This is an awfully hard things for parents to hear, but generally the tone of voice a child adopts when pissed is the tone the parents use on him when they're pissed. It's just a very childish imitation, and parents so hate being sassed back.
But consider the source. Do you (or your husband, a grandparent or caretaker) find yourself saying things in a sharp or even sarcastic voice to him, like, "You get your little butt in here right now, young man," or "What do you think I'm made of, money?" or "Not another word out of you!" or "Do I have to say it again?" or "Stop that whining this instant!" or "No, I already told you no, didn't I?" or "Boy, are you in trouble now!" or "Don't you dare talk like that to your mother!"
Voila – that's the source. It doesn't take very many such parental messages to make a big impression. Kids, being little tape recorders, learn first what we do, and only later, with much struggle and often much punishment, do they learn to separate out what THEY are supposed to do that is different that the example that was set for them.
Parents are not really to blame for this – until we become aware it's a problem, we are simply playing back the messages and tones of voice that came out of our own parents' mouths, as they were taught by the generation before. Hey, we turned out all right. But could we have turned out better?
The way it's always been done is not the only, nor the best, way to raise our own kids. There are bright and wonderful alternatives, and some fabulous books to help us learn them. My all time favorite, which I've used with my grandson since he was 2.5, is the practical How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. So isthe book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, and the concept of Emotion Coaching, another term you can google for lots of useful information. (Here's one good link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... .)
These are all an investment of time and effort. And an investment that repays itself many times over in reduced stress and increased happiness.
With my grandson (and earlier, with his mommy as a child), I was always careful to use a polite voice, complete with please and thank you. And this is what they learn. Soap never entered a mouth, nor was it ever needed. We look for ways to find a "yes" that work for everybody, so instead of a phrase like "No, you cannot play with the remote," we'd instead keep the remote out of sight and have a dead cell phone available as a special toy. Instead of "No cookies before dinner," we'd set out two cookies and say, "Yay, you can have these just as soon as you've eaten a good dinner!"
I've actually seen two generations of really terrific kids in my extended community who have been raised without punishment, in the usual sense of the word. They get to experience the consequences of their mistakes, they get corrected consistently but gently, they get treated with real respect and as much equality as is safe to give them. They have all (with the exception of a couple of littles with ADHD-type problems), been polite, cooperative and delightful members of their families and of the larger community.They live up to expectations, and the expectations are that they are good, responsible, and complete humans with amazing capacities and plenty of natural common sense.
If I am making an erroneous assumption about how you talk to your son, please don't take it personally. It is more often true than not, and other moms may read this and think, "Oh, wow, I DO talk to my child that way!"