Wedding Away from Home

Hi L.! What a pain, eh?!?! Family is that way and if we didn't love them so much it wouldn't bother us that much, right?!?! Anyway, be nice but stay firm. Stand your ground this is your weekend too. I know someone said to "pick your battles", but you don't need to battle. I think your sister and nephew know what they are doing it wrong they are just seeing if you will give in. Just remind your sister and your nephew of the original plan and that you would appreciate their cooperation and respect of the original plan. End of story. But I do agree you need to get this hammered out before you leave and not play it by ear, that will only end up in a face to face confrontation. Good luck and have a great time at the wedding!

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think it is wrong that you would mad. I would be royally ticked off. I think you need to call her back before you leave and let her know, nicely, that you paid $500 for your room and you will be sleeping in YOUR room and keeping things the same. Just because your husband isn't going doesn't mean THEY get to decide where YOU sleep. I think you need to resolve this before getting there. You didn't pay that much for her son to take your bed. That is my opinion. Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

L., I think you do have a right to be frustrated. And I agree that you should have everything definite before you leave and not 'play it by ear'.
That said, before you call your sister and make any issue, I would think carefully. It may be right to stand your ground like others have said, and demand your room or a refund. But you also need to do it in a way that does not strain relationships. This is your FAMILY and they will be around for a long time. You also have to at least act nice during the wedding and all. So be careful in how you handle the situation. Like I said, you may need to ask for your room or a refund, but be diplomatic about it too! Don't cause broken relationships or hurt feelings if you can avoid it.

I think you should remind her of the deal that was made in the beginning and of the amount of money you paid. You should firmly request your room becuase you paid for it unless your sister or her son would like to reimburse you for your room. I think you are totally in the right to say something! Hope you can enjoy the wedding once this is resolved

I think that you are right to demand a room. You certainly contributed your share and deserve to recieve the accomadations you were expecting prior to your husband deciding that he could not make it.

It is family and it is a wedding, so it's complicated. Be as flexible as possible. The day isn't about you, and you're there to give love and support to all involved. Tell your sister you prefer a bed, but are just happy that you all get to be there together. Be nice and not angry. It will all be forgotten when you get to hug the beautiful bride.

EDIT: Just wanted to add: Alot of people seem to be angry about the 15 year old boy. But maybe he is uncomfortable sleeping on the couch. 15 is a hard age for boys, and being on the couch, during a wedding weekend, with all those female relatives, and your hormones going crazy and M-H-Os being likely, and maybe wet dreams that you need to clean up from....I'd want privacy too! And I'm just thinking of it from an adult female's perspective!

I guess your kids don't want to go? If you did take your kids, that would be a clincher, I think. They wouldn't kick 3 people out of a room for one teenager, would they?
You can tell your sister that you have paid for a room, but if her son wants to pay you for it, you'd be happy to sleep on the couch. Or give her the option to get you a hotel room since he has taken yours. Or just say, "You know, sis, I didn't pay $500 to sleep on the couch." Or how about, "we rented 5 bedrooms for 5 families. There aren't enough to go around if your family takes 2."
I think i would be so mad, I'd just say, "I paid for that room, and no 15 year old should get a bed while a grandmother sleeps on a couch. I'm too old for this!" (even if you don't feel too old for it, it's a respect-your-elders sort of thing!) I'm guessing that your sister (and son) are taking two rooms when they've paid the same as everyone else? Not fair!
And I just returned from a trip with lots of my family staying in the same house (my brother's house). There was a room for each family, and we shared bathrooms. I went alone because my husband and kids couldn't come. I wouldn't have minded sleeping on the couch so much, but it was the PRIVACY I needed! To be able to have a quiet place to get away for a few minutes, somewhere to get dressed without hauling my clothes into the bathroom down the hall...a place to go to bed even if others wanted to stay up later...

I'm sure you have a wonderful family... but NO teenager should be able to make changes to something predecided like this... I'm sorry but he sounds like a brat if he thinks he'll get away with that. and your sister shouldn't allow it. that is total disrespect. If anything the kid should be sleeping on a couch, not you. dont start a family war, but I would definiatly stand your ground on this. I would be steaming too. good luck.

