Weening a Toddler?

Hi K.!
My son was nearly 3 when I weaned him with the "countdown method". I don't remember where I learned it but it seemed to work for us. Basically you let your daughter know that she can nurse until you get to the number 10 (or whatever number you choose). When she starts nursing you start counting out loud. Gradually as time goes by drop the number until she's only nursing til you get to the number 1. After that my son would still want me to lay down with him for a bit at nap time and I used the same method for that. The nice thing about the countdown method for nursing is that your milk supply will reduce gradually and you won't be left feeling uncomfortable.

I understand the social pressures you are feeling but believe me you are doing a great thing for your daughter and don't let anyone tell you any different. I weaned my older 2 children before they were a year old and I feel that my relationship with my youngest is much different BECAUSE I nursed him for so much longer. Enjoy these times with your daughter. They go by all too quickly!!!

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Hi K.,

Follow your heart. If you don't think your daughter is ready to ween, then listen to her, as long as you feel you can support the demand. Social pressures are rough, especially when they are based on superficial societal judgements (ie, breastfeeding is gross and don't do it in public or at all with any child older than 6 months).

I weened my daughter when she was 3. The world average for weening is 4! Between 2 and 3 I limited nursing to mornings and nights (wake up and before bed) and that provided a wonderful time to bond and wind down from days, especially since she was more independent and active at that age. It allowed us the time to sit quietly, look at each other and breath together.

Don't push yourself to ween if you aren't ready. I found alot of people appreciated my dedication to nurse my daughter through toddlerhood, even if they didn't.

When I did wean on her third birthday, we talked alot about it in the days leading up. We had a special last night "milkies" and it was honestly a pretty clean break. I think at 3 she was also able to understand that she was a big girl now. 2 is tough because they are going through so much turmoil with their behavior anyway and I think nursing can help offer that constant reassurance of love and presence when it seems like they are being told "no" around every corner.

All in all, follow your heart and don't let social pressures tell you what to do with your kids. You only get to raise them once!

Good luck!
~L.
30 yo full-time working, single mother of 4.5 year old girl.

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I breastfed all 3 of my children until at some point they weened. My oldest decided she was all done at 15 months, the middle at 18 months and my son until 20-21 months. I too had the social pressure of being "done already" with nursing. I also got the why are you breastfeeding then we can't feed the kids too. All I can say is hang in there and do what you and your child need. At the end of my nursing, the babies usually fed 1-2 times a day, usually first in the morning and right before bed. It sounds like she's getting there. We also had a boppy pillow that they knew if it was out they might get nursed. Towards the end, I ended up hiding the pillow. They all turned out fine. I didn't have any trouble with them changing from breast milk to cows milk though. I hope all goes well for you.

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You are doing and have done a wonderful thing by nursing your daughter! I would try to limit it to bedtime and then eventually cut that out. Shes only 2 so its hard for her to really understand whats going on. She might be clingy for a few days, so maybe some extra cudling so she gets the closeness shes accustomed too.
I have a friend who nursed her daughter until she was 4 every morning and night. It worked for her- it was their bonding time. You just have to figure out what works for you and your daughter.
Good luck...oh yeah. Did you talk to your pediatrician about it?

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K.....

