Weaning Troubles

Sorry you're so exhausted. Frankly nursing your baby is much more important than cleaning the house and all the other errands, etc. Your innocent little baby has been in this world only 4 months. You are his life, you are what his universe is. He needs you. He needs your milk. He is growing more quickly now than he will at any other time in life. If you are trying to get closer to the Lord than think of the fact that the Lord created lactation to nourish your offspring. That's what we're supposed to do. We're not supposed to give our baby artificial breast milk to make life "more simple". I don't see how a bottle is easier anyway you have to mix some scientific powder mix with water, put it in a bottle, wash the bottle sit with the baby anyway. It's sooooooo precious to be able to give your baby your sweet milk instead- no cleanup either. Co sleeping will help too. You sleep, he sleeps it's a beautiful thing. If you're low on energy you may want to consider what foods you're eating. Food is fuel. Perhaps slow down on the sugar, heavy fried foods and meats. Eat clean simple greens (lots of them, that's what cows eat) fresh veggies, whole grains (not cereals but the real thing before being processed) and you will see your energy rise.

Good luck. Keep up the good work. It's not so easy being a mom sometimes is it? But the rewards???? Priceless

by the way, your brother is a man and they can NEVER understand what it's like to care for a child like we can. You grew this baby in your body, you birthed him and now you protect him. To let him starve is sick really. He's 4 months old!!! He relies on you to protect him not starve him like a circus monkey.

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First I'm so thankful to read your little comment about trying to grow closer to the Lord.:>) Here's a perfect opportunity. This is probably Not the advice you want but here it goes. I am a mother of 4 boys ,ages 5-13 now. I breastfed all of them and only had one (my 3rd)that would take a bottle.YOu have a seven yr.old so I'm assuming you've noticed how time flies? Trust me!What I wouldn't give for a moment to hold and nurse one of my babies again! This is such a special time for the 2 of you! You will NEVER get this time back!A compared to his lifespan ,it is a "blink of an eye" moment. I KNOW how tiring it can be. If something has to go though, it should not be the nursing. It would be different if he willingly gave it up ,but he's screaming NO! I want YOU mommy! This is a gift that only you can give to him. I would encourage you to keep it up. Let some thing else go if you must to keep your sanity, but hold and nourish your precious gift from God as long as you can!! Allow your Lord to sustain you through this time. He created your body to provide nourishment for your little one and He doesn't make mistakes! Trust His judgment in this and trust Him to lift you up and carry you even when you feel you have nothing left to give!Remember, if you wait on the Lord He will renew your strength, you will mount up with wings like eagles, you will run and not be weary, you will walk and not faint, you can even nurse and enjoy it!:>) Many, many blessings and prayers to you!

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Hi J.,
I am not trying to convince you otherwise, but maybe if you hear from someone else's perspective, it's not that bad. I have 4 children and a puppy, (and I have full responsibility over all 5) My husband works and and we travel ALOT! We are also very active in our church. All of my kids nursed until they were at least a year old. My 21 month old is still nursing and sometimes even nurses like he's a newborn. They all refused the bottle, (which that didn't bother me, because they didn't need it), and baby number 4 refuses any type of milk whatsoever except for his breastmilk. I tried weaning him a couple of times and it made it worse, and started nursing more.
Your children and their nutrition should come first. It's really not that bad. I nurse wherever I am, because the baby comes first. My other 3 are really great about it. At night, he still wakes up and I just put him next to me and let him drink his milk and I go back to sleep.
I'll admit that sometimes it takes extra prayer and I have a take a couple of steps back, because it seems to get overwhelming, but you don' have to force the baby off now, especially since he likes it so much. Also, if you're really set on weaning him, if you could wait just a couple of more months, (and enjoy this time of closeness, because it really doesn't last long, and once it's gone, you don't get it back :( ), he will start solid foods soon and it's easier to wean them when they've started solid foods, so maybe you could try that.
Pray for guidance from the Lord, He will help you. Take care and we will say a prayer for you as well.
Enjoy those babies!
V.

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He will not take a bottle from you. He can smell the milk. If you need him to start taking a bottle someone else is going to have to give it to him while u are no in the room. Once he is use to the bottle then he will take it from you.

Good luck.

My oldest was formula fed. I nursed my 2nd and we tried to get him to take a bottle he never did. He weaned when he was around 19 months old. But that is because I was pregnant. My 2nd is 9 weeks old. And we have not even tried to introduce a bottle because of the hard time we had with our 2nd.

Hi,

I nursed my daughter till she was 18 months old but early on I was trying to get her to take breastmilk in a bottle so daddy could help with nighttime feedings and so I could get a break once in while. After trying every bottle on the market I spoke with the Pediatrician and she suggested a sippy cup. Huh? What? Yes! Low and behold my 2 month old was drinking out of a sippy cup. She accepted the Avent sippy cups with the soft spout. Give it a try.

A.

