16 answers

Wanting Another Baby at 40 Yrs Old

I lost an unexpected pregnancy last year at age 39. Since that time Ive been trying to decide whether or not to actually have a 3rd baby. Im worried about having another miscarriage. Ive been told by my doctor that Im not TOO old to get pregnant again, especially since I got pregnant before without even trying ! I wanted to know if there were any other "older" moms out there that could offer some advice and let me know what its like having a baby at an older age.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I just wanted to thank everyone for their encouragement !! It means alot to know there are other women out there who know what Im going through! Hubby supports me, whatever my decision is. I guess my concerns are with the chances of chromosomal problems and going through another miscarriage that scares me. We've endured alot of loss this past 12 months. After losing the baby, my god mother died 10 days later. My mom past away this 3/1/07. Of course every OB you go to has different advice too. One OB told me that the chances of anything being wrong with another pregnancy are slim to none. Another OB told me that I have an increased risk of another miscarriage just because Im OLD ! Did any of you ladies go to OB's or did you go to high risk doctors?

May you all be blessed !
A. R

Featured Answers

Hi A.. I'm 39 and just had my last child three years ago. It was the best thing I've ever done, and I'd really love to have another baby. My only problem is that I'm not in a relationship, so having another baby is kind of impossible for me. But it seems that you are with a wonderful man, and if you want to have another child, by all means you should do whatever you think will make you happy.

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More Answers

Hi A.,

In my opinion children are a blessing at any age. My feeling is it's really up to you.(Personal preference) Age is just a number. You can be a good Mom at 25 just as easily as being a good Mom at 40+. What neat is that you have an advantage...you've had other children, you have experience! :o) I had my last baby at 37. Actually, I was surprised with twins. Yes, I don't have as much energy as I once did. That could be from having other young children as well. :o) What might help you in making a decision is weighing the pros and cons. How does your hubby feel about it? Your other kids? Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you. My advice: Don't let others influence you by saying you're too old. Best of Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.. I'm 39 and just had my last child three years ago. It was the best thing I've ever done, and I'd really love to have another baby. My only problem is that I'm not in a relationship, so having another baby is kind of impossible for me. But it seems that you are with a wonderful man, and if you want to have another child, by all means you should do whatever you think will make you happy.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.,

Well, I'm 36, my children are 16,11, and 4,and I'm prego with my 4th. Unexpected also, but very welcome. If your doctors are giving you the go ahead and you feel in heart all is good, I'd say go for it.

Hope this helps.

God bless and good luck,

L.

A. -
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I had my daughter when I was 38, she is 2 1/2 now. At this stage of my life, I am amazed at how differently I view things, and the patience that I have. I enjoy every minute, every second that I spend with my daughter. What they say is so true, they grow so fast! I think if you and your husband decide to take the plunge, you will enjoy it more than ever! and I am sure that your son and daughter will also be excited and will be a great source of support. You are young, trust me, alot of women are waiting till your age to have their first! Whatever you do, good luck.

A.- I will be 40 in 3 mos. I have a 12 1/2 and 10 yo, both girls. I had a mc 4 years ago, and was just blessed with our little boy last Sept. To say the least I was in shock when we found out, but I wouldn't change any of it now. Yes, it is a bit rougher at the night time feedings, but when isn't it? I am not in my 20's anymore, and may not have as much energy, but I have a lot more experience under my belt as well. The girls help out some, especially since my hubby is out of town every other week, but we do just fine, and my little man is the love of my life- everyone says he will keep us young! lol. I say if you want one, and your Dr says go ahead- then why not! I had no complications, and he is just perfect, so happy and smiling all the time. He just lights up the room! I wish you the best, and can totally relate to your story!
Take care, W.

Hi A.,
As I was reading your post, I felt like I was reading about my own situation. I had a miscarriage last July and my husband and I decided to keep trying for another baby until this past January (I have two boys, 5 1/2 and 3). We thought that maybe I might be getting too old (I will be 38 in October). Unfortunately, in my heart I still really want another child. I also work part-time and my two boys keep me really busy, but I feel like I would find the time to love another child. It was helpful to read all of the other responses you received. I wish you good luck with your decision!

