Wedding Ettiquette

from Emily Post. She is the mother of etiquette.

Old Guests shouldn’t wear white or black to a wedding.

New You can wear white as long as it doesn’t look like a wedding dress: it’s the bride’s day. If you wear black, it should look like you are attending wedding, not a funeral. Also consider: time of day, location, and any rules of attired specified by religion (for example, bare shoulders or too much cleavage or leg showing).

The custom is to forego hose. However, if you have legs that look like a 20 year old, do it, and many women do. If you have legs that look like Nancy Reagan's face, please wear hose, but wear the nude color in a support hose and it will look like you have perfect legs!

2 moms found this helpful

Black is fine these days especially because your dress sounds festive.
And in Texas especially Austin no hose is certainly appropriate.
Not sure if your dress is strapless or has sleeves but if not and it's going to be in a Church you should/could bring a wrap or shawl. You may need it in March anyway.

Have fun!

Kim
Owner of Unbridaled Bridal Boutique
Previously a Wedding Planner for 6 years

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds like an evening wedding wear a snazzy black dress would be in order. Hose depends on your shoe, awesome strappy sandals, NO! A great pump or slingback, yes! I just went to an evening wedding in October and all the bridesmaids wore black. It was very pretty in a monochramtic way. Sounds like a blast! Don't forget to buy yourself and hubby something special to wear underneath! Keep the spark alive! Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

The rules have changed. Black is most definitely considered a classy color at the right kind of wedding (evening wedding, in particular). Our wedding, 5 years ago, was a "black and white wedding." Our bridesmaids, groomsmen and mothers wore black. There were plenty of other women in black as well. I see other people doing the same all of the time. If this is a young and hip couple, I can assure you that you won't be out of place. Just below the knee is fine and I wouldn't wear hose. Just put some lotion on your legs, a nice pedicure and open toe shoes. Have a great time!

1 mom found this helpful

I'm with everyone else on black- no, the rules haven't really "changed" - people just wear black.Try finding a nice dress that isn't black theses days- it's hard! Check with the bride. If you "need" hose- splurge on Donna Karan's Nudes- about $20. a pack but they look like you aren't wearing hose at all. I've worn them and had people come up and ask me if I have on hose or if I just have great skin/legs (which I don't-no veins but lots of freckles!)- three times in one night. If that isn't worth $20. then I dont' know what is! She even makes the toeless kind. Otherwise, hose are not a requirement. Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

L.,

Black is fine for a wedding. Plus this is Texas you can do away with hose all together.

1 mom found this helpful

Absolutely ok! I just catered a wedding that had red and black as their colors. The bridesmaids were in black with red bouquets. Since this is an event, wear and enjoy! As for the panty hose, it would be an option either way. I go with whether Ive made it to the tanning salon for a spray on tan. Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

Of course it's appropriate to wear black to a wedding. And you don't even have to wear hose. If the dress is sheer though, I would strongly recommend a slip.

1 mom found this helpful

L.,

I think that's perfectly fine. A girl I work with recently got married and she had a white wedding dress with black accents. Black is and always has been a dressy color. I say no hose. I very seldom wear hose! Have a grand time!

1 mom found this helpful

The dress that you have picked out sounds fabulous and I believe that black is OK for an evening wedding but since your daughter is in the wedding, then ask the bride just to be sure! Or is it possible that you could wear one outfit for the wedding (some have suggested that you might end up in photos because of your daughter) and then change into your dress for the reception? You are going to have to drop off your daughter some where after the wedding since no children are allowed at the reception... so, you could do a quick change - which also may help since your daughter may get something on your dress as she may be clingy with a bunch of strangers staring at her as the flower girl.

The reason that black has been a no-no in the past is because that is what people would wear to "protest" a wedding... i.e. pretend that they were in morning about the marriage. Of course, this was when clothing was much more (literally) black and white in dress and in rules. It also depends on the "culture" of the wedding - if it was a very traditional family, then black may be out but that is not how you described this couple. I know a woman from a strict Irish Catholic family who wore her "funeral dress" complete with hat and black veil to her brothers wedding (this was 60 plus years ago) and never EVER spoke to his bride, however, was a fabulous Aunt to their kids... this would be an example of being inappropriate with a choice of black! Make sense?

