Violence in Preschooler

Hi E.,

I would take him to talk to someone. Maybe they could explain it better to him and give him a better understanding of guns. I would look into it. Good Luck! :)

Call your local police department and ask for a tour or for an officer to speak to him. As I understand it, police love that part of their job -- teaching and preventing is much easier than the 911 calls they get! And then you can always refer back to, "What did Officer Sonoma tell us?" -- thus removing you from a back-and-forth power struggle.

Plus, you'll be the coolest mom on the block!

Your son is old enough to have a conversation about gun safety. Check out the NRA website. They have a section on children and how to promote safety. I personally haven't seen the website, but know that our school social worker has pulled material from there- we live in a hunting community.

Talk with your son about the fact that guns will hurt people and that he should not make comments about wanting to hurt someone, even if he is joking. Make a "rule" in your house that no one threatens/jokes about hurting one another (gun reference or not) and have some form of consequence if it happens.

It sounds like he's just repeating something he's heard and doesn't understand the severity. However, being that he is school-aged (or will be in September) start working on eliminating this behavior before he starts school! There are pretty strict protocols that have to be followed if a child makes a comment like this... regardless of age. Depending on where you live, if there is a "zero tolerance" policy regarding threats of violence (even from a sweet little guy) you might find yourself in a tough spot!

I agree with what others have said--you need to sit down with your son and explain the ramifications of using a gun. Get someone who he respects (a police officer etc) to sit down and talk about guns and the severity of using them. I don't think a doctor would be a good choice for this unless you want him to talk to your son about gun accidents he's had to treat.

Today's society has, for the most part, become so separated from the results of what happens when using guns, that it is nearly impossible for a child to understand the reality behind what they are saying when they make comments like your son's. Children now are exposed to seeing and hearing about guns and random violence on TV and in the media (even just listening to the news on the radio) more often than even a couple of decades ago, but they are sheltered from the results of these weapons. Never having been exposed to the realities tied to them, so it is much more difficult for them to comprehend the cause-effect relationship with guns and the wounds/death caused by gunshots. That doesn't mean that you should expose him to those kind of results, but it does mean that it is that much more important to have him learn respect about guns from people who do have a healthy respect for them and who can teach him that "guns are not toys" and "we never joke about using guns" etc.

Knowledge is your best tool.

You could talk to a police officer about teaching him about guns. Your son needs to understand that they are real and a person can get hurt or hurt someone else if they use them incorrectly.
When looking for 'squirt guns" or water guns.... don't give him the kind that actually look like guns...they make them in other shapes so they can still spray water but do not resemble a gun in any way.

I grew up around guns..my father was a gun smith. We had guns in every corner of the house, and my nieces and nephews were always around. We were all taught from a very young age that we were not to touch them. There were no locks on any of them.
We were all taught from the time we were old enough to crawl, that we couldn't touch them and that they were not toys.... you can hurt someone or yourself with them.

There was never any issues with them. But it was because we were all taught. We were also never allowed to have toy guns of any kind. Kids can't tell the difference between real guns and toy ones. So you should never let them have toy ones because they could make the mistake of thinking a real one is a toy.

Knowledge is power for kids and parents.... and the younger you start teaching them, the more they learn and respect the issues.

Hi E.,
Do you know any police officers? Maybe it would be helpful for your son to talk with one, since he loves them, and this person could let your son know about his job, how policemen carry a gun but rarely use it. I think kids have the impression that police officers spend their day shooting people and that it's fun. A police officer can let your son how how scary it is, and how it isn't a joke. While he may not mean what he is saying, he must be broken of the habit, because if he says he is going to shoot someone when he's at school, he can be suspended, even if he is just a kindergartener.

While it's common for kids to be interested in guns, and I discovered the banning toy guns does not stop them from making "guns" out of the darndest things, I think kids today really have no idea of the permanence of the damage of being shot. They see cartoons and video games of people being shot and getting up and walking away, getting shot dozens of times without falling over dead. How could they possibly understand? They've never seen a real shooting, just these fantasy images where everyone is okay.
Good luck!

