We have been talking to the kids lately about choices and consequences in life. Consequences from a choice can be good or bad...it is just an effect from a choice made. We talk about college, future profession, where to live, friends we choose, food choices etc. Our lives are daily filled with choices.
Sooo, it gets me thinking about my own life and some of the best choices I have made. Then on the flip side the not so good choices.
But let's NOT focus on the not so good. Even though those can provide great growth and learning experiences.
What would you say are some of the best decisions you have ever made that you feel you are reaping positive benefits from?
My top ones are
1.To marry the man I married...16 years, 3 awesome kids, 2 agonizing miscarriages and still going strong with our total devotion and adoration for each other. Do we annoy each other at times..heck yes we do. But we have a fun,intimate and devoted commitment to each other, our kids and God.
2. To get my B.A. degree....but then choose to be home full time to raise our kids and keep our home a peaceful and fun heaven on earth. (not saying working moms made a bad choice. Just not my personal choice. Could be YOUR best choice in life...we all have different needs,desires,hopes and dreams...and individual needs for our families.)
3. This last one took some maturity on my part and painful moments. But, I learned to say "no" to people when asked to sign up for this or that, be on a committee, watch someone's kids etc. Doesn't mean I always say "no" just that I can without guilt.. My sanity and family come first.
4. To move to where we are now. We were living in a wonderful place...life was great. But after much prayer and talking it over we decided to take the promotion and move to Livermore,Ca almost 4 years ago. I can't even describe the blessings that have come. Financial blessings are wonderful...but more than that, our kids are thriving at school and have made beautiful friendships. (and now we were asked to move again but to the South/Central States region. I posted about it a few days ago. We are not taking it...we really feel we are to stay here. More money is not always the best choice....but oh sooooooooooo tempting)
Sometimes hard to make that leap of faith...but great to see the amazing effects that come later down the road from making choices.
So ladies...what are your thoughts??
I love reading these. You ladies are so amazing.
As for the Mormon comment..not sure what to make of it. I am taking it as a compliment as some others suggested. Guess it is better to be called a Mormon...than a Moron...right?!
A.L.-Your life brings tears to my eyes. Sending cyber hugs. You are one strong and brave woman....even at a young age. You will succeed in the 12 step program..you are strong and courageous. I am sorry for what other people's horrible choices did to you. Ohhhhh....so sorry. You sound like an amazing woman with the inner strength so many of us are working toward. I wish you the best in life...you deserve it. Keep up the good fight...many of us are thinking of you and pulling for you.
Suzie Q. -Your comment is so touching. I am sure your father loved every moment of that choice. I regret not spending more time with my dying MIL. sigh....
Mom2KCK- Sorry...I didn't mean anything by that comment. Please don't take offense. It is just a cute, little phrase we say in our home...and have written on our wall. ANYONE can provide a fun and peaceful heaven on earth for their family..it is not exclusive rights for a home with a SAHM.
Hazel- I am amazed to hear about women like yourself that come from a not so good childhood and turn things around for themselves and their family. Congrats on finding love again!!
Hanover- Loved the comment about stopping all the thinking and planning and just got pregnant. Cute!
Krista-Wow...you have made some huge leaps of faith. What in the world was that hobby comment for...sheesh! Glad you saw what your future would be like and got the heck out of there! And moving from New York to Forida..wow..what a financial risk...and look at you now...so happy..that is great.
Thanks ladies for responding. It is fun to hear about your life's experiences. Keep em coming!! I was hoping some of you would mention things you did for yourself..thanks for the plastic surgery comment. To some that may be a best choice....I could go for a couple full,perky boobs.
One of the best choices i made was on April 14, 1995 and that was to get clean and sober.
Because of that choice, the last almost 18 years of my life have been filled with so many blessings i have lost count.
i know i was given a second chance in life and i took it.
what a great question and i love the responses.
many blessings to you
Good question!
1. Putting myself through college
2. Being a working professional before getting married & having kids
(Enjoyed my career so much so that I now love being a SAHM.)
3. Getting married (never thought I would).
4. Most importantly...having kids. :) Very blessed.
Also confused by Anne H's response.
Marrying my high school sweetheart. Also taking a leap of faith by moving and taking a big paycut to change careers, which in the end resulted in better pay than I could have hoped for after 5 years. And then stop worrying about how I'm going to juggle a career and kids and just got pregnant lol.
1.) marrying a man of faith and character. He's turned out to be an awesome husband and amazing father!
2.) putting myself through school. Even though it meant NO days off and hard work. It's allowed me to flex my work schedule now to be more present for our child and I haven't had to work cruddy, low pay jobs while he is growing up, luckily. (Not that I haven't or wouldn't if I HAD to!)
