Very Hateful 2 Year Old

First, I would disagree with the title of your post that your son is hateful. And second, I agree with the other Moms so far that he just isn't ready. With my oldest she knew when she had to go to the bathroom since she was 18 months old. I kept trying to push her to potty train and she kept having accidents. I finally just let it go and at 3 she just decided to go on her own. It was SO easy because something just clicked and she did it on her own and we haven't had any accidents in almost 18 months now. My nephew is having the same issue as your son. He has no problem peeing, but refuses to poop for his mom at home. At Grammie's or for an Aunt or Uncle, he has no problem going. I would just put him in diapers for pooping and let him decide when he wants to go. Once you stop pushing him he will probably do shortly after on his own. Good luck!

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C.,
My oldest, Sean was 4 1/2 before he pooped regularly in the toilet. He had no issues peeing in the toilet. I too did everything under the sun (bribe, encourage, punish) to get him to use the toilet. Sean would "steal" pull-ups, change out of his underwear, do his business, ask to be cleaned up and then put on his underwear again. Finally I just realized that for whatever reason he was not ready to poop in the toilet. Boys generally take longer to toilet train. Also the muscles used to poop are a completely different muscle group and it feels differently from peeing. After I just let it go and allowed him to use pull-ups and stopped pressuring him it went better. My stress was reduced as was his and within a few months he started going in the toilet. He was ready and he never had any accidents and it was HIS achievement. Most moms I've spoken to that have boys "toilet trained" at such any early age (2/3yrs) actually spend most of their time doing laundry, cleaning up accidents. As I said Sean never had any accidents when he was allowed to progress at his own pace. I think that as Moms we are led to believe if our chidren aren't TT by the age 2 and doing alegbra by 4 we are failures. We aren't. These are little people with their own timetables. I hope that this was helpful. Good luck, R.

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No worries Careaea, it is a control and attention issue. He has a new sibling, and you are spending all your time with the new baby. This is the one thing he can control, and that is really all it is about, and it demands your personal time when you have to clean him.

Think about it, we pick out what they wear, what they eat, pretty much their entire day, so this is one thing he can have control over where he decides if he'll comply or not. I would try to back off a little. Be strong about the potty thing, I mean other aspects of his life. Tell him we're going to poo in the potty, and there will be no more pooing in the pants, and if can go all day, he will get to do (insert here whatever thing, like he can pick what is for supper even if it's cereal or pudding, or he can pick what he wears that day, or he can choose what game the two of you play together). And then praise him when he chooses something, no matter how big or small, and make a big deal out of how he earned the right to do that by pooing in the potty.

Good luck!

I agree with most responses you've had already.
You sound stresed. Relax so Bryan can relax too. It usually all comes to us (Mom's) even though we may be tired, we are the adults.

Look at the situation from Bryan's point of view. There are 2 siblings who have grown up and are elsewhere. You have a baby brother who still is wearing diapers (of course) and has all Mom's attention. I can imagine his fear of loosing you if he grows up as well. He may be feeling it but of course not even be able to put it in words.

Talk to him, hugh him often, say he will always be your baby too. (At 3 ... he really is a baby still) and tell him if he needs more time you can try again later.. And do so, maybe in a month. If it still doesn't work, do try again in two or three months. Don't fret, relax. Having kids is a lot of work but it is worth it! Give him his toys back... Every child is different. They all have their own timetable.

enjoy your kids... today is a GREAT day.

(I have 3 kids: now 15, 14 and 13 years old)

Dear C.,

I think that you and your children are probably feeling the effects of both the divorce and the new baby. I will be praying for your whole family that you all will be able to make this transition smoothly.
Relax! The bigger deal that you make of it, the more it will happen. Lots of kids do it for the attention. Try to give him time during the day where you just read him books or play toys with him.
I have two suggestions: the first would be to let him do his own laundry whenever he misses (with your help). It's very time-consuming, but it's letting him learn from natural consequences. Secondly, I would suggest diapers or pull-ups. You are not a failure if your son isn't potty-trained by three!
You are a busy mother, and I will be praying for you. Keep up the good work, and I hope things get better for you really soon. ---------L.
P.S. Send me or any of these other Moms an email if you need to talk or pray with someone.

I would, and this may sound very hateful, tell him since he's not a big boy he has to go back to diaper like timothy. Babies are the only ones who boo boo in their pants.

