Wedding Question - Streamwood,IL

My personal opinion is that if you aren't going to provide some wine and beer, don't serve alcohol. A cash bar is a bit tacky. It's like telling the guests they should pay for their own steaks if they don't want to eat meat loaf.

Just don't bother giving the option, I say, unless you want to pay for it.

Sorry if that sounds rather blunt.

EDIT:

I do not mean that the couple ought to pay for the guests to get "sloshed." I went to a lovely wedding two weeks ago with an open bar. Nobody got sloshed on their dime because the party was moved to a regular bar after 1030. It worked out beautifully.

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I have been to one wedding with a cash bar (25 years ago) and we're STILL talking about it. How tacky! I've been to a lot of weddings but only that one was a cash bar.
Do people seriously do that with some regularity?

I guess as the host/hostess, you could have "alcohol-free reception. cash bar available" on the invitation. As a guest, just have some cash ready--in case.

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Most weddings we have attended are open bar, which I think is the "default" assumption. I remember planning our wedding and my father insisting on filets and open bar b/c he didn't want our guests having to pay for their drinks on top of airfare, hotel and gifts. Those that have been "cash" or "modified" have indicated that on the reception card enclosed with the invite. The last one we attended was something like this...

Please join us for reception at the Benmaral Winery
Cocktails beginning 4:00
Dinner and dancing to follow
Benamarl wines complimentary, beer and liquor will be served as a cash bar.

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I have not read the other responses but you are supposed to put on the invitation for the reception that it will be a cash bar or a dry wedding if there is no option for alcohol.

To not do that puts your guests in a sticky place since a lot of people don't just carry cash with them.

I actually heard of one person leaving it off the invitations because she felt the guests would not give as much and would already have checks written out by the time they knew. No matter what the reason it is rude not to tell your guests ahead of time it is a cash bar.

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I think that if you are having a cash bar at a wedding, a lot of the formality is going out the window. So mention at the bottom of the invite simply "cash bar" Why not.

I do think that if you can swing it, you should pay for beer, wine and soda and then have a cash bar as well. But you wouldn't have to mention it since you are serving beer and wine and that shouls suit most folks who want to get their drink on.

And lots of people love to drink at weddings so don't feel like anyone is there just to drink. They are there to drink and have fun!

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I think cash bars are tacky. You don't invite someone to a party and then ask them to pay for it. It's better to have no bar at all. I went to a cash bar and they even charged for sodas. I don't think you should ask, I just now come prepared with cash to a wedding.

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If I was a guest, I wouldn't ask, just come prepared with cash that way you are covered. If I were the host I would have put "no host bar" at the bottom of the response card.

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If you have been invited to a wedding and want to know if it is an open bar vs cash bar, I would call the venu (banquet hall) and ask them what you are instore for, or always asume they are all open bar and you will always be prepared for Chash bars, Dollar dances Etc.

I know us as women want to carry those clutches with as little as possable but, placing the status of the bar is not usually placed on a formal invitation, so I am not sure to what the wording would be.

I have attended a dry wedding where if we wanted to purchase a drink from the bar we were asked to leave the hall and drink it at the bar. This was not on the invitation it made our way to us by word of mouth at the wedding.

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I went to one wedding with a cash bar 20-some years ago and we still talk about how tacky it was. The wedding couple should serve what they can afford, whether that's an open bar, wine and beer or just soda and invite the number of guests they can afford. As for the cash bar wedding we went to, the party ended early (surprised?) so we left and had a few drinks at the hotel bar where we were staying. I have no idea how you would properly notify guests that there's going to be a cash bar at a wedding.

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I think if it is a cash bar, then the reception invitation should state "Cash Bar".

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I would just bring cash, that way you are prepared either way.

My son is getting married in April of 2013. He and his fiance have chosen a very nice reception hall. They are doing beer and wine and pop and a very nice meal. I think that providing those options is fine at a wedding If we were having people over for dinner and had those options would our friends call us cheap? This reception is costing more than $50 per person. Most of those persons can not afford to give gifts that will cover that amount. We do not expect them to. Why on earth would those same "friends" expect us to provide them $100 dollar meals on a night that is about the bride and groom not the guests? I think if there is any tackiness going on it would be on the part of a guest who assumes he/she should be treated to a night of unlimited liqueur at someone else s expense. As for the poster below who left the reception and went to a bar why not just buy your drink at the reception? that to me is tacky sorry.

sorry I didn't answer your question. if your concerned just bring extra money.

I am actually shocked at the replies and the expectation that the wedding hosts will pay all night to get anyone sloshed (should that be their intention). Perhaps this is a very very regional thing, or a financial bracket thing? The bar bill could be quite costly.

I always...ALWAYS...expect that I will have to pay for any alcoholic drinks. At just about every wedding I have been to, the hosts will provide toasting bottles of champagne at each table (or waitstaff circulating with them..whatever is left...when its gone, its gone), free soda's all night...and usually a few kegs (when its gone, its gone sort of thing). Alot of time, they could do the free bar up until dinner is served, or some other hour or so time frame frame perhaps. But very very rarely ahve I been to a wedding, fancy or not, where there was free booze all night long.

The most likely to have free booze would be a more down home, do it yourself wedding...but that would be where they bought the keg or the boose...no mixed drinks but stuff in bottles (Mikes Lemonades, etc).

JMO...and my experiences...

I just assume its cash needed and we hit the cash machine before we go or the day before, as we rarely have cash. Part of our wedding routine!

As a guest, I always just come prepared w/$ just in case.
I've been to a lot of weddings that had a cash bar.
Only the champagne toast was available.

My wedding was alcohol free. But, we had a hotel bar next door and people were free to go there. I didn't feel the need to tell everyone they would be paying for thier own drinks, if the were curious they just asked.

Of course, I was 17 when I got married, so I assumed people would use common sense. (Why would I provide alcohol for guests when I wasn't even legal to drink at my own wedding?)

If you are attending a wedding, I would just bring a small purse with some cash if you want drinks. If you are the host, you could maybe announce the cash bar along with the registry information and/or map to the venue. For my wedding that stuff was added in to the invitations (but not printed ON the invitation. Sometimes practicality outweighs ettiquette...

I guess you could put the cash bar on the RSVP card if you are giving out a "menu selection". My wedding was "buffet style"- so we didn't ask for a beef/chicken/vegetarian selection.

If I were planning a high dollar super formal wedding, I would probably contact an official etiquette consultant and learn the "official" way to do everything.

-M.

Having open bar is pricey, they are already providing a meal so I do not expect that drinks are included. I had a cash bar, we paid for 4 kegs of beer and soda, I think it is rude for a guest to think that ALL drinks are provided for. When you go to a party you know there will be some drinks but you do not dictate what drinks they are, water and a toast drink should be more the plenty. If you want to get drunk or tipsy you do it on your own dime not mine.

When I go to weddings I always bring along $30, $10 for hubby, $10 for myself and $10 for daughter to spend on drinks (we rarely get more then one so only spend between $4-8 each).

Any way I think it is fine to say cash bar on the dinner rsvp or the meal menu. A lot of places I have been to will have an elegant sign saying cash bar, complimentary wine/champange/beer/mixed drinks or whatever the bride and groom has decided on. I think that is a great way to inform guests without being tacky.

Just take cash with you so that you don't have to ask. I would think that it would be a little presumptious to ask...

D.