Using a Public Bathroom Alone.

N.,
This is a very hot topic for me. My son is now 5 1/2. I do not feel comfortable sending him into the men's room by himself, although he now knows what the signs mean and insists he's going into the wrong restroom. It will be a long time before I allow him to go alone. When my husband and I are together, he takes him to the restroom. I absolutely do not go to certain restrooms like rest stops.

With that said, it is different with girls going to the men's restroom. Six is a getting a little old. There is a portable potty called potty in a brief-case (One Step Ahead sells them)or Travel Johns (bags that have adapters for girls/women - $5.45 for 3 at www.mypilotstore.com) that your husband could keep in the car to avoid taking your daughter in the men's restroom. I also like the suggestion to ask another mom who is going into the restroom to look out for your daughter. It's a shame that we moms have to worry about things like this.

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A warning to those in Allegheny County - the recently passed "anti-discrimination law" means that men who "think" they are women must be allowed to use public ladies' bathrooms and fitting rooms. WHICH MEANS - that ANY man cam claim he thinks he's a woman and use that facility - who can prove what he thinks or not? - which is a whole new opportunity for child molestors.

My daughter is 15, and my husband will still be standing RIGHT outside the door if she is with him and needs to use the restroom. We don't care how that looks to anyone else. Her safety is more important than what anyone else thinks. Check your local laws - other areas have done the same thing.

I'm interested in your responses--I'm feeling the same way sending my 6 yo son into the men's room by himself....usually I still take him to the ladies room with me, but it's getting close to him being "too old" for that. If we're somewhere that is kind of NOT crowded, I (or we) will let him go in and pee and we wait outside the door just to give him some practice skills! LOL

Well, it seems reading the responses that I may be a bit of the odd mom out here, but wanted to give another side. Depending on the place, I have let both my 6-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter go to the bathroom by themselves. If it is a crowded or unfamiliar place, then no. However, at my church, grocery store, etc. I will let my son go in alone and just stand by the door. I always tell him to be quick because if he does not come out in a few minutes, I will open the door and call for him. I have, on a few occasions, if I see another man going in, ask that he check on my son. Many public places do have family restrooms now, which I think is great. It's just a matter of what you are comfortable with.

I have an eight and eleven year old girl and I don't let them go to the rest room by themselves yet when I am with them. If my husband is with them, he waits outside the bathroom door until they come out. He also feels uncomfortable taking them to the men's room.

HI N.,

He can stand outside the door of the women's room.

Not noticabily close.

Good luck. D.

6 is too old to go in the men's room unless she would be the only one in there. I've had dads catch me on the way in to the ladies' room and ask me to keep an eye (ok, not literally) on their daughters... I'd tell him to look for a mom of other kids and ask her to take her in, if you really don't think she's ready to do it herself. But kids are a lot more capable than we give them credit for-- unless it is somewhere really scary (and why would she be somewhere like that?) I'd just let her go and he can wait near the door.

Hi N., I have three girls, and I am still leary about sending my youngest(age 12) to the bathroom alone some places. My suggestion is to be flexiable depending on time and place. More and more malls and sports arena's have family bathrooms...far more than when my teens were that age. My hubby was uncomfortable with it too when our girls were young, but when ya gotta go... One of the things he did do was try to have the girls go before they left the house, and plan for those "potty breaks". It really is no big deal to take girls into the men's room...any more than it is to take a boy into the ladies room...just tell him to walk between your daughter and the urnials if there is someone there. If he makes it "no big deal" that is what it will be! Best wishes.

This is a hot button issue for me. I have 2 boys and I am not sure if I will EVER let them alone in a men's room. Kidding-but only kind of. I do not trust men, sad to say. And the men's room is a perfect time to get a small boy alone. Recently in the Pittsburgh area this has happened 2 times. (that made the news. I am sure there are countless other times that have not) The first one was at the Community building of a twp. in the South Hills that also houses the library and police station. An 18 y.o. boy accosted an 8 y.o. in the stall. They were able to catch this kid only because there were hidden cameras. The second instance was at a movie theater where the mother was standing right outside the door while her 12 y.o. used the men's room! So no-they are not allowed by themselves. When they get to be older(around 10) I will stand outside and block the entrance while the boys are in there.

Now if I had girls I would probably let them in the ladies room alone around 7 or 8. Women are just not the ones committing sexual crimes against children. I would trust that my young girls would be safe in there.

Here is what I saw one father do at an outting in the park one time. He stood in the door of the ladies room holding the door open. Most ladies rooms have inclosed toilets and I think most women will be understanding if you announce this is what you are doing and why. we have the same situation when my husband goes out with my daughter. My son has been in the ladies room so many times he no longer gives me a hard time(he's 8). I have a mom friend who has 13 year old twin boys she opens the door to the mens room and stands there until her boys are done. She has never had any negative feedback from the men inside as of yet.
In this day I would go safety first and everything else later.

We have 3 little girls so we have the same problem. When they were little hubby brought them in with him. We felt 7 was good, now our oldest is almost 9 and she takes them with him. He waits by the door if he is alone with them.

When he is alone with your daughter in a place he can not go with her to the bathroom ask a women who is going in to help her! Thats what I used to do when I would take my son out and he was a tad to old to go into the womens room

N.,
My son was 8 before I let him use the bathroom alone while we were out. I stood directly outside of the door until he was done. I also told him if anyone approaches him to yell for me. The first few times were difficult for me and the first time I almost went in because it seemed like to long. I will continue to wait close to the door until the time comes when he is old enough to do things without me.
L.

I have an almost five year old and I have to tell you if for any reason I cannot go into the bathroom with her (that doesn't happen very often) I literally block the exit and do not care what people say to me. I am not sure what the apporiate age is but I would think it would have to be sometime after the age of ten; that is just my belief. There are just too many horrible people out there that wait for opportunities like that to get to a kid. I think that really it is something that you decide for yourself and if you can keep a watchful eye and know the exits and ways out maybe you don't have to go all the way in. Good luck.

Hi N.,

How about having walkie talkies if you allow them in by themselves. They bring theirs into the stall with them and talk to you the whole time until they leave?