Hi A.,

I'm 47,I have grandchildren and find it very tiring when I babysit my toddler grandchildren, the running around , changing diapers and when I keep them overnight and they get up in the middle of the night, it throws my whole day off. But that something u will have to decide, because everyone is different, when I was younger I could watch ten children with no problem. My daughter just moved out with her 2yr old and I enjoy the peace & quiet. I helped her with him when he was teething or when he was sick, and I told her I don't miss those kinds of days, I had five children , but I had my last ones at 28, they were twins and I enjoyed them, but three yrs after having them I got divorced, then I met my 2 husband, I was 31 he was 40, I wanted to have a least 1 more with him, but he didn't want any more, he said I don't want to be old and have to go to a father & daughter dance, so now we just enjoy our grandchildren. You didn't say how old yr husband is and how he feels about having another child. Good luck in yr decision.

Hi A., I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage last year.
I had my first baby a couple days before my 40th birthday. And I have to say that the pregnancy for me was not a problem, nor the first year. The second year (current) has been a bit more challenging when it comes to my energy. Although I think I have a lot of energy, I am completely tired to do anything else in the evening after I take him to bed. Is that normal? I'm not sure since I didn't have any children when I was younger. But I LOVE IT! Sometimes I think that being older you tend to be more aware of your children and appreciate them more, but that may only apply to me.
Good luck with reaching your decision!

I had my first at age 39 and my second at age 40 and had no problems. The doctor said my pregnacy was considered risky since I was of "advanced maternal age" but at the same time she said lots of women are doing it and if you're healthy you'll do fine. Although the risk of Downes goes up as you age it is still really a very small risk. My sympathies on your loss, but maybe another child will be a great healer. (You will be too busy with a new baby to think about anything else!)

Hi A.:
I'm so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is more difficult than I imagined.
I had my fifth child at the age of 43. He is my amazing late in life suprise and my family and I are so so so happy he was born. He is now 4 1/2. He's about the best thing that has happened to us!! I can say that labor and delivery were more difficult than when i was 30 but everything else has been great. It actually makes me feel younger having a preschooler now that I am approaching 48!! I don't have any regrets, I just feel blessed. My best to you.
N.

hello A.,
I am a 39 soon to be 40 in a few days mother of a 9 1/2 year old and a soon to be 19 month old in a few days. I got pregnant unexpectedly and I also had a fibroid tumor. Well as my pregnancy progressed I had a few bleeding episodes, but that was due to the fibroid. I also had to be put on bedrest for 3 months in the meantime until I delived. As the pregnancy progessed the tumor grew to the size of a 5 month fetus in with my baby I was carrying. The baby was on one side and the tumor on the other so he did not have a lot of room to grow. But my point is he survived with minimal problems. He was anemic at birth, but is doing much better. I mean I thought the same as you. I am too old, I had a doctor tell me, "why start all over and you have your freedom now" WHAT...I myself do not believe in abortion so that was never an option. I say go for it if this is something you truely want in your heart. I believe God new I always wanted another child and when I least expected it he delivered on my prayers. Yes, your patience is a little shorter, but he is my miracle and If I had it to do again I would. I wanted one more but since the tumor was so big I had to get a hysterectomy. So I am fine with my two boys.I hope that helped. I was a little long winded. GO FOR IT!!!!!

i am alot younger but i have three kids and i didn't want three but once i discovered i was pregnant then had her i wouldn't want it any other way...stop worring what does your husband say? If you are on the same page go for it 40 isn't too old anymore good luck...and as for being tired and worn out from having a baby i don't think age matter either i am 26 and i am done by the end of the day with my kids they are 6,3,and 6months so you will have a advantage with the two older kids....

