Video Games

J., my kids have always earned their screen time. I mean, other than homeschooling videos or computer research,,, the have to earn all screen time. If their room is tidy and bed neat in the mornings they earn 5 min. if they do the vacuming, pick up the common areas, another 5 min here, 5 min. there.. We use a star chart to remind us of how many inutes everyone has acquired.

Hope this helps,
A.

1 mom found this helpful

Boy-sounds like I wrote this!ha What I finally did was set limits. He can only play his playstation on Wednesday, Friday, and the weekend. And only an hour on those days-unless told otherwise. Other than that he is not to ask to play or he will lose that privilige.

It has worked thus far.

Make it a reward system for him.

Sit down with him and write up a list of ways he'll get to play video games.

For example. If he reads 20 pages of a book, he gets 30 minutes. Use a timer- get a cheap one at the dollar store or use the sleep timer that's built in to most TVs.

With my son- who is four- we use the ticket system. He gets one ticket per chore he does. He gets a ticket per book he reads. (Most of his books are only ten pages with three to five words per page.) If I catch him doing something nice or polite, I can give extra tickets. (Such as saying please or thank you without prompting, covering his mouth when coughing...)

It takes 20 tickets for a half hour of game time.
For 50 tickets I'll take him to McD's. For 100 tickets I take him to Chuck E Cheese. For 200 tickets I buy him a game and he gets half an hour a day to play.

You can't take tickets away with this system, you can only elect to not give them- such as there was too much prompting, or there was talking back.

The issue you are having is that he sees it as a "right" and not a "priveledge". By turning it into a reward, and offering the option to save up tickets, you'll have a remarkably helpful young man on your hands.

I am going to be completely frank with you, and I have to admit, finally to myself also. My 17 year old has been playing games for years. I didn't condone it, but my husband did. One of those, "I never had anything growing up, so my son will get some of the things I couldn't have" situations.

I have found over the years that my sons moods actually change sometimes when he is playing certain games. Now, you need to know that I am NOT of the mind that video games will make my child do devious acts or that they are evil. But, I have no problem standing up to anyone that they do affect your children.

For instance, the Mature games. Your child is shooting people and blood is splattering out of them. I know, you will never let your child play those kinds of games. And good for you if he never does. But after like 10 years of playing, that is what the games in our house have led to. My son would start getting mad if he was getting beat, actually seriously mad. I would then tell him to shut it down. If a game you are playing "for fun", makes you feel like that, it's time to put it away.

The graphics these days are amazing. And along with that goes the reality of what is actually going on. One of the games actually has drugs and prostitution on it. For pete's sake! I do monitor what he plays and if I am with him I tell him No for certain games. He knows I mean it and doesn't argue. But he also knows that next month Dad will probably let him rent it.

I know I kind of got off track here. I guess my bottom line is: get fun games that actually throw some education in. yes, set a time limit. I think an hour a day is quite enough. Especially in the warmer weather. If we get snowed in, I might let it go a little longer. I will be honest and say my son plays longer than that. But, he does have a 4.0 and is doing fine in school.

Make your rules and stick to them. But remember, keep an eye on those games. They really have gone way too far on some of them and the morals are just not there at all.

R.

There is a product on the market that helps with this. I can't remember the name of it but I recall seeing it on tv some time ago. It plugs into the wall and your electronic plugs into it. After a preset time, it just goes off. This way you could tell your son, it is acceptable to play from like 6-6:30 every night then the game automatically shuts down. If memory serves, I believe this device has a lock on it so he can't reset it or anything. Worth looking into. Good luck, Shannon G.

Our kids are only allowed to play on the weekends. They get a choice between Friday evening and Sunday before dinner, and they can play on Saturday...unless we have other plans, in that case, they simply miss out on the video games. Every time my 6 yr old asks if he can play, all I have to do is ask HIM what day it is.

He's not too young to have his own planner/calendar. If he asks and asks again, for each time he asks, that's five minutes off his time. He needs to find other hobbies, like reading, doing puzzles, etc.

In addition, this child needs to learn balance. Talk to him about things like......what if Mommy did laundry all day and didn't cook, didn't go to work, didn't clean? What if you watched TV or read a book all day and didn't work, cook, do laundry, etc. Talk about BALANCE and the importance of other things.

I would make SURE he reads a certain number of books over the summer....at least two or three a week, have projects...with you, your husband or his grandfather or grandmother, etc. PLANNED to do so that he has other things to look forward to.

Who knows....you might find he likes something else better and decides he doesn't want to spend as much time with the game. In addition, there should absolutely be a certain about of time set aside for PHYSICAL activity....whether that be time at the park, riding his bike, etc. Too many kids don't get near enough physical activity.