No, you are NOT wrong, but is it a mountain that you need to climb on such an occasion. I agree that you paid for it, but is heartache worth that much to you? You can still have your grandchild with you no matter where you are or your daughter can take the roll away and you can have her room. Find the compromise and allow them to have their pettinesses. Kay

Hi L. -
You have every right to be ticked and I would suggest that if you tell them you are not coming and not staying at the house and not paying a dime, maybe your sister can deal with it like an adult and let it be the way it was intended. I would make a hotel reservation nearby and let her know you have options that don't include a couch or a roll a way.
Good luck.

TEll her is she wants the room, then she can pay for it. YOu paid for it it is your to use.

well I would be mad. That's a lot of money for a couple nights in a room and you'll be sharing it. If you are going to share don't pay as much you shouldn't have to. It's hard to say because you don't want to offend your grandson and move him out. I don't know my dad always told me to pick my battles so is this one you want to battle?

Heck ya you have a right to be mad! He's a kid, he can sleep on the couch or floor. If they don't like it, get a refund and get a nice room at a hotel.

it's hard dealing with things we don't think are fair. Nevertheless, do what you think the Savior would want you to do.

If it were me, I would get myself a hotel room and let them have the house. You don't need the frustration. I hate to say "It's only money," but that's how I feel. Yes, $500 is a lot of money, but the relationship with your sister is either stronger than that or it's not. Hopefully she'll do the right thing and buy you out of it. I would definitely let her know of your plans in advance and tell her you would like to be reimbursed, over time if necessary, but that everyone's happiness is more important than fighting over beds and money.

Well L., the way I see it, you paid for a room and then some!!! You should get that room! But, if you demand it when you get there is that going to make you feel awful? Will your sister then treat you badly?
Personally if it was me I would demand the room, because I had already paid $500!! Your sister is out of line here! Then I would hold my head high and know that she is in the wrong. But, can you do that? I only ask because my sister and I are totally different. She would just say forget the hassle and let them have the rooms...because she would then feel so terrible all weekend long. But not me! I would demand the room or my money back so I could go get a hotel room!

Good luck to you! Let us know how it goes. I hope that you have a fantastic time no matter what happens. (Family can be so wonderful and other times so awful!)

I think your sister is being ridiculous and, yes, taking advantage of you. But I do not think that the correct way to respond is with anger and ire. You can be very calm and insistent. Try to be diplomatic (which is not code for a pushover), meaning quietly insist that you paid for a room for your family, regardless of how many members there are in that 'family'. Even if its just you and your grandaughter, you paid for your space and you should get it.

Weddings can be very stressful and you don't want to add to that, but you need to stick to your guns here. If she won't bend, ask for your money back and get yourself a nice hotel room or stay at a Bed & Breakfast. You will only be miserable and upset for the wedding otherwise. She needs to grow up and I'm guessing she's having trouble making her son grow up. You will be really fuming if he ends up with a guest. Playing it by ear does not work, as I'm sure you suspect. He can sleep on the couch or roll away, thank you! Has he no shame or respect?

L

What would you expect if you'd made reservations at a hotel?? Would you feel justified in your frustration and anger if a hotel insisted you share or sleep on a couch? The only difference here is that the "management" is your sister and not a hotel employee - so yes you should be chapped about this.

I think you should tell your sister that you'll be having a room like you paid for or your $500 back. Under no circumstances should a 15 year old kid get preference over an adult. Especially one who has ponied up $500!!

Ask her what happens if, at the last minute, your husband again changes his mind and comes with you. Will you and your husband still be expected to sleep on the couch??

Stand your ground, and good luck!! Let us know what happened, k?

You are not wrong to be pissed off about this.!!!You should be able to have what you paid for or at least get a refund. You mention you are a grandma, and I am too. I totally understand the need for you to have a regular bed, not a couch or a roll away. Us older ladies need TLC, which you are not getting. If your sister can't resolve this in an amicable way I would demand my money back and get a motel. And it sounded like such a good idea, too!! Sometimes families treat their own members worse than outsiders., when it should be just the opposite.

Um,... yes I would be WAY upset if I paid that much and was being asked to sleep on a couch or roll away... If your sister (?) said that you will figure it out when you get there, she is probably thinking you don't want to make a scene while you are there and will just give in to the couch... I would call her and say, I paid a TON of money with the impression I would have a bed, If I am not going to have a bed, I need some - or a LOT of my money back...
at least that's what i would say. But i would NOT let it wait until you get there... that's how people get THEIR way and not yours. :P
Good Luck L.. :)

The fact that your husband is not coming has nothing to do with it. If you still paid for the room, you paid for the room. You are nice enough to take some child into your bed to help out. I would resolve it, get your money back or stay at a hotel instead.

