35 answers

Vacation Without My Baby!?

Okay gals,
My hubby REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wants to go on vacation without our 2 year old this summer. He's wanted to go on vacation since the summer we had her and she was only a couple months old - ha, fat chance. So, back then, I told him I'd go the summer she turned 2. Well, here it is, she's 2 next month and I still don't know if I'm ready or if she's ready. My hubby is in no way trying to force me to go, but he thinks it will be really good for us. We have been having a few issues, particularly with feeling disconnected from one another. I'm completely torn - want to go, but I'm worried that I won't have a bit of fun and it will be a waste of money. I'm afraid I'll spend the whole time missing her or worried that she is missing me.

So, there it is - I guess I don't know what I'm looking for. No one can tell me when the right time to leave her for a couple of nights is, I know that. I guess I'm just looking to see what people have to say, a different way of looking at leaving her with her very loving and capable grandparents (that watch her 3 days a week while I'm at work) in order to reconnect with my husband. I'm not sure it's worth it. This is just a chapter in our lives, a small window of time when she'll be little. Should I be gone?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks everyone... I'm going, I'm going! We're going for 2 nights... Where should we go?? LOL.

Just a quick clarification... Yes, my hubby and I are feeling disconnected, but we're in no way on the verge of divorce. We're just both working and he's going to nursing school full-time. We just don't have a lot of time together. So, it's not like my marriage hinged on this vacation or anything - if it did, it wouldn't have even been a question! Also, I went back to work full-time this year when I really didn't want to. So, I feel like I miss a lot already. I think it would be different if I could stay home, like I want to - it might not be different, but I think so.

Thanks again for the positive feedback!

Featured Answers

I left my 2 young sons (age 2 and 4) for a long weekend away with my husband. We found each other again, and are better parents for the time we spent away. Too often people forget how to be lovers once they are parents, but you need to be both. Some time away together can rekindle that flame.

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OMG -save your marriage and go have some adult fun! It sounds like your husband is yearning for this, and ALL couples need to reconnect without any kids around. So many marriages dissolve into hurt feelings, infidelities and ultimately divorce because when the kids come along -there's a huge disconnect as all the attention is turned from the marriage onto the kids. I would LOSE it if I wasn't able to get away at least once or twice a year with my hubby and/or my girlfriends. You may not realize just how much you actually need this! At least go give it a try and go in with a positive attitude -that you're going to go and enjoy it and enjoy being alone with your husband!

As far as you missing something -how long are you planning to go anywhere? Anything a week or less -you're not going to miss anything and you will probably re-discover your relationship with your husband, which is REALLY important too!

Here's another hint that may sting -if she's staying with adoring grandparents who watch her 3 times per week already -she may not miss you at all! She probably will a little -maybe ask where mommy and daddy are, but she's going to be having a great time herself!

I also have to add this note -do this while you CAN! I have no idea what age the grandparents are, but my mother died unexpectedly last year, and this is no longer an option for my husband and me together -one of us has to stay home for at least the next few years until the kids are old enough for a camp week or something. We're taking our nanny on our vacation this year just so we can have a few afternoons and dinners out by ourselves. We get sitters and use my MIL for date nights, but we don't have the option for weekends or a week away (My MIL and my father can't handle both small boys by themselves. We tried splitting them up for my birthday weekend in January, and it worked okay, but I don't think my Dad will ever do that again!). So, take advantage of what many people don't have!

1 mom found this helpful

GO ON VACATION!

She will be fine while you are away, and if you are really worried about it plan a lot of fun events for her to do with grandma and grandpa so that her mind will be wrapped up in so much fun that she won't even have time to think about missing mommy. Maybe the zoo or something along those lines.

Also, instead of telling her that you are going on vacation tell her that she is going on vacation. Only big girls get to go on vacations. She'll feel really special feeling like such a big girl to be able to go on a "vacation" to grandma and grandpa's house.

