May 18, 2012,
C.R. asks from Signal Hill, CA on May 16, 2012
Visitation Pick Up/drop off issue...Ex-husband Moved 45 Minutes Away
My Ex just informed me he moved over 45 minutes away and still expects me to drop our 3year old daughter off at his house! Friday night drop off is at 5pm...it would take me almost 2 hours round trip to drop her off that far at that time! He used to live about 20 minutes away so I would always drop off our daughter and he would bring her back. Do I have to share in the drop off/ pick up responsibilities if he moves that far away? It seems like it was his choice to move that he should have to deal with it. And our poor daughter only stays for 24 hours and she will have to do that long drive again! Any advice?
D.D. answers from Denver on May 16, 2012
My sister lives in one town and her ex lives in another. My cousin lives in one side of Phoenix and her ex lives in Scottsdale. Both couples have agreements to meet in the middle at a certian location at a certian time. Being very considerate of traffic time.
Good luck hope this transition goes well for everyone.
1 mom found this helpful
✤.J. answers from Dover on May 16, 2012
I'm with Jo. I'm unclear as to why this is such a huge deal if you're driving one way & he's driving the other...? And your daughter doesn't have 2 separate 2-hour drives, she's got a 45 minute drive Friday night & another one on Saturday night. Again, not a huge deal in my mind, but maybe I'm missing something.
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J.M. answers from Philadelphia on May 16, 2012
wow. I disagree with everyone. You really want to bring a lawyer in over an extra 40 minutes total once a week?? Think of your daughter. You should want to be civil for her if not friendly to coparent together! Why not ask if he wants to keep her 2 days so she gets more daddy time if possibble?
I drive my daughter 45 minutes to her dad after work on tursdays and am fine with it (we do it opposite...whoever gets her picks her up), even on the day hes supposed to pick her up because I get out early I drive her there because I can get her there earlier so more time with her dad, since shes with M. more. So my thursday is work, drive an our to her dad, drive and hour back, then its almost bed time...BUT she gets to see her dad! Its about HER not you. Seriously don't be the parent who fights over where he lives. It will come back to bite you in the butt...you'll get it in court papers and then before you know it something will happen to force you to move and youll have to adhere to whatever rules you put in place. Its like like its hours. My brothers ex moved 8 hours away and he has primary custody and he drives 5 hours to meet her to drop his daughter off for 6 weeks in the summer and doesnt complain b/c he's happy his daughter gets time with her mom.
ADDED: if you do the meetup point half way you'll have to do the same when you're dropping off. Also meeting half way is a pain. You'll have to pick a parking lot and switch her between cars when shes possibly sleeping or comfy, in rain, snow...
7 moms found this helpful
S.Y. answers from Chicago on May 16, 2012
I will preface my advice with this info.....My commute to work is 1 hour 10 minutes each way. So this doesn't seem like a huge deal to me to do once a week. You could see this as a huge inconvenience or see it in a more positive light....
- as a way to spend 45 minutes uninterupted time talking to your
daughter or having a sing along - or playing car games - I spy, etc.
- if she falls asleep, time for you to have a few minutes of peace and
quite or to listen to a book on tape - just cool down/calm down time for
- you could also get kids books on tape that you could both listen to and
I would not go into court over this or make a big fuss about...45 minutes is not accross the country....maybe adjust the times with your ex so that you aren't in rush hour traffic. Or have him pick up on Friday and you pick up on Saturday if that works better for your schedule. Anyway - don't think that your daughter is going to be that uncomfortable about the ride - especially if you work to make it fun for her. I also would not discourage him having a relationship with his daughter and the only way for her to have this is to spend time with dad without feeling bad about inconveniencing mom or making her mad.
Basically what I am saying is look for something positive in this...it is not all negative. No reason to spend the 45 minutes being negative...it will only wreck your time with your daughter and may spoil the relationship with her dad.
7 moms found this helpful
☆.A. answers from Pittsburgh on May 16, 2012
You know, in my city, 45 minutes is across town.
Will he meet you halfway?
Sometimes the parent that moves is the one responsible for the extra travel time. What does your agreement say?
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A.R. answers from Houston on May 16, 2012
Your divorce decree or other court ordered documents should outline the details of the pick up and drop off. For my husband he has to do all the driving. If one of them moves over 100 miles away, then the arrangement changes to each meeting half way. If it makes you feel any better, his ex told him two minutes before a Friday pick up she had moved...the week before...an hour further out of town... She's still just under 100 miles so there you go. Some people...
If your court documents don't outline it, then you'll need to call your attorney. Good luck.
5 moms found this helpful
C.O. answers from Washington DC on May 16, 2012
what does your court ordered visitation say? Does it say you drop off and he picks up? If so - then that's how it will be until you go back to court and get it amended to say otherwise.
Read your child custody and visitation schedule. Then contact your lawyer and have it revised if it says you must drive to drop off.
I would TRY to TALK WITH HIM and suggest a middle point meeting place for BOTH drop off and pick up. This way - you both drive the same amount. While I GET the convenience of drop off at home? I also get the deal with driving in Los Angeles traffic!!! It's NOT fun!!
4 moms found this helpful
J.W. answers from St. Louis on May 16, 2012
Yes you do. I would imagine it is standard language that the parent who's custody period is ending is responsible for delivering the child/children to the other parent.
He has to make the trip one way too, completely fair.
Okay looking at the other responses how is that unfair? Is it unfair that she lives so far away from him? I am sure he didn't move to make her drive more. More likely than not it is because that is where he can afford.
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K.F. answers from New York on May 16, 2012
You are obligated by the court visitation decree to abide by the stipulations therein. If you are that troubled by the change in the drop off and pick up and can't resolve it between the two of you, then schelp back into court and request a new arrangement. Understand that a new arrangement may not necessarily be fairer to you.
Meeting in the middle sounds like a reasonable solution to at least try. So give it a try or get your attorney and get back to court to work it out.
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