3.) having my son. He amazes me every day.
4.) being financially independent and self sufficient BEFORE getting married. So many women go from parent to husband, and miss that step.
5.) living within our means, and living debt free. It's the only way to go.
I grew up with some pretty crappy adults in our home, so without going into details, my first, best choice was to go get counseling when I was in my late 20s. Everything improved....
I made the choice to cut off contact with one parent who is very abusive and mentally ill (and chooses to stay that way). No regrets.
I divorced my then-husband who had addiction issues and a rather entitled attitude. Never again will I look twice at a man who owns the book "The Right To Be Lazy" (no, I am NOT joking... sheesh, I was a dumb bunny back then!)
I met my own dear love not long after divorcing; took a chance on being a couple again and we have been together for 12 years, married for 4. We chose to start counseling early in our relationship, both of us being previously married. It has saved us a lot of heartache, trying to make things good early on.
We chose to keep our 'surprise!' pregnancy and have a little, wonderful boy. (Yep, it IS a choice. But the easiest one I have ever made! :) )
We have chosen to live fairly simply for now and to have me stay home. I love it. Kiddo loves it. He goes to half-day kindergarten (another choice!) and we get a bit more time together before he heads off to full-day school next year. We don't have a lot of frills or vacations, but have money to take care of ourselves and make some much-needed improvements on the house. Humble ones, but certainly necessary. I miss working professionally, but am finding that volunteering at the school truly fulfills that 'sense of purpose' I had been wanting.
We have some lack in extended family, but so much richness in our friends, community and little family here at home. I am truly grateful for the first, hard choice of changing my life...which is why I share about it. From there, everything fell into place.--- but only because we were thoughtful about it.
(Maybe Anne is suggesting that Mormons make good choices for themselves and are happy? I am not Mormon and have nothing against them-- I think I'm just going to go with the positive spin!)
Best decision so far? Choosing to marry the woman I'm married to :)
I had my kids at 20, 22, and 24, married at 21 to the father of all 3, competed my B.S. in 2005 (just before giving birth to my second child), completed my MBA in 2012 (while working full-time and being the mom that never misses anything).
Finding the sitter we have for the morning. Having the job I have that allows me to put my family first, while providing an excellent life for us.
Just want to add, that even though I am a full-time working mom, I also provide a peaceful home and a fun heaven on earth for my kids. I'm not sure why that statement was necessary in there.
1. Walking away from a relationship that wasn't the right one, despite a ring and a set date. I know now (with distance and maturity) that I would have been very very unhappy as Mrs. L. At the time, it was the most awful thing I had ever done, but it really opened up my life to meet my husband and start my career, which the almost-husband saw as "hobby until we have kids".
2. Taking a giant leap of faith and leaving NY to move home to FL. This involved taking a massive hit on our house, cutting our income in half and moving across the country, but my children are happier and my husband and I are much more relaxed. No more rat race = more time as a family = happier family!
1) Moving away from home for college. Minnesotans like me have a very strong tendency to stay within a few miles of home; hang out with only the kids they went to high school with; etc. Moving away allowed me to become my own person, rather than my mom's clone, and opened up my eyes to more ethnicities than I could imagine (I live in the Chicago area).
2) Changing my major from accounting to History. Accounting was a horrible fit for my personality, and I was only doing it because I wanted financial security. My sister saw how miserable I became during my sophomore year of college and helped convince me to do what I loved.
3) Traveling home 400 miles for my cousin's 5 yr old daughter's funeral, my best friend's brother's funeral, 2 uncles, 1 grandma. I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't been there for each of those.
4) Dumping my high school BF after realizing that he was a racist, who just tried to hide it under being a redneck. Wonder what he'd think now to see me married to an Arab.
5) Living with my sister during college. We were good influences on one another, and we never had the typical roommate problems since we shared a 10' x 9" bedroom for the first 16 years of my life.
6) Signing up for CatholicSingles.com shortly after 9-11 happened and I realized how much I wanted to find people who shared my interests and values. I was envisioning making some good gal-pals, and never thought that I'd meet my husband, but here we are, 11 years later, and I haven't even considered another man since his first email to me.
#1 Marrying the love of my life.
#2 Having our daughter, the light of my life
#3 Having a good long time with my husband (8 years) before having a child.
#4 Finishing my higher ed, although it took me quite awhile to do it.
#5 Working in education field
Marrying my husband was the best decision I ever made. 26 years later still fell the same way.
Having children. That was a very good decision.
Moving away from family. This made our family depend on each other and made us stronger as a unit of 4.