Go with your husband and have a good time. Just remember that you can't feel guilty for having a good time without her because she is having just a good of time without you! Hehe

1 mom found this helpful

I say go for it! You have a hubby who wants to spend time with you - yea! You have great caregivers that you trust and are family - another yea! You don't have to book a month long cruise to have a meaningful getaway with your husband. Plan something not too long and not too far away, that will maybe help you feel a bit more secure. Your daughter may show signs of missing you, but trust me, it will not harm her or damage her in any way. It will be very good for you to get away, not only for yourself but for your hubby too. I do not think you should feel guilty about a short time away from your little girl - honestly, you will not be missing much of a window of time at all with her, not by just taking a short trip. I'm sure the grandparents would be very willing to keep you up to date on everything to ease your mind as well. Don't forget that you need to take care of you and your marriage as well as your daughter to have a happy, healthy family.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't understand why you won't have fun with your husband? You had fun with him before you had your daughter, right? Remember your husband is part of your life too. Just becasue you have a child, you shouldn't forget your husband. The fact that he listened and waited 2 years for this vacation seems that he is really committed to making your relationship strong again.

However if you are not committed as well. Then it will probably be more hurt then help. If you go away and are pre-occupied with thoughts of your daughter- then he will know and it will really really hurt him that you are not interested in your relationship with him any longer (which is how it sounds)

There will ALWAYS be a "chapter in your lives" - time does not stand still, so if you are using that as an excuse for not going, then you will never go becasue she will always be changing and you'll always be afraid of missing something.

1 mom found this helpful

Go! Go fast! In fact, can your parents watch my kids too? LOL! Seriously, time away will do you a world of good. You'll be gone a few days, not months. Even a night away can do wonders in helping you reconnect with your husband. Your daughter will be just fine with out you (as hard as that is for us moms to admit). She'll LOVE spending the time with her grandparents too. In fact, I would bet that you'll be planning your next vacation as soon as you get home ;)

1 mom found this helpful

Well you ask if it will be a waste of money.. I'll tell you it's a lot cheaper then a divorce and raising your child on your own by not putting your husband as your priority!! 2 years old.. Heck, 6 months old is old enough.. Of course depending on how long you're gone. We did just a romantic overnight getaway just downtown when our son was 3 months old.. You need it, your husband needs it and most importantly your child needs a loving and happy parents that stay connected!! You don't have to go for 1 or 2 weeks, I still haven't done that and we have a 3.5 yr old but we do a date night once a week and take long weekend getaways frequently!!! It's so important to do this for the future of your family.. Your child may miss you for about 20 minutes and then he'll be fine and it's important to VCR your grandparents this time with them as well.. You're lucky to have them.. Why are you even thinking about it... Go, call and make your reservations now!! Remember this is one if the best investments you can make for yourchild!!

1 mom found this helpful

Oooh. Tough question but I can totally relate! You sound like such a sweet, connected Mama! Put it this way, she will be fine...the question is, will you? I have slept very few nights away from my kids (now 2 and 4.5) but I didn't get a night away from #1 until she was 2 1/4 and it was just one night. I did worry a little but she actually had fun with my parents and didn't seem to miss me as much as I thought she would--which I was happy about because the only way I could relax was if I knew she wasn't miserable without me. I left Baby #2 for the first time when she was 16 mos. old and it was for 2 nights and 2.5 days. She was still nursing so I worried she would wean. But again, she did fine--and she didn't even wean which I was happy about. I have to be honest, I surprised myself because I actually did manage to relax and have fun. If you do choose to go, she won't remember later in life that you were ever gone and it doesn' t sound like too long of a trip...three nights or so? A week would be too long for me, even now but three nights, yeah, I could swing it. :) Especially the sleeping in part....Zzzzzzzzzz.

Go, go, go on a vacation with your man!!! My husband and I recently went through a space where we felt very disconnected. Children can really make keeping a marriage strong really tough! But, if mommy and daddy are happy, the kiddos are happy....this I truly believe, and have experienced first hand! I left my 1 year old to go on a 10th anniversary vacation a few years ago. It was really hard for the plane flight over, and maybe the first night, but after that, I relaxed and talked to her on the phone every day. It was such a wonderful time for my husband and I, and I am sooo glad we did it! Your little girl will still be 2 when you get back! If you always put your children before husband, it will only pull you further away from your husband! Just do it...everyone will be happier:)

I laughed at all the responses telling you to run - NOW!! Cause that's how I felt when I read your message. But I did want to say that I remember the feeling of not wanting to let them go. The difference is that I have 3 girls and am baking up #4, so experience has taught me that the kiddos do great away from mom and dad when they're with a trusted provider. You are so blessed to have the close grandparent connection. I live away from all my family because of my husband's job, and I would LOVE to be able to drop them off for a weekend with auntie or grandparents where I wouldn't have to worry about them.

