meals. Lots of vegetables. We weren't required to finish our plates, only to eat until we were full. We didn't eat cereals for breakfast or stuff that came out of box and we rarely ate at fast food places.

My mother never commented on her own weight even when she packed on 20 pounds. She rarely commented on mine.

For me though, I don't eat because in response to emotional issues going on in my life. I never took out the pint of ice cream when I got dumped by a boy.

We were taught that every meal was an experience, you eat sitting down, you don't eat on the go.

My mother taught me nobody's body is perfect. Everyone has flaws. If your goal is to be the prettiest or the best ... you are always going to feel less because there is always someone prettier than you. Accept your flaws and stop worrying about it. Eat healthy. Don't eat junk.

That was pretty much it.

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Funny that this question came up at this time.

My 8 yo daughter asked me just yesterday at breakfast if I minded being fat. She added quickly, "Not that you ARE fat - but you always say you that you are. So I wondered if you like your body?"

So I told her and my son this:

"Yes, I DO mind being overweight, which is why I have been working on losing the weight. I want to be healthier. Being overweight has caused me to slow down, and it's not fair to me or to you guys. I want to be able to do more active things with you two, and I have trouble doing that now. HOWEVER, I still love my body. Even though it's not in the best shape, this body has served me well. I have travelled hundreds of thousands of miles with this body. I have had good health with this body. It hasn't broken down on me, even though I have not taken care of it in the last ten years. And most of all, this body has given me two beautiful children that I love more than anything in this world. And for that, and everything else it has done for me, I love my body and I am grateful to it. So yes, sweetheart, I do like my body. But I will continue to eat healthier and get more exercise so that my body continues to serve me well."

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set an example! teach moderation not starvation or deprivation! Don't talk exercise, diet ect. Just be active, playing a sport, going for a walk ect. isn't about dropping pounds it's about having fun. The more you focus on food and the good and the bad, the more your kids will.

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You teach them, to have their own self-identity and to know who they are.
Nurturing their own talents and interests.

Body shape/appearance is not even a part of what I teach my kids. Meaning, I never even focus on it with them.
I focus on WHO they are. And even at their young ages, they really know who they are. They are themselves.

We don't focus on food/eating/appearance in our family.
I am not all slim and perfect.... like how I was before I had kids. I am now chubbier.
I don't ever focus on that. I don't have a hang-up about my appearance and am happy with 'who' I am. Not it being contingent on what size I am or what weight I am.
Thus, my kids have no body shape/size image problems.
I teach them that everyone is different. It is not about how someone looks.

Although I am chubbier since having kids, I have no self-esteem issues. I am who I have always been. Even when I was all skinny and toned and taut and had 6-pack abs.

I don't focus on appearance, and thus, my kids don't either. They are taught to focus on other things. My son and daughter, have a strong sense of self.

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My dad is a health nut. Not an extreme one but he's all about eating healthy and exercising and I felt at a young age that I was never good enough and fat. You can say that I'm average but both my sisters and I had eating disorders. I know my dad meant well but it really didn't help.

My mom is overweight but that mainly happened when her thyroid went out of whack and before they got her on medication for it. But she's always been kind about our size and everything else, and has tried to smooth things over.

But I was anorexic and bulimic when I was in high school. I was involved in Marching Band (we were a competitive band so it was taken very seriously) and track and still I never felt good enough.

I did weight watchers and that actually helped me alot. It helped me to eat healthy and make healthy choices. But I'm pregnant now and my dad made the comment when my husband said I was getting a belly, my dad said how much is that the baby and how much of that is you? That stung. I may not be stick thin but I'm slowly getting to a point where I like how I look and I'm happy with that.

Before I became pregnant I was a size 14 and I was happy with that. I was exercising and mostly eating right but what helped was having friends who didn't judge, a great mom and a wonderful husband who tells me every day I am beautiful and he likes me just the way I am.

What helped me even more was when I accepted myself for me. When I stopped looking at people thinner than me and wishing I was them. When I stopped wanting to be perfect and realized I liked me for me.

So really all I can say is don't pass judgement, don't be hypocritical and accept her. Sure everyone needs to eat right and all of that but don't force her to do it, have her understand why it is better for her and do it. Help her to be active and find activities that she likes to do. Honestly, working out sucks but finding something she likes changes that. I love pilates and Tae-Bo and so I do that and time flies. If I do yoga, it puts me to sleep or cardio whatever I'm just looking at the time.

