24 answers

Very Rude Team Mom - Should I Say Something?

I’m team Mom for my son’s soccer team along with another Mom.

This Mom is extremely outspoken. I’ve heard her speak her mind without regard to anyone’s feelings and has said her share of rude comments. I’ve known a few parents like her in our experiences with team sports but she definitely takes the cake!

This past Saturday I was talking to all the Moms about having the team party this week. One of the Moms wasn’t there but her husband was. This other team Mom does not like the Dad and has expressed this many times. I mentioned that I was going to go ask the Dad if they were available on the day we had agreed on and this Team Mom immediately jumped in and said “We are NOT inviting him! He is rude, unpleasant and I don’t want him at the party! He’s Muslim and is every bit the stereotype of one! ” As the Moms and I were in shock at what she was saying I looked at her and said “I can’t believe you just said that” while another Mom saying she must have heard her wrong and that there is no way she is saying what she is saying.

She had NO problem repeating what she said and that she will in no way invite this Dad or the Mom who is equally as rude. When we asked her why she was saying this she gave us examples of how uninvolved he is with the team, how he ignores everyone and talks down to everyone. None of us have seen this but apparently she has. Nonetheless, really? Just for those reason??!

Talk about an uncomfortable and angering situation. I was literally appalled. Without another word I just walked over to the Dad and told him about the team party. The other Moms were thrilled that I did that.

In my opinion I don’t CARE how the other team Mom feels! The son played with the team and never missed a game. He should be invited to the team party just as much as all the other boys.

Well needless to say the other team Mom was pissed! She sent me a scathing email telling me that I was out of line and that she had requested NOT to invite this family and that she had just as much say in it.

At this point it is not worth it to me to start a war with her and I’m wondering if I should just get the league involved and have them talk to her. What do you think? What would you do? The team party is this week and I'm tempted to tell her to have her husband bring her son and for her to stay home! Or was I WAY out of line inviting te Dad after she said not to?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

ABM to answer your question...seriously! Even without the Muslim comment everything she said was downright rude and inconsiderate. Don't you agree??? I was shocked even BEFORE she made the Muslim comment.

The party is at a pizza parlor.

JessicaWessica - I took your advice and sent her what you suggested. It remains to be seen if she makes an appearance tonight or not! If not, her loss.

I did decide to involve the league so that she is not team parent next time. Way too toxic!

Thanks for all your support, encouragement and advice.

Featured Answers

You did the right thing all throughout the situation. Her "feelings" on the family don't matter except in the fact that she's being a bully and was out of line. She doesn't have the authority or the right to exclude a boy from a team event just because she dislikes the parents for no real reason other than being racist.

I would remain polite to her and keep it professional. Respond with, "I'm sorry that you're upset but this is a team event. Let's get on with the business of planning the team party. If you don't feel comfortable including all the children and their families on the team then feel free to step down and I'll gladly take over."

7 moms found this helpful

What league are ya'll with? I'd imagine that the league would love to know that they have a racist bigot representing them as a leader role for one of their teams.

6 moms found this helpful

You are getting a lot of good advice, I also think you did the right thing. It's a "TEAM" party not a party for who she likes. I would remind her that, if she wants to throw another one, so be it, but everyone on the team should be invited, ALL TEAM MEMBERS!

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I would have simply said, "You don't have to come if you don't want to, but he deserves to be invited as much as you."

Good luck to you and yours.

7 moms found this helpful

You did the right thing all throughout the situation. Her "feelings" on the family don't matter except in the fact that she's being a bully and was out of line. She doesn't have the authority or the right to exclude a boy from a team event just because she dislikes the parents for no real reason other than being racist.

I would remain polite to her and keep it professional. Respond with, "I'm sorry that you're upset but this is a team event. Let's get on with the business of planning the team party. If you don't feel comfortable including all the children and their families on the team then feel free to step down and I'll gladly take over."

7 moms found this helpful

You did the right thing. I would tell the league though so she is not a team mom next season.

6 moms found this helpful

What league are ya'll with? I'd imagine that the league would love to know that they have a racist bigot representing them as a leader role for one of their teams.

6 moms found this helpful

Um....it's a team party--not her personal popularity contest.
You did exactly the right thing.
All you need to do now is to let her know you are moving ahead with a TEAM party on XYZ date, and she can either come or not. Her choice.

5 moms found this helpful

I would take this to the league. Aside from this being just all around horrible, someone who makes comments like that could get the league in serious trouble. They need to be aware of the situation.

5 moms found this helpful

You are getting a lot of good advice, I also think you did the right thing. It's a "TEAM" party not a party for who she likes. I would remind her that, if she wants to throw another one, so be it, but everyone on the team should be invited, ALL TEAM MEMBERS!

5 moms found this helpful

It's not her choice... and it's not about the parents. This is a kids' team, right? Why should that child be excluded b/c his parents are rude. I would have done the same thing. Continue with your party plans- if she doesn't want to attend that's her issue!

How are team moms selected? Volunteer, nomination, ?? I wouldn't get the league involved immediately, but you may want to strongly consider encouraging another, more inclusive mother to volunteer for the job next year!

4 moms found this helpful

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