My breast-fed son also refused a bottle when we started trying at 4 months. The only other piece of advice I can give you is to have someone else feed the baby with the bottle instead of you. He can smell the breast-milk and is used to getting it from you so you are the last person he will accept a bottle from right now. That being said, we tried EVERYTHING to get our son to take a bottle of pumped breast-milk and finally gave up. We tried just giving a bottle for 24 hours, no breast feeding, and he choked down only 6 ounces during that time! Our ped said that if he didn't take more the second day he was in danger of dehydration. The second day he took even less so we just gave up and I exclusively breast-fed until cereal came into the picture around 6 months. I hope you have better luck.

Hi. I struggled with my first. My supply was dwindling to nothing fast (went back on oral contraception b/c he was eating solids and needed reliable birth control), and he had NEVER taken a bottle- not that I hadn't tried so I could see a movie with my husband. That didn't happen the first 6 months. Well, I tried letting my husband feed him. Me leaving the room. Me going outside, etc. No go.
We happened to be visiting my mom when the "pill" kicked into high gear with cutting my milk supply, and she promised me she would be fine with him while my hubby and I went to a movie - in fact- the plan was for HER to give him a bottle of formula while we were gone. If I hadn't had my MOTHER whom I trust doing it, I never could have gone to the movie. But when we came back, he had consumed an entire 6 or 8 oz (I forget how much he was drinking at a time back then). Anyway, just to be sure, I stayed out of the room and let her give him his next feeding from the bottle. About half way I came in the room to see if he quit, but he was fine, and she passed him to me. He never flinched. Finished the bottle without a second thought. Became a great bottle drinker from that day on!
So, maybe you need to get someone you absolutely trust completely, (not your spouse- you'll need him with you for support) to take your son, and you LEAVE the house for several hours. Trust that your child will not starve, but you won't be there waiting "in the wings" stressing and giving off stress vibes to your son. See what happens. Tell your husband what you are up to and let him help YOU to relax while you're out. Be sure to be gone long enough... 2 hours isn't long enough. Make it 3 or 4. Just try it once. Who knows? Maybe it will do the trick.

Hey J.,

Looks like you already have a lot of mixed advice on this one. My advice, since you mentioned you are trying to get closer to the Lord is to pray about it. Ask God what you should do? I know He will answer you and give you peace about your decision. Your little guy needs peace and calmness right now and you are the one that can give it to him. Time really does fly by and this is only a season in your life that will be gone before you know it.

All the best to you!!!
T.

The only thing I can think of is get somebody else to give him bottle feedings while you are not visible. If the infant sees mama, why would he settle for a bottle? that's how my daughter was. We had bottles available, of my breast milk for if I had to work. We couldn't get her to drink it if i was around. Once baby gets more practice with other feeders and gets more tolerant of the bottle then you can bottle feed him too.

My 3rd child was very picky too about the bottle. He finally took to the Playtex Nurser, but only with the latex nipple. He refused any silicone nipples. I think they have a newborn nipple, vs the size one nipple you were talking about. Best of luck!
Jen

Hi Janette,
My advice will probably do very little to help with your current situation, but your question and a lot of the answers got me to thinking. It seems in our society, the options for feeding a baby are "breast or bottle?" I say, why not both?

I knew my entire life that I would BF when I had babies. It wasn't even a consideration for me. Everything I read form LLL, kellymom.com, and the likes said not to introduce a bottle early on becasue it would cause nipple confusion. But I knew several other moms who were in your boat and could not get a three or four month old to take even a bottle of expressed breast milk to be away for a couple of hours. Then the realization hit that I would HAVE to go back to work when my babies were very young in order to pay the bills, and them not taking a bottle was not an option. So according to all the "pro-breastfeeding" literature, where did that leave me? I would have to choose bottle feeding form the get go, right? Because if I bottle fed early on, they would not take to BF. Well, I refused to believe that.

I breastfed both my boys, and they had a bottle from day one home from the hospital, and continued one formula bottle a day until I went back to work, at which time they got all their day feedings by bottle (pumped breast milk and formula), and I BF whenever I was with them. I BF both of them until about nine months.

I guess what I am trying to day is that it would not have been possible for me to BF at all without bottle feeding them...if that makes sense. This "one or the other" mentality does not make sense to me, and I just wanted to say that if you do get your little one transitioned to the bottle, do not feel like you have to give up BF completely. Bottle feed formula when it is convenient for you , and BF whenever you can becasue it's what's best for baby, and please do not feel guilty about wanting to bottle feed. As moms, we do the best we can and we have to make difficult decisions sometimes about what is best for us and our children.

Am am very pro-breastfeeding, but I do not like the message that comes form a lot of the literature and web sites out there. Come to find out, after doing some research after the fact, that nipple confusion is actually very rare, and most babies easily switch back and forth from breast to bottle when introduced early on. The more common problem is the one you're having...by the time they are old enough to know different, it can be very difficult (even impossible for some) to get them to take a bottle.

