What Are Your Tips to Stop the BICKERING?

I either ignore it (more often than not), or tell the girls to go to their room and resolve it themselves. I'm not their referee!!

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To my boys:

Eyes rolling, "Girls, PLEASE!"

To kids in general:

"I remember MY first day in preschool!"

Works like a charm!

:)

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I will not take sides, that seems to stop it. Like they want me to break it up so I don't give them that.

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We wrapped our kids together in duct tape a couple of times, but usually just sent them to their room together after a scolding. When they got in trouble for arguing with each other and sent to the room together, they became united again since they focused on being mad at mom instead.... always worked like a charm. "Can't come out of the room until you can be nice to each other.."

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Duct Tape! Just kidding, but couldn't resist. :)

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Make them stand there and hold hands until they are ready to be nice and stop arguing... I tell ya that is a cure all!! My boys HATED it and in no time at all they learned to stop ( bickering, fighting with thier mouths or hands) or they would be holding hands. To begin with they would stand ( or sit) there for up to a half hour until they were quiet and nice to one another. As they caught on the time lowered until all it took was one warning about it and they stopped and went in different directions.

It was funny last week my 15 and 11 yr old were going back and forth and I looked at them and said do I really need to make you hold hands, my 15 yr old just shook his head ( like really?) and laughed and walked away and went upstairs and my 11 yr old said no and quickly popped on the couch and did the lock action on his lips and was quiet lol So even at this age its still affective :)

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My kids do the same thing. The back and forth can really drive me crazy! I put my kids (3 and 6) in different rooms. The funny thing is that they hate being separated and really appreciate being able to be together, so even just a 5 minute separation works wonders.

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ignore, even if it makes you crazy. at least 50% of it is probably for your benefit anyway.
khairete
S.

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I have a 6 and 4 year old...we sit face to face until they can get along...five minutes in...they are laughing and giggling and best friends again!

My oldest says to her brother "You are bragging"..."no I'm not, but I get the first (insert item)"...."yes you are"...

I understand! I think really it's normal, but I make them work it out...unless it gets physical then I go in and separate...but usually it's just someone wanting the last word!

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I ignore them or distract with a chore. "Boys, I need someone to go to the playroom and get XYZ, NOW!" "please put your plate in the dishwasher" "wanna make cookies?"
Oh my favorite - deflect to the other parent "Honey, can you come in here, the boys have something to tell you." muahahahaha

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Oh my gosh, this sounds like how my two were. Then, someone told me to ignore it and guess what? The bickering stopped!!! Seriously! I don't know if it was because I would butt in and make them be "friends" or it was just a way to get attention or what. I began ignoring their little spats, etc., only butting in if they were getting into a serious argument or fight. I actually became more relaxed and the kids got along just fiine!!

Now my kids are both in high school, are very close and are the best of friends!! So much so that my son, who is three years older than my daughter, is very protective of her.

Good luck!

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My kids are just starting this big time - they are almost 8 and 3. Ugh. Wha tis working so far is to seperate them. If you can't talk nicely, then you need to stay away from each other, seperate rooms. At the dinner table, there isn't much bickering, it's mostly during playtime. At the table, i would tell them not to talk. At all. A totally silent meal. They will figure it out. My kids are really close and generally very loving, so seperating them is very effective. "You can't play with each other!" I could imagine if you have kids that just can't get along, then this might backfire.

PS - I will add that they should be generally left alone to work it out themselves. However, if it is getting nasty with yelling and crying and if they are creating a lot of household discord (i.e., mom can't take anymore), then the seperating trick is great.

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I totally agree with Rebecca. My dad used to make my sister and I do it and we HATED it! But we sure shut up fast when he threatened us with it. Now she is 35 and I am 32 and my dad will tell us he is going to make us hold hand and it STILL works!