I'm a first time mother of a 2 1/2 yr old who is STILL breastfeeding. I had a natural childbirth and Lily took to nursing in the first 20 minutes. There is so much to say.... First, do YOU want to stop? I have felt the EXACT same social pressures from friends, family etc. What has gotten me through it is an inner voice telling me that indeed it is the BEST thing for her and joining a breastfeeding support group who SUPPORTS me in my decision and shares my experience. I don't know where you are located, but I will tell you that I live in Falmouth and have found a great group of women that have been a tremendous help. If you are interested, email me back and I will give you more details. In addition, let me say a few things. I'm sure you know how the breast is a security blanket now and can fix many a boo-boo, not to mention the bond. My husband travel out of the country often and it is gotten me through problems while on the road or soothed an overtired little girl. My daughter has a severe G.I. intolerence to milk and soy protein along with a super sensitivity to anything from hummus to spinach, etc. All the healthy things that I really want to eat, I must eat miminally or at least not too late in the day, to not upset her nighttime sleep. I still nurse her to sleep as well as on demand and I must admit there are times when I am soooooo over it. I joke that she is a "booby addict". But because of her food intolerances, the breast has been a source of something for her when she won't take to the rice milk I offer her. All in all, my point is this....LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, if you want to continue this, don't cave to social pressures. They don't understand and won't unless they walk in your shoes. That's the way I've had to look at it, especially when people like my best friend and my mother and mother in-law say "don't you think it is time you wean her?". Well it is not that easy and I take solice in knowing that she will not be using as a grade schooler but she will only be little for a flash and I'm going to give her what she wants and what is best for her, as long as I can take it. Most of the women I've spoken to in the support group say children like "ours" give it up around 3 yrs of age. This country has it backwards. In most other countries, it is NOT unusual for children to breastfeed well into toddlerhood. Best of luck to you with whatever your decision.

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Hi,
I gently encouraged my son to wean at 35 months. I did the "don't offer, don't refuse" method for quite some time. Eventually he was down to nursing 2-4 x per week. At that point I'd try to distract him and if that didn't work I'd just say that I didn't have any milk or I'd say no. If he got really upset I'd let him nurse. It really went pretty smoothly.

I'd say if you only want to wean due to social pressure, don't bother. If you both still want to nurse then nurse away! It still has tremendous benefits for toddlers both physical and emotional and it isn't anyone else's business anyway! She won't nurse forever but it is pretty rare for children to self wean before the age of 2.

Now, if you are truly ready to wean maybe you can try some of the distraction techniques?

Good luck!

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Ah, social pressures. I never thought I could do it, but I nursed A. until recently; she's 4 years old and last month started to self-wean! 25 days and counting :-) We have had a great nursing experience, so I was reluctant to initiate weaning.

At age two, you can start setting limits; I told her that [na na] wanted privacy, so we didn't nurse in public anymore, and at home, if she wanted to nurse when family or friends were around, we nursed in another room; the PP's countdown method is a good strategy too. I also read somewhere that breastmilk changes for toddlerhood, as children are eating solids, and as you are down to a few nursings a day, you are not malnourishing her, it's more of comfort-nursing.

She doesn't like milk, so how about other dairy products for calcium? Cheeses (hard, soft, cottage), yogurts. It took my daughter awhile to like whole milk; we started trying around 1 yr and we got lucky with Stonybrook Organic Whole Milk ((I thing it's Stonybrook- yellow carton with a cow on it) and eventually, she would drink 2% milk when we at restaurants.

I recommend the book, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler; it bolstered my confidence.

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My daughter self-weened so i do not know your struggle, but it sounds like she may be doing that already if she is skipping feedings when she is playing. That is what my daughter did. I use to read to her before bedtime/naptime and one day she just reached for the books instead of wanting to nurse. I put her in bed and that continued off and on for awhile, sometimes she would nurse and sometimes not. The bedtime feeding sounds like it is always last to go...you are on your way. Hang in there.

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Don't worry about it.... My oldest child weaned (but we were using bottles, too) at about 9 months and wanted bottles until she was about 2 and a half. My middle daughter (exclusively breastfed) weaned about 2 and a half (another baby arrived in the house). My youngest is 4 now and still asks to nurse at night, but it is more of a quick habit (less than 3 minutes total) and part of her nighttime routine. I am confident that this will be gone soon, but like you, I don't tell the world about it..... As your child gets busy and involved in things, she will forget and move on!