As for hose/no hose... Michelle Obama has made it very hip not to wear hose but go with what makes you comfortable and look good in your dress... if you will feel odd not wearing hose, then wear them... if you will be uncomfortable in hose (because of shoe discomfort or whatever) then don't wear them.

This sounds like a wonderful night out for you and your husband.

blessings,
stacy

1 mom found this helpful

I agree, the dress sounds fine. As long as the bride and groom haven't specifically stated that they don't want anyone to wear black (or any other color) then you should be fine.

Personally I do not think anyone will care either way whether you wear hose or not, so do what makes you comfortable. I've been in many weddings and I do wedding planning on the side (working on my certification), I never wear hose!

1 mom found this helpful

Since your daughter is apart of the wedding party... Assume that you may find yourself walking up the isle holding her hand if she gets nervous immediately beforehand. Are you going to feel comfortable wearing black in that situation? Regular guests at a wedding might be able to wear black, but for those closer to the wedding party or mingling more with the family, black may send the wrong message.

Below, is a portion from an article on what to do in order to wear black at a wedding:

How to Wear Black To A Wedding
Step 1
Ask the bride for her opinion. This is important if you’re unsure about how the bride will feel if you show up in black. If you think she will mind, ask. If she doesn’t feel that it’s appropriate, find something else to wear: no matter how appropriate you think it is.

Step 2
Mix in colored accessories with a black dress. If you wear a black dress, consider one with accessories with polka dots or stripes. You can also wear a colorful scarf around either your neck or your waist. This adds in a bit of color, breaks up the black and is more festive. You can also wear bright colored shoes (pink, red, etc.) to break up the black.

As for pantyhose... yuck I hate them. But would for a wedding, interview, funeral or black-tie event.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L....I think black is so acceptable nowadays it's not even an issue. I had my bridesmaids wear black dresses 4 years ago and just sang at a wedding where the bridesmaids wore black too. It sounds like your dress isn't even all black so I wouldn't sweat it at all! I don't like hose at all so I wouldn't wear them but it's up to you...some people feel naked without them. With it being a "young, hip" wedding there probably won't be many panty hose on the scene! Hope you have a wonderful time and I'm sure you will be absolutely gorgeous!

1 mom found this helpful

What do you feel comfortable in? Personally I can't stand hose and will avoid them at all costs. Especially if it's remotely hot out. Yes, even for a wedding. Who are you afraid of offending? You're there to celebrate the couple not put on a fashion show for everyone. A little touch of black isn't going to ruin any wedding pictures or put a damper on the wedding day bliss. If it's a beautiful dress wear it and feel great about it! The most important thing is to not outshine the bride. After that, all bets are off.

Have fun!
J.
http://www.mommysjoy.com

1 mom found this helpful

I think what you have picked out is fine. Hosiery is up to you. Now a days No One wears any. I went to my Dh company party and it was very formal most of the women didn't wear any- I took my off half way though the night and toss them...lol Also wear hose w/ open toe shoes is a big no no.
Have fun.

1 mom found this helpful

If your wedding is early evening or night time black is acceptable.
Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L.,

Sounds like it will be quite an evening! You didn't specify if the entire dress is black but I would presume that it is. The current trend seems to like black, and with the silver sequins, it might be just enough "not black" to set it off. Otherwise you might opt for something a little more colorful.

This might be something to ask the bride about since you don't want to steal her thunder with something more elegant than what she's wearing!

Re: the hose or not. I know that many women like the no-hose look, especially with a high heel and pointed toe shoe. Personally, I think that hosiery is very elegant, irrespective of skirt length. And for evening, it might be nice to wear dark hose -- hosiery and shoes no lighter in color than the hem of the skirt. If you have nice looking legs, show them off in the shorter skirt, particularly with hose. Just my two cents!