After you take this first step you'll realize it was a good idea and you'll be proud of yourself and your little one for doing so well away from each other! I promise it will be easier if you are able to do it again in the future!

Go, go, definitely go!! If you can't stand the thought of leaving her, then don't go for very long - a night, a weekend, whatever. It's incredibly important to reconnect with your husband and your daughter will miss you, but she'll also have loads of fun with her grandparents. I had to leave my son (then 2.5) for two days when I had my twins last summer and he survived just fine! I'm planning on going back to Toronto to visit my family and hoping to get even a night away with my husband if my parents will take on the three kids. We spent a day together recently and it made a world of difference for our relationship. Kids do come between you and your partner and things aren't going to be the same so date nights, weekend getaways, etc., are all a great way to stay connected while also not leaving the children for long periods of time. Isn't it better for the overall well-being of the family for everyone to be happy, healthy and feel good about everything? That's my argument anyway. Your daughter will survive and your husband is probably right - it will do you both a world of good!

Just go, with no second thoughts - embrace your vacation. If your daughter didn't have people to stay with that you could trust, i'd feel differently. However, at two, your daughter will probably love the extra time with her grandparents, and this is really important to your marriage.

You may feel odd leaving your daughter, but one of the best things you can do with her is put your heart into your marriage and your relationship with her other parent. Another good thing is to help her foster a strong relationship with her grandparents. Another important thing is to spend time and energy on yourself, and come back as a rejuvinated individual. This trip does all things.

You should go absolutely. If you can't swallow a long vacation far away, start with an overnight at a bed and breakfast (or an overnight at home while your daughter is at her grandparents't). Plan three weekends away instead of one long week, or something. But do it.

Go and have fun. Not only do you get a chance to reconnect with your husband but your daughter will have loads of fun with her Grandparent.

We left our daughter a weekend with Grandma - she was fine had fun - as soon as we got home - she was right in our arms and packed and ready to go. She had fun - we had fun - and we picked up right where we left off in our family routine.

I do think often - moms put their all into their children - then neglect their spouse. But remember after your children are away - hopefully your spouse will still be there.

If you are really worried - be just a few minutes away - you'll still have fun.

RUN out the door!

Yes, you'll miss her but when you wake up the first morning with your husband without worrying about the 2 year old, when you can lounge around in bed and wake up whenever you want to, you'll think to yourself "Now, why haven't I done this sooner?".

How long is the vacation? A few days? A week? If you miss 5-7 days of your 2 year old's life you're not missing a colossal amount of time. However, 5-7 days to refresh and renew your relationship with your husband and also have some time to give yourself a break from the responsibilities of 24-7 parenting can be such a wonderful thing for both you and your marriage.

Finally, think of the bonding experience and 'special times' that your child will be having with her grandparents. Often, children tend to reflect on the sleepovers at grandmas as one of the really cool memories of their childhood. Do you really want to deny her that?

You deserve this. Your husband deserves this. And, your child deserves this.

Make the reservations and go.

C.,
Thats tough!
I wonder, after reading your post, are you depressed at all? Its completely normal to not want to leave your little one and I would probably not do it for more than one night, but when you say you "won't have a bit of fun" and you're "not sure it's worth it", well it sounds like maybe what you really need IS a little vacation to find yourself again.
I'm not saying two or three nights is a good idea- especially if it will be your first time away from her, but what about compromising and do an overnight at home with hubby while she is at the grandparents? That way you're close by if you can't stand it or if anything goes wrong, but far enough to remember what its like to be YOU and not just a momma. :)
Good luck to you, and know that either choice you make, we're behind you! :)

oh honey....she is two, and she has, as you said, wonderful grandparents who she must be completely happy to be with if she's there three days a week. i understand your concerns, but i think hubby has been wonderful waiting, and i think it's time. i left my son when he was a little over 1, for a long weekend, and it was absolutely fabulous. he was with my mother who he adores, and yes i did miss him a bit, but i was only about 1 1/2 hours away. we didn't even do anything fancy, just got a hotel room in the city. it was awesome. maybe a long weekend or 4 or 5 days, instead of a full blown week of vacation? there are all sorts of compromises. i really think it would be so great for you. the more you can let go and enjoy yourself, the better off you'll be. have a great time. we all miss our kiddos, but if you know she's happy and cared for, you'll be okay. have fun!

