Weening a Toddler?

Hi K.!
My son was nearly 3 when I weaned him with the "countdown method". I don't remember where I learned it but it seemed to work for us. Basically you let your daughter know that she can nurse until you get to the number 10 (or whatever number you choose). When she starts nursing you start counting out loud. Gradually as time goes by drop the number until she's only nursing til you get to the number 1. After that my son would still want me to lay down with him for a bit at nap time and I used the same method for that. The nice thing about the countdown method for nursing is that your milk supply will reduce gradually and you won't be left feeling uncomfortable.

I understand the social pressures you are feeling but believe me you are doing a great thing for your daughter and don't let anyone tell you any different. I weaned my older 2 children before they were a year old and I feel that my relationship with my youngest is much different BECAUSE I nursed him for so much longer. Enjoy these times with your daughter. They go by all too quickly!!!

Hi and I think you are doing a wonderful thing. Your post could have come from me!!! We are in the exact same situation. My second little girl will be 2 on Monday and just loves to nurse. I want to let her self-wean but social pressure is very strong. Generally I have stopped talking about it to other people because most people think that I am strange. She has cut out most of her daily nursing on her own (the only thing I did was to offer her something else to eat or drink when she would ask) and there was never a single tear over it. If she would not accept something else and cried, I would nurse her. Some days she nurses before her nap and some days she does not. Nights are harder. She nurses before bed, once during the night and again in the morning. This is actually really good for us. We all went to Arizona the first week in May. She had been cosleeping up until then and nursing several times each night until then and while in AZ. When we got home, she started sleeping in her crib until 3am - 5am every day and is still doing this. Again, there was never a tear. She just started doing it on her own. She had not slept in her crib for more than 1-2 hours before this. My point in sharing this is that I guess they really do make changes as they are ready. I do not know many people who practice child-led weaning but those that I do know have told me that they will sleep on their own and wean when they are ready and it will be easy. My husband and I were doubting it as age 2 approached. But with all these sudden changes, we are believing.

Listen here you breastfeed as long as you and your little girl is comfortable and tell other bug off it's not their breast. Sorry for the harsh words but it time people realise the breast feed kids are best fed. She sound like she is already weening just speak to her and let her choose it will be less painful for you and your breast will respond in kind by producing less and less milk gradually to none at all when she stops. But you go for all the bonding that you can get. they grow up to fast and when they ween themselves, they are so much more independent and confident people. my son weened at 36 months and i suffered the same comments until i spoke up.

Lots of luck J. B.

My son self weened. There are signs that she is getting to that point. If it doesn't bother you that she still nurses don't let social pressure deny you that emotional bonding time. My son breastfed till three and he decided to stop. I got it from family, friends, and co-workers my response was if he's not sucking on your breast don't worry about it, its my and my sons choice on when he stops. When he decided we stopped. Most of it is the emotional comfort and bonding they receive from it. Just go with it and it sounds like she might be close to ended it herself. As long as you are still okay with it. My son never really drank milk even now at 5 1/2. He eats yogurt and cheese but raw milk he loves!!! 2-3 glasses at once. You can try it. Good luck and do what you think is best for you both don't let others decide for you. In the end both you and your child win all the benefits.

Hi K.,

My daughter slowly weened herself overtime. Around the time she was two, I had her nurse at naptime and at bedtime and first thing in the morning. She eventually nursed just nursed first thing in the morning and just before bed but that lasted for just a minute each. She was 3 1/2 when she stopped and only because I got caught in Oklahoma in an ice storm.:(
Now I have a little baby boy and I plan to nurse till he decides he's done. I've just learned that when you go by their timetable, life is so much easier. She potty trained when she was ready just before age 3 and she was ready for her own bed shortly after 2.

E. P.

My daughter is 16 mos and is still breastfed mostly for naps but does ask for the occasional "sip" here and there....
I too get the social pressure of being expected to wean. Everyone always tells me that she is too old - mean while their 3 yr old still has a bottle and a pacifier.... please tell me the logic in that one????

