24 answers

Very Rude Team Mom - Should I Say Something?

I’m team Mom for my son’s soccer team along with another Mom.

This Mom is extremely outspoken. I’ve heard her speak her mind without regard to anyone’s feelings and has said her share of rude comments. I’ve known a few parents like her in our experiences with team sports but she definitely takes the cake!

This past Saturday I was talking to all the Moms about having the team party this week. One of the Moms wasn’t there but her husband was. This other team Mom does not like the Dad and has expressed this many times. I mentioned that I was going to go ask the Dad if they were available on the day we had agreed on and this Team Mom immediately jumped in and said “We are NOT inviting him! He is rude, unpleasant and I don’t want him at the party! He’s Muslim and is every bit the stereotype of one! ” As the Moms and I were in shock at what she was saying I looked at her and said “I can’t believe you just said that” while another Mom saying she must have heard her wrong and that there is no way she is saying what she is saying.

She had NO problem repeating what she said and that she will in no way invite this Dad or the Mom who is equally as rude. When we asked her why she was saying this she gave us examples of how uninvolved he is with the team, how he ignores everyone and talks down to everyone. None of us have seen this but apparently she has. Nonetheless, really? Just for those reason??!

Talk about an uncomfortable and angering situation. I was literally appalled. Without another word I just walked over to the Dad and told him about the team party. The other Moms were thrilled that I did that.

In my opinion I don’t CARE how the other team Mom feels! The son played with the team and never missed a game. He should be invited to the team party just as much as all the other boys.

Well needless to say the other team Mom was pissed! She sent me a scathing email telling me that I was out of line and that she had requested NOT to invite this family and that she had just as much say in it.

At this point it is not worth it to me to start a war with her and I’m wondering if I should just get the league involved and have them talk to her. What do you think? What would you do? The team party is this week and I'm tempted to tell her to have her husband bring her son and for her to stay home! Or was I WAY out of line inviting te Dad after she said not to?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

ABM to answer your question...seriously! Even without the Muslim comment everything she said was downright rude and inconsiderate. Don't you agree??? I was shocked even BEFORE she made the Muslim comment.

The party is at a pizza parlor.

JessicaWessica - I took your advice and sent her what you suggested. It remains to be seen if she makes an appearance tonight or not! If not, her loss.

I did decide to involve the league so that she is not team parent next time. Way too toxic!

Thanks for all your support, encouragement and advice.

Featured Answers

You did the right thing all throughout the situation. Her "feelings" on the family don't matter except in the fact that she's being a bully and was out of line. She doesn't have the authority or the right to exclude a boy from a team event just because she dislikes the parents for no real reason other than being racist.

I would remain polite to her and keep it professional. Respond with, "I'm sorry that you're upset but this is a team event. Let's get on with the business of planning the team party. If you don't feel comfortable including all the children and their families on the team then feel free to step down and I'll gladly take over."

7 moms found this helpful

What league are ya'll with? I'd imagine that the league would love to know that they have a racist bigot representing them as a leader role for one of their teams.

6 moms found this helpful

You are getting a lot of good advice, I also think you did the right thing. It's a "TEAM" party not a party for who she likes. I would remind her that, if she wants to throw another one, so be it, but everyone on the team should be invited, ALL TEAM MEMBERS!

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I would have simply said, "You don't have to come if you don't want to, but he deserves to be invited as much as you."

Good luck to you and yours.

7 moms found this helpful

You did the right thing all throughout the situation. Her "feelings" on the family don't matter except in the fact that she's being a bully and was out of line. She doesn't have the authority or the right to exclude a boy from a team event just because she dislikes the parents for no real reason other than being racist.

I would remain polite to her and keep it professional. Respond with, "I'm sorry that you're upset but this is a team event. Let's get on with the business of planning the team party. If you don't feel comfortable including all the children and their families on the team then feel free to step down and I'll gladly take over."

7 moms found this helpful

You did the right thing. I would tell the league though so she is not a team mom next season.

6 moms found this helpful

What league are ya'll with? I'd imagine that the league would love to know that they have a racist bigot representing them as a leader role for one of their teams.

6 moms found this helpful

Um....it's a team party--not her personal popularity contest.
You did exactly the right thing.
All you need to do now is to let her know you are moving ahead with a TEAM party on XYZ date, and she can either come or not. Her choice.

5 moms found this helpful

I would take this to the league. Aside from this being just all around horrible, someone who makes comments like that could get the league in serious trouble. They need to be aware of the situation.

5 moms found this helpful

You are getting a lot of good advice, I also think you did the right thing. It's a "TEAM" party not a party for who she likes. I would remind her that, if she wants to throw another one, so be it, but everyone on the team should be invited, ALL TEAM MEMBERS!

5 moms found this helpful

It's not her choice... and it's not about the parents. This is a kids' team, right? Why should that child be excluded b/c his parents are rude. I would have done the same thing. Continue with your party plans- if she doesn't want to attend that's her issue!

How are team moms selected? Volunteer, nomination, ?? I wouldn't get the league involved immediately, but you may want to strongly consider encouraging another, more inclusive mother to volunteer for the job next year!