Also don't make it a big deal what size she is or should be. Be normal and treat her normal.

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Feel good about YOURSELF. Accept compliments gracefully. DOnt' say mean or overly "humble (god, my mom took self effacing to new and bizarre extremes-it took me years to know it was OK to smile and say thank you) Let her see you feeling pretty and taking good care of yourself, being healthy with your habits, and feeling confident.

Say kind things about OTHER people, so she gets used to looking positively at people, not feeling like other people are taking digs like her mom does (if you did that-I know you don't). Lots of moms who love to pick on people breed insecurity in their kids who get used to taking mental pot shots at people, and they feel everyone is as critical as their moms.

Keep her focused on things of substance, not superficial things like weight and beauty. Don't say mean things to her. Don't criticize her looks, or over compliment her looks or obsess over her looks in any way. Don't feed her junk (except rare treats) or make food an issue.

I'm heavier than when I was a waif now being 40 and mother of 3, but I'm healthy and fine for my age and I NEVER complain about it. They know if I put on a few pounds, I like to work to take it off, no biggie. My kids do eat well and see me going to the gym and doing yoga. My 5 year old daughter now goes to zumba with me. I never asked her to, she just wanted to. And she gets tons of exercise already. My 3 yo son pulls up a mat and joins in my yoga DVDs a bit. It's all natural to them, and we don't obsess about it. So far so good, they are very confident kids and I want it to stay that way.

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Stop watching t.v. , movies, reading magazines, and using the internet. These are why very few people, regardless of their size, are happy with themselves.

Your mother and all those like her are that way because they have been forced fed and brain washed into believing they have to look like some mythological ideal of the perfect woman to be happy.

You can help by telling her she's beautiful and that you love her. More importantly help her to cultivate her mind and her spiritual and moral self. If she's strong in these areas, she will not put all of her value into her appearance. We are all more than just the body...we just forget that about ourselves. When we remember, we are happier.

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Society has put the pressure on women to thin as well as fashion houses with models that are size 4 to 6. Not everyone is going to be that size in the world. The best thing is to love the size you are and to eat healthy. Learn to find something you like about your body and expand it in a good sense.

I had an aunt many years ago that would make commentes about my weight when I lived with her. There was a bit of truth about trying to watch what you eat and to try to keep the pounds off. Dieting does so much damage to your body over the years so that when you really want or need to lose weight is so hard to get it off. Then again your body goes into a mode of survival and won't allow you to lose weight because it thinks you are starving it. Just try to change or eat less each week and shrink the stomach. Also push yourself away from the table when you feel full. We don't have to eat everything on our plate. Learn to eat to live not live to eat.

I weigh a bit more than I should but after going through many family health issues in the last three years the stress has given me a few love handles that need to come off. My jeans size 12 are snug and that's after five years of wearing them so I got my money's worth out of them. Oh yeah, my age is 63, I am about 5'4 and 185. Life is good and I am enjoying it.

Just be positive and enjoy what you have no matter what size you are. Life is too short to impress someone else. You should be impressing you.

The other S.

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Well, for one, watch what she watches and reads and and listens to. It's been proven that looking at airbrushed models in a magazine can make a women feel badly about herself.

Get her involved in something where she is appreciated for who she is. Does she like band? Theatre? Volunteer work? Give her something other than appearance to make her feel happy and productive and valued.

When my SD started to get weird about food (started wanting to measure everything) we talked to her about overall health and DH started cooking with her more so she could choose what fruit or veg or meat was for dinner and how it was cooked. Steamed is healthier than fried. He didn't make it about weight. He made it about choices. She got past it and hasn't mentioned portions since middle school.

Model what you want her to believe. Show her about treats in moderation, that vegatables are good for you. Have adventures where you go for a hike (geocaching?) or bike ride or play in a cool pool with fun slides or whatever. Get moving together.

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I was a swimmer for 8 years & a lifeguard for 12. Needless to say I was in fantastic shape. At a time when I looked my best & should have felt awesome, my parents were very negative. My mom & her sisters are very tall & thin (I'm short & was VERY solid from all the swimming & weight lifting I did). My mom always told me how fat I was & would say, "when I graduated from H.S. I only weighed X, Y, & Z, you probably weigh more than that" (I did b/c I was solid muscle). My dad would tell me he saw cellulite (sp?). I am an adult w/ 2 girls of my own, struggle terribly w/ my own body image, but do everything I can to be positive in front of my girls. I am positive toward them, we eat healthy (of course there are treats thrown in too), & do lots of activities to keep us moving.
Good luck!