As for weaning, if your not ready - then it is up to you to ignore it (hard to do but I always brush it off when people ask about it - but I have a strong personality and people usually back off if I have my mind made up about something)
When in public try to distract her, always have a sippy cup ready and snacks (this works for me). As for taking away her nap/ bed time nursing... this is routine for her and it will take a while to change. I am in the process of attempting to night wean (that middle of the night feeding... oh boy).

But if you really feel pressured and want to start the weaning process - I suggest taking away the nap time nursing. Save the bed time one for last... I'm saying this b/c personally I think I am afraid of what it will be like if I took that away first! LOL.

Check these out too:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_faqs.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_techniques.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/toddlernursing.html

Good luck & keep in touch.... I am curious to know what works for others as I will wean one day too.

PS: Congratulations on the continued nursing..... she is very lucky.

Hi K., I had the same "problem" as you. While nursing my son into toddlerhood, I was getting pressure from a couple girlfriends and even my husband, that it was time to stop. My Mom is really the only one who supported me on this. I truly could not picture my son ever NOT breastfeeding. He loved it so much, and it gave him so much comfort and excellent nourishment. He did stop on his own, but it took a while. He was 3-1/2 when he completely weaned himself off. In small steps, like your daughter, he would become less interested during certain times of the day while he was busy or having fun doing other things. Bed time and nap time was our main quiet time to nurse during the later years. I will never regret the years spent nursing. It truly creates such a bond between mother and child. My husband now understands the extended nursing, and one of my critic girlfriends has a little girl now who is still nursing at 3 years old - so she finally gets it! Just enjoy, don't worry. Use your own instinct - you alone know what is best for you and your daughter.I promise - she won't be nursing when she starts kindergarten!

K.

Follow your heart, don't let anybody pressure you. Self -led is the best kind from my travels. Children usually go backwards before going forward, so her fussiness and clinginess are a sign she just needs you a bit more on those days. Good for you for nursing this long. Some moms keep feedings at naps and bed time, only you can decide what is best for your family. Good luck. P. Pace

stop with the feelings of social pressure
the WHO recommends 2 years of breastfeeding at minimum and the world age for weaning is around 4
breastfeeding is a 2 way street if you are both satified with the relationship I see no need to change if you aor your baby is interested in weaning then it is time to come up with a plan. when babies are ready to wean there is no need to "replace" the breast so no need for trials of hemp/goat milk etc. just go on with something else.
Good luck to you and your decisions
K.
wife, mother doctor, breastfeeder (to a toddler)

I'm not sure I have any specific advice, just support that it can be done! I am currently nursing my 4th child who is 19 months old. I have exclusively nursed all four of my children and, to this point, all of them have self-weaned. My first nursed until he was 19 months old, my second until he was 12 months (he was such a busy guy - nursing just tied him down!), and my third until he was 27 months. With all of them, the weaning process was very gradual. The baby/toddler dropped one feeding at a time until it just stopped all together. There was no great fanfare -- I never even knew the last time was THE last time. By the end I was only nursing in private since the last 2 feedings were before bed and first thing in the morning, so I wasn't too worried about public opinion. Besides, as someone who practices attachment parenting (ala Dr. Sears!), I had to learn early on not to worry about public opinion since most of what you hear is exactly opposite that. So I guess my only actual advice is that if you are comfortable with it, let your toddler be your guide and the weaning will happen naturally and at the perfect time. Good luck!

Weaning is something you have to decide you want to do, and not because of what other people say. I nursed my son till he self-weaned when I was pregnant, he was just over 3. However, we set limits to his nursing that I was comfortable with-- we did lots of talking about it, too.

Anytime my son was sick, which was rare, I was so grateful to still be nursing, and he's such a fussy eater, I was glad that I could count on a bit of his nutrition coming from breastm8lk

So first I'd decide if you want to wean or if child-led weaning sounds like a good option. Child led weaning means that you, especially at this age, can still set limits so that you are comfortable.

