Value of College Preview Day Visits

I know that dance is not as important as college but I also know that this is the time in her life that she has the time and energy to pursue a passion without the restraints of adult responsibilities. As a competitive cheer coach, I also know that when a performer is missing often the entire routine has to be reworked which is frustrating for the team. If the coach communicated the dates with you at the beginning of the season then the expectation is that she fulfill the obligation to her team. Just a viewpoint from the other side of the bench...best of luck to her in her endeavors.

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If you have the opportunity to go and visit any of the schools go. In my own experience I visited several different schools that I was applying to. A few I said no way once I got on campus and got the tour. One stood out for me, felt good, talking to actual students and teachers helped so much and really made a difference in my choice. I don't think I could have made the decision by just looking at pictures and reading about them online. I do agree with the other moms I think you might need to back off a bit. She's going to have to realize on her own what she can handle and what she can't. She's going to be doing it in a year anyways on her own. And forcing her to quit a team sport might really damage your relationship.

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Colleges look at so much more than grades. My daughter was accepted everywhere she applied and we can only guess it was based on her essay because friends with higher GPA's and sports stars weren't accepted. We visited schools which helped her get an idea of what setting she wanted but in the end she chose a school we didnt attend an open house. so just visit when it works in her schedule!

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Yes, we took my son on visits to several of his top schools during the summer prior to his senior year and during school (they were allowed 2 days off for documented college visits). We didn't attend previews days, but called ahead and made an appointment at the admissions office and asked for a tour of the campus. At the second college, he found everything he was looking for and was ready to apply. We visited a third campus he expressed interest in earlier just to make sure that it wasn't better than the #2 visit. It reinforced his interest in attending campus #2 visit and he successfully graduated and then earned an MBA.

Ok, now on Team Dance competitions--if your daughter has made a commitment to participate, then she needs to attend unless there are many subs. Otherwise, the rest of her dance squad will miss her participation in events.

Mom, she is growing up and will have to make a lot of decisions on her own. Offer guidance and support, but let her take the lead on which schools she wants to visit. If you have limited finances, help her put together a list of schools (even some stretch schools-both academically & financially) and let her research them before scheduling a visit. Many school districts have college nights and have representatives from many colleges on hand to answer questions and to recruit highly respected students. Check into these opportunities.

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Ok after speaking with lots of moms at our daughters school and our situation.We had a. very busy fall.. We decided to have our daughter apply to the colleges she was most interested in and wait until her acceptance letters arrived.. I had her apply to "Pie in sky" dream schools too..

She applied to 9 and was accepted to all 9.. These letters did not arrive until after the new year.. 1 arrived at the end of Jan. Many came in March and early April.

This way we could look at what they all offered her financially.
Then she made a list in order of where she wanted to attend and once again we looked at the offers..

We then plotted out special events these colleges were holding for accepted students and started making trips to these different events.

One trip we saw 2 colleges in the Atlanta area.
One weekend we drove to San Antonio to see another campus.
Then we took a trip to see 2 colleges up East.

So we saw 5 and in this time she found her perfect match.

I was beginning to get worried and thought wow are we really going to end up looking at all 9? But the moms that had advised me kept saying.. She will know it the moment she is there and you will too.

Our daughter does NOT LIKE to be pushed.She shuts down and will become mute if I push too much. . so I held my tongue so much, I thought I would choke..

I would hold back and let her lead the visits. I asked mom type questions and let her ask student type things she was concerned about or wanted to to know about.. These trips were great.. She began to feel like I was really on her team and I was getting an idea of exactly what she was looking for.

A few of the trips included interviews for the Presidential Scholarships she had been awarded, because they also qualified her for other scholarships available at these colleges. These are the trips that were the most stressful, because our daughter is painfully shy.

What I did at each college we visited was at the end of the visit I asked her, "Would you like to purchase a tshirt?" She always answered "no, thank you"..

At her "Pie in the sky school" I asked her would you like to purchase a tshirt? She said "Yes, I want a shirt.. But I actually want to attend.. the last school we saw."

I was thrilled. I KNEW that the school she had chosen was so perfect for her.. And we would not have to visit any more campus's. I was worried she was going to run out and just settle on one.. .
I hope this helped.. you can message me any time for any more info..
L. A.

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Hi R., I would say AIM HIGH! And yes have at least one safety.

