Vacation Dilemma- Unreasonable?

I do believe I would make a way for him to come home. That was the rudest thing I have ever heard of. Brother would be in the dog house from now on.

His part of the room? What kind of place are they staying in - most places do not charge for children under 16!! Methinks something's fishy in Corpus Christi!

How old is your son?

What type of uncle asks their minor nephew to contribute money to hotel & gas? Sounds like maybe he couldn't afford the trip & that's why he invited your son. How disappointing.

When you INVITE someone along then you incur their expenses. Your brother should have paid your son's entire way including meals and entertainment. The only thing you should have covered was the cost of any souvenirs your son wanted to purchase.

Your brother is 100% in the wrong and needs to reimburse your son.

This goes beyond bullying - a grown man accosting a child (his nephew) for money?
What is WRONG with him?
I'd be LIVID!
Personally, I think your son was robbed - by his uncle.
Do not trust your brother again with anything let alone your kids.
I don't know what he needed the money for, but to corner your son, out of town, away from you, take your son's money (the implication being - pay up or you are out) - if it's not some sort of crime it ought to be.
It's almost like a kid napping where the victim has to pay his own ransom.
If he were a family member of mine I'd never speak to him again.

uh yeah. your brother is being a d***. all of this should have been discussed beforehand, first of all. S., if he was invited, i would not have expected to pay for much except maybe food and some souvenirs. you are right. he is wrong. period. (and NO i would not pay him a dime!)

Where did they go? If I were you, I'd drive there and pick up your son tonight. That's ridiculous!

Updated

Where did they go? If I were you, I'd drive there and pick up your son tonight. That's ridiculous!

Are you kidding me? Your brother is a serious A$$. If your son is having a good time despite this, leave it until they come home. If he is miserable, I would go get him. What kind of adult makes a child feel like that?!?!??

Seriously my brother would never do that but if he did I really think I would clock him one. No matter how old he is now. Good lord.

So wrong! If its not too far you should drive and get him. I simply would not trust this man with my child. I mean, who does that? He either invited your child with the sole purpose being to cut his vacation expenses or found out your son had $300 on him and found a way to take it from him. Neither is OK. Everything should have been squared away with you BEFORE the trip and the fact that it wasn't shows how dishonest he is.
How old is your son BTW?

Your son is not yet an adult. And your brother did something really underhanded here, and you have every right to be upset. As I see it, the only reason he invited your son was to finance his trip.

Your brother has $300 - he's going to keep every bit of it. You need to tell your brother that the bank is closed and he had BETTER feed your son.

Your brother may have "won", but he has lost an important thing, and you should tell him this, M.. He has lost your entire family's respect, and the nephew who previously looked up to him thinks he is a real d***.

Dawn

WOW, This is beyond bad, tacky, classless, etc. I hope your son's vacation is not totally ruined but he will see what an a@@ his uncle is.

This is something that should have been planned out BEFORE your son went and it sounds like your brother is using the opportunity to use your son.

We have taken many vacations with flights, hotel, disneyworld, beaches, etc and taken a friend or 2 along with daughter and we NEVER expected any payment from the guests. We paid everything 100% with exception of a keepsake here and there and for the most part, I bought that too. The girls that went on 100% FREE trip with us always came home with $$ in their pockets.

Your brother needs a wake up call on this one. I would not trust him with my child again. How long will they be away? Best wishes to you.

I would be, pissed!
Your Brother, invited your son along.
He is an adult, an Uncle.
He NEVER told you, your "son" would have to pay his way, until they get there, PLUS he tells your son, he has to give him all his money????!!!????
The NERVE!

How old is your son? A child or an adult?

But the thing is, costs were never discussed, beforehand, by you or your Brother. But your Brother did the inviting.

Your Brother... is a jackass. To put it lightly. He is actually, a Turd. An overgrown... Troll intimidating his Nephew... and MAKING YOUR SON GIVE HIM AL HIS MONEY!
Sorry.
No more going on trips with him or his family.
In my neck of the woods... your Brother would be, the WRONG one.

TELL your Brother, you want RECEIPTS.... for EVERYTHING to prove that your son's money, WAS used for what your Brother said, it needs to be used for.
Seems to me, your Brother was just ripping your son, off.

If that were MY Brother... I would be TELLING HIM OFF royal.

Next: I HOPE... that you later talk to your son, about how his Uncle... was wrong and mean. And how bad manners this was. And how, it was NOT right. This is a life lesson for your son. It is not about bad-mouthing your Brother. It is, about teaching your son.... about what is wrong and right. And about selfishness... in others and how others can be, dishonest.
I needed to do this once, with my kids about a relative they have. And they realized it, before I even had to talk with them about it. But my talking to them about it.... made it more, confirming, to them.