I guess I just needed to vent. Best of luck to you and your baby. And, I second the notion that other moms have mentioned...pray on it.

listen to your brother, they have to learn. just see if you can find some time for you afterwards, a massage, facial. something just for you, because it won't be pretty at first. good luck

Jannnette,
So I may not give you the advice that you want to hear. My son is 15 mos old & I am pg with #2. I cherish the time that I was able to nurse my 1st child & look forward to that time where it is just us with #2. I think your baby is telling you not to stop nursing. Also, the more tense you are about the whole situation, the longer it is going to take.
As of now, I only have one child to care for. So I am not in your shoes with 2 other kids & a traveling hubby, so maybe I am out of line. I can only speak for myself when I tell you how bonding & wonderful nursing was for me.
Heather

4 months old is too young to be starved into compliance.

Please listen to your baby and prioritize him. The other things in your life (your house, activities, etc) will be there when you are done with nursing him. Your older kids can start helping out a bit to relieve some of your burden. (Or at least the 7 year old can help with the 2.5 year old.) It really sounds like it is fatigue that is making this decision for you and not rational, logical decision making.

Have you considered just co-sleeping with the little one? I know that is controversial, but I ended up having to do that with my little one for a while, just to get any decent amount of sleep. It allows you to sleep and nurse basically at the same time and would increase your amount of sleep significantly without your baby having to wean too early.

Your baby is still very tiny and will only be this dependent on you for a short while. Don't give up on him or deprive him of this time with you or the amazing nutrition.

Dear J.:
I had the EXACT problems with my 3rd child. She's now 9 months old and happily loves her bottle but like your son it was a battle to wean her. I too had a low flow and she was used to that and would choke and refuse the bottle. So I used the platex drop in bottles with the yellow (not white or clear nipples.) I also added just a bit of rice cereal to the formula to thicken it just a bit. It took almost a month of offering her the bottle, having her push it away and scream, relenting and nursing till she finally got the hang of it. I also used pumped milk to get her used to the bottle. Hang in there and just keep trying. Some kids are just more determined than others. My first two, boys, were a breeze compared to my head-strong, self-willed little girl. Even at 9 months now she's determined to get her own way. Whoever said the third is the easiest evidently didn't have kids. It's not birth order but individual personalities that make the difference. Just hold him close, keep trying and he'll eventually get it. Good luck.

Hey Janette!

I think you already received tons of great advise, but I would just like to add my little piece according to what I have read.
I breastfed my daugther until she was 5 months and switched to the formula then. So I'm not one of those "you HAVE to breastfeed" people. It' a personal choice and nobody should pressure you or make you feel guilty about such a personal choice. Take no pressure and feel confident in your decisions.
Your brother is not really wrong about the whole "starving" thing. The only thing is, you will have to have someone else feed your child that bottle when he gets hungry. He will NEVER take it from you, you smell of what he wants... Get a friend or family member or babysitter to help you in that transition until you're out of milk or he accepts a bottle from you. It will be hard, but stick to it if it's what will help you keep your sanity with those other 2 kids who need your attention too.

Also, one person suggested to have your 7yo helping out with your 2.5yo. I would have to suggest against that. They are your kids and should in no way be responsible for caring for the well being of one another. You can show them how to be more independent and self reliant, but a 7yo should really only be responsible for himself and being a kid...

My parents had me watch over my sister, and soon enough, I had turned into a babysitter. Not my job! Not that you would do that, but it creeps up in this kind of dynamic...

Hope this helps, and feel free to message me if you need anything...

J.,

I was also having a hard time trying to get my 10 week old baby girl to take the bottle so I could go back to work. I am nursing and pumping to keep her on the breastmilk. I am assuming your pumping and trying to give him breastmilk from a bottle also? I went through 4 different bottles and the ones that worked for me are the "MAM" bottles. If he is kindof taking the playtex bottles stick with those. So here is what you need to do and what my peditrician told me. You cannot teach your son the bottle, he knows you and can smell you and will not take a bottle from you because he will hold out for the breast. You need to get someone with a LOT of patience and leave your son with that person maybe a Grandma and have them work on your son while you are out of the house. I know this is really hard and I cried many tears while having to do this with my daughter. My peditrician literally told me to leave the house. It took my daughter 4 days of fighting the bottle. I would nurse her at night and let my mother-in-law work on her during the day and I didn't give in. Just make sure he is having wet diapers while training him to make sure he isn't getting dehydrated. One thing we did was let her suck on our finger a little and then stick the nipple of the bottle in, maybe he will just latch on. Good LUCK!

Give the bottle and the baby to someone else to feed for a few times. The baby can smell your breast milk even if you are trying to feed him formula and he will want the breast milk. Giving the bottle and baby to someone else removes at least that one hurdle.

Becky J., mother of 4, grandmother of 13

try, mixing the formula with the breast milk more breat milk than formula, in a soft top sippy cup. Slowly work the breat milk out... my 10 month old NEVER took a bottle... hope this helps

Try a sippy cup. They tend to have to suck harder just to get anything out. This may give him the "low flow" that he prefers.

If I were you I would pick my battles. It sounds like weaning him is more stressful than nursing him.

If you want to wean anyway, go slowly. I would try to transition him by introducing bottled breastmilk, then mixing with formula, then cutting down the amount of breastmilk. If it tastes normal to him, he may be more accepting.

He will eat if he's hungry, just like a sleepy baby will eventually fall asleep if you let him cry. It might be stressful for you both, but he will adapt.

Good luck!