With an 1800+ on her SATs she will be getting MANY MANY offers of short application process. My son had the same score, he got many offers for no application fee, essay waived, automatic consideration for Honors Program, just sign on the dotted line (interpretation, PLEASE bring your huge scores and giant SATs to our school!)

He applied to mostly mid-range schools, RPI, MIT, Drexel, (not sure if that means anything to you on the west coast), Clarkson, and 2 state schools. He was offered a substancial Merit Scholarship to all except RPI (pssht).
WE had planned to visit the ALL of the campuses if only for the day, until we spent a weekend at the RIT campus. With their outstanding Engineering programs, co-op programs in mind, the campus itself was PERFECT for my exceptionally bright, very focused son with, uh, somewhat challenged social skills.

After we started receiving the offers, I wished we'd aimed higher, as a general rule the merit scholarships were larger with the more expensive schools.

Still I did not want him beyond driving distance, we would not have the money to be flying back and forth.

As far as the dance comp is concerned, colleges look at involvement outside of academics as well, it shows commitment to be a competive dancer, and involvement, and leadership.

Most schools offer private tours anyway, which can actually be MORE informative the open house type visits.

Don't stress too much, as long as her grades stay up, she still has a little time to narrow it down to 5 or 7.

It's more about who's got the best program for what she's into, you know? And the 'feel' for the campus.

The MOST important thing for her college success is HER perception that she is in the RIGHT place for her, that SHE decided (even if you don't agree)

It very overwhelming isn't it? I just got one off a month ago, and I also have a junior so I have to get started on that one right away.

In the end, SHE needs to be happy with her own decisions.

Go for the GOLD!!!

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Mine didn't go to college but you might have to back off a bit. She is trying to decide what is important to her which might not be to you. This is her life and she must make the ultimate decision.

Visiting a campus lets you see the campus layout and where all the buildings are located and well as the surrounding town/cities. Some cities have a vibe that you know is a campus town and others where I am don't. The education is important but so is the area in which she will live -- on campus in dorm, apartments -- or downtown and such and the security issues. Will she need a car to get around or can she walk or take a bus?

Yes, we mothers all see what our child can be but it is the child that must also see and believe on their own what they can be. Shouting matches get nowhere except anger and frustration on both sides. As one poster said her daughter shuts down and won't speak. Do you want this to happen with you and your daughter? What does she want to do? Will it be relevant in the next 5 to 10 years? A few other questions to ask you both. Don't compare your daughter to the other members of the drill/dance team and their academic abilities. Be proud of her that she has gotten this far in life and has not had any screw ups.

It's a big step and leaving the nest. The best to her and momma, take a big deep breath, it will be alright in the end.

The other S.

PS Once she gets to college on her own there will be another change in your relationship for better or for worse. A former co-worker is going through this right now with her daughter who is 400 miles away from home.

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R., I'm in the middle of this with my son too. I'll tell you what I've found so far. The college campus visits have been VERY helpful. My son knows whether he feels comfortable or not, I know whether what I hear from the people speaking makes sense for my son, and being able to drop a school before applying saves a lot of time and effort in the app process, since many of these schools require an additional essay in addition to the one accompanying the Common App.

There ARE things you can determine before traveling to the schools you're interested in: since she wants to major in Business, find out if the colleges she is looking at have business departments she can get into by virtue of the fact that she is admitted into the college at large, OR will she have to apply to their business school her sophomore year, having to compete against other candidates. That is what my son wants to avoid, because he is partly choosing the colleges he's applying to BECAUSE of their business program. It would be a real disappointment to find out that he can't major in business there because there are too many applicants to compete against and misses getting a space. He'd either have to change his major or transfer to another school.

I recommend reading with your daughter the book "Colleges That Save Lives" by Pope. It details 40 colleges - my son is interested in 3 of them.

The college essay is one of the most important things she has to do - get some advice about what she writes from someone who has some experience with writing (like an English teacher). Get her to type out a "resume" to help her fill out her Common Ap - it collesces it all in her mind and helps her not to forget what she has done. Read tips about how much to include in the app if she has tons of stuff - there are some things they don't want to hear about.

