What Age Is Ok to Let Them Brush Teeth, Take a Bath, Etc. on Their Own??

Hi A.-

My son is 6 and my daughter is 4 and they have both been brushing their own teeth for about a year now. My husband or I stand in the bathroom and watch them brush. Sometimes we have to coach them by saying "make sure you get the back teeth" or "you need to brush a little longer" but they are both doing the brushing independently. My son did brush his teeth every morning completely by himself before kindergarten last year. As far as the bathing goes, my daughter washes herself and then calls me to do a quick rinse of her before she gets out.

I understand your husband's concern, but if she sees that he has to "redo" everything that she does on her own it's going to affect her self confidence. With my daughter her newest "independent venture" is to make her own bed every morning and to help me clean (she loves to "spray and wipe" with the Windex). Her covers on her bed are crooked and the window is streaky, but I praise her like crazy and don't remake the bed at all and only clean the window when she is out of sight because I want her to be proud of her independence and I want her to continue to try. Maybe at her next dental appointment the dentist can give her a good thorough lesson in how to brush her teeth properly and he'll feel more confident that she knows how to do it right.

Good Luck,
K.

1 mom found this helpful

I have a eight year old son and I still brush his teeth for him, cause I watch him when he does it and he so does not do it correctly. And I do not want him to get cavities. But at night I let him brush on his own and I bought the listerine mouthwash for kids that helps get the extra plaq and such off of their teeth after they brush cause kids don't brush correctly. But in the mornings when we are getting ready for school or other things I always brush his teeth. My five year old also has eczema but I still let him bathe hisself, I just sit in the bathroom with him and coach him along. He has to do it on his own one day so I just teach him how now and if he forgets something I will tell him what to do, it does take longer but in the long run it is better that your child is independent and can do things on their own. My eight year old started bathing hisself when he was 6 years old and doing it all on his own. Just coach her along on brushing her teeth and taking a bath. She will eventually get it and you will be surprised how good she will do. I felt bad by making my kids do those things on their own but I have a 9yr old stepson, 8yr old son, 5yr old son, and a 1yr old son, I just had to start teaching the oldest ones how to do the things that I know they can do. They all make their own beds in the morning, they might not do the best job but they are proud after they do it, I fix it once they leave for school, but shhh. LOL They also clean their own room at night and they do really great at that. So just remember that you are raising adults not kids. Good Luck!!

All kids are different...I have a girl and boy. My son is 8 and I sometimes still have to watch him shower and brush his teeth because he's Mr. Speed Racer and will be done in 2 mins. LOL. My daughter on the other hand stays in the bathroom for an hour if I let her. When she began Kinder I watched her bathe and become more responsible. Girls are a bit better with it than boys. Let your daughter be more independant and dress herself as well. This will help her to adjust to school also.

Hi A. this is B. and I have an independent princess too. She just turned 3, but likes to act 5. She is very smart and likes to learn. I also have a wonder baby that just turned 2. I used to do every thing for my Princess but since my wonder child is just so curious I have to keep an extra eye on her. So my princess sometimes has to do things on her own. I love to watch her try (with my supervision) because im so proud when she aces it. I think age 5 is a good age for you to let her do it by herself with supervision. that way she can feel like a big girl, yet your still there watching your baby. And yes the time flys by so quick.
Also A. I used to work two jobs and attend college full time. I hated it but you do what you have to do. Until I began my own business now i get to stay home with them all day and make money. This business was a blessing and I would love to share it with you. message me back so we can get together because I know how you feel about going to a job everyday and working for someone else.

A.,

My oldest is 4 1/2, and about six months ago, we started a new routine on the teeth brushing. I brush her teeth before bed, thoroughly, when it's most important to get off all the day's grime. I then let her do it herself in the morning. When I'm in the bathroom with her, I'll remind her with something like, "don't forget those back ones," but this is letting her get the practice she needs to work on the independence, but keeping her teeth healthy at the same time. She just had another checkup about a month ago, and the dentist said that things look great, and she gave the 'thumbs-up' on our routine.

As far as dressing goes, I usually will let her choose her own clothes and dress herself, if time allows. If she picks out something horrid, I'll suggest we "go try to find a shirt that goes better with that skirt." My sis-in-law explained to my niece, "if you have a BUSY shirt, you want a PLAIN skirt (or vice versa)," and that explanation usually works pretty good. Given time constraints of school, you can let her do the picking out the night before (with your approval), then let her dress herself in the morning.