Hi A.,

I'm sorry about your loss. I had my first child when I was 37. I'm turning 40 this year and am still open to the idea of another child. My husband gives me til he's 40 to decide (he just turned 38) so that means I could very well be 41 or 42 if I have another one. I feel it's never too late for a child cause they make you act young again. Sure, I'm physically worn out, but I also work full time. Any spare minute I get, it's usually spent devoted to my daughter first, then housework etc. I don't have trouble keeping up with her because she's good at balancing her time between playing with mommy and playing by herself. I have no regrets about having her later in life because I was able to have my fun and now can be totally devoted to her and any future grandkids from here on out. My mom, who recently turned 70, watches her all day long and I believe that helps keep my mom active and healthy. She certainly doesn't look 70!

Anyway, only you can decide to have another child, at any age. Plus you have two older children who can get involved and be a help whether it's help doing the basics for you (changing diapers, feedings etc) or by playing with a new baby.

Good luck and keep us posted.
B.

Hi A. - I'll be 40 in 2 months and had my 2nd baby 5 months ago. I had my 1st at 36. I found the every 3 hour night feeding very difficult w/ the new baby. Of course having to run after a 3 year-old all day doesn't help either because I couldn't sleep when the baby napped. You have a huge advantage since you have 2 older children. They can help you w/ the baby now and when the child gets older. I feel I have more patience now and completely adore my children. Sometimes I worry that I may not have the energy to keep up w/ my children as they grow but then I take a good look at some of the younger moms and feel that I'm not lagging in any way. Good luck w/ your decision! - S.

Hi A. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I am 39( I will be 40 in June) and I just had a baby boy in Dec. My oldest is 16. ( I only have the 2 boys).My pregnancy was harder than my first, but it was all worth it, I didn't believe everyone when they told me I would enjoy my new son so much more because of my age, but it was so true, he is only 3 months and I am thinking about having another baby, I am more tired now but again it is well worth it. good luck.
L.

I think a baby at any age is a blessing, but I know that if I were to find out I were pregnant now (I'm 45), I'm sure I'd be an emotional roller coaster for quite a while. I KNOW I wouldn't have the energy for the physical demands that I had when I was younger, but I also think I'd probably be more patient with a little one now than I was with my babies when I was in my 20s.

Your question made me think about a couple of things. My dad was 40 when I was born. He also had chronic health issues all of his life, and he was dead by the time he was 61. No! I'm not scaring you! Read on. At his funeral so many people said strange things to me like, "You are so young to lose your father," and "It's a shame your parents were so old when they had you." (My mom was 32 when I was born. NOT such a big deal!) I even heard someone say, "They shouldn't have had children so late. This is what happens." Well, you know what? My dad was the most patient, gentle, wonderful man! I wouldn't have traded 21 years with him for 70 years with any other father! But, yes, it surely would have been wonderful to have him around as a younger grandfather for my children. I'm 45 and my children are just starting to move out of the house. If they have children in their 20's, I could very well be a grandmother in my late 40's, early 50's, and I think that will be wonderful, too! My grandmother was 20 when she had my mother, and so I had my grandmother in my life until just a few years ago when she died at the age of 96. What a blessing it is to have a grandmother into your 40's! So, I really think there are blessings having children at any age.

Still, there is one more thing that I'm thinking about. My cousin had her first baby at the age of 43. She had been married for 17 years at the time and for all of those years, she and her husband were very vocal about never wanting to have any children. But then her beloved mother died. My cousin was very, very close to her mother. When she lost her mom, all of the sudden she had a very strong desire to have a child. She knows that there was an element of grief involved in her decision, and having suffered your miscarriage recently, that is a very strong influence on you. (And I am so very sorry for your loss.) I don't know if that's right or wrong, but I can tell you that my cousin has never been happier! In her case, she says that since she had no other children, she had nothing to compare it, too. She also says that she's in great shape now from all the running around!

Like I said, you can find blessings in having children at any age! Please let us know how things turn out.

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