I left my 2 young sons (age 2 and 4) for a long weekend away with my husband. We found each other again, and are better parents for the time we spent away. Too often people forget how to be lovers once they are parents, but you need to be both. Some time away together can rekindle that flame.

I definitely recommend that you vacation with your husband without your baby! The quality of your relationship with your husband is as important for her well being as anything else is and is in fact more important than many things. So, go knowing that you are not only doing this for your husband and your relationship but also for your daughter.

She will be fine! She will be with her capable grandparents who love her and with whom she is comfortable.

You could get her used to staying overnight, you used to being away from her overnight and also begin finding ways to feel connected in your marriage by having a date night once a every week or two and leaving her with her grandparents.

Vacationing together without your daughter is very much worth it. Think positively about it. Instead of questioning it look forward to being together. Start talking about it and making plans. That in its self may help your relationship.

If you don't find a way to resolve your relationship issues they will grow and have the possibility of disrupting your marriage. Do you want that? You are fortunate to have a husband who understood and agreed to wait until now for the vacation. If I were him I would not continue with this amount of patience for long.

Your relationship with your husband is just as important as your relationship with your daughter. By continuing to put off the vacation you are giving him an unspoken message that she is more important than he is. If he were to begin to feel like "second fiddle" that would also damage your daughter.

Your daughter will be just fine with her grandparents. I know it's difficult to let go of our children but now is the time to begin. At 2 she is beginning to learn that she is separate from you and is beginning to want more independence. This is a normal step in that process. Prepare her and yourself for it.

The very best gift you can give your baby is a strong and loving marriage that she can emmulate latter in life. Given that you have capable grandparents that she is comfortable with-go for it!

It is fine to go for a few days since you can leave her with grandparents that take care of her frequently. You will probably miss her but you can call once a day (or more if you a want) and you will both survive. It is worth having some time with your husband.

Been there!! I had the same feelings and really hesitated, but went anyway. I had a great time (I still missed my son, but knew he was in good hands). It was good for all three of us.
If you want to stay close to home try Winthrop or Leavenworth.
Enjoy your time with your hubby!

Can you find an easy median? Maybe you could take your mom or someone else who could rent a place/apt/room/hotel near you who could watch her during the day and then you and your hubby could go on the vacation during the day and she could have a vacation with her grandparent or grandparents? Maybe that could satisfy your hubby's need to be with you, your need to be with your daughter, and of course, your daughter's need to be with you. I would agree that 2 is a little (a lot ) young to leave her to spend the nights with someone other than her grandparents. I would say 4-5 is more like when I would leave my child without us for more than one night. Good luck!

You need to go! Your husband is right, and based on what you said, the two of you need to reconnect. Your daughter needs you to go! This vacation will bring you and your husband closer together, which will make everyone on the family happier. Your daughter will be fine. You will be fine. Go and remember why you fell in love with your husband!

We just did a family vacation with our 2 year old and 8 month old. Just being away from home and not having everything at home to do was fantastic for us. We have a strong marriage and are connected to one another, but it was still really refreshing. Even with having our two kids with us, it was more time than we normally get to spend together. It was great! You can still reconnect with your husband even with a toddler in tow.

You should totally go! my husband and I have done a couple of weekend trips and although we miss our 2 year old son it does wonders for our marriage which is really in the best interest of our son. The first time was the hardest but it is definitely worth it. Having a strong marriage is the best thing you can do for your children!

Suggestions for where to go: If you are a wine drinker then I would head to woodinville (if you want to stay closer) or go to eastern washington (there is a great B&B there called the Cozy Rose.

I waited until my daughter was two before I left her with the grandparents to go on vacation with my husband, just the two of us. My mom says that my daughter hardly even knew we were gone. She had a great time and loved being the center of attention. And I was astonished by how quickly I adjusted to being without her. By the time we got to our destination, I was relaxed and ready to enjoy our long weekend. I thought of her several times, but far from constantly, and my husband and I got to enjoy each other thoroughly. Both you and your daughter will be refreshed by some time apart. I was much happier for my trip, which meant that I could be a better mom. You're daughter isn't going to be better off for having you around constantly. She needs space too. You should go without delay.

When our daughter turned two we had her visit with her Grandparents for a week. She loved it!! She is very precocious and loves to explore so it was wonderful for her to visit.

