Video Game Obsession

I totally agree with B.

He needs to EARN the right to use it - grades, behavior, chores. If his older sister is earning the right to use it, then she gets to play. Once he earns the right, then he can play too.

Lockbox at night for the whole family until he can learn to control himself.

You are dealing with a lot of heart issues here. The tantrums over losing and having to stop playing, the sneaking around and not obeying rules, the stealing of the controls, etc.

This is about a lot more than video games. This is about character and what kind of man he is growing into. These are serious issues and a lock box might take care of the surface problem but won't be addressing the heart issues at all.

If it were my son, he would be completely done with the wii for at least a month. And that would include watching others play. But during that month he would be glued to my side and we would be talking about the heart issues. He would be my cooking partner, my reading partner, my "everything I'm doing you are doing no matter how much of an inconvenience that is for me" partner. I don't know if you are a practicing christian, but there are MANY bible verses that are great memory work about honesty, integrity, being a man, taking responsibility, dealing with disappointment, etc. It would be what we would work on while cooking together and setting tables together and cleaning together and doing laundry together and reading together. I would try to make the together time fun. I would try to make it a time where heart to heart talks are encouraged. But I would be COMPLETELY firm and unrelenting about the not getting to watch/use the wii for a month. I'd make a calendar and cross off the days visually for him. If he lies/sneaks/steals about the wii again, I'd lengthen his time so he sees a correlation between his behavior and the wii loss. Then my focus would be totally on the lying/sneaking/stealing.

Another thing to think about is wii playing is said to release pleasure endorphins in the brain. Most computer game playing does. Is there anything else in his life that does that? (Physical activity does it as well.) Do you play games as a family? Is he successful in other areas? Does he interact well with other children his age or does the wii playing fulfill his need for interaction? Just things to think about. Wii is fun but not very healthy, esp. if it is taking the place of a normal social life.

Good luck. This is a really important battle. Handle it with grace, humor, and love...and steel.

VickiS

If hiding isn't working, it's time to lock it up. A combination padlock and a lock box should do the trick. Game playing is always a privilege, not a right. Good behavior will earn him so many hours a week of playing. Explain to him it's no fun for anyone if people can't play fair or are poor losers. He has some growing up to do.

When you tell him he has 30 min or an hour or whatever to play, set a timer. I found my kids were much less resistant to stopping when it came from an inanimate object rather than me!

It's time to sit down as a family and put down some rules for video game playing. We have a wii and my boys love to play video games. No video games are allowed on school nights unless it's a special day(like a birthday) and no video games unless their rooms are clean and homework is done.
We have also had problems with the "melt down" when my son isn't winning or he doesn't get his way. When any of them start whining- the game goes off. We have explained that it's a game and you are supposed to have fun playing it- if you are whining, you aren't having fun so you can't play. Same goes for fighting, if they fight over the video game, it goes off.
As for your son sneaking into your room to get the controllers to play the video game...All I can say is that if it was my son, the first time, he would get a spanking and be grounded from video games for a while- the second time, I would either get rid of his favorite game(making sure he came with me to give it to the thrift store so he knows he's not getting it back) or I would get rid of the whole game system. It would really tick me off that he would completely disregard mine and my husband's authority as parents by sneaking in our room to steal a control and play video games.- but that's just me. You do need to be a little more assertive- you are the parent and he needs to follow the rules you and your husband have put in place- that might take getting rid of his favorite video game or maybe if you have a friend to loan the wii to for a while, but he needs to see real consequences for his actions. Be sure to Follow Through- with what ever you and your husband decide because your son will test you!
Good Luck!
~C.

I would make a behavior chart and when he earns a determined amount of stars, he earns 30 minutes of game time. I would,also, have game rules posted(for the enitre family) in the gaming area. Go over the rules and make sure they are completely understood by your son and have each family memeber sign the rules sheet to show they agree to follow them. I would only allow games on Fri-Sun, only reasonable hours, anger, disrespectful behavior, mistreatment of the game, etc would qualify for instant shut down, and I'm sure you can come up with a couple of others. As for hiding the game controllers, you are grownups and he's 7. I'm sure you can take control of that situation. Good luck and be consistent.

