Weening - Long Beach,CA

GOOD ON YOU!
I breast fed my hard to conceive son for three plus years. Now four, he has had two minor colds and thus far been the picture of health. At any rate, we had loads of "concerned folks" who thought I needed to stop to "save" my son from the mental issues he would certainly face because I breastfed sooo long!
I disagreed and did what I thought best.

I took away one feeding at time, the last one being the night time feeding.
I was able to explain it to him, as he was a bit older and that worked really well. But do try a special snack or warm milk or another bribe!
It takes time, don't be discouraged if he wants it, BAD. He may get worse before he gets better! It's the luck of the draw on that one.

Good luck to you!

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Don't worry about extended breast-feeding; you're doing a wonderful thing for your son. You don't need to be at all defensive about it. I night-weaned my son at age 2 and altogether at age 3.

The first thing you do is "Don't offer, don't refuse." If he brings it up, you can nurse. After a short time you can postpone when he asks and make him ask a second time before you nurse. Don't bring it up yourself. He will eventually forget to ask and you'll be done very gently.

If you're ready to quit cold turkey, this was VERY effective: I put band-aids over my nipples and told him they were "broken." (Be ready for the engorgement, though, it's a little uncomfortable.)

Good luck!!!

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"Whom will he teach knowledge? And whom will he make to understand the message? Those just weaned from milk? Those just drawn from the breasts? Isaiah 28:9

Hello E.!

You rock Mom!

When our youngest was 2-years old because of peer pressure I was ready to wean her too! Can you believe I felt bullied by moms who chose differently? Up to that point I withstood soooo much of it for exercising a mother's right to choose. I couldn't believe the comments people made. Then my husband seeing how much she didn't want to stop asked me, "Who are nursing her for, them or her?" It made me really think. So that girl got another year out of me! I've got my breasts back now but the depth of our relationship will NEVER be lost. I wouldn't have traded our time for anything in the world.

Having my husband's support I began to pray about how to do this so that it would not destroy what we took 3 years to establish as a mother and daughter. So I started about 6 months before her 3rd birthday letting her know that she was growing up. First I asked her whether she wanted the nighttime or the naptime nursey, in preparation for her coming out party in 6 months. I was so surprised that she knew what she wanted in an instant. There was long range thought required. She chose the naptime nursey. She would try to get a nighttime nursey, but instead of making it a punitive thing, I simply reminded her that big girls don't nursey and that she was about to become one of them. She really enjoyed the anticipation of it all! It was such a blessing to plan our transition together. On her 3rd birthday we had a tea party with her friends from music class, and what a time it was. Family and long term friends helped it feel special for all of us. And I encourage you to extend the love between you in a way that will be meaningful for your Junior Apprentice too! Experiment with what is most powerful between you. Your baby will amaze you too dear lady!

Take heart in knowing that most of the mothers in the world nurse an average of 5-7 years. It just goes to show how far removed we are from our position of privilege in this culture. Like orphans at the zoo, we are having to fight and even relearn our God-given ability to love in our child's language.

Believe well!

A. Z.
http://www.HomeOfficeMommy.com

P.S. Never mind the naysayers. I learned that neither my mother nor my mother-in-law nursed, so their immediate reaction to me when my child was 2-months old was, "So how long do you plan on doing this?"

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The best way to ween is to look at your current nursing times and decide which one he is least attached too. Some children can't do without the morning or the right before bed ones (these are the last ones that you want to eliminate). Start with the one that is his least favorite and remove it completely. Substitute something else there instead....lunch if is around then or maybe a snack....if not do something else instead. You can still have the closeness without having to nurse. You can read a book or cuddle while watching a movie. I usually take about 3-4 days of taking out this first feeding before I take another one, it gives your body a chance to adjust and you won't be as engorged as if you were to go cold turkey. Then take the next feeding and eliminate it.....each time replace the nursing with something else. If you have/had a chair where you do the most nursing avoid reading the books in that chair as he will associate the chair with what you usually do there (nurse). As your child is older you can also talk to him about what is happening. You can explain to him that your milk is gone and that he needs to drink if from a cup (or something similiar). As you know your son the best think of a way to explain to him why he can't get his milk from you anymore. Explain it in a way that he still feels loved, but understands why you have to do this. Take is slow and just replace the closeness of nursing with other activities. I have found that the hardest ones to replace are the first thing in the morning and the last one before bed......sometimes for those you just have to stop and go cold turkey, although the first one in the morning can usually be replaced by a good breakfast. Good luck, and I hope that it works out.
J.--SAHM of 6, soon to be 7

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What is the big rush to wean? I breastfed my twins until they were 37 mos old. Before the last time we all 3 had a long talk and I explained that it was over now that were big kids and that the milk would dry up. It was a very special time and they still remember that day and that talk and they are 7 now.

