34 answers

Unplanned Pregnancy -- How to Tell the Father

I got involved with a guy who had just joined the Marines and was leaving for boot camp in a month. We talked and hung out all the time and I fell in love with him. We had sex one time and the condom broke. I was on birth control and hadn't missed any of my pills so I figured we were safe. A couple days before he left for boot camp we went to a party together. I got really drunk and said things I shouldn’t have said. I voiced my concerns about him leaving and not wanting anything to do with me and that I was afraid that he didn’t really care about me and wanted me to be his booty call when he came home on leave. We got into an argument about how he was acting and he told me that being so negative all the time ruins things and that I might have ruined what we had going. I told him that he needed to let me know how he felt when he figured it out and the next day he told me that he didn't feel the same way about me anymore and just wanted to be friends. I told him that I can't just be friends with him and we shouldn't talk anymore.

Two days later he left for boot camp. I was really distraught and stressed and I missed my period but figured that it was all the stress getting to me. A month and half went by and I still hadn’t gotten my period. I didn’t want to take a pregnancy test because I wasn’t ready to deal with the fact that I could possibly be pregnant. Another month went by and I started throwing up and I just knew. My friend was with me when I took the pregnancy test and it came out positive. I don’t even know what to do. The father of my unborn child is in the Marines and is only going to be coming home for a couple of days in between boot camp and his tech training and then he’s going to be stationed across the country. I’m only 19 years old. I’m a full time college student and I only have a part time job. I’ve been the good egg of the family. Great grades in high school and the Dean’s List in college. Now I’m pregnant by a one-night stand with a Marine that doesn’t “feel the same way” about me anymore. He wasn’t just some guy to me and I never intended for it to be a one-night stand. I fell in love with him but apparently he didn’t feel the same way. He is still at boot camp. How do I tell him that I’m pregnant? Do I wait for him to come home on leave to tell him or should I write him a letter while he's still at boot camp? I’m scared out of my mind as to how he is going to react and I don’t know what to do.

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I am so sorry however you do need to tell him, He may feel differently. We all say things sometimes when we are mad. Things will work out. I wish you the best of luck If you need a friend PM me Id love to chat with you. I got preg young too. I work from home so if you are worried about extra cash and spending time for school let me know Ill love to share more about what I do with you it might help you when the baby comes have more time. Everything will be alright sweetie.
K.

I would call and tell him now.The sooner the better.This is something that has to be dealt with and is not going to go away.The sooner the better.best of luck to you.

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I'm sure you just found out the news yourself so your not far along. I wouldn't tell him while in basic, it's stressful enough and he doesn't need the added stress. I myself used to be in the military, though i didn't receive news like that a friend did and it was devistating and hard for her. Wait until he is out of basic and before he goes to tech school. This will give you time to think and know exactly what you are thinking and want to do. When you do tell him i agree don't make this about how you feel about him, make it about the baby. Get his thoughts and ideas on the whole thing, like others said he's going to be shocked so give him some time to sort out his feelings. Tell him and then let him know what your thinking about the whole situation and tell him you'll give him time to think about it. Tell him to call when he's ready to talk, and leave it like that. Don't pester him as it will only make matters worse. Then when the two of you have come to terms with the baby ya'll can decide together what ya'll think is best for both of you and the baby.

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Dear D., I'm not sure about your faith but if I were in your shoes, I'd first have to pray to God for strength in this matter. As for telling the father, I think that is something that should be done in person...in a neutral location (just to be on the safe side). Go in expecting that a paternity test will come out of his mouth and it's only natural because of how short the relationship was. If you have someone that you can talk to, by all means do so. This isn't something that you should handle alone. God bless and I'll be praying for you.

Okay, first I read a reponse that made me a little mad. Just because she is 19 years old doesn't mean that she should give the baby up for adoption. I had a baby the day before my 19th birthday, and I'm a darn good mom. Age doesn't say how good of a parent you would be.
She may not be ready now but she still has a few more months to let it sink in.