It's possible that you may not realize how much violence your child may be exposed to. A lot of "children's" cartoons use gun violence & fighting to solve crimes & other problems. Super hero type shows, most of the shows you might see on Cartoon Network, that try to pass off violence & rude, crude behavior as funny. Also most video games today use violence & various forms of gore & killing. Even watching the TV news is exposing your kids to violence. Keep a close watch & see what your kids are really watching & learning, & cut back or out completely if necessary.
Also, I think it's a good idea to have someone speak to him about the true dangers of guns, like a police officer, and no second chances or "reset" button once something bad happens. He must understand that shooting anyone or anything is permanent.

I give you a lot of credit for reaching out and askign for advice. I would definately talk to your ped. about it. Just mention it and see what they say. You mention forgetting this one time thing but he has said it towards you and your other child. Just to ease you mind I think you should ask the ped. You could always talk to school professional too (if he's in school). I think it will just make you feel more at ease if you talk to someone. Good luck.

dismiss it. he's 5. he will keep saying it to you for the shock value and the reaction he gets, especially if in anger.....a lot of 5 yr olds do this...mine never saw anything worse than winnie the pooh and he did...

dont show it bothers you. and during some quiet conversation time you could discuss it, when its not a big deal.
i grew up with guns in the home, in my reach. i never even considered it once, so it has no bearing...he's found your button to push thats all.my husband is in fbi and army guard. my oldest did those little mind games, my youngest did not.

its more about temperment and strong wills. i completely freaked out the 1st time my oldest said it and man did he get the power from my reaction...now, its a nonissue and hasnt been heard in over a year...he's only 5...they grow out of it....dont worry.
and a kid will turn a stick into a gun or a sword so dont freak out. it will pass.

Dear E.,
My son was also obsessed with guns, and the military, for as long as I can remember - about age 2. I tease that he did not cry when he was born, but made the sound of a machine gun. We encouraged his interest. He had water guns, toy guns, even a stick was a gun to him. Later, he got a BB gun, with strict rules and his Dad made a target for him. At age 8, he took 2nd place in a skeet shooting contest against mostly grown men. From age 11 - 18, our 7-acre yard became the paintball capital of town with 3 forts they built in the woods - at least we could keep a close eye on the boys. Growing up, he also watched and read anything involving the military: battles, generals, etc. We have visited every battlefield up and down the east coast. This led to a keen interest in history, which he has always shared with his Dad. (Me, I still can't remember a single date of interest in history.)
This month, Mark will graduate from college at the top of his class with a degree in history. He went to college on the ROTC program, and will be commissioned as a lieutenant in the Army. He followed his dream; to be military career personel. As parents, this has always scared us, but nevertheless, we encouraged him every step of the way.
What I'm trying to say is that just because your son has a interest in guns, doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It just needs to be handled in a correct manner. Especially since he shows an interest in police officers, in his mind guns have a positive connotation. From what you said, I believe the comments he made were more from frustration than wanting to actually cause any harm to anyone.
I hope my story has helped.
Best regards, W.

I think he said "shoot" because of his interest in guns, could just have easily have been hit, kick, cut, whatever you in the face. I would definatly have a police officer talk to him about guns if that is why he is interested in guns.
My husband, father-inlaw and almost all of our/their friends are big time hunters and all have several guns in the home, so I worry about educating my daughters enough and in time so that it won't be an issue.
Since he shows such an interest in guns I would make sure that any friends/family you visit have there guns stored in a safe or somewhere where he cannot get to them.

E.,

My husband and I have always disagreed on the gun issue. He is a former police officer and has been around and used guns since he was a kid. One thing we do agree on is that guns are not toys. They are dangerous weapons used soley for killing animals or other people.

We suggest you and your husband sit your son down for a chat. Tell him that guns are not toys. Police officers use guns only if they are in extreme danger and there is no other choice. I don't know if a 5 year old will understand this, but maybe if you phrase it so that its age appropriate, when a P.O. shoots his gun there are always serious consequences.

He is a little too young for a class in shooting and gun safety, and I'm not sure you and your husband even want to go that route, but it will teach him to have a healthy respect for firearms.

I also think having a Police Officer talk to him is a great idea.

Good luck. Please let us know what happens. This was a very interesting question.

R.