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Good for you for breastfeeding so long! I have three that all breast fed just past two years old. The girls were easy and I just told them they were getting to be big girls and needed to stop. They both did instantly. Of course I didn't expect it so suddenly and with my second one I had to ask her to breast feed the following day because I was so engorged. My body got the hint and I was fine after that.
My son on the other hand looked at me like I was stupid. He was almost three before I was able to wean him. He finally bit me for the first time and it hurt so badly I couldn't let him nurse for a couple of days. He finally understood when I told him it hurt mommy when he nursed and that he was a big boy and needed to stop. It was a week before his third birthday.
The anxiety of weaning is more difficult than the actual process.
Some people take out a certain time of nursing each day to gradually stop, others find distractions for their children during normal nursing times. EVERY child is different in how and why they wean. You need to find something for him to understand and relate to if you are finished. If you are personally not ready to wean him it is harder. Breast feeding is a huge emotional attachment for the mother as well as the child and it is hard for both. Unless you have experienced this beautiful joy for yourself there is no way to understand. Between just my first two I breast fed for four years straight, even through my second pregnancy.
Good luck to you and be patient. He will stop, you just have to make the decision and stand your ground. He may cry, but it will be short lived.

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Start by putting breast milk in a bottle and holding her close giveing heer the bottle and telling her to drimk if she feels the closeness maybe it will work its worth a try good lluck A. no hills

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It is not horrid, it is wonderful!I breast fed my second child a little over two years. She was a very healthybaby!
Some things that helped me (from a lactation consultant at the pump station in Los Angeles)
1. choose one feeding at a time to end. I chose the mid morning one first.
2. Give each feeding 10 days or so to end before picking the feeding time to end(my last one was the 6 am cuddle in bed nursing. I likes the extra time sleeping!)
3. make sure your child gets a protein snack before the scheduled feeding time you are trying to ens. This will help the craving nutritionally.
4. Add more interactive mommy and baby time. This will distract from the breast. Puzzles, blocks books etc.
Good luck.

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Humans evolved to EXPECT at least 2.5 years of breastfeeding- up to 7 years is NORMAL for humans (anthropological studies) so you are doing what nature intended. You should be proud !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep in mind that preschool is a germy place and your antibodies are very important to ward off common illnesses she will encounter there.

Weaning means "to feed other than the breast" so SLOWLY replace day time nursing with food and fun. Decrease one (1) session every few days. The morning and bedtime are usually the last to go. Her sucking need must be respected and allowed.
I nursed all 3 of my kids 5+ years. They have NEVER had a major illness and are very confident.
Find your local LaLeche group so you can hang out with like-minded Moms

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Good for you, for breast feeding for this long. You are the best kind of mom! I let my son self-wean with encouragement. He did so completely by 2 1/2. I encouraged him by offering another option first, which he often took. If he wanted to bf, I did not ever hold out. Dr. Sears has some great self-weaning suggestions. The last feeding to go was the morning one, which was surprising to me, I assumed it would be the 'goodnight' feeding, but he dropped that one first! Many of my friends breast fed well past 3 or even 6....so don't worry about it. My brother was breastfed until he was 6 and he is an aerospace engineer... (and not really a boob man)go figure!! Good luck to you!

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I nursed my son for 16 months. How I weaned was so simple, and it caused me such grief worrying about the day. I had a conversation with him! I said that he was a big boy that could drink milk from a cup, that we shared a closeness while nursing and that we would have to continue that closeness with lots of cuddles, hugs and kisses. I did this prep talk for a couple of days and then quit. He had a couple of hard moments, but I just reminded him that we could cuddle and hug and it WORKED! And I was so worried : )

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Do you need to wean him right now? If you just stop offering, his nursing will gradually decrease, but it might take awhile. I chose child-led weaning with both my children, and it was easy and painless for both of us.

The book "How Weaning Happens" has some good ideas as well, if you want to encourage things to move along a bit more quickly. Kudos for nursing for two years, and ignore anyone who tells you otherwise!

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I just weened my now 22 month old and I was conflicted as well. But it was time. She didn't nurse at night at all so that made it much easier. I used a lot of distraction when she would ask to nurse. But it still took a couple of weeks before she stopped asking. Then she just really didn't ask any more. If your son is old enough to understand you can also tell him there is no more milk, that it's all gone but there is milk in his brand new special cup!