Anyways, I would tell the father. I'm not sure if you sould do it in a letter or in person. I can't be the one that tells you what to do. All I know is that you should tell him as soon as possible. He has a right to know.

He shouln't get TOO mad. For one, you guys did use 2 forms of birth control. Things happen. Babies are a blessing from God. He wouldn't give you more than you can handle.

I really hope that you keep us informed and updated throughout the pregnancy. I will keep you in my prayers.

My heart goes out to you. Almost 21 years ago I was in a similar situation. I had a beautiful baby boy that I cherished, but it was tough at times being a single mom. I did marry the father when he was about a year old. Sadly it lasted about 6 years.

First I would like to say the guy has a right to know. If boot camp is almost over then I would wait until then to tell him. How far are you from him? If it is not too much traveling I would say it would be better to tell him in person. Call him and let him know you are coming and need to talk. If you can't go see him then perhaps a phone call would be good. Some time has gone by and the fire has cooled down. You have a lot to think about, but it will be ok. Does your family know? If they are supportive and helpful then do your best to continue going to school. You sound like an intelligent young woman so just be wise with your future decisions. I also drink at times too much and my subconscious would take over and I would say the wrong things sometimes. Learn from this. It's ok to make mistatkes as long as we learn from them and try not to repeat the same thing.
I would love to know how things progress. My prayers will be with you.

I'm sorry you find yourself in these circumstances. Pregnancy can be a wondeful thing. I can't begin to guess how the father will react when you tell him but you have to let him know that you are having his child. He may surprise you how he reacts...and he may not...but he needs to know. I asked my husband who is retired military what his thoughts are on the timing. He suggested possibly writing him a letter now telling him in some way that you really need to talk to him about something important when he returns. Don't get too emotional in the letter but give him some warning then make arrangements to tell him when he comes home. I know it will be hard but he has a right to know and you need his support...hopefully completely...but if nothing else, he should financially help with the baby.

After you send the letter, you need to try to put him out of your mind as much as you can and concentrate on taking care of yourself so that the baby is helathy. Make sure to get prenatal care becasue whatever future decision you make, the baby deserves a shot a helathy wonderful life.

God can help you though. He provides in situations we never thought we could endure. Believe it or not, he can help turn this situation into a positive one if you let him. That may not mean the daddy suddenly loves you and wants to spend his life with you, but it means that something good can come out of it for you and your baby. Sometimes things take time and I remmeber being 19 in college and nothing ever happened fast enough. Just don't give up. God will provide a way if you let him. He loves you and the baby right where you are. Ask him for help.

Also, have you told your parents? How have they reacted? Do you have their support?

Based on the kind of news I would rather call him, if possible. Also, I won't wait with notifying him about the fact that you are expecting. The time runs fast. Just think that it is truly an occident, and there is no yours or his fault. Be brave, girl! Good luck!

Dear Daniella,
I am sure you are scared on so many levels. I am sorry you are going through those emotions. The father needs to know and you all have to decide how you all will handle the future of this child. If you want to keep the child then child support and possible visitations needs to be discussed. Or if the gift of adoption is an option then you both need to be in agreement and you both have to sign consent forms in the state of OK. I am sure he will be as shocked as you. Informing him by letter and allowing him time to think because you are afraid of his response is best, then be direct, present the option you are think of, what you expect from him, and ask for his thoughts. If you can wait to tell him face to face then expect him to be shocked. By then you've had time to get use to the idea - he hasn't. So don't be offended - he's not had time to process.

I know you have feelings for this young man; however,if he feels the same way is not the issue at hand. The baby is now the focus. People say things when faced with uncertainty, a bit too much alcohol, and fear. If he's in the Marines, I hope he's learning how to be a man of responsibility and character. Whatever his response - you need to know so you know how to move forward. I am sure you feel over whelmed. Just try to handle things one day at a time. I know that is easier said then done. This is a huge decision as to what to do. I hope and pray you have a mature woman to talk to, if not I am willing to listen. Meanwhile, you need to take care of yourself and the baby. Try to eat good, get rest, and go to the Dr for pre-natal care. You have more than yourself to think of now.

