This is longer than I wanted it to be, but when I have only a short amount of time, it's hard to write a short post. Go figure. Anyhow, you can just zip past this if you want to:
When it comes to communication, *hoping* doesn't count.
You need to think about this. Do you want to say "no more gifts" because: a) you are embarrassed that the women were generous to you? b) you believe that giving should be either on an equal basis or not at all? c) you feel that your old friends are shaming you by giving when you hadn't planned to give? d) you would prefer to drop the friends who knew you back when you had more money? e) all of the above? f) none of the above?
There are, sadly, folks who do expect equal (or better) reciprocation when they give a present. But others give because that's the way they show they care. They aren't looking for a return. I don't know where your friends stand in this; maybe you do. Assuming they aren't the sort who expect a return gift and "keep score" in their minds, you don't have to give some gifts now just to even up the score - because there isn't one.
At any rate, you must thank these friends. "Thank you for making my merry Christmas a little merrier. You are so kind to think of me. My gift budget has been nonexistent for quite a while, but I want you to know that my heart is full of appreciation [by the way, is it?] for the privilege of having you as a friend these many years." Have your daughter write a note, too!
Many great friendships fizzle due to silence and lack of truthfulness. If you want to keep the women as friends, you need to be both open and gracious. Grace comes not through presents but through the way you treat your friends. If you can't buy things at the store, no big deal; give in another way. Send your friends a note or a card once in a while during the year; that's so rare a thing these days that it's one of the finest gifts anyone can get. A friendly snail-mail note turns into a treasure! And they'll be so surprised.
Throughout the year, keep an eye out for small gifts you can find for little cash outlay - it's really not hard to find note paper, bath salts, candles, etc., if you keep looking. Save these little things up and you'll have some small "token" gifts for friends at birthdays and other days. Are you crafty? You might be able to come up with something that way (but be careful; crafting costs cash!). Make these little gifts into big ones through your personal attention and the note you enclose with the gift.
I don't think there is a gracious way to say, "I don't want gifts from you, whatever you may want to do." That is no less ungracious than feeling entitled to gifts. We always like to say (and hopefully we believe) that it is better to give than to receive; however, it's essential to receive beautifully or you're actually giving back a very unpleasant gift - one the recipient won't forget.