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Hi K., I had the same "problem" as you. While nursing my son into toddlerhood, I was getting pressure from a couple girlfriends and even my husband, that it was time to stop. My Mom is really the only one who supported me on this. I truly could not picture my son ever NOT breastfeeding. He loved it so much, and it gave him so much comfort and excellent nourishment. He did stop on his own, but it took a while. He was 3-1/2 when he completely weaned himself off. In small steps, like your daughter, he would become less interested during certain times of the day while he was busy or having fun doing other things. Bed time and nap time was our main quiet time to nurse during the later years. I will never regret the years spent nursing. It truly creates such a bond between mother and child. My husband now understands the extended nursing, and one of my critic girlfriends has a little girl now who is still nursing at 3 years old - so she finally gets it! Just enjoy, don't worry. Use your own instinct - you alone know what is best for you and your daughter.I promise - she won't be nursing when she starts kindergarten!

K.

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Weaning is something you have to decide you want to do, and not because of what other people say. I nursed my son till he self-weaned when I was pregnant, he was just over 3. However, we set limits to his nursing that I was comfortable with-- we did lots of talking about it, too.

Anytime my son was sick, which was rare, I was so grateful to still be nursing, and he's such a fussy eater, I was glad that I could count on a bit of his nutrition coming from breastm8lk

So first I'd decide if you want to wean or if child-led weaning sounds like a good option. Child led weaning means that you, especially at this age, can still set limits so that you are comfortable.

Recommendations on facilitating weaning depend on how verbal and expressive your daughter is-- for example she might be able ot be included in the process more if she is good at talking with you. Some people are able to set a date, for example, with the child and work to that, gradually stopping weaning and then having a bit of a celebration. You already sound like you have a good idea of how iti works, by distracton and finding ohter things to replace it. But make sure you find lots of extra cuddle time and be willing to adjust if you sense your daughter getting stressed out by it.

LLL and your library might have a copy of the book How Weaning Happens if you are initerested in a good reference, actually most breastfeeding books have info on weaning.

There's nothing wrong with letting your child nurse as long as you want to, so you might just be willing to just tell others to butt out, lol. It seems like your dd is already nursing infrequently and the beauty of a toddler nursing is how they use it to connect to you when they really need it- and it gives them practice to realize they need a break from situations before they melt down completly. After nursing use that time to talk about what was going on and soon you'll see dd coming for that and not just to nurse.

Good luck!

Jess

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My son self weened. There are signs that she is getting to that point. If it doesn't bother you that she still nurses don't let social pressure deny you that emotional bonding time. My son breastfed till three and he decided to stop. I got it from family, friends, and co-workers my response was if he's not sucking on your breast don't worry about it, its my and my sons choice on when he stops. When he decided we stopped. Most of it is the emotional comfort and bonding they receive from it. Just go with it and it sounds like she might be close to ended it herself. As long as you are still okay with it. My son never really drank milk even now at 5 1/2. He eats yogurt and cheese but raw milk he loves!!! 2-3 glasses at once. You can try it. Good luck and do what you think is best for you both don't let others decide for you. In the end both you and your child win all the benefits.

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stop with the feelings of social pressure
the WHO recommends 2 years of breastfeeding at minimum and the world age for weaning is around 4
breastfeeding is a 2 way street if you are both satified with the relationship I see no need to change if you aor your baby is interested in weaning then it is time to come up with a plan. when babies are ready to wean there is no need to "replace" the breast so no need for trials of hemp/goat milk etc. just go on with something else.
Good luck to you and your decisions
K.
wife, mother doctor, breastfeeder (to a toddler)

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Follow your heart, don't let anybody pressure you. Self -led is the best kind from my travels. Children usually go backwards before going forward, so her fussiness and clinginess are a sign she just needs you a bit more on those days. Good for you for nursing this long. Some moms keep feedings at naps and bed time, only you can decide what is best for your family. Good luck. P. Pace

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My daughter is 16 mos and is still breastfed mostly for naps but does ask for the occasional "sip" here and there....
I too get the social pressure of being expected to wean. Everyone always tells me that she is too old - mean while their 3 yr old still has a bottle and a pacifier.... please tell me the logic in that one????

