42 answers

What Age Should You Take Your Daughter to the Gynecologist for the First Time?

I have a 15 year old daughter, and i was thinking the rule was 18 or when they become sexually active? am i right? Because i hear moms saying its earlier now that you cant know if your kid is sexully active or not! Have they ever heard of communication and trust?? Oh my. My 15 year has a boyfriend, but ive talked to her numerous times and all that, so it isnt necessary for me to take her right? Just double checking, what do you moms think? not trying to be creepy lol.

What can I do next?

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My mom talked to me numerous times, daily, weekly, constantly. I loved and respected her, but I still had sex with my boyfriend... starting at an age that is shocking. By the time I was 15 she found out and took me and I got protected. As much as you want to believe that she isn't and won't be sexual active, try not to be oblivious. Be realistic. Communication and trust aren't in ones mind when they are making out with their boyfriends while rushing hormones take over. It happens, and when it does, they don't think, "oh my mom told me not to do this..."

9 moms found this helpful

I took my Daughter at 13 NOT because she was sexually active but because at 12 she already had ovian cysts. I also have a history of problems PCOS, Endometriosis. I wanted her to feel comfotable with her and be able to talk to her, as well as me, if she had any questions. The first time I took her she did not do a pap she said that was not needed at that time. I think building a trust is very important and like Riley they do more than just paps.

3 moms found this helpful

I didnt have daughters.
I didnt go till I was sexually active, that was at age 17... my stepmom recognized the signs before my mom. She had me go.
My mom and I were really close, but talking about my sex life with her was still something I could not do. I think lots of daughters are like that.

3 moms found this helpful

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It's an outright SCANDAL that women's health is taken so casually. My professors CONSTANTLY rail about it (male and female), and it's a soap box I wholeheartedly climb onto. ((Not seeing a gynecologist until sexually active is only one aspect of the outrage that gets discussed whenever women's health comes up, btw... but I'll just leave the rest for now. <grin> this part will be long enough. It is NOT a critisim on you, btw. It's a critisism on the hugely late 'catching up' women's health faces in a mostly male dominated field, and the miserliness of insurance companies.))

Boys have their genitals examined from day 1. But "OH NO! NOT ***GIRLS***" Heaven forbid.

Along with puberty comes many many many hormonal changes that trigger increased sebatious gland excretions (oils), change in pH, cellular changes, menstruation. All sorts of problem crop up. Untreated yeast infections and vaginosis being the most common, followed by such lovely things as folliculitis, cysts, gynecological cancers (not all gynecological cancers are caused by STDs), PID, endometriosis, dozens of various infections (vaginal or anal)... All things that are EASILY caught, and mostly easily treated by an OB/Gyn.

The idea that vaginas (et al) are only for penises and babies (aka only check when you're having sex or pregnant) is so INCREDIBLY outdated, and completely WRONG.

((From working in a women's clinic, that's one of the constant laments of the docs... how many young women think "But I thought it was SUPPOSED to be/feel like that. These are young women with chronic yeast infections, chronic vaginosis, etc... have had them for YEARS, but never 'knew', becuase they were years past having their diapers changed, and they were the only ones seeing their privates for a good 10-15 years. One gets USED to itching, burning, smell, etc. given enough years of it. The WONDER of these young women, some actually are bouncing up and down at reception, almost glowing at the news they have to share with their doc (no itching, no burning, etc.), or are out and out pissed that they never knew... is frankly astonishing. And waaaay to common (like once a week). Totally preventable. AND ***not serious***. Versus the young women that are several years into cervical cancer, or have been rendered sterile from an untreated infection.))

The things listed above is JUST a short list of things that crop up with the massive hormonal shift that is puberty.

COMPLETELY take sex and sex acts off the table and think back to the 80's for a minute:

Remember all the AIDs from toilet seats and towels and all the nonsense? Know where it CAME from? Other STDs transfer that way. A girl with herpes can VERY easy transfer the virus to a toilet seat, just by missing a bit when she sits and needing to scoot. A shared towel with a girl who has genital warts (the wart virus sloughs off on the towel). Sharing a razor learning how to shape pubic hair... ADULTS with STDs are very very careful (usually) not to spread them. Teens otoh, have a tendency NOT to take the same precautions (for various reasons). Now, of COURSE it's more common to pick up an STD from a sex act or even kissing (did you know you can get genital warts in your mouth and throat?)... but they also spread by OTHER forms of contact.

Vaginas (et al) aren't scary. They're PART of us. If we have a sore throat, we know what to do about it. Because we've been seeing the doc for years.

For most girls... they HAVEN'T been seeing a gynecologist for years. So the first time something 'goes wrong' (yeast infection at a bare minimum) it becomes this big scary ordeal.

FAR better... wait for puberty, and start going. Develop a relationship with a gynecologist. Go once a year for the 15 minute "Yep! All good here! Labs will be back in a week." and go once a year to GRIND IN the habit. Give our girls the comfort of knowing when and where to go when they NEED to. As well as someone who is a BIT more knowledgeable to ask questions than their best friend Mindy, and locker room talk.

