March 28, 2009,
A.K. asks from Saint Meinrad, IN on November 03, 2006
Want to Get Pregnant and My Husband Does Not Want to Have Another Baby
i am wanting to get pregnant and my husband does not want another baby. i do not know what i should do or say to him for us to have one. he says if it happens it happens. so what should i do. just try to get pregnant and not tell him or what. please tell me thanks
So What Happened?™
i have recently talked to my husband how i felt and he thinks differently now and so we are going to try to get pregnant this year. so i hope i do. thanks for all the advice from everyone. i appreciate it alot.
L.S. answers from Omaha on March 28, 2009
give it time. patience is a virtue...did you have another...I guess I am looking at this many years later. congrats if you did.
M.E. answers from Lexington on November 04, 2006
has he given you any explanation as to why he doesn't want another child. if not, then he needs to, because you deserve it. maybe it's not so much that he doesn't want one, but maybe he's afraid that you can't handle another...financially, emotionally, etc. but don't go behind his back, that could very weel backfire on you. tell him if you plan to stop using some form of B.C., that way he can either take care of it or not. at least then, if you do get pregnant again, he won't be in for a total shock.
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A.D. answers from Waterloo on November 03, 2006
with both of our pregnancies it was a "if it happens, it happens." it hapened alright. The second pregnancy was twins, so careful what you wish for LOL.
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Y.M. answers from Indianapolis on November 04, 2006
Please be open and honest with your husband. Explain to him why and how badly you want another child. Give him time to think it over(chances are if you approach him correctly, he will eventually think having another baby was HIS idea).
I very strongly suggest not lying to him and basically "trapping" him with an unwanted pregnancy. That could very well destroy your marriage.
If you feel very strongly about it tell him you are going off the pill (or whatever your current birth control is) and if he does not want another baby then it will be HIS responsiblity to make sure you are protected from such happening. It is your right to not be on birth control if you do not want to, but let him know. Tell him before you stop you current BC though. That way if he truly doesn't want another baby right the control is his, but if you do get pregnant, you have been completely honest about it. And most likely once the thought of the responsiblity of birth control is his, he will change his mind anyway...
Not that they do not exist, but I think for the most part men would just rather women take on the responsiblity of BC, but if he has to purchase his own condoms and make sure they are available if nothing else he will appreciate what a pain in the butt you go through with your BC.
Hope it helps
1 mom found this helpful
J.F. answers from South Bend on November 03, 2006
I explained it this way to my husband... (I want three, he wants two) I said if we have three kids, will you live the rest of your life wishing you didn't have the third one? Because I may just spend the rest of my life wishing I DID if we don't have a third. (did that make sense?) I was very calm and tried to explain my feelings to him. I told him I think I would regret it for the rest of my life if we only had two. It didn't take him long to see where I was coming from but he's a very understanding hubby. Good luck.
M.L. answers from Huntington on November 03, 2006
When we got pregnant with our 2nd child that was our issue. If it happened it happened. guess what...IT HAPPENED! Hope it helps.
M.B. answers from Omaha on November 08, 2006
Well, I am kind of in your husband's shoes. We have a 15 month old, and we do agree that we want another. My husband is looking to start trying next year, and I am not so keen on the idea. I know I don't want them more than 4 years apart, but my son's birthday is in August so if we shoot and succeed next summer, I'll have an almost three year old and a newborn. I just don't think I want that. I'd rather wait another year. Plus right now I am loving my days with just me and my son. Don't get me wrong, if I somehow ended up pregnant right now or a year from now, I would be alright with it, but it's not my plan. And honestly, I would resent being pressured by my husband to have another kid. I think that having a child is something that should be done only when both partners are 100% on board. I've always felt the one who doesn't want it trumps the one who does. My dad wanted three, my mom wanted 2, so two is what they had. And quite frankly, I am bothered that you would even consider trying to get pregnant on the sly. That seems pretty shady and selfish. Really, I think you should just leave it alone for now. Your husband knows how you feel. Respect his feelings on this.
C.N. answers from Omaha on November 04, 2006
I have read several articles about this lately, in Am Baby and Parents. I would do a little research and read some of these articles. I think you can go to the websites and and find them. I have not had to deal with this yet, but I anticipate it as my husband only wants one child. Me-two. Thearticles are very eye opening and in short, the pregnancy and delivery were not always a happy time since Dad didn't want the baby. In the end the Dads came forward and said they don't know what they would do without the new addition and loved them just as much as the other kid/s. I think if you have a heart to heart about why he doesn't want another baby and address some of those issues, MAYBE he'll change his mind, if not, it sounds as if he will love your new baby anyway. Just be prepared for the ramifications if you decide to "accidentally" get pregnant again. Good Luck A.!
N.B. answers from Evansville on November 03, 2006
I agree with the person who said don't go behind your husbands back. Just let him know that you want one. Also it would be nice for your son so he won't be an only child. Tell him you want to go off the birth control and if it happens it happens! Also if you go off birth control be carefull the first couple months since you are at risk of twins till your body adjusts back to normal. Or if you want twins me and my neighbor have twins from Ortho Trycyline! lol
A.C. answers from Evansville on November 06, 2006
I went through the same thing with my husband. I accidently got pregnant when my daughter was 7 months old and miscarried. Long story short, my husband thought he was going to lose me. ( I lost a LOT of blood and had to have an emergency DNC) When I was ready to start trying again my husband said he didn't want anymore. After many long discussions and months it came down to two things. One, he was afraid something would happen to me. Two, he didn't think he would have enough love for two children. I explained that I would be fine, and if I did miscarry again I would immedietly go to the doctor instead of waiting over the weekend. I also explained that he would be surprised how much love he would be able to give no matter how many we had. He finally broke down and said yes. We now have a wonderful 7 month old baby boy. I know my husband loves both the kids, but sometimes I swear he has a better bond with our son. he wrapped his Daddy around his finger as tight as he would go.
I think when guys say if it happens it happens, it is their way of not making a commitment to the situation. I would make sure he does want another one or at least agrees:). You don't want him to feel he was tricked or lied to. Even if he wasn't. It took me a little over six months to get my husband to agree. It wasn't easy, but I know that now he wouldn't have it any other way. Good luck.