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I know how you feel! I wanted to my child to decide when to wean, but as he approached 2.5 with no end in sight, I decided enough was enough! I just couldn't take it anymore. With us, we started telling my son a couple of weeks before that there would be no more "ba-ba" (that is what he called nursing) after he turned 2 and a half. On that day, we gave him a cake, sang and gave him 1 present and when he went to bed, we said no more ba ba and he cried a bit, but he was fine. He asked a cried for a couple of days, but it wasn't too bad and I was so happy when we were done!

Congrats on breastfeeding for so long!

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Hi E.,
Here is a past thread from my area. I gave this Mom some advice and you can find it posted on this thread. Good Luck and congrats on giving your baby a wonderful immune booster as well as reaching the weaning milestone...
www.mamapedia.com/questions/8037842756304961537

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I was down to 1-2 nursings each day and one day I just told each of the boys that there was no more milk. All gone. They were both 16 months.

My first son cried for about 20 minutes while I held him and I cried. The next am, he asked and cried for about 60 seconds. He never asked again.

My second son gave me a nasty look, crossed his arms and walked away. He asked one more time and looked like, "Oh well, it was worth a try."

My daughter was 100% breastfed for 1.5 years and I needed her to start eating solid foods, but wouldn't as long as I was availalble - she'd even wait 8 hours - never give in. I left for 4 days and returned to a weened daughter. She started eating the first night I was gone. Now she's 2 (as of 3 weeks ago) and says at night often, "Mommy, I need boobies." I giggle and tell her that I love her and that babies need boobies and that she's a big girl now. I'll hold her until she's ready to do something else.

It was WAY harder on me than it was on them.

Good luck E.. :)

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My daughter is 20 months and my pediatrician suggested putting bandaids on your nipples and show them to baby - implying that it hurts. It worked for my daughter, she cried and cried when she saw them, but she did not try to pull it off or anything. Of course I keep reading that it's best to ween slowly, leaving the bedtime suckle the last to go...so with that, it brought me back to square one because I pulled the bandaids off to put her to bed. So we're back to breastfeeding - which I love anyway and read it's best for the first two years. Anyway, my friends say that you just have to let them cry...the gorging and crying will go away in a couple days. So when my daughter makes 2, I'm going to do the bandaids again.

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Both of my children nursed for a long time 16-18 months. The second child actually did the book recommended... get rid of the mid-day, then the morning, then the night, she simply needed to be distracted with being at the park in the middle of the day and then with an immediate breakfast in the morning, etc.(my friend swears by the give them a cookie whenever they want to nurse method). My first born on the other hand was still an avid nurser and I had no idea how to stop. So I did the complete cold turkey method. I went to visit my mother, who just had surgery, for the weekend and his dad took care of him (my husband just laid down with him to get him to sleep). When I came back, I told him the milk was all gone and he was okay with that. You'd be surprised to see that it can work. My other good friend nursed her son until he was nearly three. She started taking some acne medicine that didn't allow for nursing, so she unexpectedly had to tell her son that mommy was taking medicine that was too strong for him and he was done with nursing. Hope this helps.

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Weening isn't all that difficult. Basically you just stop doing it. I am assuming that your child is eating solids and having regular milk, so if he needs to nurse before going to bed you just don't do it. Create another routine and stick with it. Chances are he will adjust rather quickly.
GL!

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My daughter is 18 months and I just weaned her. I was very worried that she would have a hard time with it, but I just continued in a matter-of-fact manner, and she never had a problem. Well, we had about 20 seconds of crying one time, but that was it.

What I did was gradually cut out feedings one at a time (about one per week), until I was down to just nursing her before bed. My husband used to give her bath, and then I would rock and nurse her. About 2 weeks ago, when I was ready to completely wean her (no more BF at all), we switched the routine. I gave her bath, and my husband rocked her and read her a book, then put her to bed. That first night was when she cried for a few seconds. He just told her we loved her, and laid her down in her crib, and she stayed put. No crying any other night, and we're still doing the routine where he puts her to bed. During the day time, when she would pull at my shirt I'd just say "do you want some milk?" and give her a sippy cup. She never had a problem.

I make sure to give her extra love and cuddles now that I'm not BFing. Good luck!

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I was breast feeding my 15 month old and had to stop because we got pregnant with our number three. I went away for a weekend, it hurt a bit for me but my daughter didn't cry at all during the time with her dad. When I got back I made him do the bedtime routines for a couple of extra days. Finally when it was only her and I each time she asked for the "boob" I distracted her with either snacks or some fun activity depending on what time of the day it was. It was actually very easy, probably easier for me than her. Good luck

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Great job! Breastfeeding is THE best thing you can do for your child for health reasons as well as many behavioral benefits.... I nursed till my son was 35m, yeah, almost 3. You don't have to wean completely, amazing what your milk supply can do. For a while we were just nursing once a day. Eliminate one feeding every couple weeks or as you see fit. Use distraction during that time you usually nursed: do a fun puzzle, books... something else one on one, but not nursing and not real near your nursing chair... Good luck, please let mek now if you have any more questions.

