Visitation - Tucson,AZ

Updated on June 06, 2011
C.A. asks from Las Vegas, NV
11 answers

I live in AZ. My exhusband lives in NV. Our custody case is in NV. He is responsible for transportation for our daughter to visit him. He does not have a job and basically refuses to get a steady job, or if he does have one he quits after a few months. i do not receive child support unless it is garnished when he does work, or by tax return intercept. My daughter is supposed to visit in July for about 6 weeks. If he isnt working and going to move again (3rd time in a year) how do I go about not sending her? I know I would have to go back to court, but I dont have the money for a lawyer right now and Im in AZ. Thanks

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone. I know I'm going to have to eventually get a lawyer again. He has never been a stable person. I was married to him for 3 years, and we have been divorced for 6. I am remarried and have 2 other children. My husband is a wonderful man who does anything and everything for my daughter who is 8. We are lucky I have him. My ex husband has another child also and has split custody of that daughter. Her mother is going to go back to court to see about having it changed due to his instability. When my DD went to visit over spring break she told me after 2 days she wanted to come home as she was unhappy. She doesn't have a cell phone, but I will be getting her a pay as you go for when she is there. If I do need to pick her up early I will. I have done it before. and for all I know, he will be deciding not to get her because of lack of money. I wont pay for her to go there. We don't have the extra money.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

In PA visitation and support are two separate issues. O. doesn't affect the other. Is it the same in NV?

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F.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I disagree with the direct attacks assuming she doesn't want to send because he doesn't always pay child support. The guy doesn't sound stable, responsible and trustworthy. He can't hold a job, moving like a gypsy (no offense to anyone) and can't afford to fly her back and forth. So, the point of the matter is the visitation will be inconsistent. Period. It wouldn't always happen according to the court order.

If some of you are quick to assume it's because of child support payments, lack of, then it's reasonable to assume the above as well.

Whether the two are exclusive or not, IF HE REALLY WANTS TO BE A FATHER AND RESPONSIBLE AND SPEND TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER THEN HE SHOULD TAKE EVERY STEP POSSIBLE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN, NOT WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR HIM, OR WHEN THE COURT IS INVOLVED.

***NOTHING IN THE COURT ORDER SAYS THE MOTHER HAS TO PICK UP HIS SLACK. IF THE DAUGHTER MISSES A VISIT BECAUSE HE CAN'T AFFORD TO SEND FOR HER WHY IS IT THE MOTHER'S PROBLEM???? IT'S NOT. IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY AND IN FRONT OF A JUDGE THE QUESTION OF JOB INSTABILITY AND CONSTANTLY MOVING SHOULD BE ADDRESSED. SHE IS NOT IN CONTEMPT IF HE CANT SEND FOR HER AND

THE MOTHER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE TO FINANCE THE VISIT.

Also, I wouldn't take my money and finance the visits either. He has to work that out and sounds like the order needs to be modified given his instability.

Again, I didn't read anything about child support payments being a factor, the fact he can't keep a job and instability is more than enough reason to request a modification.

And I get so sick of people harping on a father spending time with his children and assuming the mother is interfering. THE FATHER IN THIS CASE HAS TO TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO BE MORE CONSISTENT. THE MOTHER CAN ONLY ENCOURAGE THE CHILD TO GO AND THAT'S IT. THE MOTHER IS NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN A BLIND EYE TO CIRCUMSTANCES SIMPLY BECAUSE HE IS THE FATHER. GEESH!!!!!

The local police don't get involved in family court matters. If he calls the police they will not come out and arrest her. He has to go through court and get the order, either the court marshalls on the court will issue the arrest warrant to the police. BUT local police won't intervene based on a simple phone call. Court first, verdict, then action.

6 moms found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from New York on

You don't really say why you don't want to let your daughter go and visit. If he is responsible for transportation and can't transport her then she stays with you. Your within your rights if this happens. If he picks her up and then can't return her, file a police report, file a court report to put him in contempt ( you don't need a lawyer to do this) and then go pick her up. Next time there is a problem it will be documented. But I don't believe you have a good enough reason, not to let her go and visit. As parents you should be able to work thru this with your daughter's father. I know its hard, but you need to do what is right for her regardless of time and money. I've been there as the child growing up and as a step-mom of 2.

3 moms found this helpful

C.W.

answers from Las Vegas on

Can you call the nevada court that the case was in? He has to pay for transportation and he can't so how can she visit? You shouldn't have to pay for that.He doesn't have a stable place to live. I would tell them that and the fact that he doesn't have a job... how is he going to feed her? An adult single male eating and getting by is totally different than what is healthy for the child to eat. If he doesn't have a job, where will she sleep? does she even have a bed? Ask them if you can suspend visitation until he has a stable job for at least 8months to a year. Revise the visitation so that he has to transport himself and visit with her in her city of residence and can't take her out of her city of residence (that's what I have for my daughter's father). It's not not letting her spend time with her dad, it's keeping her safe and taken care of and he can visit her in her city of residence. She's safe and fed and he gets to see her. He doesn't sound very responsible if he refuses a steady job even though it will help his own daughter. My ex puts up with a dramatic grave shift gas station job so we can get child support.