4 moms found this helpful

I'd respond back to her that this is NOT a private party, it is a TEAM party, and NO ONE will be excluded and "not invited" If she has a problem with any of the parents, SHE is the one who has free choice to not attend. And I'd CC the coach and league director. She should not be allowed to be a "team Mom" if she is going to be so biggoted in her words and actions.

3 moms found this helpful

You did the right thing, no one should be left out of a TEAM party if they're a part of the team, some parents choose or are able to get involved more than others and that's fine. This Dad probably ignores the mom because he doesn't care for her either and it bothers her. And if this bully mom had gotten her way the poor boy wouldn't have been invited, that's not right. Sounds like this mom is incredibly immature, I would definitely report her to the league, racist comments are bad enough as it is let alone in a Little League.

3 moms found this helpful

The party is for the kids on the TEAM. It's not about the parents but the kid. She can choose not to come, but I think it would be worse to exclude the child. I would probably talk to the coach if you think she's going to raise a huge stink about it. Maybe go with the other moms who heard her. I suspect she will be outnumbered in her "vote" if it's really presented to the other parents.

3 moms found this helpful

I would politely remind her the party is for the KIDS not the parents. She just needs to suck it up, so what if she doesn't like the other parents - that is her issue and she needs to get over it.

The party is for the kids to celebrate their season and their hard work, and this boy certainly contributed to the season just as much as the others . You were not out of line and good for you for speaking up!

3 moms found this helpful

I would tell her that the team party is open to all the team participants and their families. Then I would say she exhibits more hostility and judgment than this man and is she has a problem with it then she can stay at home. I would then tell her if she can't curb her tongue then you will discuss it with the league.

3 moms found this helpful

I would forward her email to the league along with an explanation. Tell them that you would appreciate them explaining to her that her racist attitudes will not be tolerated and she does not get to prevent a family from coming to the party.

I would not answer her email at all. Do not share anything about this party with her - do all the work by yourself, show up at the party, and thank the dad for being there, along with his wife. Treat them with the same respect that you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes.

Really and truly, your question of were you out of line inviting the dad after she said not to is astounding to me. Are you really that much of a pushover? Do you really think that she should be able to get her way when she acts like this? I don't understand. You know that what she did is wrong.

Don't give in to this kind of thing. THAT's how Hitler ended up killing 12 million people. No one stood up to Hitler's bullies in the beginning. It was always "someone else" who was taken away. Don't be complicit in this kind of hate by letting people like her run over you roughshod.

D.

3 moms found this helpful

I personally would try to stay as calm as possible and try to gather every ounce of patience to deal with this co-team mom. Be the nice "guy" always. You will stand out to the other parents and they will support you...and it will make the other team mom look even more foolish.

I think you were totally justified in inviting the dad/boy to the party. The party is for the team..plain and simple. I don't think anyone is justified in keeping that boy away from the team...the fact that the dad&mom may be rude and talk down to others is no reason to exclude the boy.

Her comments were rude and inflammatory. I think she needs more mamas like you to stand up to her....nicely. I would definitely tell her that the party will go on with the mentioned family and it might be best if "SHE" stays home if she can not act like a grown up and put feelings aside for the children/team. This is a pary for heaven's sake...it is time to celebrate!!

I wish you luck. It is soooo sad when you volunteer your time and energy for kids and the hardest part of the job is dealing with parents who are acting like children.

3 moms found this helpful

If I were you I would call the league and report her. She totally crossed the line and the right thing to do here is to report her. Hoprefully her prejudice and mean spirit will get her banned from future games. That's what I would shoot for at least.

3 moms found this helpful

The child should ABSOLUTELY be invited to the team party. It is not about the parents and who likes who. It's about the kids, and every child on the team needs to be included- no question. How would she like if someone excluded her child because they don't like her? I would tell her that the party is for the kids, and her personal feelings about the dad need to be set aside. It sounds like she is very immature and needs to grow up.

3 moms found this helpful

You soooooooooooo did the right thing! How aweful is she? I'm not going to write more because i am just so pissed off.

3 moms found this helpful

you did the right thing. with or without the muslim comment, she was wayyyy out of line. wish some moms would find a hobby rather than try boss around other people.

3 moms found this helpful

it sound to me that nobody else likes this family but her, so i would invite them and if SHE chooses not to come oh well, her loss. but it would be unfortunate if she excluded her son because she is a clown!

2 moms found this helpful

It is NOT a private party. It is a team party and everyone on the team is invited. No exceptions. No nutjobs(ok, the nut jobs have to come too if they are on the team).

2 moms found this helpful

If she wants to throw her own party in her own house, then she can invite whomever she pleases. This is a party for the kids, and about the kids, not her. She should be ashamed of herself for making racist comments, judging someone because of their race, and for what she's probably teaching her kids. Good for you for getting the league involved.

And, no, don't respond to her, she clearly forgot to take her happy pills!

1 mom found this helpful

Where is the party? If she is the host, as appalling as it is I guess it is her prerogative to not invite the family to her home although this would be so mean to do to this little boy. Any other location she has no right to demand who should not be invited.

1 mom found this helpful

How upset would you be at this momif she said everything she said EXCEPT for the muslim part?

1 mom found this helpful

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