C.S. asks from Rochester, NY on September 24, 2006
Wanting to Stay Home After Birth of 2Nd Child.. Am I Selfish?
I work full time right now, and I am 6 months pregnant with my second child. I dont make a lot of money, and I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom. With our second child on the way, I've expressed an interest to stay at home with our children and maybe just work 2 nights a week waitressing. My husband doesnt seem to understand, saying that any money we make will help out a lot. I totally understand his point of view, especially because we are living paycheck to paycheck. But to pay a babysitter almost all of my monthly wages to raise my children is obsurd to me! I was even thinking of taking in a child and babysitting myself. So my question is this: is it ok to want to raise my children at home? And if I were to stay at home and take a child in to watch, how do I go about doing this? Do I have to be licensed seeing as how I'd already have 2 children, even though they are my own? And how do I network myself to let people know I will babysit? I live in Chili (Rochester, Ny).
A.B. answers from Rochester on September 26, 2006
I am totally for anyone who is willing to make the sacrifice to stay at home with their children. Is the issue maybe your husband is scared to be home alone 2 nights with the babies? You should sit down and do a pro and con list or a budget list with you working and the daycare costs (of two kids) vs you not working and no daycare costs. Is it better? Worse? Are you willing to sacrifice other things like eating out less? Are you willing to try nursing vs formula for a while to help with the budget?
My husband is in the military, and is very low in the totem pole, pay-wise. But, we make it work. I have stayed at home since before my first son was born. We *have* taken advantage of WIC and food stamps, though, and I would encourage it...
M.C. answers from Rochester on January 17, 2009
No honey - you are not at all selfish. This is what a mother should do! If you can afford this sitch, go for it! That's what I did, and in my opinion, every mother should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
J.G. answers from Rochester on September 24, 2006
I personally dont think youre selfish at all. I am a stay at home mom raising my children. My husband and I believe it would be best for us to have me stay at home and raise our kids. We had to make some sacrifices, of course, but its worth it. I get to see all my childrens milestones personally and they will never question whether or not I had enough time for them.
Your best bet would be to go over your budget first and "cut the fat" get rid of all non-essential spending or conveniences.
Its worth a try and I guarantee you wont regret it. You can always go back to work when they get into school.
Good luck. : )
M.R. answers from Rochester on September 27, 2006
Staying home with my babies was the best choice I have ever made! Granted, I do understand there are families where just one income is not an option. Like mentioned in some of the comments below, WIC is a great alternative to grocery shopping! You get an overabundant amount of milk, cheese, juice, veggies, cereal, formula, etc.! It helped me save about 60 dollars a shopping trip! Another alternative is to just to work part-time. I thought about that for a while, but come to the conclusion that I would be spending my whole paycheck on daycare anyway! So, I stayed home. I just recently started out as a PartyLite consultant part-time....I get to make my own hours, work how much/little I want, AND I get to take a "For Sanity's Sake Break"!!! Working two nights a week for 2 1/2 hrs, I can make about $400-800 a month! Thats what I would have made working a 9-5 job THEIR hours and THEIR conditions! You may want to look into that type of job if you need the extra money. Send me a note if you'd like more information!!
Good luck...just do whatever you think is right for your family, no matter what anyone else thinks!
A.C. answers from Rochester on September 24, 2006
I don't think it's wrong for you to want to stay home. I stayed home after my husband and my second child was born. Here is some information for you that might help you get your husband on your side. Did you know that a family of 4 that earns less than 2000 dollars a month can get food stamps. I don't know if this is true in all cases but my case worker told me that if you have 2 children under the age of 5 welfare doesn't require that you look for a job while receiving food stamp benefits. Plus I read that if you earn under 30,000 a year you can get WIC as well. They give you over a hundred dollars worth of formula a month.
Bring these things up to your husband along with what you'll be saving in childcare and maybe he might change his mind. Hopefully the information I've given you can help.