Best of luck!
M.

When my daughter was 5 I started letting her brush her teeth on her own, but at night I would give her mouth a once over my self. I did let her pick out her own clothes, because I just couldn't deal with the power struggle. I tried letting her bathe herself but she was terrible at washing her hair. I gave her a timer and told her that she had 5 min. to wash and then I would come in and do the shampoo and conditioner. Its hard letting them have that independence but I did notice that my daughter was a lot less able to cope with things that her friends could, and I think it may have been that I babied her too much. I am trying to correct that now by giving her more responsibility.

I think that there is a new mouth wash on the market specifically for children to use after they brush their teeth. It is suppose to discolor the plaque that they missed when they brush so that they can go back and finish the job properly. This may be a good thing to try so that your daughter can take on that responsibility herself, and your husband will feel better about it too. I can't remember the name of it but I think that Crest makes it. When I was a kid the dentist gave us these little dye tablets to chew up right before we brushed our teeth. They colored our teeth pink, and the goal was to brush all of the pink off to make sure we were brushing properly. These would work for you also.

I think your daughter is old enough to do most of the things you mentioned. As far as bathtime goes, let her bathe herself, and then you can inspect to make sure that she has scrubbed everything enough like dirty feet, etc., and that she has gotten all of the soap off of her. In the mornings lay out what she should put on for the day, and let her dress herself. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

My brother is a dentist and I just asked him this question last week. He says letting them brush by themselves in the morning is okay (and even encourages this) but parents should DEFINATELY help in the evening to get all the yucky stuff off before they sleep.

As for a bath, how about letting her bathe without soap (which is drying) ever other day and just let her use a wash cloth or pouf? Or allowing her to apply her lotion by herself to every place she can reach and you only get her back?

Good luck!

It's very hard to let go sometimes, isn't it? I'm a working mom too and I love my job, but hate watching my kids grow and knowing that I miss things. But I want my kids to be independent. My daughter is now 3. She began taking a bath on her own at 18 months. Of course I was right there watching her (even when she couldn't see me). This may seem a bit young, but I was pregnant at the time and couldn't do a lot of the things I would normally do with her because I felt so horrible. I would check on her and talk to her and come in and throw a bucket of water over her to make sure everything was clean. It gave me a little bit of freedom to do chores like folding laundry while she bathed. She just started brushing her teeth on her own. We do go back over them at night for a second or two, the whole time telling her how good of a job she is doing and how clean her teeth are. When she brushes after breakfast, we just let her do it by herself. She's not quite dressing herself yet, simply because she spends the whole time running around trying to do other things while we are telling her it's time to go somewhere. She does put on her own shoes and has for as long as I can remember her wearing them. She is one of those that wants to do everything herself. But as far as a specific age is concerned, I really think that depends on the child. While my 3 year old can do many things on her own and has always developed quickly, my 9 month old is not progressing at the same speed. For example, by the now my first was walking while the baby is still wobbly while she stands there. Each child is an individual, the hardest part is for us to let them be who there are and to tailor our expectations of them accordingly. My heart aches just thinking about my girls and how fast they are growing, but I'm extremely proud of them and am happy that they are so smart and independent. Good luck!

Hi A.,
Motherhood is the only job you will ever have where if you are doing the job right you will eventually not be needed at all. Then (if you have done a really good job) they start taking care of you! LOL The goal is for the child to become self-sufficient adult and a productive member of society. But it is so hard to let go of our babies. And it wasn’t any easier for me with four children. We Moms tend to cling to them. I think it is because they grow so fast. My four daughters couldn’t wait to grow up and each one sort of inspired the next to keep up. They were brushing their little teeth at 2 (with some help from Mom when they missed a spot). They were bathing themselves at 3 and 4, but I would still wash their hair until they were about 8. I brushed and fixed their hair until they were 6 or 7 because it was long and thick. They started showering around 8 or 9. As for dressing themselves, that was easy enough. When they went off to preschool at age 3 or 4, I would put little outfits together for them and they would select one the night before. Then in the morning they would dress themselves. Finding matching socks always seemed to be a major challenge at our house. Some needed more help with shoes but that was before Velcro. My efforts to force vegetables on them at an early age paid off eventually as they are all vegetable loving adults now. Get them involved in the process. They took on cooking skills early. They loved being in the kitchen. Young children can be taught to make salads. Growing vegetables or even shopping for vegetables is a good way to get children to eat their vegetables. When they like to cook it is easier to get them to try new things. We had a “No thank you” portion which was a spoonful of something new we wanted them to try. It was ok if you didn’t like something but you had to at least eat your “No Thank You” spoonful at least the first time. I was always amazed when they would like mushrooms, asparagus, or shrimp! And if they don’t like eggs – they just may be allergic to them like one of mine was. Have fun and good luck. They are small for such a short time.