Hi,
I completely agree with Vicki S. There is more at stake here than your son's outward behavior. You do want to get to his heart - however painful and inconvenient it is to walk that out. I would unplug the Wii altogether. I know it's not "fair" for the rest of the family but it would be a good learning experience that our behavior always affects others and how to show grace to others who are struggling. Plus it would show your son that you're serious about what's going on with him and that he's more important to you than having the Wii out for everyone. At our house, our boys only play Wii on the weekend. And yes, there have been times we have put the games and controllers up. Seek to understand your son's heart issues and perhaps you won't be revisiting this same kind of issue later on! A couple of great books - just in general - on family and parenting are:

Families Where Grace is in Place - Jeff VanVonderan
Relief for Hurting Parents - Buddy Scott

Hope this helps!
K.

My sister and law had a great idea for her son which was displaying the same type of behavior. She got poker chips and each poker chip represented an hour of screen time. They got 10 poker chips a week and could use them whenever they wanted but once they were gone they were gone. They could earn more by doing chores or other good deeds. Once their daughter got interested and they started to have the conflict over who got to play what then the other person could play with the person using their chip wanted them too and the person using their chip got to make all the decisions. Another stipulation was you could not use 2 chips sequentially so you would have to take an hour off between. Once your time was up, you had 5 minutes to wrap up your game or it cost you another chip.

You can certainly make up your own rules, but she posted them to make sure everyone understood them and she put her controllers and remotes in a locked cabinet. I laughed at her one night when we were visiting because she put the key on a ribbon around her neck and said she only took it off to shower. I remember at the time feeling it was somewhat extreme, but now chasing a rambunctious 2 year old around I realize that as parents we do the craziest things.

She said the best thing was that it was cut and dry and the kids somewhat had control (or at least they felt like they did) over the situation.

My son also has had meltdowns if he can't pass a level or if I say his hour is up. What has worked for me is explaining that the Wii is a game and games are supposed to make you happy, not sad or angry. If games are no longer fun...they make you cry or get angry...then it's time for a break. I explain he either needs to take a break now for 10 minutes and find something else to do or the Wii gets put away for the night. I also say that taking the break may help him refocus on the level and most times he can pass it once he comes back to it.

If he escalates it towards a tantrum then he loses video priviledges for 3 days (I put him to his room for time out, disconnect the Wii itself and put it on a high shelf behind other things in a closet, in the trunk of the car, the attic...wherever he won't find it, while he's in his room so he can't see). It comes out again when he's at school or sleeping so he doesn't find the hiding place. He escalated it the first few times but now taking a break has become much less of an issue.

My son also has a problem with transitions so with all fun things, I give him advanced warning that his time is almost up. I start at "You have 15 more minutes". Then 10. Five more minutes. This is the last game. Thank you, honey; I appreciate you listening and turning off the game when I asked. I find he responds much better this way.

Lastly, my son likes to push the envelope and test me. When he thinks he can circumvent my authority I calmly explain that these are the rules in my house. He will listen and obey or he will lose the item he wants. He has tried to grab the controllers back, find the Wii when it was taken away, etc. I calmly explain that if he continues with these bad choices then I will have to get rid of the Wii. He gets the three strikes warning to change his attitude. My son has lost toys through bad choices before so he knows I mean what I say and I'd follow through if I had to. So far, he still has the Wii so I'd have to say these tactics have worked for me. I hope any or all of these suggestions are a help to you, too. Good luck!

At my house we have the following rules when it comes to "video games":

During school months: No XBOX, or Wii on school nights
Summer Months: Video games ONLY before breakfast and not until after dinner

I think his behavior is pretty normal. When I saw things getting out of hand like that at my house is when I enforced the above rules. Cut back on the playing time and the attitude should get back to normal:)

The Wii is easy to unplug, if hiding the controllers isn't working for you...but if my kid was sneaking the controllers when he wasn't supposed to, he would loose his playing privileges for awhile....