C.S. asks from Mishawaka, IN on October 27, 2006
Entirely too frequently I have gotten bad reports from the teachers at my sons day care. I have been told that my son is spitting on and hitting the other kids (one in particular.) When I ask him why he does these things, he tells me "It was naughty," or something of the like... I know first hand that the other boy that he has problems with is rather out of control, but that does not excuse my son's behavior. We have tried many methods of punishments, and none of them seem to work. If anyone has any ideas, PLEASE share.
A.J. answers from Indianapolis on October 28, 2006
I work at a Domestic Violence Shelter and I see a lot of kids that Display Violent Behavior. In those situations I usually have Mom seek counseling for the kids. I also ask them to go to parenting classes so they can learn the proper way to deal with these situations.
But I also give this advice as a Mom myself.
No one thing ever works with one child. Whatever advice you are given you KNOW YOUR child. Even though time outs may work with MOM A they might not work with your child. You have to one find the action that works with your child. And the most important thing is to be consistant. I think you should do some sit down and play time with your son and see what you can get out of him. Unless you know the perfect doctor to diagnois your child I would also be wary of them as well. I have seen too man times Doctors give out a diagnosis without even seeing the child. Make sure the Doctor is going to physically see your child. Make sure he is going to spend some time (and that means more than 10 mins) reviewing your childs case. You don't want your child labeled if it is not true. You also want to get this taken care of before he enters school.
If he is going to public school you don't want them to send him to special education just because the teacher can't "handle him". Also know that if you think your child does need an assesment the school board is REQUIRED to provide one free to you. This must be done within a certain time limit. If you have ips it takes a little longer. If you live in a township it will happen fairly quick. Call the school in your disctrict they will tell you how. You may get transferred a few times but be persistant it is worth it. I took my child to one and I learned several things that my child should have known, but I hadn't taught her.
I had a friend whos son did this same thing in day care and she took him out becuase she didnt think they could handle him. She got him to a therapist and an appointment at Riley. The diagnosed him with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He is now medicated. His teachers say he is the best. His mom thinks it is the structure provided in the school with all the activities. He still has his moments when he is bad though.
I have worked with a couple of moms with kids that are "out of control" and I have discovered that structure has helped them. No matter what the diagnosis fragile-x, adhd, odd, sturture from mom has helped. Don't let the kids see that they have you beat either. They can sense that and use it against you.
Well Ive talked enough. I hope it helps.
J.W. answers from Iowa City on October 31, 2006
I have had this same problem with my son and he was kicked out of daycare. After spending a couple of months with my mom, she broke her arm. I had to get him into another daycare ASAP. I found a pre-school that was very structured and always kept him busy. There are a lot of other high energy boys for him to run and wrestle with. He comes home so worn out, it's hard for him to stay awake through dinner. I have also found out that there was a child at the first daycare that was picking on my son when the teacher wasn't looking, so he naturally reacted to this other child. The one thing that helped was that we called his old school "daycare" and his new school is "preschool" where good boys go to learn fun things. Always keeping a positive spin on things really helps, especially if the daycare provider is telling him he is bad or naughty. I am still trying to de-program my son from thinking he's bad and naughty all the time. I am working with his pre-school now on a reward system. He gets stars for doing certain things, like listening, getting dressed by himself, etc. When he does throw a tantrum I have introduced a technique from our therapist and he gets a smiley face for calming down. There are wonderful resources available for child development that are not advertised. I had Grant Wood AEA come out and evaluate him at home and school. They had great ideas and even a child psychologist who has suggested certain programs that really seem to work, even if you have tried everything else. Hope this helps! Good luck!
R. answers from Indianapolis on October 28, 2006
Well, four year olds usually act out for specific reasons. And if there is another boy that is acting out and getting more attention, albeit negative attention then more than likely your son would like some more attention at school. Negative attention is better than no attention. Have you tried taking things away from him? And when I say taking things away I mean everything, a completely empty room other than his bed and dresser. Then add back one item at a time for every good day he has at school. Try putting him on a behavior plan, ask the teachers to fill out a daily chart for him, even if you need to make the chart, just ask that they let you know if he is good, bad or just in between. (as simple as smiley face of frown) Maybe even cut down on the amount of sugar he has, and spend extra time with him when he behaves well at school. There are always ways to redirect and if redirecting doesn't work I think you need to find out what the other child is doing to yours to make him so upset and acts out against him. Is there a third child that your child is trying to protect? I would be asking those questions, that is often the case that if a weaker child is being picked on, a stronger one begins to defend them.
Goodluck, I hope it subsides soon.
C.D. answers from Parkersburg on October 28, 2006
hi my son did that when he was little an i found out that he had adhd anhad some other things gone on so i had him tested an that it what mad him do things ,but he also had 5 other parts of him telling him what to do so i got him some help so that he could go on in life ,, i dont know if this will help you but try to have him tested for ADHD thank you