Wants to Go to Dad's Memorial Day Picnic but Is Going to Mom's for the Weekend

Updated on May 23, 2012
J.H. asks from La Salle, MN
8 answers

My husband and I were discussing tonight whether or not his mom had talked to him about the annual Memorail Day picnic that is held on the family farm Sunday night. My husband's 12 year old son asked if he could come out to the farm instead of stay at his mom's. The hubby's 15 year old daughter got mad and said that she was not leaving her mom's early, because that was her "mom time."

My worry is that if the son is able to come back, then won't the daughter be able to say, No, I don't want to stay with you (dad) I'm going to mom's for the weekend type of deal. Does this make sense? I know that this will all depend on what mom has to say about it all and I could be questioning things for no reason, but I'm just curious to see what you all think.

The big reason I'm wondering is that the kids mom has filed for physical custody again and we go to court on June 4. We have a very good idea that nothing will change custody wise as apparently according to MN law my husband's household is supposed to be a dangerous home in order for the custody to change.

How would you handle this? Thanks!

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answers from St. Louis on

We split up the kids all the time, it is good for them. There are weekends where I take the girls for girls weekend out and my ex does some male bonding. I think they just sit around and watch TV but it makes my kids happy, ya know?

So let the daughter have her mom time and just keep his son all weekend. Win win.

So far as the upcoming hearing goes the only thing that could hurt you is not making decisions that are best for the kids.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dover on

Tell your son that "That is your time w/ your mom so we'll have to ASK her". Then follow that up with either your son asking his mom or your hubby asking his ex (make sure it is said as a question..."Johnny has asked us if he can go to the Memorial Day picnic at the farm. We told him we'd ask").

Kids should be able to ask to do something that they want to do regardless of who has them. Key word being ASK, not demand.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Is your husband's household the same as your's? Please define dangerous.

Both children are at an age where they may have something to say about where they live. Unless there is something you haven't told us about, while your husband's son might not be able to spend the holiday with you, come June 4th, his mother might be the one asking for special occasions.

You have spoken, you have mentioned your husband's former wife's mother....what do the child's mother and father have to say about the subject?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I would ask their mom if she is ok with having the son come to the picnic. Is it feasible for him to come but for the daughter to skip it, or is it logistically too difficult to drive them back and forth separately? Can the son attend the picnic but spend the rest of the weekend with mom as planned?

I imagine this type of situation will come up a lot, where the children want to attend an event at the "wrong" house on the weekends. Hopefully you, your husband, and their mom are all amicable enough to work things out as they arise, even if it alters the standard visitation schedule. hope it all works out this time!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from La Crosse on

I would talk to thier mom and see what she says. If she doesn't care than let the son go to the party and let the daughter come home at the regular time.

The only problem I see that could come up ( minus the mom saying no) is if there is a commute involved. If there is.. then are one of you willing to go pick up his son then have his daughter come home the regular way/time? I wouldn't expect thier mom to drive twice when its your husbands family function.

I think the best thing when families are split is to work together when the kids want to switch for what ever reason. Personally it comes down to the kids life and thier wants more that "its my day".

Hopefully she is able to work with you guys since this is what her son wants.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

why would the daughter have to go just because the son wants to? do they have to do everything together?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Keep the visitation as usual, plain and simple.


answers from New York on

Should be no problem. I don't know how your DH's ex is though. IF she is rational, she'd say no problem. As long as you handle any transportation inconvenience, so she is not having to do double work with the 2 kids.

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