And I'm sure your daughter will be a hit as the flower girl! Good luck and have a blast!

aly c

1 mom found this helpful

Whearing black to the wedding is fine. As for the hose question do what you please. Adding jewerly to match the colors of the wedding seems to please most brides.

1 mom found this helpful

I just shot a wedding this weekend where the colors were black, white and red. Black has become such a universal color in this day. Ask the bride if it would offend her, I am sure it wouldn't. I almost thought when I started reading your question that you were talking about my bride and groom an were late asking the question. Have a great time at the March Wedding.

1 mom found this helpful

Black is fine.

As for the length of the dress, is the wedding black tie?

If it is, the dress should be full length. If it is not, a dressy cocktail dress should be appropriate. Usually, night weddings are much more dressier than day weddings so I think black is an excellent color to be wearing.

Also, no hose. It is no longer a faux pas to not wear hose.

1 mom found this helpful

It is more than acceptable to wear black to a wedding. Most people do nowadays because there are so many great black dresses. As far as hose...do not wear hose if you wear open-toes shoes. If you are wearing closed-toed shoes it is up to you. You do not have to wear hose, but can if you feel better. I would wear opaque ones though...not black. Enjoy the wedding.

If there is one day to avoid the color black, this is the day. I would be very offended.
If your daughter is the flower girl, there is a good chace that you will end up in some pic whether or not you want to be. You should coordinate with (but not match) the wedding party. If they are wearing black, then it is probably a safe bet, if not avoid it. Keep the pictures in mind. JMO.

I always adhere to the old adage "when in doubt, opt out". I'm not sure what you mean exactly by saying it will be "an event". Black is appropriate for weddings after 5:00, but even then, you should not wear sequins. The bride is the "jewel" at her wedding and wearing sequins may be ill perceived by her and/or her mother.

I have always heard that if it is an evening wedding black was okay. My question is that after the wedding, do you have to take your daughter to a sitter or since she is in the wedding party does she get to stay?

Am I understanding that the black is only in sequins? Or it's black with silver sequins in that area? If the black is an accent, I wouldn't see it as a problem. Here's an example (while not necessarily wedding attire) of a dress that has black accents but is not a "black dress": http://www.promsgalore.com/servlet/Detail?no=4218 I don't know if traditional etiquette would forbade such a combination, but I can't imagine it being a problem. I would definitely avoid solid black... but an accent seems perfectly reasonable.

As another poster said, though, you can always check with the bride. If your daughter is in the wedding, you may be able to show her your dress, or describe it, and ask her if she minds.

As for hose, I sometimes wear them, but less and less these days. I really don't care for them and think it's quite acceptable to most people not to.

Yep, it's fine to wear black to a wedding now, especially an evening wedding. Your dress sounds nice and festive, not like mourning attire! That length of dress I would probably wear hose, but I do think it's more and more acceptable not to do so. Go with what you are comfortable doing.
Have fun with all that dancing!

L.,
Black is certainly acceptable wedding attire these days, I was a bridesmaid in black a few years ago, assuming the bride is ok with it. I'd check in with her if you are concerned. As for hose, I'd wait for the day of the event and decide based on the temp. That's how I do it!
Good luck,
R.

Hi there. Yes, I believe the rules have changed, especially if it is a hipper, younger crowd. I probably wouldn't push it with a traditional Big Church Catholic wedding, but it doesn't sound like that is the kind you are attending. So,especially if it is not an all black, morbid type dress I would say "Go for it". As for the length, you could ditch the hose, try some strappy high heel sandals types if you don't want to wear hose, but if your shoes are low heeled full on pumps, then probaby hose would look better.

Please remember not to wear hose with open toed shoes. You would think this goes without saying, but I see it a lot and it looks so tacky. Good luck and have a great time.

Is the wedding after 7:00 pm? Late weddings you can wear black no problem.

I'd say any tasteful clothes are fine these days. Hose, definitely.

L., I think that a dress with a little black is ok. Just don't wear a "funeral" dress to a wedding =) And I am pretty sure the rule is that if the wedding is in the evening, you wear hose. Have fun!