Toddler Weaning a Toddler

When I had a difficult time weaning, I searched the La Leche League's website. They have an email service for questions and support. The woman who contacted me helped my son and I through a tough time with expert advice and caring words. I hope this service is still available. It could be helpful for you. On a personal note, high necked shirts helped us too- out of sight, out of mind sometimes works. Good Luck!

My son weaned himself at the beginning of my third trimester. I've read that the flavor of the milk changes, and many little ones don't like it. That was definitely the case for my little guy- I wasn't planning on weaning, but thats the way it worked out!
The one thing that I always get discouraged by is when people make judgement calls about how long a mother should or shouldn't nurse their children. Lets support eachother in all our individual choices!

Why do you want to wean? The stress of trying to wean is not good for you or her.

I am 29 weeks pregnant and I am still nursing a 17 months old just 1 to 2x'____@____.com we have gone a day or 2 inbetween with out nursing. That is now. During the start of this pregnancy my son nursed MORE.

My midwife just told me if I was not ready not to stop. But towards the middle or end he would wean himself. And he has started. I am still not ready but I guess he is.

Good luck.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.ht...

I feel for you!

I nursed all four of our children right around a year or so. I didn't have to wean them they did it themselves. But, I can say your gonna have to stop weaning her for the sake of your own body due to your pregnancy. The baby and your daughter are getting all your nutreance and you won't have any left. Your body needs this in order to sustain good health as you get older. It may seem like no big deal now but trust me you'll feel it later! Our bones start detiriorating when we (women) get in our 30's anyway. If we don't take extra care of ourselves during pregnancy it make it worse.

Your daughter getting up at night would be a problem with a bottle or with nursing. It would be ideal to get her to stop waking up during the night. Which I'm sure you and your husnband would both agree! Right! If your husband will, get him to put her down at night and when she wakes at night. That way it will be less squerming for your daughter and not as tempting for you to give in.
Yes, it will be harder for dad and you will not be able to sleep through it but if consistent and you stop nursing all together this should only take 7 to 10 day's.

Good luck I hope this helps. Stay strong you can do it!!

I agree with Clarissa. Why do you want to wean her? You are saying it's gut wrenching, so don't do it. Your daughter needs you more than ever now. She may be feeling insecure thinking about the new child coming and maybe thinking that she may have to share your love. She may be too young to understand that but at the same time you and she would be missing out on something you will never be able to capture with her again. The loving time and bonding that a mom has with her child during nursing is so unique and should not be stopped until the child is ready. The World Health Organization suggests nursing till the child is 6. Yes, 6. It's humorous that society stops the child from drinking from their breast only to quickly put the child onto the breast of another species (cow) instead. Isn't that ridiculous? The best nutrients, etc are found in YOUR milk. Keep going and don't worry!

In peace....

hi, i am still nursing my 27month old. yay for us! i don't have a second child but i have many friends who have and still nurse their oldest and go on to tandem nurse both without problem. other friends who get pregnant while nursing lose their milk sometime 2nd trimester and the child stops on their own when they realize not much is coming out anymore. if weaning is too truamatic righ now, give it another month. it will work itself out if you back off and let it. it is hard to do it all in today's lifestyle, but this is what women are build to do, have babies! maybe find some relief in other areas with housecleaning help, etc. when i'm not up for nursing on demand, i simply say "you can have water right now, milk is for sleeping, do you want to go sleepy?" that works! just some ideas, you know best. good luck and congrats!

R.,
With my 2 daughters, I had to go cold turkey. They wouldn't "wean" for anything. Finally, I just told them that mommy's milk was all gone. Everytime they would try, I said "All gone". It worked. Within 1-2 days, they looked at me and said, "All gone?" and I said yes.
Take Care,
T.

I had the same issue. My milk dried up after about a month or two but I let my son still nurse at bedtime for 2 or 3 nights. On the third night I told him that my milk was all gone and he believed me because he hadn't gotten any the last few nights. He only asked once or twice more and I reiterated that it was gone and he said okay.

Oh you need to stop going in there at night! Send your husband in instead--or don't go in there at all! She is doing it because it is what she is accustomed to and at her age--she can be stubborn about it. If you can't handle letting her cry it out, then send your husband in to comfort her--but just stop BFing and don't give it!