Going back to college. I believe things happened in my life to guide me to that decision or should I say knock me upside the head?! I am proud of this accomplishment. I showed my kids what determination was and to value education.
Picking the friends that we have because they are AWESOME!!
I am a little confused by Ann H's response. Did something happen in mamapedia world that I missed?
A good question!
My children, marrying my husband (that changed my life completely) and letting go on toxic relationships that I thought I had to endure for the sake of history.
Love this question and all the answers.
My best decisions were marrying my saint of a husband of 40 years, loving our children through all their stages and phases, growing in my faith and my religion instead of quitting it or just going along without commitment, choosing to teach children and adults, living well below our means so that we can give money away, keeping great friends to weather difficult times with, and letting the fortunate, unexpected blessings that have come my way become my new choices. Like others have said, this question has made me so appreciative of all that I have experienced. (And the bad times, well..... distant memories.)
1) To purchase a home in an older, established neighbourhood that is within walking distance to three levels of French Immersion schools and my church.
2) To be a SAHM. My children and I have both benefitted greatly from this decision.
3) To take a part time job at the YMCA. I have made so many friends through the YMCA, I love my job, the benefits are amazing (membership, scholarships, summer camps) and my children have had the opportunity to grow up at the Y. What a wonderful place for families!
4) To marry my husband. Seventeen years of marriage and still going strong. We must have done something right.
5) To go back to school to be an Educational Assistant. When I do go back to work full time I will still have summer vacation, spring break and Christmas holidays to spend with my kids, and I will be getting home from work when they get home from school.
In order
1. Moving from Florida to New England when I was 21.
2. Having my son
3. Marrying my husband
4. Working in the Mental Health field
5. Quitting job to stay at home with son
6. Quit Smoking- 5 years this year!
7. Moving to New Hampshire from Rhode Island
8. Reconnecting with my father. This was a big one.
When I write them all down like this, at age 34, I feel pretty good! Thanks for your post!
I don't understand why your wonderful post has to be turned into something negative.
Thank you for this. It's a testament to your life!
Dawn
But you know what's great about the bad choices? They lead you to the good choices!!! If I hadn't made all of the bad choices that I made I would have never met my husband or had our beautiful son! :)
Fun question and sometimes I wonder how much luck played into decisions that turned out well... For me:
Going back to graduate school and taking the job I did which I still have. I could have stayed way closer to home but I took a risk, moved far away and am so glad I did.
Not marrying some of the guys I thought I'd die without! And Im' glad I married a bit older so I can remind myself I had plenty of years when things were all about me. I also wasn't mature enough in my 20's so glad I waited.
Keeping this job. I've contemplated quitting for years but my girls are doing great, they've had a wonderful childhood so far (knock wood) and we've built a big nest egg. As they get older too, I feel less guilty about working and think maybe I'm showing them an example of how a woman can be equally or more successful than most men so all the upcoming work in school can be worthwhile. They may need a good job someday as not all marriages or husband's jobs work out.
Living in quite a few different states in my life vs staying in one place. Not all good bc my old friends are still mainly my best friends and I don't get to see them much but moving around certainly broadened my horizons.
Sacrificing some partying at times to study but still balancing things so I had a lot of fun.
Mine are to complete my Masters degree and take the job I'm in now, and to devote as much time as I could to my dying father.
Regrets, I have a few.
Divorcing my exhusband - left me open to meeting the love of my life
Going to college - this was a committment since I had to pay my own way and it had to study a lot to get through. I did not "coast" through
Marrying my husband and having our 2 kids
Being a stay at home mom
Moving back to being closer to my mom
Becoming a runner
My job....which lead to my husband....which lead to my kids....which lead to my tummy tuck and liposuction.
:)
Marrying hubby was my best decision. Second place? Becoming a mother. Third? Not walking away from my Ph.D program.
to homeschool the boys.
to move to this little farm.
to marry my husband.
to follow my own eclectic spiritual path.
khairete
S.
1. homeschooling my son
2. becoming a counselor (studying and a applying a therapy that actually works)
moving to the states at age 24. my 14 yr anniversary of that move will be this may.
becoming a US citizen (4 years).
having my kids.
i hope i will have more good decisions to add to my life resume, but in the meantime, trying to deal with life changes has been a bit difficult lately. once i find a way out of this funk, i will have a clearer vision of what's next.
1 Getting in debt when I was 19-20 yrs old.. and having my parents TEACH me how to get out. Because today my hubby and I owe on our car, and mortgage... less than 1K credit card debt (wich is always paid off at the end of the month.
2. Getting My BA, finishing it right when My son was born.
Your sound like a mormon.