These are things your daughter could have begun doing on her own a couple of years ago while you supervise so that by now she would be able to do it right.
Definately get the stuff that shows the plaque on the teeth and use it every night so that she can brush her own teeth and your husband can be satisfied that she did a good job.
Secondly you need to start allowing her to bathe herself and then you can maybe supervise or give her a good extra rinsing before she gets out to make sure she has gotten all of the soap and shampoo off.
She still may need help in the morning getting up and dressing for school if you have a schedule to keep but you should start now encouraging her to be as responsible for it as she can b/c what's cute on a 5 y/o is sometimes not cute anymore on a 10 y/o and it'll be here before you know it.
Good luck!

5 is old enough to take care of those things on her own, esp. if she wants to. Both you and your husband should instruct her on proper toothbrushing, and maybe have an egg timer that she uses while she brushes her teeth. Monitor it for a few days. Remind her and check in on her once in a while. I think you are babying her b/c you want another baby. Maybe you could see if you could take care of other kids while you stay home with another baby. That would help take care of your need for income and mothering!

A.,

You have a lot going on that I might actually be able to help you with! I hope. My daughter is now 10 and the years go by fast! I did the same things as you...wanted to do for her, but she is independent too. I found that you need to push them to do for themselves as early as they feel they're ready ~ and she is acting like she is ~ so maybe you could let her do these things with your supervision and instruction until she does it correctly and then just do "spot checks"! If she gets use to you doing it for her, she will never grow and soon become dependent and, believe me, you don't want that! Good luck with it and good luck to your daughter in kindergarten.
Now, as for the "working full time and hating it but need to" stuff...My husband left me and I found myself in that boat. Mary Kay was suggested to me and I really resisted it. However, I did research the company and found it to be a terrific avenue for people like you and me. I am doing it now for 3 1/2 months, I am making money, having time with my daughter and LOVING my life now. It truly is an increadable out for us moms. I can't tell you what a blessing it's been. If you think you want to explore this idea, you should go to www.marykayintouch.com and read up on the opportunities this provides. It's far more than I thought! Then, if you would like, and I don't know where you live, you could contact me and I'll help you get started. I am in the Houston area and my e-mail is ____@____.com (the 2 M's in NOT a type-o) Your daughter will grow to love it too and she can be involved in your business. This company has more women making over 6 figures than any other company in the U.S. It also has more customer loyalty than any other cosmetic company in the U.S.
Ok, enough. You get my point! I hope this works well with your daughter. I did too much for my sons and now one of them is very "needy" and he is 20!
Good luck and God bless.
D.

My daughter is 6 1/2. Last year for kindergarten I tried to teach her to shower on her own but that didn't work too well. So now, she bathes by herself. I help her with the shampoo and conditioner though (only because she doesn't always wash her hair). She brushes her teeth and gets dressed on her own. I think your child is perfectly capable of doing these things on her own. I would still help her every once and a while with the teeth brushing.

5 is definitely old enough. She's a big girl and needs to start doing things on her own. You can still help her out but limit it. The bathing trust her to clean herself but you can come in towards the end to make sure all of the soap is off. Brushing her teeth - show her how to do it properly. She's not going to do it right every time but this is a learning process for her that she needs to do. Dressing in the morning - you can pick out her clothes but lay them on the bed for her to put on and wake her up. My son is now 6 and he's been doing all of these things for at least a year some things he's been doing even before that. For us to get out the door on time I usually have to wake him up by 6:15am and sometimes he is tired and doesn't want to get up but I explain to him that he needs to get ready for school and he's a big boy. I have slacked here and there and dressed him but that was when there was something out of the ordinary and he got to bed late but other than those rare instances he follows the regular routine. Start now so that once school starts she's already in a routine and used to it. You'll probably be surprised at how excited she'll be to do it herself.

my kids are 3 and 7. the 7 year old i fine with everything, and the 3 year old, i let her brush in the morning, telling her, brush every single tooth, front back and side, now stick your tongue out and brush that, etc. she does a decent job. just talk her through it, same with bathing and dressing...awareness helps them with independence!