Again.....teach him the importance of planning & balance!

You mentioned that you can stick to the rules when it comes to your children's health & saftey -- I have NO doubt that you want the best for your children and their well-being.
I'd suggest that you start researching (and learn from other experiences moms/families) more about video games and their effect on our children and their futures. When you do this, you'll find that studies show a huge increase in ADD, lower IQ, lack of motivation, inability to interact and entertain themselves....not to mention that it easily becomes an addiction; you can apply all of the studies on addiction as well.
From my psychology background, observation, and hearing from so many wives, mothers, and others about how their husbands are more interested in games than human interaction (we shouldn't raise our sons to be this way),all their kids want is games etc, I really think that we need to re-evaluate what we buy our children and let them put into their lives at such a young age.
Not meant to be judgemental at all, just want to share this with others out of love and to preserve our future generation ;0)
Blessings to you and your family.

As his M. sometimes you have to be the bad guy. Restrictions and limits are an important part of learning. It is difficult but love sometimes needs to be "tough" in order for the lesson to be learned.

I personally would get rid of the game until he is older and has to maturity to handle it better.

My kids are 17 and 12 and have never had a video system or Gameboy. I really think that 4 and 5 are awfully young to be tied up in video games so much. They need to be outside and active, etc. Getting them addicted so young will only make it harder as they grow older. You are either going to have to be the bad guy and stick to the limits...no matter how obsessed he is, or get rid of it all together. You can even go so far as to say, "if you mention the Wii to Mom again, you won't get to play at all today". I have done that with my girls over several things.

It may be an uphill battle for a while, but your kids will be better off not getting into the habit of gaming all the time. I would really reconsider this...or at least stick to the boundries.

My son is also obsessed with video games. So, at our house we implemented a "money" system. He gets paid fake money (we made star wars money on the computer) for all the things he is supposed to do. For example, he gets 10 dollars if he wakes up on his own with his alarm clock. He gets 15 dollars for brushing his teeth, 25 dollars for feeding the dog, 100 dollars for doing good at school that day, etc... Then, he has to PAY to do the things he wants to do. Watching a movie? 200 dollars please. Having an extra snack? 15 dollars please. Coloring, playing in his room, playing outside, etc.. are all things we have chosen as "free" items. He can do those whenever he wants. We keep all of the items listed for payment and purchase on a daily sheet on the fridge and he gets "paid" every night before he goes to bed. This system is great because it allows you to prioritize what you would like to teach him is important in his life. For example, our son gets paid more money to behave well in school and get good grades than he does for anything else. We also make movie watching and x-box time one of the more expensive things to do. This teaches our son many things. First, to set priorities. Once his money is gone, he doesn't get to do the things on his list. At first he spent all his money playing x-box. That was great until he wanted to spend the night at a friends house. We didn't even have to say too much. We just asked if he had the right amount of money to go. He said no and we said well...there is your answer. He has never made that mistake again! It also teaches him budgeting (because it is money) and how to count money as well. It took us some time to find what amounts worked best for us (so he didn't get too little or too much money a day) and his paper changes during the summer because the waking up and school stuff isn't there. Anyway, I hope this wasn't too confusing. If you need me to explain it more or you would like me to send you a copy of the sheet we use, just send me a message with your phone number and I will call you to talk about it more. Good luck!

hi We have the same probelm with Nintendo DS.... I only allow it in the car now. However, with your gaming system being in the house. We have ours set up so that it is very difficult to get on the tv. I claim to be ignorant and only daddy can "fix"it. If it's raining somehow daddy left it on for them. But when daddy i shome, we only allow it for one hour at 4pm. regardless of afterschool activities, soccer practce etc. So, if soccer pratice is at 4 then gaming is out of the question because that is the time the game can be on excpet for special days. Afer a few days of poopooing, my four kids get it now and they have found that they are outside into something more fun at the time we alloted, so they rarely play anymore.

Personally we are waiting to our son a game system until he is 13. Maybe a gameboy when he's 11. I think they are not a good idea, myself.