You mention whether or not to let her work on this on her own, but the truth is, it depends on your daughter's personality. It sounds like she isn't gung-ho about doing it on her own - neither is my son. He depends on me and my husband to guide him. I have helped sift through colleges, but don't want to tell him which school to pick. Either he'll go to it because I said so, or NOT go to it just because I like it. Not sure which LOL! Anyway, I recommend staying with the process so that you know that the apps get sent in, the recommendation letters get to the schools, the transcripts are received; you want to make sure nothing falls through the cracks.

Regarding her dance, really and truly, you don't have to go to the open houses on THEIR dates. You can just set up a visit. That's what we have done with several of our visits. She shouldn't miss the dance competitions. You say these aren't academic, but what you don't see is that they are VERY important to the colleges she is looking at. They want to see this kind of activity, showing that she is multi-faceted and well-rounded. Dropping this activity during her senior year would be a mistake that would cost her a stretch school. If you don't believe me, just ask an admissions officer, without giving your name. They'll be honest.

She makes good grades. She is a good student and a good kid. Let her enjoy her senior year. Don't be a helicopter parent (that's what the schools call parents who try to call all the shots.) Do stand by her and make sure all the deadlines are met and that she keeps organized. This is a daunting process for student and parents. My husband will have to be the one to work on the financial aid part. After all the application process is finished, I AM DONE with my part! Then it's his turn with the tax forms and the money stuff! Whew!!!! And it will be my son's job to keep his grades up, and when he hears from the colleges in the spring, to make his decision along with an understanding of the costs for each school. (Hopefully we'll get some financial help!)

Good luck, and all my best to both of you,
D.

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I have not read the other responses but my daughter is 15 and we are already visiting colleges.

We've been to Penn State, Duke will be in the Spring, and Arizona will be in the spring. We plan to visit a lot of colleges, that is just what is on our calendar right now.

I prefer not to wait... let her check it out, see what they have to offer.

The more information you have the better decision she will be able to make.

As for the competitions.... my daughter is a cheerleader and they are preparing for competition. They sign a committment letter when they choose to be on the compeition team. When someone is missing, it throws the entire practice off for that day. I would not schedule something that made my daughter miss her cheer practice. She is a part of a team and she has a responsiblity on that team. our "rule" is no more than 2 missed practices or you are off the competitive team. Our girls practice every Friday night, started in early Sept and will end on Jan 21.

Good luck.

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When I was in high school I went on a few college visits, but just with friend's who were checking them out. I thought it was really neat, and fell in love with the one where my boyfriend at the time was going to go, and ended up going there, even though we'd broken up before then. I think it's great if you can go, get a feel for the school.

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Don't wait to visit the schools until she's been accepted - she may think that they are the school for her but she could set foot on campus and be like "Um no way on EARTH am I spending the next 4 years of my life here!". It would be really disappointing to have her heart set on a dream only to realize that it isn't all she thought it would be.

Fall preview days are great - she'll get to visit the campus, talk with current students, meet with faculty or staff who can talk about her intended major or course of study, and she'll get a feel for the school and whether or not she likes it.

You should definitely back off and let your daughter make her own decisions. Be there to guide her but start practicing for when she goes away in the fall and you have pretty much no control or say-so over her life anymore. Pushing her to fulfill a dream that is yours and not hers can only lead to resentment and detachment on her part - the last thing you want from her right before she leaves the nest as a child and only returns occasionally as an adult.

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I am a guidance counselor and I believe you both can and should come to a balance between enjoying today and planning for tomorrow. Formal Preview Days are very broad and really aimed at being a first introduction. Almost all campuses will offer tours and more one-on-one meeting with Admissions Staff if you call and make appointments for dates that WOULD work for you AND your daughter. Make plans to visit the colleges together. Plan a road trip to get campus tours. Don't be so afraid to miss a few days of school or plan your trip for teacher in-service days or days right before a vacation is supposed to start, when not so much academics take place, or when the high school has vacation days but the colleges are in session. This is not just a gift to her future academics, it is a gift to yourselves and you can create wonderful memories together and have lots of talking time in the car. This is a partnership helping guide her into her future. This is one of your true Mommy Moments. Together look at where the students live, what type of dance clubs are there, study abroad options, sit together and make lists of what you want to know about her potential campus life. I would seriously look at the smaller liberal arts campuses, The Claremont Colleges, Redlands, Occidental, etc. They look at the whole student not just numbers. There she can be a big fish in a little pond. If all the big fish go to one pond (Yale,etc) there often is no room to swim and be yourself. Her current choices are telling you something, she wants to be well rounded. It sounds like you need to sit and together evaluate how realistic her goals are and can she reevaluate what it is she wants to do. Look at who she is and how she learns. Does she want the big college with lecturing professors and student teachers, and the big football team or does she want to to be more involved in her educational experience and get to know the professors. These are fundamental questions of who she is and what she really wants out of the next chapter in her life. What does she feel that she really needs to feel successful now and over the next few years. These are valuable and important conversations that do not need to happen at the expense of being involved with the dance team. Life is about balance and she seems to be saying she feels in balance with dance in her life. My husband has said that though being in a play in school was always a major time commitment, when he wasn't involved in a production his world did not feel in balance. He needed that creative outlet to be able to do well in the rest of his life.