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I nursed my son until he was 2 years old. The month before he turned 2, I started talking about how once he turned 2 he would be a big boy and didn't need it anymore. When we were out and about he wouldn't ask for it at all, he was way too busy playing. But if we were at home and I would sit on the couch, he would immediately ask for it. So I knew he didn't need it, he just enjoyed it and I did too. I knew he was ready when we would be gone all day long and he never asked for it until bedtime. So he was already weaning himself. When he turned 2, he asked for che-che and I told him my milk was drying up (it was) and that I would hold him and give him milk in a sipper cup. He cried for a few minutes only. He asked 2 or 3 times in the next few days & would cry briefly but that was it. I think it was harder on me than on him!! The good thing is your son is old enough to understand as was mine.

Great job & good luck!
J.

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Good for you for breast feeding that long...it's good for your baby!

I cut out afternoon nursing first and would just give a sippy cup when he needed something or would cuddle, but wouldn't offer the boob.

Once that was going well and my supply adjusted...about a week for me...I the cut out the morning. That took a little longer for my supply to go down from.

After that, I cut out nighttime and last cut out the evening right before he went to bed nursing. I actually wanted to let him nurse at night longer, but he was to the point where he was waking up more than every hour just to nurse (and not for food) so I had to cut him off...Now, he's a GREAT sleeper.

Good luck...it's hard because it's just so easy to nurse when you're that used to it, but you'll make it through.

-M

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I took away one of the daily feedings every week until my son was weaned. When I started it was 8 feedings, the next week 7, the next 6....etc. I plan on doing the same thing with my daughter when I'm ready. This allowed for a gradual transition and overall it wasn't difficult. Good luck! :)

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First off, congratulations for nursing so long! You did such a wonderful job providing the very best for your son! I'm still nursing my 2 and a half year old daughter, so hats off to you!

Here is a really good page on weaning if you feel the time is right for the two of you:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html

Personally, we are following the child led weaning approach, so for DD, she will stop when she wants to, but I recognize that isn't the right path for everyone.

Best of luck to you!

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I nursed my middle child for over 2 years. I agree with you - it does make you feel much more closer to your child. It was harder for me to wean my child than it was for her. It all starts with you. Good luck!

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Hi E.,

I think you’re doing a wonderful thing nursing up to this point – they can only benefit from extended nursing. I didn’t read all the responses, so sorry if I repeat anything that’s already been said. Let me just share with you our weaning story.

I, too, nursed my son until he was fully weaned when he turned two last month (just in time, too, because I became pregnant with baby #2). I started weaning him from as early as November (at about 20 months old), so yes, it did us take about 5 months for the weaning process to complete. That’s because we did the weaning VERY gradually. I started with substituting one daytime feeding with something else – either food, drink or some activity to distract him. Some days it worked, some days it didn’t and he would insist on nursing, in which case I gave in.

At the same time, I made sure he was full with a snack before bed so that I was sure that his desire for night time feedings was not from hunger, but more for comfort. Because I knew he just wanted to be comforted, I told him “no more boobie, it’s still sleeping time” and held him while he was “crying it out.” He was mad, definitely, but I knew he wasn’t scared, because he was in my arms. I still let him nurse when he woke up in the morning, but pretty soon gave up asking to nurse at night, resorting instead to rubbing my belly the way he did when he nursed (that made me feel a little like Buddha. Haha!).

Night weaning was actually easier than the daytime weaning for me, but eventually his nursing cut down from 5-6 times a day to twice a day (when he woke up in the morning and his afternoon nap) in a span of about 4 months. What really helped us (and I don’t know if this was a pleasant coincidence) was going to the zoo one weekend when he was still nursing about 4 times a day. He was just too excited and distracted and he had so much fun that he went without nursing for a good 9 hours!

I loved how we weaned because I never had a problem with engorgement and even I had time to slowly let go of our nursing relationship as I watched him grow into a big boy. I hope you find a gentle process that works for you and your baby. Good luck! ~ M.

Honestly, children are a LOT smarter than grownups give them credit for. if you explain to your child quick and to the point, that you can not breastfeed him anymore and why, he will understand.
thats how i weened my oldest at twenty seven months and my third at 24 months (my second couldnt care less at 22 months!!) and my baby is only 9 months and i have no intention of fully weening anytime soon.

good for you for breastfeeding for two years!! i honestly can not believe that anyone would tell you that is bad! THAT IS SO GOOD!! you are a wonderful mother!!!