I set a time for the kids after dinner to play games on the wii. I set a time limit of 1 hr. and stick to it. I may have to shut it off on them and listen to a bunch of whining for a while but eventually they get over it. I also allow them to play their game boys for 1 hr. after their homework is done. They have a total of 2 hrs. a day for games and that is it. When time is up it is up. If the kids keep asking me to play before hand I tell them if they keep asking they will not be allowed to play at all. With the better weather now my kids do their homework and go outside to play. They hardly pick up the game systems now. They may play for 20 min. then they are out the door to go play outside. Make up a guideline for your son to follow and make sure you stick to the guideline no matter how much whining or begging he does.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

Hi J.~

I give my children a time limit for the day of an hour. (this includes time on the computer, game systems and t.v.). It is their choice as to how they want to use their time. I put the responsibility on them to let me know their choice for the day. A small timer (or the one on the microwave) helps them to track their time. If they go over their time, they lose their privileges for the next day. While I have never had my children purposefully attempt to cheat the system, if they did the consequences would be greater. (I believe that consequences for "willful disobedience" should always be greater) This is done to make THEM accountable and to increase their own responsibility for themselves. (Giving children responsibility and holding them accountable builds self esteem.) I had to monitor them when we first started this system...now, they take responsibility for themselves. (I still "spot check" to make sure the system is working)

Also, all chores and homework must be completed beforehand!

Hope this helps!

I have a 6 year old grandson who must earn minutes to play the Wii by doing various chores.
For example, last week he helped put out mulch in order to earn minutes.
He and his 8 year old brother are happy to do chores in order to earn minutes.
In your case, your son should have minutes subtracted every time he bothers you about it.
Nip that behavior in the bud for your own mental health.

J.,
This will sound so harsh, but I DO know where you are and what works 100% of the time is to get rid of it. The bottom line is that it's addictive and he's too young to monitor himself and for you, it's not worth the headaches. Life is too short and family is too precious to be controlled by the TV,computers, or video games.
Wishing you peace and success.

something else to throw out there:

have you rearranged his toys lately? does he have any new toys? are they age apporpriate? a new bike? something to get excited about besides the wii?

my son usually wants to play computer/watch videos when he's bored. but when his toys are accessible and rotated and interesting to him he can spend lots of time imagining and playing and being a cute little boy.

maybe you can pick up a new exciting toy or two at a yard sale, something that can capture his attention AND his imagination!

My husband and brother in law are 30 & 35 and they are the same way... :O) When you figure it out let me know...lol

My son will be 7 in August and LOVES video games too! We have set a time limit for him...1 hour each day. He can pick when his hour is, and once it is over it is over. I have used the timers in our home (cell phone, kitchen, etc.) and when the timer goes off he knows that he is to stop playing. I also use the games as an incentive to do the right thing. If he is mean to his sister or doesn't listen, for example, then I warn him and tell him I will start taking game time away. He then fixes the behavior because he doesn't want to loose his time. There are times when he looses the game time for the entire day and I do put other restrictions on when needed. For example, I will tell him he can play after he cleans his room. This may take a week sometimes, but I don't give in regardless of how many times he tells me I am mean. Eventually the room gets cleaned because he really wants to play! If he wants to play Playstation and the computer games, then he has to split his time. This system has worked great for us. He gets to play the games he likes, but he doesn't get to spend hours upon hours doing this like older kids sometimes do. Hope this helps!

Please do not let the play too much. I give my kids an hour a day. If you don't manage that you may up with problems down the road that you could not have predicted. My son is addicted and it has impacted his social skills, attention span, language. Boys are already not strong at language this will cause them to talk less or use language less and interact with others less. Please encourage more outside play and board games. Set up play dates. I wish I would have done this more. Now I see specialists and psychologists. We are getting better but I am angry with myself for not turning it off more in the past. (It was due to being tired and being busy) Hope you find the strength and courage to do the right thing for your child.

I think every child goes through an obsession of some sort or other. We have avoided the entire video game thing - our children have only 1 plug-n-play game set and a dance mat.
They have some computer games we allow on rainy days or when homework is finished. One idea would be to give him "tokens" such as poker chips that he can "redeem" for video game time.
You decide how many per day/week he receives and then have the final say on when they are used, but once he is out of tokens he's done. That way it is just like a Chuck E Cheese game. I am big on outside and active time whenever possible, but my children have other obsessions that they have to learn how to budget time for. It isn't easy, and we as parents often give in because we can't stand the asking/whining any more, but try to stick to whatever type of system you decide on. Consistency is the key. Good luck!