My kid didn't like it at all.

Good luck

T.

Hi C.,
When I potty trained my oldest daughter (who is now 6) we had this same issue. We tried everything and she just wouldn't poop in the potty. I thought it was weird until I realized that she really hadn't figured out how to go on the potty. It is different than peeing and they have to figure it out. Mostly I think is figuring out how to relax enough to let it come out. After I figured that out, I concentrated my time on helping her figure out how to relax rather than stressing about it (which was probably making her less relaxed). I don't remember what all we did, but I did read books to her while she sat there and have her take deep breaths. The good news is that once she did it once, that was all it took. We didn't have any other problems. One thing I did read was that some kids need to be able to touch the floor while pooping, so if he is not on a little potty, you might give him a stool to put his feet on to see if that helps. I hope that helps. Try not to pressure him, but I know it is hard. We did all the wrong things before I stumbled on what actually helped.
M.

I didn't do this very often b/c I was scared of the mess, but sometimes letting them go without underwear or pants helps b/c they've got nothing to go in. I know my son would go really well when I did that, but like I said, I was too chicken to do it often. Never know where a mess might be. :)

oh, and I kinda disagree with going back to diapers like other people said... what's the point in all that work if you're just going to give up? it seems like a step backwards to me. pull-ups, maybe, but not diapers. he's a big boy, and he needs to know that.

I know it's frustrating. I'm dealing with potty training, too. Good luck!

That is also what happened to me. I just put him back in diapers and hoped that when summer came he would get to hot and not want the diapers any more. Well that is what happened and he just told me he did not want them any more and I said to him that he had to in the potty or I would put them back on and he did. Sounds easy but it was not. It is not worth fighting with them about something they are just not going to do. Plus I think he was jealous of the baby and that was his way of getting back.You are giving him attention. They don't care what kind of attention they are getting as long as they are getting it.

Good luck
A.

Some tips...never punish him (time out, taking away toys, etc.) while trying to toilet train. Punishment is for misbehaving, not a legitimate struggle to learn a new physical skill. Punishment in toilet training just sets them back. Many, many children are scared of pooping in the toilet for various reasons. Sorry I don't have a lot of advice of what to do, but I thought what not to do might help a little. Good luck.

I had the same exact problem with my almost 3 year old son. So trust me I feel your pain!! I know this may be extremely hard to do, but try your hardest not to get really upset when he goes in his pants. But when he goes in the potty praise him alot. Because children always want to make their parents happy. But theres also something else you can do go buy some underwear with his favorite cartoon character on them. Then suppose it's superman, say superman does not like it when he gets poo pooed on it makes him VERY upset when he gets poo poo on him. That may make him want to go. But if that doesn't work I'm sorry. Just hang in there and trust me this phase will pass I promise. Just think when he gets older you'll look back and say "I miss it when he was that little."

-S.

I would let the trying go for awhile and come back to it later. Even if you have to go back to diapers/pull-ups for awhile, that's OK. Just don't make the toliet training an issue for awhile and then try again. You can still reward him for peeing in the potty when he does that (since that's already mastered). My son did the same thing and it worked.

So you may not find this helpful but it's the only thing that helped me finally finish potty training my daughter...RELAX...I am a very type A personality and she is a floaty fairy girl who didn't want to do this because I asked her too. I did sign language with her, I bought a tiny pink potty, princess pull ups, stickers, a choo train horn, ok every gimmick including books and dvds. the books helped though. Through all my techniques and efforts she always loved to go to the potty with my sister, every time her aunty came she was so happy to take her hand and say lets go potty and she would go. I considered leaving her with my sister to potty train at some time of frustration lol...but then when I was about to pull my hair out I just let it go after reading one comment...No one shows up to there first job/college/hs school saying "I don't know how to go poop in the potty"...the reality is he is just not ready to do it and the more you push it, your going to be furious and he is going to be ashamed and feel bad and try to avoid it all together...if you can afford it just put him in the pull ups and focus on spending fun time with your two little ones. If it makes you feel better I do have one nephew that didn't poop on the potty till he was 5 (he is 16 now) and would die if he knew I told you, but if we wouldnt give him the diaper to poop in he would hold it to the point his poop was impacted...good luck and I hope you can let it go and relax.