Waiting to Adopt!

Here is a wonderful blog written by a mom who has adopted two children and has a large collection of adoption resources, including many links to blogs of other parents who are waiting to adopt or who have adopted.

http://therhouse.blogspot.com/

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,

I didn't adopt but have a few friends that did. I also had severe infertility issues before getting pg with IVF (not until the 3rd try and after 5 years of actively trying to get pg.)

Not quite the same as you but the best advice I got was to not feel sorry for myself (hard for me to hear, but true) because everyone has problems, they are all just different, and to think of waiting for a baby as a journey that will eventually end with a baby.

Every time you start becoming obsessive, try to distract your thoughts by keeping busy doing something else that is completely unrelated to adoption, preparing for a child, etc. Avoid baby showers and the baby section in stores if these places make you hurt too badly, and send baby gifts to your friends as needed by buying them something online like children's books, so you don't have to go to the store, and then excuse yourself from the shower with a white lie, like a previous engagement.

If you have lots of friends that like to sit and talk about childbirth and how obnoxious their kids are, avoid those situations (not your friends) by excusing yourself to do something more positive and fun. But listen to them in the back of your mind about how hard it is to be a parent, because it is true, even though you don't want to hear it.

Finally, people say hurtful, insensitive things to you, but don't take it personally. Realize that no one is intending purposely to hurt you, even if they say something really stupid and insensitive like, "if you want a baby so bad, have mine! he's a brat!" or "once you adopt, you'll be pregnant right away." Just smile and don't let it get under your skin because 99% of people say these comments without having a clue how hurtful they are.

Let me know if you ever need to talk,
M.

1 mom found this helpful

HI M.,
Our family is also in the adoption process. We have everything in place except our finger prints! It's so frustrating! I know it's the only thing I think about. Two things that have helped.... remembering that the baby we are supposed to have isn't ready yet! There is a perfect match for you out there and it will come. Once you hold that baby or child the wait will seem like nothing. The other thing I've been doing is little jobs I know I wont' do later. Cleaning out closets, our garage. I try and find one little job a day. Painting whatever. Good Luck!

We adopted our twin boys (now 2 1/2). It was the best decision we made. It also was the longest wait & hardest time before they came. My advise is to stay active in looking for your child (let everyone know you're adopting & if they hear of any leads then to pass your name along). Also, try to stay busy with other things. It will be a long wait, rather you're waiting 6 months or 6 years. It is not having control that makes the wait so long. Prepare yourself for the birthmom to change her mind (so your not blindsighted if it happens) but love and build that relationship as soon as possible. We have an open adoption with our boys mother & love the friendship that we have (she truly is family to us),

Good luck and hang in there. There are many good yahoo groups on-line that can be a support as well.

B.

I am also in the process of adoption. At the moment I am waiting on a call from my caseworker. 2 weeks ago she gave my home study to a child's caseworker to review. They were supposed to call me last week. I've left 2 follow up messages (last Friday morning and Monday afternoon this week). Tried to call again yesterday but now my caseworker is on vacation for a couple days.

I think that the lack of communication may be the most frustrating part. I would be fine with "We don't have an update yet" just to know that it is still being worked. Please don't take this as complaining. I have a great caseworker and she is good at what she does. I think she likes to have news before she calls someone back.

As far as the waiting, I have spent time getting the house, esp the child's bedroom, ready. Mostly I've gotten furniture and he will choose his own bedding, etc, though I have some until he can make that choice.

The bigger thing that I have done, though, is to spend time praying for my child's safety - physically, emotionally, etc - in their current location. God knows my child(ren) even if I don't. I also pray that I may show kindness to the social workers who have the very difficult job of making sure that these children who have been through so much are cared for. I pray that the social workers will have wisdom in matching me with a child.

Just an added note, I have been through the difficult task of being offered a child and having to turn him down because his needs were greater than I could manage as a single person.

It's a hard calling: to adopt. I commend you for taking the time to care for children that other people have cast off.

I've also spent time researching things that will be important (in my mind) when I have a child: estate planning, 529 plans (which I've compared and posted on my blog at http://coloradocrystal.blogspot.com).

Additionally, I've had the privilege of educating the people around me about adoption. It has been great to see them begin to understand and then to get on board with supporting me. They even gave me a shower so that I would have the things I need for an older child. The other thing that has come out of this is that several people who want to adopt but didn't know how to start the process are now beginning to prepare to take that step themselves in the next few years and one person has decided that she now has great enough understanding of adoption that she will pursue it in 3-5 years.

I also attend a support group of other adoptive parents and that has been immensely helpful - having a place to discuss fears and joys; ups and downs with others who are going through the same things.

It is so easy to worry about the process and everything that goes into it. I have found great comfort in meditating on the words of Matthew 6:25-34 and Philippians 4:1-9. If you don't have a Bible, you can visit Biblegateway.org and type in those passages to get the wording.

May God richly bless your family. And if you want to talk further, please do not hesitate to message me back on Mamasource.

I'm not waiting to adopt, but my brother was adopted. He was adopted at birth after my mom had 3 miscarriages. She was told she would never carry a baby to term. A few weeks before they picked my bro up, they found out she was pregnant again, and there I was. I was premature, so we are 6 months apart.

I have heard people refer to adopted children as "This is Harry's adopted son and this is his daughter..." but my parents never did that. While we always knew he was adopted, we didn't advertise it and he was just my brother. No delineation was ever made that I was a biological child and he was a chosen child. It is kind of funny to let people figure it out when we say we're six months apart.

There have been times that he has felt left out - like at family reunions where people would say "I have Grandma Kerry's eyes" or things like that, but we have a lot of adopted family members and everyone feels welcome.

He has always felt loved and valued and as an adult knows his birth mother's story (it's not bad or anything and he has recently found out that he has a full blood biological sister who was also put up for adoption at birth). He is glad our parents adopted him. I wouldn't have a sibling otherwise, and we are close. I don't know how I would be different without him, but I sure would have a void in my life!!

Good luck to you - your call will come!

Prayers and blessings!

Hi, well this may be the hardest one i have answered. About 15 years ago i lost my child to misscariage. it was the one and only time i was able to get pregnant. i have shed many tears since then, for the loss and for the whole in my heart that was never filled. The only thing that has helped me was we started taking in foster children. I know its not the same, but i have no money for adoption and this seems to be my only choice. I also have just spent lots of hours with nieces and nefiews. I babysit some and maybe some day we will be able to fill that whole. my prayers are with you and good luck. if you need to ralk or have ideas for me e-mail me at ____@____.com i will help all i can.