The 10 year old living with me has a PC (my old desk top) he can play games only on (no internet connection) and a Play Station 1 and a Play Station 2 (gifts from other family members for Christmas three years apart). He has a couple of little hand held games as well.
I only allow him an hour a day. I think that is more than enough time, yes, I set a timer. Time is up, and when I say stop now, I mean it or he scarfices the time he would normally get for the next day.
If I am repeated bugged about when he can play I deduct 5 minutes from the time he is allowed to play. A couple of times he had it down to 15 minutes, and I did not back down.
The children today spend to much time on the computer, sitting with these Video games, watching television, and not enough time reading, interacting with other people, and playing outside with their peers.
They are becoming socially retarded (bad term but actural fact) and handicaped.
They can put together a puzzle, play a board game, draw a picture, or write a letter on a rainy day just as easily.
Good Luck,
P. R

Sounds just like my son. I have found that just saying "later" or even saying you can play at 4:00 does nothing to placate them, at this age they need something else to occupy their time. Either let them play now and definitely set a timer for their sake and yours (if I don't set the timer I forget to turn it off), or tell them when and what they should be doing in the mean time. For example, play outside for half an hour then you can play a game, or after we get back from the store, etc. Their minds get so fixated on the games that they can't think of what else to do. We keep a timer in the room next to the Wii. Depending on what's going on can determine how long he can play - for example, if it's a gorgeous day 30 minutes, if it's pouring down rain - 60.

My ds has a 2 hour limit for tv/computer/etc. It works out well, because it is enough tv for him to feel he has gotten enough, and I feel fine with it because he still has a lot of time to run around, get creative, etc.

When I first set the limit, if he asked for more, I'd just say "you've had your 2 hours. That's it." in a matter of fact voice. You gotta ignore any crying/whining/etc.
Now, ds actually turns the tv off him self about a half hour to an hour into it and wants to do something else.

such a video dilemma! they are addicting, that's for sure. The "easiest" way to deal with the constant begging would be to get rid of the system all together. I know that isn't always realistic.
we do have a PS2 system as of this past christmas. we have set strict guidelines from the beginning. Such as, in order to play you must ask first.......if the answer is no and there is whining then the game goes away for a week. If the kids abide by the rules and don't whine about it or constantly ask ~ then as a fun thing, Dad will challenge thm at a game, or I will let them choose "difficult" songs for me and see if I can clear the dance mat. It's a way we can play together, have fun, and not spend very much time in front of the tv. we also do not have any (but one) games that are not active or educational. I let them play about 30 minutes every other day (sometimes each day depending on weather) and everyone seems happy with that time. I hope those ideas may help you .........or allow you to come up with new ideas that work for your family. good luck.

I'm surprised you haven't gotten more responses to this one yet!!

My kids are younger and in fact, we received a VSmile from the grandparents for christmas which I returned because I didn't want to get into exactly what you are dealing with. LOL

Anyway I would recommend tying "screen" time to a reward system. I like the tickets idea, but that is too much detail work for me personally. The other alternative if you don't want to do all the "bookkeeping", is to have a set amount each day or week. If he is old enough to have a weekly limit, then he can learn the skills of budgeting. i.e. If I use all my minutes on Sunday, then I won't have any left for next Wednesday. You could start the week on the weekend so that he could freely use the minutes without going into school time. If you would allow 30 minutes a day, that would be 210 in the bank on Friday night. If he uses it all on Saturday, then he has nothing left for Sunday, etc.

Anyway, this budgeting idea is just a brainstorm I had as I was typing...age 6 might be too young to implement something like this.

Good luck.

My suggestion would be to set a time that the system can be played and a list of everything that needs to be done before it can be played (chores, etc.). If everything is not completed in time or he asks more than so many times to play, then he can't play. With it being nice out, we have told our son that he needs to play outside if it is nice and then play later in the evening or if it is raining. I would put expectations of cleaning his room and completing other chores as a way to encourage him to help with the family home and some responsibility before playing it.

I just heard last week on a morning show

allow anyone to have
ONLY
2 hours of
SCREEN TIME
daily!

That is computers, TVs, hand held games - or anything with a screen!

I know some kids can get real hooked to video games badly. My younger son is hooked to it. I had been trying to get him to play less with video games. So, I decided to sign up for my sons to play sports and scouts to keep them busy. That way they would be too busy for video games. Also, when they are bored, they would ask me if they could play video games, I often think of excuses for them not to play video games right now, so I asked them to clean up their bedroom, throw away the trash for me, and some chores. That way it would delay their time to start playing video games, and they will just play games for a short time before dinner time or bed time.
I agree with Rhonda about video game can effect kids having bad mood. It does effect my sons. They would get real mad when they get beat in the game. They would fight each other over it. Whenever it happens, I told them to turn the game off now. Also, you need to keep your eye on video ratings. You wouldn't believe some videos that are not suit for young kids. I am shocked when I see those games. I forbid for my boys to play Mature and some Teenager games.
Board games is a great idea! My family really enjoy playing those games.
Good luck