Waking up at Night

Updated on November 13, 2008
D.D. asks from Phoenix, AZ
12 answers

Hi Moms!
My little ball of energy has just started waking up several times during the night. She starts with a little whimper and then goes into a full blown hysterical cry. What the heck is going on? She started sleeping through the night at 4 months old and we really haven't had a problem since and until this past week when she started waking up a bunch. She eats dinner at 5 and has usually an 8 ounce bottle before bed which is anywhere from 6pm to 7:30pm. When she has been waking up she doesn't necessarilly need a bottle, she will go back to sleep in my arms without one or I can giver her one and she may take an ounce or 2. And then will wake up in another 2 hours or less. It almost seems like she just wants me to hold her because as soon as I pick her up she stops crying and if I put her down she cries again. Hmmm no idea. She slept in a cradle next to my bed until almost 7 months when she out grew it and had to go into her own room. She transitioned very well and actually started sleeping better in her crib than she did in the cradle. So why all of the sudden would she start waking up. She has been teething for about the past 3 months so I don't think that is it. We have her 9 month doctor appt next week so I will ask her pediatrician also but I would like to get some sleep before then. Oh and one more thing if I do let her cry it out how long should I let her cry realistically? I can almost not stand her crying for even a few minutes because I feel like she needs me as I am sure all moms do. Thanks in advance for your experience and wisdom.

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B.B.

answers from Phoenix on

If you do decide to let her cry it out, just keep going in every 10 minutes, tell her it's okay and she's safe (don;t pick her up and don;t linger). It will likely be one or two long nights without sleep, but then once she gets the idea things should go great from there. Good luck!

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L.W.

answers from Phoenix on

Ah yes... all 3 of my kids went through this at around 9 months... and you'll have many more phases to come! It could be one of many things (and also something that I don't list)... teething pain, growing pain, night terrors/bad dreams... I always figured it was a combination of those three. My pediatrician always said to let them CIO, but I don't believe in that. Heck, if I woke up afraid, I'm thankful that my husband is in bed- just having him there makes me feel more secure... I'm not going to keep from my child something that I would want myself- as an adult I just know how to think through my fears. It's a phase that many kids go through, and they'll stop soon enough... it's not permanent! Good luck!

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A.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well it seems like people have pretty much said what I have to say, but check out the book (I did from the library) "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" this is by a doctor whos been in the field a long time with a lot of research to back what he's saying. He is an advocate of letting your child cry- it is just "protest crying" you are helping your child learn how to sleep, not abandoning her.

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A.G.

answers from Tucson on

The same thing happened with our little girl -- she even transitioned from our bedside to her own room around the same age, and also did well with it for a while, then began night-waking, just like your daughter.
I think it's a combination of things. First, teething is painful all the way through the process, so just because she's been teething for a while now doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore... the pain is probably not SO bad, just annoying enough to wake her up a few times a night.
Then she remembers that she's alone in her room, and that probably freaks her out a little, which makes her cry. When you don't INSTANTLY appear (babies don't understand things like the time it takes to walk from your room to hers), I'd imagine she gets both frustrated and nervous, which causes her to really start screaming...
I've never been a cry-it-out advocate... it can be a real emotional strain on all involved, in my opinion... so I wouldn't suggest it, since you don't seem comfortable with it either.
When I was in your situation, I'd just go to her every time she cried (as soon as REASONABLY possible) and rub her back until she fell asleep again.
I'd try not to take her out of the crib, but if she was really shaken up I'd rock her back to sleep right there in her darkened, quiet room, without saying much of anything. That way, she would have the comfort of my being there, but not a lot of stimulation/interaction that might encourage her to wake up in the night simply seeking attention.
Our daughter is almost 13 months now, and only night wakes a couple of times a week (and then usually only once a night.)
So, just know it will get better with time and that your daughter seems to be right on track. And in the meantime, my heart goes out to you -- I know how long those nights can be!!

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C.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Boy do I know this one. Difference is I am a 61 year old whose daughter is now 38 years old. Same thing, same thing, same thing when she was a baby. Pediatricain told me to let her cry. It would be the hardest thing on me but the best thing for both of us. He told me the first night she would cry about an hour. The next night about 50 minutes and so on and so forth until she started sleeping again all night. She is waking herself up for attention. Trust me-------

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S.L.

answers from Tucson on

Hi D.- Here is your opportunity to prove how understanding and ompasionate you can be. Babies go through different stages of develoment, when everything changes, and you thing, 'But that worked only a week ago- but it doesn't work now. They are growing and changing so fast that you're always playing catch-up. Rather than force them to your will, understand they they do what they do because of things inside them which ar pushing hem to grown and change, We get to do the running. It is an etraordinary privilege. S.

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J.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi D.. My daughter is almost 9 months and is going through this exact thing right now. It is driving me crazy too! She has always been a good sleeper, but she got the flu for a week and got TONS of cuddle time. Now that she is feeling better her sleep is all out of wack. She is waking during the night and getting up really early.