Honestly, can you believe the nerve of some people?? Her son should sleep on the couch--no question. Age before beauty and respect your elders, blah, blah, blah...And, WHY does he needs his own room at 15? Is he married, bringing a girlfriend or some other ridiculous thing?? He can share with his Mom and he can go in there when he needs a little break from the festivities, right? I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I really have a major issue with rude people--especially family and youth. I could keep going....I would hold my ground, and if she dares to question it, tell her she can pay you for the use of the room ($500) and then go somewhere else--she obviously can't afford something on her own, so that is why you're splitting the cost. You don't have to be rude about it (like her), but clearly state that you're ok with that if they give you "compensation" and then make your message clear that you are offended by her behavior by staying somewhere else. Then if you run into this in the future, you can say that it didn't work out so well last time and leave the ball in her court. Don't cave and good luck!! :o)

I would ask for my room or my money refunded and definetly have reservations at another hotel just in case, you can always cancel. People only walk all over you if you let them, be it family or friends. You could compromise and sleep with your sister and get some of your money back. Good luck

Once again, explain to her the terms of the agreement, that you are paying for your own room. If she still continues to "play it by ear" tell her you'd like a refund and would prefer to rent a hotel. You paid more than he did, and that was the agreement. If she doesn't respect that, then you'll take your money and go elsewhere. She's depending on that $500, she'll accommodate. If not, get your money back and find somewhere else.

I would let it go. If these people can't see the problem it is not worth it, they are a little obtuse? I know it doesn't seem fair but don't let this spoil your special weekend! Also, maybe wait and see what happens when you get there, maybe it will work out! That does seem lame that the son gets his own room and you and your sister have to share! But ultimately letting go is always the best option! Keep this in mind next time you make plans with these family members!

Wonderful family is! To late since you paid, but yes I would be mad. You could just sleep with your sister and leave it at that as her daughter is getting married. I would not cause waves right now but would talk to her at a future date.

I would never plan on sharing the house with anyone again! Chances are your sister has pulled this one before and will again! She is stressed about the wedding and weddings are touchy things.

Go with the idea you are their the celebrate the marriage and let the rest go for now.
Have fun!
C. B
P.S. Friends are God apology for family!

you paid for the room, you should get the room. unless the 15 yr old has the money to pay you back, guess his mom will be giving you your money back. you shouldn't be paying that kind of money to sleep on a couch!

So she wants her son, the 15yr old, to have a room all to himself, while you take the couch? Yeah, I'd be pissed...

Tell your sister her son needs to pay your $500 if he's getting your room.

I am the youngest of 4. I've been taught to respect those who are older than me and that alone would determine that I would get a couch and you would get a room. That's just part of my personal values. You can always opt to take back your money and let them know you will not be a part of the house if there is not a room for you.

I would be upset also. Is there a reason she thinks the 15 yr old needs a room to himself? I would talk to her and let her know how you feel and why.

I am sorry, but a 15 year old boy should not be taking a room that was already designated to another family member. He may not like the idea of sharing a room with his mom, but that was what was previously decided upon, and you have already paid for it! I would put my foot down. Is there any way you could get there earlier than them and just set yourself up in the room? Then he wouldn't have the choice. You are right to be angry. Good luck.

No, I don't think you are wrong I would be very angry to, this is her 15 year old son that thinks he gets to have a room to himself while all the other adults have to bunk up to meet his needs, sounds a little selfish on their parts if you ask me! Make it clear that if you don't have a room to yourself as agreed that you will expect half of your deposit back, if he wants the room until then I mean ok your not presently in it so not such a big deal, and I know this is your nieces wedding so you don't want to make to many waves, but 500 is a lot to pay to "Bunk" with someone else. That's my two cents, but I agree with you!

Hi L.,
Get it streightened out before you go! Playing it by ear is not good. Make it clear that you want to stick to the original plans(regardless of who stays with you in your room). If she would like to change original plans, then that gives you the right to change original plans as well -and make other lodging arrangements. This is your trip as well and there is no reason for you to go and spend your time and money and have tight jaws. Get these issues out of the way so that you all can have a great family time!
Good Luck,
L. P.