Holy cow. That is freakin unbelievable. I am speechless. Guess your brother was short on cash. What a jacka$$. I would be furious. He should have brought this up before he extended the invite.

asking for gas money, waaayy overboard.. if he expected that your son pay for his part of the room and other expenses he should have told u before hand and not just taken all his money once they got there, thats just messed up.. if you knew in advance and still wanted him to be able to go you couldve given your brother the money and then still wouldve been able to give your son a few bucks for anything he wanted to do/buy

Not cool. I wouldn't accept anymore vacation invitations after this.

Oh man, that is horrible! I know I would be ticked off. That is so sneaky and unacceptable to do to your son. If he wanted you to help fund the trip, he should have talked with you about it before. Not taken all your child's money. How old is your child by the way?? I can't believe someone would be selfish enough to do this to a child.

I would be pissed too. However...You've spoken to him and he doesn't feel he did anything wrong, so what else can you do about the situation? The only thing left is how you interact in the future.

Is your brother usually reasonable, in which case this was an oversight not to have been discussed before? Or is he sneaky? I'd focus on the relationship with my brother and let that guide how I interact with him in future. Is he to be trusted and this is a bad misunderstanding? Is he not to be trusted?

Oh, my. YES. This should have been presented beforehand!!! I hope you talk to your brother again because your son might get a negative view of his uncle, vacation and money!!

Well, my first thought is that I agree with so many who have expressed their extreme disappointment in your brother's behavior. I, too, have a brother who is manipulative, ruthless, cruel and underhanded.

However, you are probably not going to make any progress discussing or arguing this with your brother. My brother can out-argue anyone, and twist meanings and get sympathy in the cleverest ways (evil, but clever and smart).

This is a good time to have a teaching moment with your son. Express your disappointment in your brother's behavior (focusing on the behavior: not "my brother is such a jerk" but "it was wrong to take your money and charge you for unreasonable things"). Empathize with your son about how sad it is when someone you thought you could trust, or someone who's family, lets us down.

And teach your son about how to handle these disappointments. He shouldn't become bitter, or get revenge. He should make sure that in his future he never causes this kind of betrayal to someone who trusts him. He can let this situation make him a more honorable person.

Also, this is a great lesson for handling expenses. Pretty soon your son will be out of high school, maybe getting an apartment with a couple of guys or going on a road trip with buddies, or splitting an expense with roommates. It can be as big as splitting rent or as small as getting a pizza. One thing many young men do poorly on is being clear on expenses. "I thought Joe was arranging for basic cable for our apartment but he got all the premium channels and pay-per-view and now he says we all owe $200!" Talk to your son about being clear up front about who's paying for what, and he'll avoid a lot of hassles in the future.

Don't be shy about speaking to your brother about your disappointment in him, but don't "ask" him what happened. Don't approach it by asking "why did you take my son's money?" Believe me, you'll just get a whirlwind of head-spinning, logical-sounding, crazy talk that will probably end up with you sounding like the cheapskate or like you didn't want your son to have fun (I know, my brother can spin anything so that he looks like the hero and the person who's actually right ends up looking stupid. He should be a crooked politician. He'd be brilliant at it.) Instead, simply state "You cheated my son out of his money, you charged him ridiculous fees to finance your own vacation and we are all disappointed in you. You have lost the privilege of any more vacations with your nephew or any other family member, and you have lost our trust." Then walk away. Don't get caught up in his web of lies or excuses that will be sure to follow. Stand your ground and don't discuss it any further than that.

I'm sorry this happened. Your son sounds like a good kid. I'd be proud of him for staying on the trip and for not fighting or sinking to your brother's level. You can be disgusted by your brother, but pretty darn proud of your son!

You brother is an a**hole and I agree with the other poster who said I would drive there right now and pick your sonup and give your brother a piece of your mind. AND I would demand the money back and only pay him whatever portion (3 per room means 1/3 of the room) for the night he was there. Or at least call your son and let him know that his uncle is way out of line and ask your son if he wants to come home or stay. We have invited friends to come along on vacation with us (teens) and they paid nothing, except if they wanted to buy something themselves. Travel costs (in the same car), room (in the room with my kids) and meals were included.

This is horrible!!! I can't believe your brother asked for any money at all!!! And now he made your son feel uncomfortable! Can you go pick him up?? So sorry! Lesson learned.

Wow. Just... Wow.
That is NOT reasonable. AT all.