Recommendations on facilitating weaning depend on how verbal and expressive your daughter is-- for example she might be able ot be included in the process more if she is good at talking with you. Some people are able to set a date, for example, with the child and work to that, gradually stopping weaning and then having a bit of a celebration. You already sound like you have a good idea of how iti works, by distracton and finding ohter things to replace it. But make sure you find lots of extra cuddle time and be willing to adjust if you sense your daughter getting stressed out by it.

LLL and your library might have a copy of the book How Weaning Happens if you are initerested in a good reference, actually most breastfeeding books have info on weaning.

There's nothing wrong with letting your child nurse as long as you want to, so you might just be willing to just tell others to butt out, lol. It seems like your dd is already nursing infrequently and the beauty of a toddler nursing is how they use it to connect to you when they really need it- and it gives them practice to realize they need a break from situations before they melt down completly. After nursing use that time to talk about what was going on and soon you'll see dd coming for that and not just to nurse.

Good luck!

Jess

Hi K.,

Follow your heart. If you don't think your daughter is ready to ween, then listen to her, as long as you feel you can support the demand. Social pressures are rough, especially when they are based on superficial societal judgements (ie, breastfeeding is gross and don't do it in public or at all with any child older than 6 months).

I weened my daughter when she was 3. The world average for weening is 4! Between 2 and 3 I limited nursing to mornings and nights (wake up and before bed) and that provided a wonderful time to bond and wind down from days, especially since she was more independent and active at that age. It allowed us the time to sit quietly, look at each other and breath together.

Don't push yourself to ween if you aren't ready. I found alot of people appreciated my dedication to nurse my daughter through toddlerhood, even if they didn't.

When I did wean on her third birthday, we talked alot about it in the days leading up. We had a special last night "milkies" and it was honestly a pretty clean break. I think at 3 she was also able to understand that she was a big girl now. 2 is tough because they are going through so much turmoil with their behavior anyway and I think nursing can help offer that constant reassurance of love and presence when it seems like they are being told "no" around every corner.

All in all, follow your heart and don't let social pressures tell you what to do with your kids. You only get to raise them once!

Good luck!
~Liza
30 yo full-time working, single mother of 4.5 year old girl.

Don't worry about it.... My oldest child weaned (but we were using bottles, too) at about 9 months and wanted bottles until she was about 2 and a half. My middle daughter (exclusively breastfed) weaned about 2 and a half (another baby arrived in the house). My youngest is 4 now and still asks to nurse at night, but it is more of a quick habit (less than 3 minutes total) and part of her nighttime routine. I am confident that this will be gone soon, but like you, I don't tell the world about it..... As your child gets busy and involved in things, she will forget and move on!

I breastfed all 3 of my children until at some point they weened. My oldest decided she was all done at 15 months, the middle at 18 months and my son until 20-21 months. I too had the social pressure of being "done already" with nursing. I also got the why are you breastfeeding then we can't feed the kids too. All I can say is hang in there and do what you and your child need. At the end of my nursing, the babies usually fed 1-2 times a day, usually first in the morning and right before bed. It sounds like she's getting there. We also had a boppy pillow that they knew if it was out they might get nursed. Towards the end, I ended up hiding the pillow. They all turned out fine. I didn't have any trouble with them changing from breast milk to cows milk though. I hope all goes well for you.

My daughter self-weened so i do not know your struggle, but it sounds like she may be doing that already if she is skipping feedings when she is playing. That is what my daughter did. I use to read to her before bedtime/naptime and one day she just reached for the books instead of wanting to nurse. I put her in bed and that continued off and on for awhile, sometimes she would nurse and sometimes not. The bedtime feeding sounds like it is always last to go...you are on your way. Hang in there.

Ah, social pressures. I never thought I could do it, but I nursed A. until recently; she's 4 years old and last month started to self-wean! 25 days and counting :-) We have had a great nursing experience, so I was reluctant to initiate weaning.

At age two, you can start setting limits; I told her that [na na] wanted privacy, so we didn't nurse in public anymore, and at home, if she wanted to nurse when family or friends were around, we nursed in another room; the PP's countdown method is a good strategy too. I also read somewhere that breastmilk changes for toddlerhood, as children are eating solids, and as you are down to a few nursings a day, you are not malnourishing her, it's more of comfort-nursing.