First of all, I have to say that as a young woman you have to respect yourself and your body more than that!!! If you got pregnant you obviously didn't use protection. You did not know this guy from Adam so how can you love someone you don't even know. You didn't even love yourself enough to protect yourself from pregnancy and a host of potentially deadly diseases. Now you are pregnant and you want this man that you don't even know to step up and do the heroic thing and be a father to a child that he probably doesn't even want!!!! If this young man enlisted in the military he undoubtedly wanted to better his life not become a father with a woman/child that he doesn't know. Yes, he was dumb too by not protecting himself so he gets what he gets. But please don't fool yourself like this is going to be a happily everafter scenario. It isn't! You will very probably end up being a single mom which is super hard, even with the best support system in place. You need to let the father know ASAP. The sooner he knows the more time you have to discuss your options. By "your" I mean yours and his because he should be a part of the decision-making process also. Don't be mad if he isn't ready to be a father and doesn't want the baby. Yes, he should have thought about that before you had sex!!! Unfortunately, D., you are ultimately responsible for the rest of your life. Choose life!! Yours!! Go to college, graduate, and go on with your life. No more heat of the moment sexcapades and always, always, ALWAYS protect YOU!!!!!

hey if you can not tell him soon then i would tell him in a letter. i'm not sure how things work with the marines but the baby should be covered on his insurance. i don't know the 2 of you but i do know you need to tell him sooner than latter. good luck with your babay and girl you can do it. Girls your age does it all the time being a mom and in school turn to family and friends for anything and things will work out.

If it were me in your situation I probably wouldn't tell the father in a letter. That's something I would talk about in person. I know it seems like a hopeless situation, but you are stronger than you think and you can do this. I know it's early to be talking about this, but putting the child first should be number 1 right now. Eat well and take care of yourself.

I'm a mililtary wife, and they take parenthood very seriously in the military. You need to tell him as soon as you can so that you can set the ball in motion for your child to be taken care of because as his dependant he/she gets full benefits and various other things and has to be enrolled in his insurance within 60 days to 1 year after birth. It will all work out, enjoy the pregnancy, just because you got a "suprise" out of a stressful situation don't let that steal your joy at having this baby.

D.,
I will start by saying I do not agree with Christina in the fact if you give the baby up for adoption it is better that the father signs the papers also. Also by him being in the military you are guaranteed to get child support and health and dental care for your child. I do agree with not getting married because of the child. A military spouse is a hard job to do. Basic is a very stressful time but if you word the letter correctly and let him know that he has input what is happening it will be less stressful on him. I got bad news (this may not be bad new to him) when I was in basic and still did fine. It is not the same as getting new when you are in a war zone.

I will say just follow gut on this one it will tell you what you need to do. Don’t count him out just because of what he said before he left for Basic Training. My husband and I always get into arguments before he deploys, it is a stressful time away from family and friend for the solider!

Hi D.,
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in. It will be tough, but you will make it and be a better person for it in the end. The timing might not be ideal or what you want, but your life is being blessed. Please continue your education however you can. It's so important. I hope your parents and family will understand and be supportive. If not, your friends. You might also want to talk to a counselor or minister who will be confidential and can help you talk through things before you tell him. There's no rush, but he does need/deserve to know.
I'm married to a marine. I recommend waiting until he's home and you can do it in person. Boot camp is very stressful and often they can only receive letters. Have a friend with you if you need it. Be prepared for him to express who-knows-what emotions and even to question the paternity at first, but give him time and he may turn into a good person in the end. That's big news and he may need a lot of time to digest it. Being a marine can really be good for a person and often changes the guys over time. Of course, this does not happen to everyone, so hope for the best but be prepared for the worst as well. Paternity will be important to certify, as your baby will be eligible for free military benefits such as Tricare health insurance through him. That might help you out a lot. If he gives you a hard time, the military is great at forcing guys to pay their child support! Good luck!

