What Are Some Ideas for Me to Do with a Four Year Old Boy Who Has Autism?

I've never known any 4 yr old who didn't like to build a fort.
Go to an appliance store and see about getting a large cardboard box.
You can cut windows in it and he can help decorate it any way he wants.
Google 'cardboard box fort' and you'll get tons of ideas.
It can be a castle, a plane, a rocket ship, a pirate ship, a submarine - kids have so much imagination!
Then have a picnic inside the fort and read stories (would be cool if the story could match the fort theme but you don't have to).

C. - visit my website - autistikids.com - it has a lot of links to autistic adults who blog about all aspects of autism.

Some places do special needs days - less crowded, etc. May be helpful. Some Movie Theaters do it, Hawaiian falls water park does it, though I don't know what's in your area. The park might work well. Museums may be good - usually less crowded - go during the week if possible.

Feel free to private message me and I'll see what else I can find out.

Also, visit the blog and facebook page of adiaryofamom.wordpress.com - she is the mom of a now 11 year old girl, diagnosed at age 3 (many sensory sensitivities). She's blogged her journey and the community that's grown from that blog is SUPER supportive. You can ask questions on her facebook posts.

My son is also on the spectrum, but he never had an issue with crowds. Maybe approaching it from the point of view of "If I didn't like crowds, what would I do?".

ETA: I don't know if you will read this, C., but sending Marda, of all people, an 'eff off' message? Please, DO NOT get involved in parenting, period. Wait a long time and get some help before you have kids or decide to be around kids. There was nothing she said which was disrespectful to you. You sound like a ticking time bomb, not someone who has the temperament to be very patient and a calm, reasonable advocate for this child.

Watch and learn is my best advice.

Our son has some challenges (processing delays, attention issues); I also used to care for an autistic child a few years ago, plus had a couple in my care as a preschool teacher. Communication/asking the parent is the first step. "What are his favorite things to do?" Join the child in that, first and foremost.

Start small. Remember that he may not want you to play *with* him but next to him, not interrupting his own activity.

Don't impose what you think 'should' happen on your boyfriend's son. Let him (boyfriend) do ALL of the discipline in the relationship. You could be there as a support person for the child (hugs, listening to his stories, playing, being a 'safe' person if he's stressed) but it's not your job to challenge the kid into changing any behaviors. I say this as a mom of a kiddo who has his own way of thinking/living in the world. He is far more logic-oriented, far less inclined to want to follow rules as much as he wants to understand *why* we do what we do. Some would say he's arguing with me; I observe that it's his sense of reasoning which wants satisfying and that he's usually very compliant after something is explained to him.

Give space. Some very bright kids have a hard time in expressing themselves or their needs. Give time. Some children (and this is all children in general) may take longer to move from one activity or another and to respond to requests. They may even forget the request.

Don't take things personally. If you want to connect, bear in mind that for kids, it's often the case that we find connection in small moments of joining *them* in what they enjoy and not trying to create some 'special moment'. The child I cared for had a fun time making an 'I Spy' book with his camera and a lot of different toys/props. It was my support and enthusiasm he needed (not my direction)-- that was what made him so happy! Had nothing to do with me other than my presence. When he was upset, I didn't feel I had to 'fix' it. If he didn't want to be around me and we were in a safe place, I gave him space. Sometimes kids choose to be alone to play or think. Honor that.

Above all, be sensitive to the child's needs. I hope your boyfriend and you are putting him first as you think about the future. Choose to educate yourself, both by reading and by watching, listening and being patient.

ETA: C., you have received ideas. Whether or not they work with your boyfriend's son, depends on his personality/interests and how autism affects him. Just like all boys that age are different, not all boys with autism are the same.

C. also sent me a eff off message. I suggest she knows nothing about autism and perhaps is overwhelmed. I do hope she learns more about autism. I can only hope she can also learn an effective way to get help. Swearing at mom's who care enough to try to answer her question, alienates those who could help her. She probably will flounce. If she doesn't, I won't being responding to her questions.
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Autism is too general a word? Where does he land on the spectrum. To make helpful suggestions we need to know at what level your son functions. Does he have any developmental delays? Is he able to spend 10-15 minutes focused on doing something? Is he verbal? What have you been doing with him and does he and you enjoy doing it?

My autistic grandson, who also has developmental delays, liked to build basic things with Legos. He liked to dance. We watched videos with him. He could focus when he was using the computer. He liked Match Box cars. He was very difficult to manage in public. We stopped eating out at a restaurant. He was cranky and upset at McDonalds even tho he wanted to go.

I suggest you try different things to find what works. Try only one thing at a time. It will likely take doing that one thing several times before he's comfortable with doing it.

I suggest you can find helpful books at the library.

My son has Asperger's, and I can tell you that he loves playing with cars and trains, playing in the sandbox and riding his bike. He also likes routine and predictability. He's 7 years old, and this is the first summer that "change" hasn't been a bad word in our house. It has taken us many years of practice, therapy and patience.