I agree with Flo, it's not your problem and it's not about the child support, it's how the hell would he support her existence if she was there. Go with the other mom's actions and CHANGE that visitation :) Your little girl doesn't need all the drama in her life, wondering if she's going to be fed everyday or where she will sleep. Why was she unhappy? Did she tell you?

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

None of your solutions include anything that's out of court unless your ex agrees. Why would you want to stop your daughter from seeing her father if it's court ordered visitation? Whether he pays child support or not, whether he was a crappy husband or not, and whether he moves around and changes jobs a lot or not doesn't mean that your daughter doesn't deserve to spend time with her father. And it doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve a chance to be a father to her during court ordered visitation.

If you have reasons why it would be a dangerous situation for your daughter and you have proof, that ought to be brought to a court's attention anyway. But just being flaky isn't enough of a reason.

1 mom found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

Who is required to pay the transportation cost for your daughter to visit her father? If it is him, and he pays, you may not be able to prevent her from going.

With that being said, I would be loath to send my son off to anyone who did not have a stable household, especially for that long.

How old is your daughter? Does she want to go? If old enough, does she has a cell phone so she can call you? Do you have any other family/friends where your Ex lives that could check on her when she is there?

Can you use legal aid in AZ to open a case for you?

So many questions - sorry I am not more help. I guess I need info...

God Bless

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P.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

Father does not help financially + changes homes often + can't hold a job...where is the stability, consistency and, frankly, genuine selflessness and care a parent worthy of the name should have? If he were a real unselfish and loving parent he would not let his child spend 6 weeks (oh my GOD!) away from what she knows just to spend HIS time with her. I know it sounds crazy but could you host him in your house in order to keep the child in her environment and watch closely how her dad is with her? I don't know if you are re-married or what your living conditions are but this is the arrangement I made for my child as i strongly believe children in tender years (how old is the child?) should not "travel" back and forth between mommy and daddy like a postal package. Of course I am lucky my son's dad has his best interest in mind and agreed to let me decide how to handle visitation. In exchange I let him come whenever he can (twice a year is what he can afford but I am open to more when he can) and a totally open communication with his son, everyday, through skype. We even spend 2 weeks summer holidays together each year + two weeks for Xmas with grandparents (dad's side), which my son loves. So my son never had the trauma, the guilt, or just that plain discomfort that children of divorce generally have. SInce your ex husband is basically broke, he could welcome the idea of just spending the money to travel to your home and you could break the visitation time in a couple of weeks at the time (so more often in the year) rather then 6 whole weeks which seems a huge amount of time away from your daugther. But again, I have no idea if this is something remotely acceptable to you and if you would be able to do it at all. Regardless of what the papers say, you and the dad can make your own arrangements as convenient to the both of you and ESPECIALLY as convenient to the child you share. Otherwise I would set money aside to win my case in court against a father, that, franlky, doesn't seem so great, and get my own way for visitations. I decided (and was able to) make a separate deal with my ex becasue I did not want/trust a judge (third, uninvolved, stranger, person) to decide what was good for my dearest son. I wish you to be able to get your way by doing the same sans judge. Let us know wht happens.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

If the only reason or you not wanting her to go is he doesn't consistenly pay child support then you have no case and it will be a huge waste of everyone's time.
You will have to file for a modification at the court you have the order in place with you don't need a lawyer for that.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

If he isn't working and has very little money, how can he pay to bring her to him for visitation? Perhaps this will solve its self.

How old is your daughter? Would she be able to tell you if she's not being taken care of. ie. little food, no place to stay, lack of any kind of consistency. Those are the things I'd be concerned about.

I suggest you focus on concern for your daughter's well being and let go of complaining about his lack of a steady job and inability to pay child support. What counts is will your daughter be safe in his care? Do you know of anyone where he lives who can tell you about his living arrangements? Whether you do or not, I suggest you correspond with the court and tell them your concerns about her well being. Do not mention child support at all. Doing so makes it look like you want to make trouble for him and side tracks the investigation into your main concern.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

Honestly if he is that out of it he probably will be tired of her in a week. Send her on plane and tell him where tomeet. Make sure you daughter carries a cellphone inher pocket. Tell her she must call her every day. Then get ready to fly out there in a week because she will probably be unhappy and ready to go home by then. Or who knows maybe they will find a way to connect that will benefit your daughter. Thats whats important anyway. Who knows if he gets to connect to her maybe it will finally become more important to do stuff for her.

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J.H.

answers from Flagstaff on

Whether or not he actually pays the court ordered child support does not determine if he gets to see the child. If it is court ordered that he have visitation with her and he is responsible to pay for transportation, then as long as he pays for the transportation she needs to go. If he cannot pay for the transportation, then you would have the right to not send her. If he pays for it and you do not send her, you will have to answer to the court. If this is a big deal to you and you do not want her to go see her father, then it is time for you to hire an attorney. I don't know your husband or the relationship you and your daughter have had with him, but just because he doesn't pay child support and cannot keep a job does not mean you should keep your daughter from seeing her father. They still need to have a relationship.

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