As for weaning, if your not ready - then it is up to you to ignore it (hard to do but I always brush it off when people ask about it - but I have a strong personality and people usually back off if I have my mind made up about something)
When in public try to distract her, always have a sippy cup ready and snacks (this works for me). As for taking away her nap/ bed time nursing... this is routine for her and it will take a while to change. I am in the process of attempting to night wean (that middle of the night feeding... oh boy).

But if you really feel pressured and want to start the weaning process - I suggest taking away the nap time nursing. Save the bed time one for last... I'm saying this b/c personally I think I am afraid of what it will be like if I took that away first! LOL.

Check these out too:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_faqs.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_techniques.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/toddlernursing.html

Good luck & keep in touch.... I am curious to know what works for others as I will wean one day too.

PS: Congratulations on the continued nursing..... she is very lucky.

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Hi K.,

My daughter slowly weened herself overtime. Around the time she was two, I had her nurse at naptime and at bedtime and first thing in the morning. She eventually nursed just nursed first thing in the morning and just before bed but that lasted for just a minute each. She was 3 1/2 when she stopped and only because I got caught in Oklahoma in an ice storm.:(
Now I have a little baby boy and I plan to nurse till he decides he's done. I've just learned that when you go by their timetable, life is so much easier. She potty trained when she was ready just before age 3 and she was ready for her own bed shortly after 2.

E. P.

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Listen here you breastfeed as long as you and your little girl is comfortable and tell other bug off it's not their breast. Sorry for the harsh words but it time people realise the breast feed kids are best fed. She sound like she is already weening just speak to her and let her choose it will be less painful for you and your breast will respond in kind by producing less and less milk gradually to none at all when she stops. But you go for all the bonding that you can get. they grow up to fast and when they ween themselves, they are so much more independent and confident people. my son weened at 36 months and i suffered the same comments until i spoke up.

Lots of luck J. B.

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I'm not sure I have any specific advice, just support that it can be done! I am currently nursing my 4th child who is 19 months old. I have exclusively nursed all four of my children and, to this point, all of them have self-weaned. My first nursed until he was 19 months old, my second until he was 12 months (he was such a busy guy - nursing just tied him down!), and my third until he was 27 months. With all of them, the weaning process was very gradual. The baby/toddler dropped one feeding at a time until it just stopped all together. There was no great fanfare -- I never even knew the last time was THE last time. By the end I was only nursing in private since the last 2 feedings were before bed and first thing in the morning, so I wasn't too worried about public opinion. Besides, as someone who practices attachment parenting (ala Dr. Sears!), I had to learn early on not to worry about public opinion since most of what you hear is exactly opposite that. So I guess my only actual advice is that if you are comfortable with it, let your toddler be your guide and the weaning will happen naturally and at the perfect time. Good luck!

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Hi and I think you are doing a wonderful thing. Your post could have come from me!!! We are in the exact same situation. My second little girl will be 2 on Monday and just loves to nurse. I want to let her self-wean but social pressure is very strong. Generally I have stopped talking about it to other people because most people think that I am strange. She has cut out most of her daily nursing on her own (the only thing I did was to offer her something else to eat or drink when she would ask) and there was never a single tear over it. If she would not accept something else and cried, I would nurse her. Some days she nurses before her nap and some days she does not. Nights are harder. She nurses before bed, once during the night and again in the morning. This is actually really good for us. We all went to Arizona the first week in May. She had been cosleeping up until then and nursing several times each night until then and while in AZ. When we got home, she started sleeping in her crib until 3am - 5am every day and is still doing this. Again, there was never a tear. She just started doing it on her own. She had not slept in her crib for more than 1-2 hours before this. My point in sharing this is that I guess they really do make changes as they are ready. I do not know many people who practice child-led weaning but those that I do know have told me that they will sleep on their own and wean when they are ready and it will be easy. My husband and I were doubting it as age 2 approached. But with all these sudden changes, we are believing.

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