Take him to a therapist AND talk to your local police station to see if they have any seminars on gun violence you all could attend.

Do NOT ignore this obsession.

Nanc

Hi E.,

I think all boys go through a violence and guns/weapons phase. My boy's started when he discovered Star Wars through a Lego Star Wars video game at an Apple store (Couldn't invent this!) at the same age, and is not over yet. We don't have guns in the house (we're both opposed to it), and at the time he wasn't allowed to watch anything violent either (changed a little bit by 6.5 years old).

I think that your son has entered this phase, and he was trying on you a sentence he heard in school, without knowing what it really means. Unless he starts to try to hurt toys, insects, animals, people or otherwise show signs that he likes real violence (vs. play violence, where no one gets hurt), you don't need to worry.

Before I go further, I have to say that my husband and I believe that we can't fully protect our children from violence; there is just too much going on that if they are not exposed to now; they will be exposed to it at one point or another; they may have impulse for violence and aggressivity that are inborn; so it's better to prepare them and teach them how to deal with it than to completely avoid it.

So here's what we did with my son to channel and limit this impulse: We explained to him that guns are very dangerous, that they kills forever (our cat's death (of natural causes) helped drive the idea home, since he has seen what death is like) and taught him that you NEVER, EVER point anything remotely looking like a gun (even the Nerf thing we bought him, that is bright yellow, is only vaguely shaped like a gun and throws soft foam darts maybe 3 feet away) toward somebody. The latter rule is because I don't trust him to be always able to make the difference between a real and a fake gun and if, God forbid! he found himself in a house with a gun, I want to make sure that nothing happens.

We also regularly reinforce the messages that violence is bad, that guns solve nothing and are the tool of cowards, that he should never ever start a fight, that guns, including toy ones, are NEVER to be pointed at another living thing (human or animal), and that if he feels angry at someone, there are other ways to deal with it than fighting or hurting them.

We got him this one Nerf gun, and otherwise limited his toy weapons to light-sabers and a plastic sword. He loves having fights with them, and shooting his "gun" at the wall, but it hasn't made him any more violent in normal life.

As a matter of fact, a couple of months ago he mentioned that he loved violence, to which I answered "really?" and he elaborated: "I like fake violence, but I hate real violence. Fake violence is fun, real violence hurts!" Outside of those games, he is still the nice, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly boy I've always known.

Hope this helps,
K.

as a mother of 5 lil boys...he sounds normal to me...I never until about 2 years ago let my boys have any guns...they didn't watch any tv or movies with those things yet it would amaze me that they would go outside and every stick and rock turned into a sword/gun/missle/bomb....I've come to accept that it's in their nature...my boys are 9,8,7,5,and 2 now...i let them have waterguns and my husband bought them starwars lightsabers(these are all outside toys only) and they have nerf dartguns with a target...we've set up rules...no shooting in the face or someone who's not playing with you and so on...I guess my point is i decided to stop fighting it and start letting them play with rules...we've of course spoken about the difference between real guns and when your son makes a comment of shooting someone I would just say simply "that would hurt them/me. would you want to hurt them/me?" odds are the answer is no he wouldn't want to hurt anyone...but playing with that stuff to them is like having dolls to care for with most lil girls (and i've seen all my boys nurse their stuffed animals too)I think balance is the key...goodluck!!

There is plenty of good, practical advise here already. You might want to check out a book titled "Under Dead Man's Skin." It was written by a kindergarden teacher about childrens' make believe violent play. In her class one year she kept track of what kind of pretend play the children liked to play and found most of the boys and many of the girls played games involving shooting, death and other violent themes. She concluded that this kind of make believe helped kids process real life violence and aggression. If you are not seeing other violent or aggressive behavior it might not be a reason to panic. Just keep an eye on it and see if he understands consequences of his actions in an age appropriate way. Probably his understanding will improve a lot as he gets to be 7 or 8.

I think every little boy at that age talks about guns,
whether they are in the house or not. It is like an
inborn kind of thing. I am sure on the playground other
boys pretend play and talk of guns. I would consider this a one time kind of incident. Just watch and listen.
If you think it is a problem, talk to someone. Boys
like to keep Moms on their toes.