She doesn't like milk, so how about other dairy products for calcium? Cheeses (hard, soft, cottage), yogurts. It took my daughter awhile to like whole milk; we started trying around 1 yr and we got lucky with Stonybrook Organic Whole Milk ((I thing it's Stonybrook- yellow carton with a cow on it) and eventually, she would drink 2% milk when we at restaurants.

I recommend the book, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler; it bolstered my confidence.

You are doing and have done a wonderful thing by nursing your daughter! I would try to limit it to bedtime and then eventually cut that out. Shes only 2 so its hard for her to really understand whats going on. She might be clingy for a few days, so maybe some extra cudling so she gets the closeness shes accustomed too.
I have a friend who nursed her daughter until she was 4 every morning and night. It worked for her- it was their bonding time. You just have to figure out what works for you and your daughter.
Good luck...oh yeah. Did you talk to your pediatrician about it?

K.....

I'm a first time mother of a 2 1/2 yr old who is STILL breastfeeding. I had a natural childbirth and Lily took to nursing in the first 20 minutes. There is so much to say.... First, do YOU want to stop? I have felt the EXACT same social pressures from friends, family etc. What has gotten me through it is an inner voice telling me that indeed it is the BEST thing for her and joining a breastfeeding support group who SUPPORTS me in my decision and shares my experience. I don't know where you are located, but I will tell you that I live in Falmouth and have found a great group of women that have been a tremendous help. If you are interested, email me back and I will give you more details. In addition, let me say a few things. I'm sure you know how the breast is a security blanket now and can fix many a boo-boo, not to mention the bond. My husband travel out of the country often and it is gotten me through problems while on the road or soothed an overtired little girl. My daughter has a severe G.I. intolerence to milk and soy protein along with a super sensitivity to anything from hummus to spinach, etc. All the healthy things that I really want to eat, I must eat miminally or at least not too late in the day, to not upset her nighttime sleep. I still nurse her to sleep as well as on demand and I must admit there are times when I am soooooo over it. I joke that she is a "booby addict". But because of her food intolerances, the breast has been a source of something for her when she won't take to the rice milk I offer her. All in all, my point is this....LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, if you want to continue this, don't cave to social pressures. They don't understand and won't unless they walk in your shoes. That's the way I've had to look at it, especially when people like my best friend and my mother and mother in-law say "don't you think it is time you wean her?". Well it is not that easy and I take solice in knowing that she will not be using as a grade schooler but she will only be little for a flash and I'm going to give her what she wants and what is best for her, as long as I can take it. Most of the women I've spoken to in the support group say children like "ours" give it up around 3 yrs of age. This country has it backwards. In most other countries, it is NOT unusual for children to breastfeed well into toddlerhood. Best of luck to you with whatever your decision.

Hi,
I gently encouraged my son to wean at 35 months. I did the "don't offer, don't refuse" method for quite some time. Eventually he was down to nursing 2-4 x per week. At that point I'd try to distract him and if that didn't work I'd just say that I didn't have any milk or I'd say no. If he got really upset I'd let him nurse. It really went pretty smoothly.

I'd say if you only want to wean due to social pressure, don't bother. If you both still want to nurse then nurse away! It still has tremendous benefits for toddlers both physical and emotional and it isn't anyone else's business anyway! She won't nurse forever but it is pretty rare for children to self wean before the age of 2.

Now, if you are truly ready to wean maybe you can try some of the distraction techniques?

Good luck!

If people give you pressure you can tell them that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until age 2, and in many countries it is considered the norm to breastfeed toddlers. You have done a great job with your daughter and you should be so proud!

I have not weaned my son yet but we are starting to cut down on feedings (he is 14 months) La Leche League is a great resource and I think they'd be glad to give you some advice if you call a local chapter, their website is lalecheleague.org. Maybe a snack/drink or some lying down together cuddling in place of the missed feeding would work. Good luck!

I need the same help????-H.