And lets ADD sex (and sex acts) on the table.

How often do you examine your daughter's hymen? Probably never. Your daughter's gynecologist, otoh, will be looking at it once a year. ((They also retract, btw, that's how girls bleed for their period. A lot can be easily moved aside by someone who knows how... like for a simple swab test for infection)). Only ONE person, besides your daughter will know when she's had sex for SURE aside from your daughter (unless you have the rare VERY open relationship). The person looking at her hymen and vaginal canal on a regular basis.

Now.. mine broke young (athlete, that's common). And my doctor knew the FIRST time I'd had sex (not the day, but the geography changes up a bit, even with a previously broken hymen). I was mortified, but being in school and looking at pic after pic of girlie parts... yeah. It's really easy to tell.

13 moms found this helpful

My mom talked to me numerous times, daily, weekly, constantly. I loved and respected her, but I still had sex with my boyfriend... starting at an age that is shocking. By the time I was 15 she found out and took me and I got protected. As much as you want to believe that she isn't and won't be sexual active, try not to be oblivious. Be realistic. Communication and trust aren't in ones mind when they are making out with their boyfriends while rushing hormones take over. It happens, and when it does, they don't think, "oh my mom told me not to do this..."

9 moms found this helpful

What is your goal for having her seen by a gyno? Pap, pelvic exam, birth control options, open communication that she may not have with you, sexually transmitted infection testing?? Physicians in family practice or even Peds are quite capable of having the discussions and perform most tests. A pelvic exam is not required for many sexually transmitted infection testing - can be done by urine. Heck she can even be drug tested as well.

ACOG has the guidelines that a woman be 21 for her first pap, it changed in 2009 from 21 or three years after first intercourse which ever is sooner. I'm shocked they have backed off. Patients can also see a family practice for their paps but if it were me I would want someone that does A LOT of them and the family practice docs simply do not.

7 moms found this helpful

I don't think I would rely on, "I talked to her, so everything is fine".

I have talked to my daughter numerous times, she is 6. I am taking her to the gyno when she starts puberty.
I went to the gyno when I started puberty.

The more information she has the better, the earlier she has it the better.

I don't see why anyone would NOT take their daughters to the gyno when their bodies are doing what womens bodies do.

I guess I just don't see a reason not to take her...?

I have already told my daughter that when she falls in love with someone and decides to have sex (something that 2 people who are in love with eachother do) that I would like her to come and tell me so that I can take her to get protection so that she doesn't get pregnant or sick.

And she knows how babies are made too.

**ETA What about ovarian cysts, cervical cancer, or even heavy/painful periods that the birth control pill could help? What about having another person your child feels comfortable talking to? What about treating your childs body with respect as it goes through massive hormonal and growth changes.
I see no reason to wait.
The earlier the better, puberty is when mine will go.

6 moms found this helpful

Christine W. is right on with the guidelines. My daughter is now 21 & that's what my gyne told me too.

I am close with my gynecologist. I had my annual appt & told her I want to bring in my then 16 yr old. I didn't think she was sexually active. She was home all the time, never went anywhere & just starting seeing a boy. My reason was I wanted the Dr to talk to her about being sexually safe & responsible. I also wanted the Dr to tell my daughter what is entailed in a pap etc. I also wanted my daughter to have a safe place to go & someone that she could feel comfortable with.

I went into the appointment initially with my daughter then I told my daughter that I wanted her to ask the Dr questions without me in the room that she may not feel comfortable asking me & my goal was that she could go see this Dr anytime she felt necessary. The Dr had daughters slightly older than mine so she understood my goals. Again I didn't feel like my daughter was having sex but I won't be naive that it could happen anytime whether it be consensual or not. She & I have open lines of communication but when it comes down to it she may get very nervous & decided not to come to me, so I wanted her to have a *safe* place to go.

Talk to your gyne.

6 moms found this helpful

I think it should start at 14 (basically freshman in high school). In my experience, your teen isn't going to come to you and say "I'm having sex, please make me an appointment for the gyno" especially if you've talked about it numeous times and made any displeasure at the idea known. Many teens have sex. Very few parents actually think/know their teen is having sex. Do the math.

5 moms found this helpful

My mom never took me. I went on my own when I was 17 (to PP) to get on the pill.

5 moms found this helpful

You are the exception if you 15 year old daughter can come to you when she becomes sexually active. I hope to have that relationship with my daughter as well, but for a lot of parents, that conversation just doesn't happen. If my daughter is anything like me and the other women in our family, she will be going when she starts menstrating. The women in my family have very painful and heavy periods. If she doesn't have bad periods, we will start when she has a steady boyfriend or 16. Even if we do have the communication I hope for, there are things a doctor can tell her that she just won't want to hear from her mom about. It's not all about sex for me, it about teaching my daughter to be aware of her body and all other women's health issues that I think are better addressed by a gynocologist as opposed to a pediatrician.

4 moms found this helpful

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