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I try to give my daughters experiences that empower them. For instance, my older daughter goes to summer camp at my high school alma-mater, an all-girls boarding school where girls, their empowerment, and their education is mission #1! We will send both of our daughters to this school when they're old enough. Whether or not teachers intend to, in co-ed schools, boys have a lot of advantages over girls. They are chosen more often to answer questions, the questions they're given to answer are harder, they're pushed harder in math and science. The subtle message to girls is that they're not good enough, not smart enough, not worth it for the adults around them to put the time and energy into their education. As they get older, they see boys' sports getting more funding, they see the double-standards set forth socially, it goes on and on. They turn to something they CAN control - their weight - in order to get the positive reinforcement they need. I am so grateful that my parents loved me enough to put me in an all-girls school where the focus was on girls! WE were asked ALL of the hard questions in math and science. Every time a question was asked in class, it was asked of a girl. We were pushed hard in math and science (and english, and literature). We were the only leaders on campus, and even when we went to Mass every day, we did not have altar boys, we had altar girls. Literally everything was about girls being empowered. As a consequence, it never occurred to most of us that we should be dieting. Most of us were in sports anyway, so we were strong and healthy and wanted to eat right so we could do better in sports. The culture was just not centered around our weight at all. I remember being surprised when I went to college, and boys thought I was beautiful. It just wasn't something I spent a lot of time thinking about in high school. Maybe it was my confidence that made me beautiful to others - hard to say.

I've tried very hard to show my daughters that although we DO always pull ourselves together nicely and we DO take care of ourselves, it's really not about weight. This isn't even a discussion that's ever been had in this household, to be honest. Not even a blip on the radar. My girls know they're beautiful and I'll never advise them to hide from that - it's a valuable asset in the world - but that is only a small portion of who they are and who they can be. It is their intelligent minds, their senses of humor, their involvement and appreciation of the arts, of sports, their kindness and willingness to help others, taking joy in life, and standing up for themselves that matters. THAT is what I'm cultivating in them. I refuse for weight to be something they judge themselves or others on, so that's not a narrative that I allow to take place here.

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Teach her good healthy eating habits/physical activity so she doesnt have weight problems and you all wont have to worry about it.

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Kari is so right.

Look at yourself first. What do you eat? Say? Talk about? What does she hear you discuss with friends? The more it's focused on the more it will be a focus.
Take a more natural approach. We eat real food not packaged/processed foods and we don't 'diet'. We walk the dogs and play sports we don't 'exercise'. And I do NOT buy or subscribe to ANY woman's magazines. None of them! There is always some headline on the cover about losing weight, how to look sexier, what looks good, what will your man like. It all, in my opinion, sets up unreal expectations.

Oh, and I have a soon to be 17 year old daughter who of course it absolutely beautiful! *Spoken like a true mom. huh? I didn't say thin or fit or skinny or a size whatever, she's beautiful. That's what we focus on.

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How old is she? There's lots to say, but it needs to be age appropriate ;)

I agree that you need to set an example and teach proper nutrition and good eating habits. Sweets in moderation and of course an active lifestyle to those bodies from getting mushy. Big thing here too is don't make negative comments about your own weight or other people's weight. HTH. Best wishes :)

Well, I'm a fitness person. It's a part of my life, 5 days a week.

My gift to my daughter will be that demonstration of a healthy lifestyle, combined with never commenting on her appearance. (Or at least I'm gonna try!)
As you've said, and I believe, you absorb what you see everyday.

My 3yr old boy will come downstairs (I work out at home) and lift and run around with me while I'm doing my DVDs. He thinks it's fun and I just laugh and cheer him on.

i am happy with my weight. i don't like to tell anyone how much i weigh cause no one wants to hear it. i am on the extreme thin side and it runs in my dads side. if i get excited about gaining weight, the response is; where is it or i'm lying. i have been accused of being anorexic a lot and i'm not and a lot of times people don't believe me. i have to eat or i get hunger headaches and don't feel good.
i have friends who are all different shapes, sizes and weights. i don't choose my friends because of weight but because of personality and silliness. if people would just get to know someone you might find that they are awesome. Some of the super models out there starve themselves or become belimic but i don't think its worth it. people should be loved for who they are and not because of weight.

thats an excellent question