Dear K.,

My kids are now nine and six, so this was all a long time ago for me, but I just had to respond as I feel so strongly about this. If you are enjoying the nursing and its working for you please don't give it up! It is really such a wonderful bond and as you get out and about more the convenience is unbeatable. I know there has been debate about nursing in public. I was able to do it relatively discreetly and never, never encountered any problems. I nursed my first to 13 months and my second to 2 years. Yes, at 8 or 9 months some babies do ween themselves, partly because they can't focus on the "boob" any more because they are too busy wanting to check out the world, but at 2 months that doesn't happen. Please see a lactation consultant if you think that you are having some kind of nursing problem. I live in a neighborhood where most of the women nursed their children until up to a year or more. There are many nursing mothers out there, for whatever reason, they just may not be in your community. As my kids got older they ate more solids and needed less and less milk. Nursing just became a bed time and nap time routine and they weened pretty easily...they were just ready. So, please weigh in the health benefits, everytime you open a newspaper these days there is an article about it and if $ is an issue, figure out how much you would spend on formula (the good stuff is not cheap!!). You might want to introduce a bottle of formula for just once a day so you can leave the baby for a few hours and have some time off. Good luck and find some other nursing mothers, they are certainly out there!

Hi K.,
First, congratulations for giving your daughter a very special gift. I commended you for giving of your time and effort to give her what is now the recommended length of time of breast feeding.

Now to your question - If it is truly the right time for you and her to wean, and not because other people think you should wean her, then there are a number of books and support groups on Yahoo to help you. To give an example I know of several mom's that set up "weaning parties" for their children to encourage them to wean.

If you would like the list of books and/or groups drop me an email and I'd be happy to send them to you.
Sincerely,
S. McCann
____@____.com

Wow! Lots of responses.
I'm with the group that says continue until you and/or your daughter choose to stop. But, if you're ready, don't feel guilty about it. Breastfeeding for 2 years is a huge accomplishment!
I too hoped for a self-weaner, but didn't get one. My daughter gradually stopped except for morning, nap and bedtime. If I wasn't there, she was fine; if I was, she wanted to nurse. I was able to wean my daughter just after she turned 2 while on vacation. I had my husband to all the wake up and bedtimes and when we got home I told her I didn't have any more milk. She was perfectly fine.
I will say, weaning during vacation could have backfired if she needed the comfort and consistency inherently lacking in vacations. But, for us it worked; clearly she was ready.
As for your daughter's milk intake, talk with her pediatrician, but it's my understanding that if she'll eat other dairy products (yogurt, cheese, cottage cheese) she's probably OK.
Good luck with whatever path you choose!
J.

Just wanted to say thanks to K. for posting this question and thanks to everyone else for posting the great responses. My daughter is 13 months old and still nurses at bedtime and first thing in the morning, as well as sometimes before her nap on the weekends. She also refuses milk, but absolutely loves cheese and does okay with yogurt. Reading all the responses reinforced for me that we are very "normal" and can keep going like this as long as we are both comfortable with it. What a nice feeling of support & kinship! :)

Hi K.,

I just want to let you know that you are not alone. My son is 2 and he loves nursing so much I don't think he will give it up anytime soon. I also feel pressure to stop but it still feels right to nurse. I've read that you should just let your child wean when they want. I would love to read some of the advice from other moms if you don't mind.

Following the crowd is really overrated!

Good Luck,
Allie

Hi K.,
My son self weened at 18 mos. It was a slow process over a couple of months. I would offer it at certain times of the day and he just started cutting feedings one by one. One day at 18 months he bit me (maybe telling me he didn't want to?) and at that point I stopped offering it and he never asked for it. He also does not drink milk but he has lots of cheese and yogurt.
My mom said to me regarding nursing, as long as both mother and child are a happy nursing couple then it is good. Go with your gut feeling and what feels good for you two. It's unfortunate that you have the social pressure to deal with. You could try contacting La Leche League for added support or questions.
Good Luck!
R.

