K.R. asks from San Diego, CA on February 25, 2008
A large group of my friends has an annual 'girls-weekend'. They are all married with children. They can use the break away from their families and get some girl bonding time. I have been invited for the third year in a row now, but have not attended.
I have gone through a divorce and am remarried.
I guess I want to go with them because I don't want to feel left out, but I also don't really think I need it. My children are gone visiting their father two days a week, so I already get a little 'me' time.
I also get the strong feeling that my husband's feelings will be hurt if I decide to go.
We have only been married for 9 months and have never spent the night away from eachother since we've been together.
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
Well, I decided to compromise. I crashed the first night of 'girls weekend' and went out to dinner and then back to the cabin for some chatting and hot tubbing. I came home that night instead of staying the weekend, though. It was a 'girls night out', rather than the whole weekend. I am happy with my decision and so was my husband.
M.S. answers from Portland on February 25, 2008
You may not need more time away from your kids, but you probably could use some girl bonding time. It is only once a year, and it is a great opportunity to brag about how wonderful your family is and get some advice.
You husband is wrong to feel offended that you would go, but he can't help how he feels. Your love it strong enough to last one weekend apart, and imagine how happy you will be to see eachother when you get back (wink wink). Try to help him understand why you might want to go, and try to reassure him that you will miss him while he is gone. Maybe he can plan a guys night while you are gone.
1 mom found this helpful
D.T. answers from Seattle on February 25, 2008
Tell your friends you'd love to go on the next girl's getaway, but for now you're still honeymooning. They'll be so jealous!
Your husband will also appreciate it greatly that you chose him over your girlfriends. (Make sure you tell him you decided you'd rather stay home with him, and don't make it seem as if you're staying purely out of obligation.)
He'll be more likely to support your need for "girl time" when you really need it if you chose him now.
1 mom found this helpful
M.L. answers from Portland on February 27, 2008
A group of friends and I go on our annual Girl's Weekend. We usually go from Wednesday to Sunday. No boys and no kids allowed. Some of the girls do it to get away from their kids and spouses. Others, like me, do it for fun. Don't get me wrong. I live for my family, and I love them. But my time away is bonding time with the girls. We kick back and have some of the most interesting discussions that I've ever had. This year will be our 7th year.
M.S. answers from Portland on February 26, 2008
Jeepers! Go! It doesn't have to be about you feeling like you need a break from life. It can just be girl time. If these are people you value and don't get to really get personal with very often, then take advantage of this opportunity with them. If you could really care less about the friends on the weekend get a way, then don't go. Friendships do take time to nurture and if you can get a whole weekend of nurturing, for them and for you, all the better. However, friendships do take time and if they are not really in your circle of closeness, then enjoy your new husband. But... don't let marriage isolate you from your necessary girlfriend time. :)
J.M. answers from Seattle on February 25, 2008
I loved Diane's advice.
To add to that, I guess I'm wondering why you say that you "get the strong feeling" that your husband's feelings would be hurt. Have you asked him what he thinks about this? Or even mentioned the trip to him? I know you're newly weds, but communication is critically important at any stage of a marriage.
I'm trying to put myself in your situation . . . even after nine months of marriage to figure out how my husband would've reacted. I have to say that he would've missed me, but he would have enthusiastically encouraged me to go and would've said something like "you deserve this" and "HAVE FUN." I definitely married a guy who wants me to be happy and puts my needs first.
One weekend with your friends isn't a big deal and it's not a major sacrifice. And it sounds like a lot of fun! (I'm jealous! I wish I could go!)
K.G. answers from Seattle on May 21, 2008
Go! Your husband and life will be there when you get back and absence makes the heart grow even fonder! : ) You can't underestimate the power of girlfriends new or old!
C.G. answers from Spokane on February 28, 2008
About 5 years ago, my mom, myself and 3 sisters started an annual "mother's retreat" wherein we spend a weekend (Friday-Sunday) with each other. NO kids and no men (husbands or significant others) are allowed. We always look forward to it every year. A couple feel it is a break from the family, but most of us feel it is just a time to hang out with each other and have some fun. Girl time is just SO important. I bet that since your husband really loves you, he will encourage you to go. My husband loves it when I go - he gets quality time with our kids, but if we didn't have kids (I have taken the kids someplace for a weekend when he couldn't go), he'd make good use of that time and nourish his own 'man' relantionships, as well as get a lot of stuff done around the house without the interruptions. You may be surprised. I think it is good for a marriage in which the husband and wife a) nourish their marriage by haveing a weekend without kids that they spend time together at least 2x a year or more and b) take a short break from each other. By nourturing yourself and also nurturing your marriage, your kids will be happier for it in the end. Every time we get back after a trip we feel invigorated and ready to face the next course of our lives together, plus it makes you appreciate each other more. GO FOR IT! You will be so glad you did.