I know that our pedi dentist says that you shouldn't allow your child to be completely on their own with brushing teeth till like age 7. No matter how smart or independent they are (or would like to be), they can not get the job done as well as an adult. The bathing I would use the same general rule. My daughter like to be able to do things on her own (she's 4), but we compromise. She starts brushing her teeth and we will finish. She has not wanted to bathe herself, yet, but when the time comes...I will always do a once over at the end myself. I think thats just better hygiene, until they are older. Good Luck!

Our dentist recommends that the parents help brush the child's teeth at least until age 7. He also said that our 3 year old should start getting familiar with brushing & so we could start letting him brush his own teeth occasionally in the morning, but not at night. It makes sense. In the morning you've got the mouth full of microbes that have been growing overnight, but in the evening you've got the food particles left over from supper that haven't had a chance to work their way out before bedtime. Leave the food & the bacteria have something to eat. Then the acid producing kind of bacteria do their thing & you have acid sitting on your teeth all night, dissolving them & causing cavities. I'll take bad breath over cavities.

I tend to be a pretty laid-back mom, so remember that when reading this.

My three-year-old brushes her own teeth and bathes herself. She's actually started showering (she knows older brother showers rather than bathes, so she wanted to be like him), which is great. She washes her own hair. She generally dresses herself and in the mornings, we have picked out clothes the night before, so she could do it...she's just not much of a morning person. As for the teeth thing, like I said, I'm pretty laid-back and my husband and I never had major teeth issues, so I say it's probably good enough. I showed her how to do it and monitor her teeth brushing and if I feel like she didn't do it "right" or well enough, I go back and redo it.

My two cents for what it's worth.

hi A.,
yes she is old enough to bath herself just check before she gets out to make sure she gets all the soap,as for teeth have you seen the commercals for that new colgate mouth wash for kids that when they rinse there mouth they can actully see the germs they left behind ,,its cool my grandkids have some it worksso give that a try ,,as for dressing her ,,the night befor you and her need to decide what she wants to wear ,and let her dress her self ,,but you still need to do her hair LOL
good luck L.

I have a 6 year old daughter who is VERY independant...and now a 2 year old who thinks she can do it all on her own too haha....On my oldest I let her brush her teeth...(I put a timer in the bathroom...just a little egg timer and I tell her to turn it over...and do it again....1 min on top and 1 min on bottom. They also have those toothbrushes that play music for the amount of time you are supposed to brush. For bathing I let her bathe herself on nights that she really hasn't done much for that day. I still wash her hair or she will use body wash in it hahah.....did that a couple times...still doesn't understand. I have even let her cook supper. She laid out the chicken nuggets on the tray. Turned the oven on...I jsut put them in. She filled the pot with water, put it on the stove turned it on. I stirred it a couple times and drained and she does the rest to macaroni. I personally feel at her age she should kinda take care of herself alot! but yet still be a kid...Only let her do these if she really wants to. remember she is still a kid...good luck!

My son is 6 years old and I let him start bathing himself and brushing his teeth at 4. I think you are missing out on a little time you could be using on other things, like yourself! You can still be in the bathroom with her, but maybe do a face mask or give yourself a pedicure while she bathes. You should teach her to be independent! Think of how she'll feel when she goes to her first sleepover and the other kids mom has to brush her teeth for her. I think it's time to let your big girl grow up...

I think I was about 4 or 5 when I started. Ask your own mom if you cant remember how old you were. The only thing my parents didnt do was check up to make sure I did the job at all let alone right. My cousin ( a boy ) and my brother both did a tricky " run shower, get hair wet but not bathe." So while babysitting my cousin I remembered my brother doing that. All it takes is saying " let me smell" works for hand washing, shampoohing, teeth brushing, and probley some other things. As far as the soapy body check on her before she gets out. Tell her to call you when she is done in the shower and make sure she has gotten it all off. Our neighbor still wipes her daughter which I think is discusting and babying her daughter because she dosent get it all. Well why would she have to if her momma does it for her? Best of luck.