I never breast fed any of my children but I have to say, you know the pressure your feeling, is it guilt? She will always be your baby but there is a point that you have to let that go. As far as supplements for milk, have you tried Soy Milk? My son who had food allergies to Milk & Casein, had to have Soy. The Very Vanilla he loves and now at 5 I cannot get him to drink regular milk if my life depended on it. The Dr. told me that it's fine for him and it's actually very healthy for him. He does eat yogurt, cheese and I do mix 2% in his oatmeal, just to get him some normal milk. But he is happy and healthy and they make "milk boxes" for the lunch box (Wholefoods & BJ's carry this product) and when we go places or to the beach I pack him his milk and he is so excited!! Just remember weening is hard no matter what it is -- mother's guilt will always kick into high gear but it sounds like you know it's time to let that piece go.

Good Luck!

Hi K.! First of all, good for you for breastfeeding for so long! Who cares what anyone else thinks? I don't think you have to worry though, about her being malnorished without breastmilk. She probably just misses the snuggle time. That can obviously be done without nursing. My suggestion is to start with a very small amount of sugar free chocolate syrup to get her to like milk. It will sweeten it just a touch so it is more like breastmilk. My friend did that with all three of her extended breastfed babies, and within a week or two, had them weaned to totally plain milk. She may actually need to be drinking milk to get all the calcuim she needs. I don't know what her other dairy eating habits are, but I'm sure you and your dr. are on top of it anyway. Good Luck Honey!

Hi,

I agree that if you are only weaning because others think you should, then don't bother. Do it as long as you want. I nursed my son until he was 20 months old, at which point I decided that I needed to be done. He only nursed at night. It took about a week, and it was hard. When he wanted to nurse at night, my husband took him downstairs to rock him to sleep. I felt bad, but I felt much better when it was over. I was going to wait until he weaned himself, but like I said, I was done. I am now still nursing my daughter, who is 14 months. We'll see how it goes with her! I am hoping for a self wean on her!

My daughter used me as a pacifier a lot of te time when she was smaller. She grew out of that. When she was old enough to eat regular foods during the day, we both just decided it was a nap and night time thing Then she was REALLY hurting me and leaving me purple, so I tried to stop but mu huby couldn't take it. So I continued until one night when I was in tears b/c it hurt so bad and called him over to "see" what she had done in nursing. He came behind me then and was more prepared to deal with my stopping. Having him behind me made all the difference and helped me a lot. I never nursed again from that night. It was cold turkey for us. She did fine and I knew she was only doing it to help her fall asleep, so she wasn't missing any nurishment. So as long as your sure she's eating enough, go for it. Mine isn't too big on milk unless it's in her cereal or flavored. I have gone to soy vanilla or chocolate flavors. Sometimes if we're out and she see's a strawberry milk she wants that. Otherwise, she isn't much into milk. She's growing fine so the DR says it's okay.

It's certainly not bad for her to keep nursing, and as long as you're not pregnant now, I don't see any harm in it. Good for you for caring so much!

K.,
Keep your standards and don't give in to peer pressure.
My daughtres both weaned at 14 months but my son (the "baby") was 2 and a half. He was definately harder but it is so simple when you decide you are done. If you are indecicive, which you are because you are asking for advice, you may not be ready. Don't rush it. With all of mine I decreased the feedings slowly, so what if they don't like any milk, they dont need it. With Anthony I finally said "Mommy's Empty" he fussed a few times but it is easier than you think when you know you are done. If she sleeps with you that could be a problem, I had y husband lay down with him and I slept somewhere else for a few days. Good Luck. S.

My son was similar, he nursed until age 2. We just gradually cut back until he was only nursing once a day, in the evening. I found that "out of sight out of mind" was a painless approach - he didn't miss nursing if he was staying at grandma and grandpa's for a night. Then 2 nights. What finally stopped the nursing altogether was taking a trip for 5 days, while my son stayed with grandparents.
I was tired of nursing after two years - if you aren't, ignore the social pressure and wait til you're ready.

My son weaned himself at 15 months...one day he was just done. (Though about a month later he lifted my shirt and wanted to drink...I told him it was too late then).
My playgroup leader told us that she weaned her children (5) by reading to them when they were nursing. After a while they are more interested in the book than nursing.