There really is value in her commitment to dance and she should be given appreciation for her commitment to the team and her hopes to do well within that context as well. Exercise and team work are truly important life lessons as well as how to get your grades up. If she is committed to something like dance it isn't necessarily a negative, it is teaching her commitment and discipline and she may be able to find a way to combine her passion for this hobby into part of her college experiences and her career choices. You never know if she is interviewing for a job and the interviewer may have been on dance team too and they bond over that and your daughter gets a job because of her skills but it was dance that made her stand out.

Once she has the list of colleges narrowed down and after she is admitted you can call the head of clubs she might be interested in: a church group, the dance coach, the head of the department she might want to major in and ask them to set up an overnight visit to the campus with a student with similar interests. Let your daughter spend time on the college campus and she'll know if this is her space.

Don't steal the fun of senior year from her because the whole year is about where she'll be next year. This is the only senior year of high school she'll ever have. There needs to be a balance between live for today and work for tomorrow.

Also don't have her limit her school choices to if the name of the major is exactly as she thinks it is, (don't do a computer search for business and if it is not listed then disregard the school), business can be called organization, international can be called world issues, if she really is interested in international and global issues she really ought to go to a school that supports a study abroad program.

These are a bunch of random thoughts off the top of my head. Sorry, I've got more to add but can't today, if you want to talk, feel free to send me a message.

Good Luck.

P.S. A final thought, you may be panicking because you feel like you are running out of time with her. She is proving to you with her actions that she has learned so many of the lessons you have taught her, loyalty, commitment, follow-through, try your hardest, show up when you say you will, etc. Look at this moment in time as one of your successes. Why not go with her to these competitions as an additional chaperone and get to see what it is she enjoys about them and why it's important to her. Rather than fighting the ocean with a broom, go with the waves, another important life lesson you can teach her by example.

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At this point your daughter is still living with you. As long as she isn't going to get thrown off the team or something, I think it would be a little crazy to let her put a dance team before her entire college future. Coaches for those teams talk about the kids coming first, but I know too many parents who only see them acting in their own best interests to win trophies.

Going to college weekends and seeing the campus is a good way to get a 'feel' for where your daughter will be most comfortable. Most schools organize these weekends with some group activities and some separate things for parents and prospective students to do, so your daughter will have a chance to meet other kids at the school and see if the way they do things is a good fit for her.

Honestly, I can't believe she is really serious about going to Yale or Northwestern if she wouldn't even miss a dance competition to go check out schools. Unless she is going to be a professional dance team competitor, which do you think will be more beneficial to her? Going to another dance show- or checking out schools where she will get her higher education, spend the next several years of her life, and decide what she wants to do as a career? She may have an idea in her head that Yale is the school for her- but what if she goes to one of these other schools and really falls in love with the campus or meets a terrific professor in a class she wants to specialize in?

To me, this would be a non- question. She won't find ANY schools, safety or otherwise, if she isn't going to check them out!

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This is what I did - my kids are too young for this yet. I didn't go to ANY previews. I had never even been to the town before moving to school. I know, probably not the most informed way to go, but I was basing mine on what I could afford and the program.

As someone that did sports, I would give her some slack as long as she is keeping up with her school work. Why not just take a road trip and visit the schools? UCSC is a beautiful campus that you could wander around all day (bias here, although I didn't go there, I did grow up in SC). You could maybe talk to someone in the program she is interested in and see if someone might be able to show her around.

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