Hi R.,
I don't have any real experience with this, but here's a thought: have you thought about continuing to nurse throughout your pregnancy? There is a term for this, crossover nursing, maybe? I have heard of it being done by moms who continue to nurse the older one and the new baby. Takes a lot of dedication, I'm sure. I have not researched it myself, but maybe there are some other moms on here who know more about it...

Even if you do decide to go that route, you should eliminate the night feed anyway. That is more of a sleep issue for her than a nursing issue. At this age, she should be sleeping well through the night without a nighttime feed. Yes, there will be tears, but I think it is important to get her sleeping through the night.

I have friends who explain over and over throughout the day to their toddler about day and night. sun is out= nursing time. dark outside= no nursing.
over and over.
then have husband address crying baby at night. gently explaining it's night time. it's dark outside. no nursing now. mommy is sleeping. night time.

it may be heartbreaking but you're giving an explanation, you're not stopping cold turkey.
you can work on day time nursing later- my friend set a place for nursing- a certain spot in the house. only nurse during day at that one spot. again, frustrating for toddler but they can understand. address that after night time issues.

I was in the same boat with my second and third child. It takes about 3-5 day for you to notice a difference. Try offering a sippy cup of milk when he/she wants to nurse. My youngest just recently stopped nursing for good and it took her about a month to kinda forget about nursing if that makes any sense. She no longer comes over and tries to lift my shirt. You will get thru this. If I can be of anymore help please let me know.

Hi there! My daughter was 25 months when I weaned her. I was 3 months pregnant at the time. (I'm currently 38 weeks along, so it wasn't THAT long ago.) I weaned her at 2 years old because that was my personal limit and would have done it whether I was pregnant or not. Anyway, first and foremost, I wanted to state that it is perfectly safe to nurse while pregnant, so hopefully you're weaning because you're done and not because you're worried about the new baby. A lot of people are uneducated about nursing through pregnancy including doctors.

Anyway, to answer your question about weaning, I will tell you how I went about it with my daughter. We went about it pretty slow, although we weren't nursing a lot by the time I became pregnant. Here's a couple things to keep in mind...weaning won't necessarily make her magically sleep all night. At 19 months, we had a resurgence in sleep issues due to teething and an increase in her verbal skills. So a lot goes on at 19 months. Plus, your daughter can probably sense your reluctance and frustration about nursing her and it may be making her even more determined to nurse. Also, 9 months is a long time and you will notice a lot of changes in your daughter and her reliance on nursing. You can go as slow as you need to. I would suggest deciding which is most important to your daughter as far as nursing-nursing in the day or at night. For most kids, it's the night nursing. I'd leave the most important nursing session for last. In my daughter's case, the last two to go were nursing to sleep at naptime and for bedtime. I worked on day nursing first. Some things I did and you may have to be flexible depending on often she nurses during the day:

-I limited nursing to one area only and that was my bed. It was kind of a pain for me, but I wanted her to only associate nursing with one area. Previously, we nursed all over the house.

-I only nursed her at set times. At that age, I think when she woke up, at naptime, once in the late afternoon, at bedtime, and then whenever she woke at night. I distracted her in between and offered her a sippy cup or played with her, basically anything to distract her. Sometimes she would be upset, but I made sure to tell her when we would nurse again. It helps a lot to give a concrete idea of when. "We'll nurse at naptime, sweetie" is a lot easier to understand than "We'll nurse later."

-When we had that down (maybe it was a week or two), I cut out the late afternoon nursing session because that was the least important of all of them at that point. So whatever the least important session is, try the distraction/tell her when you'll nurse next method again.

-I did the same for the nurse on waking session. I immediately offered her a sippy of milk when she woke up. That was a pain too since it was way easier to lay in bed dozing and nursing her! =)

-Eventually, we were down to nursing to sleep for naps, bedtime, and during the night. I made sure we had a good sleep routine in place. I started with naptime. Instead of nursing being the last thing we did before falling asleep, I told her we would nurse for a little bit and then read some books. My daughter was older (around 22-23 months) when we did this so I don't know how well your daughter will take to this. But, make sure you tell her exactly what's going to happen. The first week I let her nurse a set amount of time, maybe it was 5 minutes or so. It was long enough for her not to feel jipped out of nursing, but short enough that she was sleepy, but didn't fall asleep.