There is no way it is at all appropriate for your brother to demand any money from your son (his minor nephew). He is a minor (he is, isn't he?). If you invite someone to join you on vacation like that, you pay their way... except for minor souvenirs or what have you. PARTICULARLY for a minor child.
IF there is any other expectation, he should have discussed this IN FULL with YOU when the invitation was made. IF something changed after the plans were already set, then he STILL should have spoken TO YOU as soon as he knew anything was going to be different, while you still had the option to decline the "invitation". If there was a change in costs (can't imagine HOW, but...) once they arrived, that he didn't know about in advance, then as the adult (who should have his S%*& together) he should suck it up and pay the difference himself.

All that said, I think that you were a bit naive in just sending your son along without ever asking your brother point blank what kind of money your son should bring along. I would never send my kids off on any sort of trip (day trip or week vacation or whatever else) without finding out what expenses he would be responsible for. I would not assume. Ever. Even with family.
I'm not blaming you... your brother is dead wrong about this whole thing. All I'm saying is that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Not sure what to tell you at this point. Water under the bridge? Lesson learned. All your future interactions with your brother will be with this knowledge under your belt.

Sounds like your brother invited your son so he/YOU would pick up part of the tab. What a cheap, jerky thing to do. By taking away your son's money he really put your son in a really awkward situation. Is there any way you can pick your son up?

That is beyond unreasonable. Your brother is either weird, cheap or sneaky. How did your son cost them any EXTRA money? Even a small hotel charge couldn't be much, it's likely he didn't increase their hotel stay at all. He is expected to pay for gas just by occupying a seat? He shouldn't be paying for anything except his own souvenirs or maybe "treat" the family to dessert or something to show appreciation for the vacation they INVITED him on.

My girls stay with their Aunt & Uncle in LA, it's like a vacation, they do Disney, eat out, go to the Zoo etc. It's like pulling teeth to get them to take any money, even for the "extras". We take FOUR girls from a single Momma we're close with on vacation every single year. I would never think of asking them to pay, we invite them, it's our treat.

If your brother is experiencing financial difficulty then he should have discussed this with you first or perhaps not gone on the vacation at all. Maybe he should read these responses so he realizes how strange his behavior is. Try not to let this effect your son's life but I wouldn't feel real comfortable in my realtionship with my brother if he did that.

Money should have been discuseed with YOU not your son. What a real jerk. Sorry I know he is your brother but I would not have given him a dime. He should give your son back all his money.

I think that is very rude since your son was invited. It doesn't matter if he is a minor or not he shouldn't have to pay for part of the room or gas. I feel badly for your son he now has no spending money.

I wonder if the hotel and other expenses were more than your brother thought they would be and needed the extra money, or maybe your brother shouldn't be trusted. Either way you brother should have mentioned something before they even left.

Have you had issues with this brother before? has he been under handed or greedy in the past? If he was, I would say some sort of drama was bound to happen. However that he took you by complete surprise makes me think this is the first you knew your brother is a huge, walking dildo. That is heartless, and frankly childish. If they were the same age, or something, but that he INVITED your son, and he is the adult. This is beyond unacceptable. Its almost criminal. Does your son even get a bed in this hotel room or is he like on a couch or the floor? that would also be a big rip off. I'd say go get him and make a HUGE deal about it too.

My oldest sister is NOTORIOUS for dropping my 10 year old nephew on me and my family, when we go on vacations. Her reason is that she thinks he should see the country and get out more. My view is she is cheap and wants to be alone. She never gives him more than 50 bucks for things at the stores and food, which is never nearly enough for our kinds of trips. We ALWAYS pay his way. Even if he is invited or not. Our last family trip I asked if we could share a room together, and she said fine, but because I had more kids than her, and took longer in the bathrooms I was suppose to pay 3/4 of the bill for the room. I gave her hell for a LONG time. Paid it , and NEVER again shared a room with her. NEVER will again either. Some people are just friggin clueless to proper etiquette.

How does your son feel about the trip! Sort of sound like a nightmare and YES, youshould have known about any and all expenses?

What a cheap thing to do.....

How old is your son? You have him money to cover his expenses, so I am assuming he is young, is that right? The only way I could see your brother acting that way is if your son is an adult with a job. Even with that, it should have been discussed by your brother in advance. I'm thinking he knew your son had all kinds of money on him do he asked for it. Was he asking for it so that your son wouldn't blow it on things he wasn't suppose to have or spending it on things besides meals etc....

Your brother is ridiculous! Sounds like he only invited your son so that he had help paying for his family's vacation!