Well, I will tell you this about kindergarden, they expect the children to be able to self manage pretty much from day one. As far as tooth brushing, I let my kids "brush" by themselves for a few minutes, then I say "let me see if you missed any spots" and I have them open wide and I touch up the hard to reach places (my kids are 1, 4 and 6). This way they are learning to brush on thier own, but they also are getting clean teeth. As far as baths go, my 6 year old has been bathing herself since last summer. She washes up and at the end, I give her a final rinse to make sure she has the soap off (all my kiddos have eczema also). I make sure the water is only slightly warm and use aveeno bath products to help with the itchies. Like I said, I have 3 little ones, so my oldest was kind of forced to do things on her own early, but she has always been independent by nature, so it has been easy for her to make the leap. Hope this is helpful.

You can teach her how to brush her teeth and let her do it on her own every night, and you can do it after her with just water, or you could rotate and do it every other night and let her do it on the odd nights. DH is a dentist and we've had good success with this as our children could eventually do it on their own (I went to brushing theirs every third night, now with our oldest one I do it once a week). Bathing involves more safety, so I think it's good to be in there with her the ENTIRE time, but you can teach her how to wash herself and oversee that she's clean and learning the empowerment of responsibility. Have fun! I'm sure she's adorable.

Hi A., didn't have time to read all the responses so this may be mentioned already but just in case...I think you should definitely let her start doing these things for herself. My daugther is going into Kindgarten this year too so I really understand where you are at but you won't be there to help her in her new "big kid" school and she will be responsible for doing a lot on her own. These are simple things that you can supervise how well she's done them and teach her how to do them on her own. Perhaps you should watch as she does her teeth, help if necessary and then you can tell your husband she did a fine job! Now here's the really important part, if you have dental insurance you should be taking her to get her teeth cleaned every 6 months (usually starting at age 3). If you are able to do this then it will not hurt if she doesn't brush perfectly everyday as long as you keep up with her teeth cleanings. I've been taking my daughter since age 3 so she is not afraid of the dentist and her teeth are very healthy. (Just explain that the dentist is going to clean her teeth with some special tools and that it doesn't hurt so there is nothing to be afraid of). Goodluck!

Hello I'm a mother of three beautiful boys ages 9,7,and 3. I think I might have started letting them do it themselves maybe that age or 6. But my 7 and 9 year old do it themselves, but I still do everything for my three year old and he wants to do things like his big brothers so sometimes I do but I do like your husband and go over it again. So if she is as smart and independent as you say she is she will ahve no problems but I would still oversee her with doing whatever it is she does.

Well I have 3 dd's. My oldest is 6 and my youngest is 8 months. My middle dd is 3.5. My oldest has been brushing her own teeth for about 2 years of more. And my middle one brushes her own teeth too. We bought them the battery powered brushes and just make sure they are brushing tops and bottoms. Sometimes we help the 3yo with hers if she asks for help. They've been dressing themselves since they were 3. I would help pick out clothes, but they put them on on their own. My 6yo doesn't let me pick out her clothes anymore. And my 3yo rarely does.

My 6yo has been bathing herself completely for about a year, I help rinse and dry. My 3yo bathes herself, I help with hair and I rinse and dry.

It is very helpful to me to have my kids be independent and be able to do things on their own.

Your husband is right about that she is too young to fully brush her teeth. I have a son the same age and the dentist recently told me they are not physically able to clean there teeth properly until age 7 or 8 (motor skills). I was shock too! I let him brush his teeth first and then he gives me a turn. When he wants to take a bath by himself I let him in the bathroom with the door open and I'm right around the corner where he can't see me. After sometime passes I come in and take a turn and usually I just wash his private area and rinse him off and that seems to make him happy. Good luck!

We're in the same boat. I have a son who will be going into kinder in Aug. We do the same thing. We're starting to wean away a little at a time. By the time he is 6, he will be doing everything on his own.

Good Luck.