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As soon as it starts I tell my boys (7 & 5) they can either go to seperate rooms or start speaking nicely to each other. If it continues, I give them each a chore (pick up 25 toys, or fold clothes, etc). Having to referee their bickering takes away time and energy from our household, so they have to "restore" the energy by doing a chore. On days when they are especially bad, I get very dramatic about my energy draining. I will collapse onto the couch and pretend I can't lift my arms, "straining" to do so. As they complete their chore I gain strength little by little until I'm better than ever. This takes away their focus from stewing over the bickering or being bitter about having to do a chore. Then for the next few days all I have to say is "Uh, oh, I feel my energy draining..." and they stop. Good luck!

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I love seeing the "make them sit and hold hands" suggestion because that's what my aunt and uncle used to do to my cousins when they were kids. There were 3 of them and the minute any kind of arguing or bickering started, they had to sit on the couch together and hold hands - and if they couldn't do it nicely, they just had to sit longer.

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i've made my cousins kids kiss each other when they did this to make up. if they don't enjoy it they will hopefully stop. a hug and a kiss on the cheak may work wonders.

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I tell them that they can't talk to each other any more (2 boys 5 and 4), and they look at me like I have two heads and then they start making faces at each other. Sometimes I just need to remind them.....

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Mom used to assign us do a chore together. Then she went and watched t.v. with her feet up on the fancy sofa. We'd stop bickering and start grousing in whispers about what an unreasonable Mom we had. As adults, my sis and I still laugh about how very clever she was!

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Oh man do I understand!! I have 3 girls, and they just eat at each other!! I have found that the only thing that works for them is seperating them. Literally making one go upstairs, one go to the living room, and the other to the family room. I may assign them an activity based on their age such as drawing about their feelings, reading, anything to get them away from each other, and deal with their behavior. It's funny how they can fight and fight then when it comes to bedtime they must be together or they freak out. Luckily they have a big enough bedroom for all three beds!

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If families lived in perfect harmony-then no one would ever move out of the house-and mankind would have ended-it's biological. You can tell the children what the rules are-and you can post them. Sometimes a visual helps. It's about training, patience and management. Make the rules, implement them and don't deviate. Be consistent-they'll catch on.

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Don't let them talk at all. Period.

If someone starts to bicker, that activity is over for them. Period.

I haven't found anything that works yet, so be sure and let me know if you do!!

Hi, S.:

It's interesting that you write about how your children bicker back and forth.
One question I have is: Who is your son talking to? If he is talking to you, then little sis needs to not interfere in the conversation.
Both children need to respect and listen to each other without comments.
I don't know the whole story so I am assessing with limited information.
Thanks for shaing.
D.

THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS!! My children (6 y/o daughter, almost 4 y/o son) bicker a lot. Like you and your husband, we are not bickery in this house either. But my kids go through phases when the bickering seems constant. I usually try to intervene because my daughter's very strong personality can rarely let things go and most of the time they will escalate if I don't do something. I'm so glad you posted this because I now have a few ideas to work with too!
B.

When my sons (15 months apart) were younger and went through this, I would give them tasks/chores to do in separate rooms as soon as the bickering started. It is amazing how quickly they caught on to the fact that arguing with each other equals having to do something. The tasks/chores don't have to be unpleasant, just something for them to do in a separate space from their sibling.

When the kids (4/f and 6/m) use to fight in the car I would turn the radio all the way up to drown them out. They would stop fighting, cover their ears and yell turn it down! I would reply "i will if you will" then after i turned it down I would explain that the fighting distracts me from driving and to aviod a car accident I have to drown out their noise with the radio when they get to loud. It only took two or three time to stop the behavior for good. they never fight in the car anymore...in the house well that's a different story...lol :)

When my two youngest boys get in the "bicker cycle," I tell them that they're not allowed to speak to each other until they can do so in kindness.

This usually at least slows them down long enough that they forget what they were bickering about. :o)

Shun both of them. Send them to another room to hash it out.

Exception: If one is being cruel. That is bullying and put a stop to it immediately.