There really isn't anything to do now, but what a jerk!!!!!

yeah, it would have been nice if he'd been far more clear on his expectations. if i were taking a nephew i'd absolutely plan to pay for the room and most of the meals. having some money to help out with food and entertainment would be a plus, but i wouldn't expect it of an invited family guest. and asking for gas $ seems really just a bit miserly.
was the money you sent, and that he took, commensurate with what you expected? is he asking for more? did your son expect to be able to buy souvenirs and then was unable to do so?
all of those would affect my reactions to some degree.
ultimately, he's your brother. it's certainly not worth a huge family feud over it. but i think he's behaving poorly, and i'd certainly demand a lot more clarity before ever agreeing to something like this again.
khairete
S.

What to do? The thought of a good thump to his head comes to mind....
Seriously? Is your son an older teenager or an adult? For some reason, I'm thinking of this like he's taking candy from a baby. However, if your son is 17-20 yrs old, I might be a bit more lenient on him paying some of the expenses IF it had been discussed with you in advance, IF you had agreed on an amount, and IF you had paid that amount to your brother. Even then, I'd think your brother was acting like a cheapskate, as he invited your son on vacation. To me the invitiation means your son's transportation, hotel and food is covered unless you agree otherwise.

If I were you at this point, I'd probably check with my brother to insure that my son's "debt" had be paid in full and would bend over backwards to pay every single cent that he thinks your son owes and tell him that you wish you'd been advised of your son's "share" prior to agreeing to go on the trip so that you could have budgeted accordingly. After that, I'd never ever let my children accept invitations to vacations or events with their crazy uncle. If you take his kids to any events with you, I'd do what your brother should have done (pay for everything) rather than treating them the ridiulous way that he treated your son. I feel sorry for your son. What a crappy vacation for him.

I would print out every single one of these responses and give them to your brother when he returns home. Then have a nice long chat with your son about the joys and responsibilities of being a gracious host. Hint: unexpectedly hitting up your guests for money is NOT one of them.
We take kids totally unrelated to us on vacation every year and look at it as a chance to expose them to places they might not see with their families. We pay for everything except their souvenirs and snacks they get on their own. If something is very pricey and I can't pay we discuss WITH THE PARENTS before hand and together decide if that is something the kids can do.
My children have had the benefit of going places I have never been with their friends-the arrangements are usually the same.
My teen daughter has even been paid to go on vacation with her cousin so that she could help with her four small children.
The only reason it would have been acceptable for your brother to ask for ALL of your son's cash is if your brother's wallet had been stolen. And he should have made it very clear he would get that money back to him ASAP.

Your brother shook down your son. Call your brother and tell him that you will call the local police and report his actions if he does not give your son back the money. It appears to me you really have nothing to lose. I would cut this relative out of my life anyway. And if he threatens your son,or you, tell him you are hanging up and calling the police right then. Then go get your son. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It is very difficult to find out that you are related to a schemer, scammer, or other kind of criminal.

Wow. My brothers are my heros. I am shocked at your brothers behavior. Seeing your seemingly shock also I am assuming your brother has never done anything like this before. I truly hope he never pulls a fast one on you again.

BTW I was in HS and went to florida trip with a friend, her M., her step dad. I did pay my ticket, meals, anything else I needed or wanted. But I believe the rooms were paid for and the gas. I might have contributed toward the rooms. We had a garage sale together and any money from that went towards the trip. All of these things were discussed with my M. before I went. I was 17 had a job. This seems so strange and makes me wonder if he is having finincal issues and this is his manly pride standing in the way demanding funds for your sons part. 300 bucks??? I have stayed in nice rooms for much less!

wow is he charging his kids and wife gas and hotel fees too? crazy! i'd be so annoyed. If it was an addtional charge for the room (25 or something extra to add him) that he couldnt afford and still wanted to invite, it should have been addressed up front
as in;
I'd love to invite Bobby but I cant afford the additonal 25 per night, if you want to cover that and his meals and entertainment he's more than welcome to come along.

I'd be fine with saying the above to my brother if it was true and I'd cover anything I could. In fact I've done the above for amusement parks. I'd always love to take my niece but can't always afford it so I give him the option of paying for her...ussually my M. will pay for my niece to get in and maybe give an extra 5 bucks for ice cream and I'll pay for dinner, gass and everything for our family.

I don't thinks is tacky to invite with the condition that you cant afford to pay for acitivites for the extra kids if its addressed up front and with someone you're really close to (obviously I wouldn't invite my daughters friends without intentions of coverig everything)
but your brother seems like he's trying to be a jerk and make money off him going.

Completely crappy of him