I choose to do interval sleep training with my girls when they go through sleep changes. It usually takes 3 days of being consistent and things get back on track. When she starts crying I go in after 10 minutes and shoosh and pat (I don't pick her up). When I leave she usually cries harder- sometimes that is really hard to listen to). I wait 15 minutes then repeat. Then I wait 20 minutes and repeat. I started sleep training when she was 3 month old to help her learn to sleep through the night, so my intervals are long now (however she normally settles herself down after 15-20 minutes). When she was younger my intervals were much shorter. I started with 2-4-6-8 minute intervals the first night, then I did 4, 8, 12 minutes the second night, and did 5, 10, 15 minutes the third night. Now that she is older and she is my second child, I can listen to crying a little easier.

Hannah went through a weird early morning waking period when she was 5 1/2 or 6 months old. She would wake around 5:15am. The sleep training didn't work for this. I now think that was because she was going through a growth spurt and was hungry. So, for a couple of days, I went in her room at 5am (before she woke up on her own) and I gave her a bottle. I didn't talk to her or jostle her, I just stood by the crib with the bottle in her mouth. She would fall back asleep until I woke her up at the time I wanted her morning to start 6:30 or 7:00am. This worked and re-set her schedule. She was sleeping great until she got sick.

Trust your instincts and try what you think is best for your baby and what you are comfortable doing. It will get better-hang in there!

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E.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi D.,

My son was 'sleeping through' at six weeks, got his first teeth at five months, and at six months started waking several times a night. He is now 18 months old and wakes usually 2 hours after his bedtime (7.00pm), and several times a night thereafter.

I co-sleep and always have done, although when he was sleeping a long stretch at the beginning of the night, he did so in a cot, and still starts the night in his own bed (he crawls into it himself when he gets tired at bedtime). I also still breastfeed, even at night. This means I still get a decent night's sleep, in spite of the waking, since I can just roll over, put an arm around my son or a breast to his mouth, and we both fall asleep like that. My personal feeling is that no baby should ever be left to cry-it-out, I think it is harmful to their emotional and sometimes physical development. It is also usually pretty horrible for mum, as you say yourself! If you can't stand to let her cry, you don't have to.

I don't think it's very likely she has some other problem, apart from usual developmental stresses, since she stops crying when you pick her up. I think she's just missing mommy! She'll grow out of that eventually.

Best wishes!

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E.M.

answers from Phoenix on

I am a devout co-sleeper and would first recommend returning to that, (even if it means having a larger or extra bed/futon in one room or another). But I realize most Americans are determined to push their kids away from them at night..for whatever reasons. (Some seem quite urgent...so I am not without sympathy)
I have heard very good things about The No Cry Sleep Solution. Being that crying (esp uncomforted crying) increases cortisol and very negatively impacts the brain, I'd protect my child's mental potential by choosing the most gentle method possible.
Kids change and develop, which is why your daughter is probably getting separation anxiety. This can wax and wane...just as stranger anxiety does. Be prepared for constant changes as your child grows...what works one D. won't always the next! Have fun!

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D.H.

answers from Flagstaff on

She may have an ear infection, or some teeth breaking through.

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D.C.

answers from Phoenix on

This happened with both my girls. My first slept 7 hours at 3 weeks old and my second slept 7 hours at 7 weeks. Both stayed in the co-sleeper next to my bed until 7 months old. They did things alike so I will refer to only one of them while telling you my info. At 6 months she started waking up in the middle of the night .....several times. I would pick her up and nurse her back to sleep. At 7 months I put her in her room......she seemed uncomfortable in the co-sleeper. She transitioned perfectly. But 1 week later she started crying again. So of course I went in to nurse only to have her fall right back asleep. So I resorted to the cry-it-out method. It killed me. But it only took ONE night. Heaven. !!! When she sarted to cry I went in and checked her diaper, without picking her up. Told her shh shh shh....no real talking or conversation. Then left. I came back in after about 3 minutes and did the shh shh shh thing again. Waited about 6 minutes then let my husband go in and do the routine. He left the room and she stopped crying. I think she just wanted me and when he came in I think she figured "no mommy" guess I will fall asleep. So let your hubby go in instead of you. It is very important not to pick her up. She isn't in any danger....she is just trying to get what she wants....MOMMY. She has to be taught that night time is sleep time and not mommy time. It sucks to hear them in such a hysterical state but they are doing the only thing they know how to do....pull at your heart-strings. My pediatrician said that at about 6 months babies might be dreaming and the only thing they probably dream about is being away from mommy. So it is more of a nightmare I guess. Good luck

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J.J.

answers from Phoenix on

It seems like you get their schedule figured out, and then they change it. Then they are in a new phase for you to figure out (this goes into the school age :)). We had our kids cry it out (after trying other methods - we needed sleep too). But, we checked on them to make sure they were ok (no holding or cuddling), just calming words to tell them to go back to sleep. Then wait 5 min before going back in, then 10 min., adding 5 min each time you need to go in to reassure them. It took about a week, but it did work.

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