21 answers

What Age Do Parents Give "The Talk"?

I have a 14 year old daughter and i think its about time. . She has her first real boyfriend, and he seems like a nice boy, but having a boyfriend does open the window to sex. I do have a 16 year old daughter, and she has gotten this talk already, numerous times, lol. but do you think i should have her sit-in on this one too? Or should it just be my 14 year old and I? I have talked to her before but not the full talk, just little reminders. What do you moms think??

I know shes knows what sex is, but the whole be safe/STD convo is what im looking to have.

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I think it's past due for these days. Really they suggest to start really having the talk no later than 8 and to fully have it by 11. So, yes ... it's time to have it.

6 moms found this helpful

On a light note, a friend of mine, years ago, had the talk with her daughter, who was probably 11 or 12, and after she explained "where babies come from" the daughter, who had 3 siblings, said, "YUCK, you had to do that 4 times??!!!!!!!

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I think it's past due for these days. Really they suggest to start really having the talk no later than 8 and to fully have it by 11. So, yes ... it's time to have it.

6 moms found this helpful

I have had various versions of "the talk" with my daughter for a year or so now.
She knows that men and boys have penises.
Women and girls have vaginas.
When you are a grown up and in love with someone you may decided to have sex.
Before you have sex you need to protect yourself so that you do not get hurt feelings, so make sure you are in love.
Make sure you wont get sick, so use a condom, and make sure you do not get pregnant until you are done with school and have a job and plenty of money, so use the pill.

She knows that I want her to come to me when she is thinking of having sex, if she is still a teenager, so that I can get her condoms and the pill.

She knows that sex is how a baby is made.
She also knows that you can adopt babies as well.
Any 2 consenting adults can have sex as long as they love each other.

My daughter is 6 and knows all of this.
I would advise you have the talk ASAP with yours before it is too late, (it may be too late as is).
And yes, have the 16 year old there.
I talk about this stuff openly and freely any time my daughter has a question.
I want her to be able to feel comfortable coming to me when the time comes.

6 moms found this helpful

YES, it's time. If she already has a boyfriend, it's PAST time.

5 moms found this helpful

On a light note, a friend of mine, years ago, had the talk with her daughter, who was probably 11 or 12, and after she explained "where babies come from" the daughter, who had 3 siblings, said, "YUCK, you had to do that 4 times??!!!!!!!

4 moms found this helpful

"the talk" at our house actually started out as just random comments when my boys were young. by the time the oldest boy was 18, next boy almost 16 and next boy 10 we had these conversations at dinner, before bed, in the car etc and because we had all ages the conversations were from several perspectives. start early and have them often

a comment to add into this conversation for your daughter is for her to remember to protect herself because she is not just sleeping with him she is sleeping with everyone he has ever messed with.

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I think it should be a continuous conversation. My children have known about body parts etc. since they were able to talk. As for the sex talk and whats expected and appropriate behavior----yes-do it NOW. I would have started way earlier though--at least by 7 or 8. Don't wait any longer---GL

M

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We did it at 9 and found it to be a bit too late. He'd been experimenting with a few of his friends for a few months.

The "Oh... so THAT'S what that is." just. really. isn't. something. you. want. to. hear. as. a. parent.

Don't get me wrong, we'd been talking about sex from several different areas for some time (scientific, emotional, why one waits, etc.)

Silly me. I didn't explain the mechanics of a blowjob. And that that counts as sex. Or fingering. Or... we'll just let it lie at this point, as I think you get my drift. We HAD talked about STDs. But since I didn't do the complete rundown of this and this ALSO equal sex, nor had apparently THEIR parents, it didn't occur to him OR his friends. Because they didn't get that what they were doing were sex acts, and none of them knew not to be doing these things, much less proper precautions. Don't get me wrong, they knew it was taboo....they just didn't know HOW taboo. They were thinking it was more along the lines of kissing/snogging. Your eldest, I'm sure, gets what sex acts are by this time, whether she's known to protect herself or not. My 9yo on the other hand was "I'm not supposed to be doing that! Why didn't you tell me those were part of it?"

Headsmack.

Yes. Please. Give her then ENTIRE rundown.

3 moms found this helpful

My 13 yr old was reading this over my shoulder & thinks that your 16 yr may be able to speak w/your 14 yr old & be a little more straightforward with her then you could be. And to maybe do so in a way that she doesn't think it is coming from you. Believe me, I used to drive 6 7th graders home from school every day & the stuff they talked about not only amazed me, but I honestly had to google some of the stuff so I knew what the heck they were talking about. And it was scary! Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Your 16 and 14 yr old probably know more than you ever imagined.

We have a 16 tr old and our "talks" started when she was a toddler, able to communicate and began with topics to her level.