-The first time she fell asleep without a boob in her mouth I wanted to do cartwheels. Anyway, I decreased the length of the naptime nursing sessions week by week. I also started doing the same thing at bedtime although those nursing sessions were a bit longer in the beginning because she was very reliant on them. Eventually, for naptime one week she was getting to latch on for only 5 seconds and then we read till she fell asleep. I know that sounds pretty crazy, but it was so gradual, it helped make the weaning less traumatic for her. Then the next week, I told her we weren't going to nurse at all, just read and she was ok with it.

-That left nursing to sleep at night and during the night. Since we had been working on reading until she fell asleep versus nursing to sleep, I experimented with not nursing her when she woke at night. I think I pat her back and shushed her. She didn't protest too much at night. She didn't stop waking at night, although it was a lot less, maybe just once, but she didn't have to nurse back to sleep anymore.

-Eventually, I decreased the bedtime nursing session until one week I said we would read instead. And then we were done nursing. From the time we were down to nursing at sleep times (and we did that for a long time before I got pregnant) until she was totally weaned was about 2-2.5 months. It was gradual, non-traumatic for both of us, and totally worth it.

I should note that I didn't try weaning the sleep nursing sessions until all her teeth were in at 22 months. She was a big time comfort nurser. Also, she didn't stop waking at night and when she did getting her back to sleep was a little more difficult than our old method of popping a boob in her mouth. My husband was pretty much useless to me when it came to weaning her. So you might be able to involve him in weaning if he's up to it. You could nurse before bedtime and have dad finish putting her to bed. I wrote a long novel, but feel free to message me if you'd like any additional help or ideas.

I guess I'm the only one here that doesn't support weaning so early (or late for some) a lot of women are so proud if they make it to one yr nursing. I'm sad for children who are weaned before age 3. Its only in America that nursing is thought to only be important for so little time. Most of the world views weaning before age 4 as a tragedy that should be avoided. I've got to say CONGRATS for nursing this long (by american standards). But just because you are pregnant is not reason enough to quit nursing. Here is a website with some techincal info on nursing and pregnancy http://www.kellymom.com/nursingtwo/faq/index.html It just seems that if weaning is so stressful then why do it at all? She can't nurse forever.

Dear R. -

You received some wonderful advice from these great moms. Kellymoms.com and the La Leche are great resources. I did the gradual weaning method with my daughter and began the process when she turned 2. Quite honestly, I'd probably still be nursing her, but I'm one of those moms who can't get pregnant while nursing even a little so we made the choice to wean in order to conceive.

Like some of the other moms said, you do not need to wean just because you are pregnant. Again, they are correct in stating that many people, including those in the medical community, are not fully educated on this subject. There is a book on the market by Dr. Denise Punger called "Permission to Mother" that may be another good resource for you. Dr. Punger is not only a family doctor but also an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. Here's a link to her blog where you can learn more about her and her unique approach to mothering as well as get a copy of her book:
http://permissiontomother.blogspot.com/

To wean or not to wean is a personal choice for you and your family. Follow your heart and you won't go wrong!

Good luck and congratulations on both nursing for 19 months and the upcoming arrival of baby number 2!

A.

Hello!!!
Call LaLeche leader in your area
Go to the website and you will find the local leaders for your area
I use Wynna & Joy in Boynton area
I can't always make it to the meetings but these women are there for us- they can offer advice/support
Good Luck
J. Hagman
mom 15 month old still breatfeeding

I so feel for you. My 28 month old daughter is still nursing twice a day. We had a problem at night too. I let my husband go to her. It was hard at first because she would just cry for me to nurse her, but we had to do it. I was not getting much sleep waking up once a night. She was also not sleeping well. I would work on the nighttime nursing first before cutting out the day time ones. It will be hard but in about a week she will realize that it is not worth getting up for just dad to come in.Once the night nursing is done then work on the day time nuring. that is our problem. She nurses at naptime. Since my husband is not here it is hard to break it. I nused my oldest for 19 months. I was 5 months pregnant with the baby.