We did Skype every day that we could and called her to say hello. From our experience it was MUCH harder on the parents then the child. We have two now and it's easier to not stress as much.

I would definitely say that a reconnection is worth any amount of time and money. You can always go home if she misses you!

i haven't left either of my children, yet my current reason for not doing so is my husband is deployed. Let me say this your marriage is important to your children too. they need to see that you and dad love each other. If you don't think you can do 2 nights right away how about trying one night.

Oh my goodness, GO! Your husband is reaching out to you to put him first for a few days. I think it would be so much fun to focus on the two of you for a short time. That time is so rare with little ones. If the Grandparents are all for it, I would not worry at all.

My husband and I "had" to go to a wedding when my daughter was 18 mo. It was so hard to leave her, even for the 4 days we were in Hawaii, but what a WONDERFUL trip. She was in excellent hands at her Grandpa's house and we got reports each evening. She had a ball and we did too. Good luck and try not to worry!! Everything will be fine. Focus on yourself for a bit. :)

I haven't read the other responses, but yes, you should go. The best thing you can do for your child is keep your marriage strong and loving. She'll be with family who loves her...it'll be a vacation for her as well!

Since this will be your first time away without her, why not stay close by so you can get to her quickly if need be?

Have fun, and have a VERY romantic time with your husband.

Hi,
You should go. Its probably going to break your heart to leave her, but once you get to your destination...and you have spoken to her capable grandparents...they will assure you that your little baby is safe and sound. Just check in when ever you feel the need. Its important to reconnect with your hubby not only for your marraige...but your daughter too. She will be happy if her parents are happy. Have fun!

I'm sorry... what is the dilemma? ;-) When my son was two, I would have loved some time away. Refresh... Reconnect... Let her have some time with her wonderful grandparents.

Make sure to call her a couple of times a day while you're gone.

Go, have fun!
S.

I see you're in Everett.... ---------------------------

Semiahmoo is wonderful.....or a trip to Winthrop through the beautiful Hwy 20 isn't too far away. :)

A vacation with just the two of you is VERY worth it!! You need to remember that you and your husband's relationship came first and will only help to build a strong family.

I also have a 2 year old and left her for the first time this year for a vacation. The hardest part is the leaving. When you get there, you will be absolutely fine and she will love the time with the grandparents who no doubt, will spoil her :)

Try leaving really early in the morning, it really helps. We flew out at 5:30AM so we left when our kids were still asleep. They got lots of kisses the night before and new we'd be gone when we woke up.

ENJOY your time, not just with your husband, but it's time for yourself also.

Thank God you are going! When I read your post I could hardly wait to post a reply and ask what is the dilemma here???? OF COURSE you should go! It's a vacation not a long term stay away from your child. I always like to think of things like this as beginning with the father and mother. In order for your famil to "work" the foundation built by the two of you has to work. Devoting time and much needed one-on-one attention to each other is not only strengthening your marriage but also the foundation on which your family operates. I fully believe that you would live with far more regret for not making this trip important enough than the guilt you may feel for leaving your child for a couple of days. Your marriage is worth it and you will be so happy you took this time for you and your husband. I am sure he will too! As a full-time working mom and single parent to a 14 year old daughter who has a busier schedule than me, I cannot imagine not taking any time for myself. You have to be able to disconnect and be okay with doing so. A little "me" time is something you need!

If you have the chance to reconnect with your husband and grandparents to take care of her Go while you have the option. It is so hard to find time to be with your husband and just be the wife. And before you know it you drift apart due to so many different things. Work, kids sports, schools etc.. Take a few days and remember why your married. And your daughter won't forget you or do anything amazing in that 2 or 3 days that she won't continue to do for the next few years lol. go and enjoy the time away. and let grandma and grandpa enjoy her for a few days. they get so much less time with the grandkids than they would like.

I totally understand how you feel. It's hard to imagine leaving your child for the first time. However, it's important to remember that you were married to your husband before you had your child, and his needs and your marriage is equally as important as your child's needs. Look at it this way - if you don't feed your marriage, it will die. You need to teach your child that your husband is as important as she is. By doing this, you show her what a healthy, loving marital relationship is like. If you trust her grandparents to watch her three days a week while you're at work, trust that they'll give her the same loving care if you are gone a few days. It IS worth it.

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