We've had wide open communication from day 1 probably because my mom was a prude who only speak of sex being dirty.

When I was 12, she was in a bad car accident and at the hospital she was freaking out because I saw her " privates". Good Grief woman, we women are made alIke down there with a few differences. Gees

I was shocked my mom was that way and thank God I didn't get that mentality.

Talking starts early, progresses with age. My daughter (16) has a bf of 10 months now. It's a joke lol around here but when she leaves I simply say...

A baby is a wonderful gift but huge responsibility... Just remember it would throw a huge wrench into your college and study abroad plan. I get the long drawn out Mmooooommmmm (mom)

That said one of her best friends has an 18 yr old sister with a 2 yr old and that is a wake up call to daughter to actually see this mom being mom instead of being the social college kid she could have been. The baby is spoiled rotten, beautiful and loved by all.

3 moms found this helpful

We had the first full talk at 8 years old with our daughter and continued every once in a while after that.

Each time we saw a pregnant teen, we discussed choices, the changes in her life and how to respect ourselves.

3 moms found this helpful

It's not that bad if you start young and have great conversations where everyone participates. It's not "the talk"...it's ongoing communication between the family. I agree is is late, she has already heard a ton of stuff from other children. It is our responsibility to have the be safe, STI conversations, how to escape if necessary and how to make the decision for her. I have always worked in medical testing but now am with a large clinical testing labs...we get great things meant for us to learn that we make all of our pre-teens and teens listen to....and the pictures!! Gotta love 'em! We also bring home devices used to gather specimens...love to show my daughter's boyfriend the male urethra swabs!!

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Hi M.,
I think you're somewhat behind on this one, so yes, you should have the talk immediately, especially since she has a boyfriend now. I would also do it one-on-one with your 14 yo, without the 16 yo there. This will allow your 14 yo some privacy and feel more comfortable asking questions.

3 moms found this helpful

My oldest son was 7. He had questions about why girls sit to pee and boys stand and one thing led to another and honesty's the policy here, so he got quite the education.

My second son, it was more casual here and there and I really think his brother shared the info.

My daughter knows is almost 11 and she knows mostly through casual conversation we have with questions she has sprinkled in here and there.

We are a very open family in regard to these conversations.

3 moms found this helpful

Hmmm. I think I would opt for a special talk during a walk in the woods or over an ice cream cone just the two of you (or in the car during a drive so you are alone and you don't necessarily have to look at one another). When you are done, you could ask whether she would like her sister to join in on an expanded discussion. I suspect kids like special, individual time alone with moms once in a while.

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Oh man, I am not looking forward to this! Granted, I have no experience in this yet but I bet she's already talked about this with the older sister. If it were me, I would talk to her alone but be open to including others (her sister, a medical professional) if it would help.

Good luck to both of you!

2 moms found this helpful

the best thing i ever did for my younger sister was taking her to a homeless shelter for teen mothers. you can talk to the kid till you are blue in the face about birth control and making adult decisions, but nothing shows a teen the consequences of bad sexual decisions faster then letting then see where alot of teen mothers end up.
K. h.

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At 14, I'm sure she already knows way more than you think! I had to have the talk with my DD when she was 8 and asked me if her uncle and aunt were having sex (they were making out).

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Do it now... I have heard that you should start around age 9-10 nowadays because there is so much in the world that will educate your child. Do you want the world to educate your child about it or you with your values?

I think keeping that talk open to disscussion all the time is a good idea, that way they feel the comfort level of being able to talk to you about anything. It is time for a big talk.

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Nowadays the schools beat you by a couple of years, but just so she doesn't feel funny talking to her mother perhaps just on her own.
To fastforward my son was watching television, a somewhat neutral comedy recently was on with I guess a couple of flashes of nudity. My son left the room when I clearly wouldn't as I hadn't seen this part. He is twentyone. I couldn't figure out what I had done. It turns out there is still integrity in the world. He said that he left because he knew what was coming and he was embarrassed to be with his mom when it came on. There is still integrity in the world. When you teach your children that this is an important element in life and is not to be ridiculted (as in making sure it will be special with or without your other daughter present) I think it pays back in this way. Good luck!

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Get the books by "American Girl." The Care & Keeping Of You, etc.
About their body. But then your girl probably already knows about her changing body I assume. So maybe she doesn't need it. Its not about sex per say.
Easy to read.
Child friendly.
For these ages.
Also to be read with Mom.
Not graphic but informative.

Look online or at Amazon or Barnes and Noble etc.

Just make any talk, with only your 14 year old.

Let me tell you, that when I was that age... girls/boys... would go and make-out and grope and other things.

2 moms found this helpful

Its way PAST the time to talk to her. 9-10 is when "the talk" should begin. At 14, she has already learned about sex and STD's in school and from her peers.

1 mom found this helpful

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