Just as every child is different, every child on the Autism Spectrum is different. If you will be caring for a child on the spectrum, I suggest you have a conversation with his parents. Find out some likes and dislikes and ask them to give you a list of his favorite activities.

ETA - Thank you for the extra info! Very helpful! It's hard. I want to do more things with my son. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it blows up in my face. That's hard, because I'm a highly emotional person :-)

I think a really important thing for my son is to talk to him about whatever we have planned and try to give him a good idea of what we're going to do. The fewer surprises the better. I also try to accept the fact that it might not work and that's ok. If he is upset or it just isn't working, I tell myself it's ok to just call it a day and go home. Sometimes that's all you can do.

It's important to try new things and give him new experiences and push the boundaries of his comfort zone, but it isn't always going to be successful. But you have to keep trying.

You need to get educated on autism. Where is he on the Spectrum. What are the things that trigger him to be upset. Does he have Aspbergers?

Not sure how you can come on here and get upset with people you don't know if you aren't giving all the information.

You sound like a teenager. You sound like a young girl who wants to impress her boyfriend. Impressing him would be to get educated and learn about Autism and the parts of the spectrum. I don't think you're ready for this. Each child is different. Autism or not. I have four boys and not one of them are the same. My youngest son hates sports. If we go out to play frisbee or catch? He'll sit there and watch. No thanks is his response. Is there some mud I can dig up and find specimens for my "lab"??? I have one that i can't keep out of the water! I swear I think he's a fish. My oldest? Two sports. Get it? If I came on here and said "what are some ideas for a 12 year old" people would tell me the same thing!! Get educated. You can only do that by getting to know the boy and it doesn't sound like you are ready for that.

find out what he likes and do that. if you try something new it could backfire and be the worst day ever, (just saying from experience) they tend to thrive on routine and having a set schedule. keeping things his way will help prevent outbursts that can turn violent if not controlled correctly (again experience)

I'm sorry that your first experience with Mamapedia involved one or more responses that upset you. We have a diverse membership and not everyone expresses things well. If your question was very brief (and I can't tell what you originally posted but it's obvious that you added some info), some may have assumed you were not serious. That's a big jump, I know - but we have had a bunch of one-line questions lately that are from trolls, so a few people may have jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Adding details would help, as you can see from the kind and generous responses. Where he is on the autism spectrum makes a difference. But all kids with autism aren't the same. Some can't stand to have tags inside their shirts and can't stand how their socks feel, others have zero social skills, others can't stand noise. Some can speak, others cannot.

Is your boyfriend an active father who is in touch with his kid? (I ask because if he's been prevented from seeing much of his child, it can be hard to know all the nuances.) Or is this all new to him too? If he can help guide you, that's great. You could also look into a support group for parents and caregivers of kids with autism.

Is the child getting any early intervention services through the school system? Has he been seen by professionals who are helping to get him ready for eventual kindergarten? Is he in preschool? The teachers may be able to help you with ideas.

If this boy doesn't like people or zoos, it may be the noise or the commotion that bothers him. If he likes the outdoors, you could try some nature areas with few people around. Maybe get one of those ant farms or check out toys for kids who love bugs. Maybe a quiet half-day of kayaking or fishing would appeal to him.

If he can focus pretty well, don't underestimate the value of building sets - Legos, K'nex, etc. If noises bother him, get things that connect well rather than things that stack and fall over. If noises don't bother him, consider one of those marble sets where you stack and connect the tubes and slides, then drop marbles in the top and watch them cascade down in different patterns and routes. Having a supply at your house or your boyfriend's may make the child's transition easier if he is leaving his mother's house and going to his father's - sometimes change is hard.

I see the suggestion below about a big box for a fort or clubhouse - some autistic kids like to be enclosed and shut away from activity, so that might be a fun option. See if anyone in the neighborhood is getting a new dishwasher or fridge, and ask if you can have the box. You might check with a local appliance store to see if they are delivering something new to someone, and ask permission to take the box when they are done.

Do learn more about his particular type of autism and how it manifests. A good children's counselor experienced in this area might be a great resource - ask the pediatrician for a referral to someone who accepts your boyfriend's insurance, and see what you all can learn that is specific to this child.

Good luck - it's an ongoing process. All kids change as they grow and mature, and kids with autism can offer a special challenge.

I work with autistic children and you do not know what a treat they can be to work with. Not every person likes the zoo or places with large crowds. Or lots of people. It has taken awhile to figure out ways to work with them. If you give it a chance you might love it.
I found that some are very sensitive to sounds (so warn them) and something over their ears can help in those situations. I have worked with some who are wonderful with musical instruments and play like angels. Some have loved looking at picture books over and over or drawing. Or certain games. There are a lot of resources out there. Start googling and take a look at all the wonderful advice these moms are giving. And let us know how it goes. You may be looking at a gift in your life.There is nothing more fulfilling than helping someone in my mind.