Rosie

Ignoring the age part, my suggestion is to make a chart for younger children on exactly what they need to do. You can do pictures, simple words, or sentences depending on the age group. Laminate it for protection. If a child wants to be more independent, they need to follow the list. You should always monitor bath time no matter what, as children can drown in 2 inches of bath water. Let them follow the list, but you should ALWAYS check (That could be the last thing on the chart!-Call it the parent SNIFF & LOOK TEST-sniff their breath for brushing, check their teeth, hair, etc.) You can make it funny for the younger ones and say that you are DETECTIVE DOG on the job.

My five year old thinks she can do her shower on her own but still comes out with shampoo in it. Needless to say, back she goes. LOL
Have fun!

I agree that there really isn't a specific age at which a child is ready to do certain things on their own. It really depends on the child and how they have developed their fine motor skills.

In my opinion 5 yrs old is old enough to dress themselves. I would suggest to lay her clothes out and allow her to get herself dressed. Most children do this at a much younger age than 5.

As far as the bath, at age 5 I had my son start showers because it is much easier to wash off in a shower. I would soap up his washcloth, allow him to wash himself and rinse and then I would help him wash his hair. Now he is 7 and does it all on his own.

I understand your concern with eczema, my son also has eczema. More important than rinsing the soap is moisturizing afterwards. (We only use all natural soaps.)

On to the teeth brushing, I agree that you should lett her start bruching herself and then finish off to make sure she didn't miss any spots. Just stand there with her and make sure she does a good job. (I think your husband may be over reacting a little on this one.)

Just one note about kindergarten they do expect that the children will be pretty self sufficient. They will also expect her to learn to tie her shoes herself before the end of the school year. So that is another thing you could work with her on.

Good luck!

My son is 6, and I let him take a bath on his own most days without soap. I still do his hair for him at the end. My doctor says save the soapy part for last so his skin isn't soaking in it. For getting dressed, we moved the clothes hanging bar lower so my son can reach the clothes himself. During the summer and weekends, he gets himself dressed, although he often picks clothes that don't match or are backwards. On school days I help him more, especially with socks and underwear, because we are always in a hurry. When my son was 4, he was pretty good at brushing his own teeth. We have an electric toothbrush with a timer, and I would remind him each part of his mouth to brush, and sing a song. But he got a cavity, and the dentist said he's not allowed to do it himself anymore. So now I do it for him for the first part, then after the timer goes off I tell him now it's his turn. Then he uses mouthwash. This way he is still getting practice doing it himself. You'd think having me do it for him and using mouthwash would stop him from getting more cavities- but he got 2 more in the last 6 months.

One important thing I would like to mention is brushing the teeth. Sure, let her brush her own teeth at this age, but my dentist suggested that at least every other or every third day a parent go back over with the tooth brush to make sure thay are not missing any "sugar boogers". So, in other words your hsband has the right idea at least until she is about 6 or 7 yrs old or until she gets a good check up from the dentist saying she is doing a good job on her own. She is your baby still and although very smart and independant, it never hurts check things out. I still do with my almost 13 yr old. Lets face it, there are adults who could still use a little guidance. Best wishes to you letting your baby grow up, it's not easy.

What I would suggest is letting her do them on her own, but be in there with her and really teach her how to properly bathe and brush her teath. Most of the time kids will let you know when they are ready to start doing these things on there own. I haven't been blessed with kids yet, but I do have 9 neices and nephews and I have learned alot from them. Some of them wanted to do everything at an early age and some still need to be bathe. If your daughter is independent then the time is coming where she is going to want to do it all. Just watch her and tell wat she needs to do. I did that with my nephew when he wanted to start taking baths on his own, I just told him what he needed to do, he just wanted someone to wash his hair. 5 is a good age to start teaching them how to do these things. So if you watch her, check her teeth and make sure she did a good job and if she didn't get it all, have her do it again and tell her what she missed. I hope this helps you.

I don't age matters I think whenever a child is ready. Some are ready earlier then others.

First of all your hubby is really cutting into her self confidence by going back over everytime she is brushing her teeth. Maybe suggestions to make it a game. Where he plays the dental fairy. And do a reward of something, like stickers, or go bike riding with her. but if she is still not doing it right maybe give her some lessons while daddy is brushing his teeth. It is something they can do together and maybe make it a contest, not the fastest but the cleanest.