R.,

I was pregnant with my 3rd child when my 3 year old was still actively nursing. I stopped nursing her when I got to my second month only because breastfeeding was becoming painful for me. A lot changes happen when we are pregnant and yes, that includes sensitivity on our breasts and even how much milk we produce if we are pregnant. I have heard that the taste of our milk changes dramatically during pregnancy because eventually the milk must turn to colostrum for the newborn. Thus, you can expect your supply to diminish long before your new baby is born and that may prompt your daughter to wean herself.

Weaning doesn't have to be gut wrenching. At 19 months, your daughter should NOT be waking during the night anyway to nurse. Offer her water in a sippy cup if she's waking up because she is thirsty. If she doesn't want the water and is pointing to your breasts, then you must nip this habit in the butt now. Tell her that your milk is sleeping and she can have it in the morning. Do not give in to middle of the night nursing sessions with your daughter.

Begin making nursing difficult. Don't wear a nursing bra, wear shirts that make your breasts difficult to get at and if need be, only nurse her in the morning and night if that is convenient. The idea is to limit her access to your breasts slowly. You DO want to wean her, however, long before the new baby arrives so that she isn't jealous of the baby for taking her milk away. You will have to explain that the new baby will be drinking "mommy's milk" and that her "mommy's milk" is slowly running out. Explain to her that once the milk runs out, mommy's body will have to begin making milk for the new baby. Give yourself a time limit which you will no longer nurse your daughter and show her that mommy's milk will be all gone by a certain day. Mark it on the calendar and have her help you "X" off the days. I did this with my daughter when I decided to wean her while pregnant. You just don't want to cut her off "cold turkey" and have her be upset and then you will get upset. This kind of stress while pregnant, is not something you need.

Hi R.,

I am a mom of two girls 2-1/2 and 7 yrs. I breastfed them both until they were about 2 and a few months. I understand your desire to wean now that you are pregnant. I was wondering how many times a day does she nurse? I found the easiest for me was to cut it down drastically. The hard part was cutting it out completely. For a long time I had them only nursing at nap time or bed time. By the way I am not saying my way is right or wrong I just wanted to share what I did. The rest of the day at that age you can pretty much distract them. Instead of nursing, try playing something new or reading books or even if you have to take her out to the park or something to distract her and after a few days they start to get used to it and you don't really have to even distract anymore.

Then for me it was those last two nursings a day that was hard so I started to get rid of the bedtime one because I figured she has to be real tired and eventually she will fall asleep without it. So what I did, which might not be the best, but I replaced one habit with another and instead of nursing to sleep I said lets watch a movie and I layed with her and we would put on Snow White and if she asked or acted like she wanted to nurse I would just try to distract or sometimes you have to say very matter of fact, but nice "No, no more nursing at night!" and before you know it she would just fall asleep and after about a week she didnt even ask to nurse at night. (She might cry like the first night, but stick with it and be nice in other ways and you will see the crying may be for one or two nights only).

I have to say that last one naptime was hard to get rid of, but really my oldest daugher stopped napping at about 2-1/2 and that is when I stopped and with my younger daughter, I was more on the go because I had the older one, so with my younger daughter she would be in the car around her naptime and would fall asleep and little by little I stopped nursing her at about 2 yrs. exactly. So I would say if you can cut it down drastically pretty quickly it should work, just give her lots of attention in other ways that will keep her occupied and then you still have some time to slowly cut the last few nusings a day out.

That is my slow and steady approach. Hope my story helps you.

I was just reading the other responses and I agree that you need to let her know that there is no nursing at night (in the middle of the night). I had that problem with my first daughter and at about 18 months, I said no way I cant keep nursing her all night like a newborn. So my solution was to put her in bed with me so I didnt feel guilty, but I did not let her nurse under any circumstance in the middle of the night and there was some crying, but it only lasted a few nights and then she started sleeping right through the night. Why wake up when all you get is a pat on the head. Also I agree with some of the others in that dont put pressure on yourself. If you dont want to tandem nurse you still have nine months to wean. You can do it slowly and lovingly and who knows she may stop on her own she may surprise you.