He deserves to know now. Put it in a letter and ask him for some time to talk when he is home on break. Be prepared for him to say some nasty things and claim the child isn't his. He may not do this, but fear can drive people to say things they wouldn't normally say. When the child is born, demand a paternity test. Even if he claims the child isn't his but the test shows that it is, the military will make him pay child support. You have a tough road ahead, but you can do it. A baby is an amazing gift from God and he wouldn't give you one if he didn't know that you will be okay.
J.
P.S. I will add that I also do not agree with Christina about not telling him if you are planning on adoption. My cousin Tom did not know us until he was in his late 30s because his mother gave him up and did not tell my uncle he had a child. We missed out on alot not knowing about him, but we are a stronger family now that he is with us. No matter your decision, the father has a right to know he will have a child. Let him choose what to do with the info.

Hey D.,

You are still the "good egg." And Babies are blessings from God, no matter how they come to be. With that said, you have alot of thinking to do and scenarios to play out in your head.

What you know is that you are pregnant and the would be father expressed not wanting a relationship with you.
He is unaware that he has a child on the way. He may or may not want a relationship with the child, despite not having one with you.

So what to do. First you need to determine if you wish to be a single parent at such a young age. Parenting is extremely hard, very costly, tiresome beyond belief and yet the best thing ever. Doing it alone is twice the load. Your life will change drastically and if you are not yet ready then the change may be something you regret. So, what I am saying is you need to determine if you are able to take on single parenthood (this requires alot of family support for you) or if adoption is the route best for you and your little one.

The scenarios I was talking about, well they include once your mind is made up, what would change when you tell the father. For example, #1 you want to keep the baby knowing you will parent alone.And he wants nothing to do with either of you. You still keep the baby. #2 you want to place for adoption and he wants to be involved with the only the baby. You change mind to keep, with some form of agreement regarding custody and visitation. #3 You want adoption and he wants full custody of his child. Do you let him have the baby? This list goes on and on.

Based from what you said above, I am assuming he will be very ugly when you tell him about the pregnancy and also that he will deny it's his. He may or may not come around later. You need to decide what is best for you and absolutely best for your baby. Adoption is a wonderful gift and I can't tell you how many deserving couples I know waiting. But a baby is the best gift ever and parting with your blessing may not be for you. I can only say that if you can go it alone, you will see the rewards. Try to stay positive.

As for telling the father, just send him a certified letter that is curt. Simply state that you are pregnant and that he is the father. Give the details of delayed menstration and avoiding the inevitable hpt. Inform him that you have not been with anyone else. And remind him of the failed condom. No feelings included. No mention of "US." Also include if you are keeping the child. If you are set on adoption then only note you are "considering" adoption. It is best if you both agree to adoption that you both sign the paperwork. Also he may decide to voluntarily terminate his parental rights. At some point you are probably going to want to seek legal counsel regarding child support and enforcement. I know someone mentioned the military will take it, but later it will be his employer. It really depends on the guy. I know so many who change jobs making it difficult to obtain. Others who never pay. And some who send the check themselves like clockwork. Not to mention Childsupport is NEVER enough to raise a child.

You have alot to think about and I would start the discussions with a trusted family member or friend. But
Don't be scared, it is what it is. Perpare for the worst, plan for the best. And may it all go as it is meant to be for the baby on it's way.

God Bless and Best Wishes,
-MB

You have to consider he might have just said those things to you under a lot of stress. Even though he signed up for the marines it is very stressful to know you are going away from friends and family and that you no longer control your life.
If you have a contact number you could call him and talk to him but dont mention the pregnancy right away. He will be stressed because boot camp is not easy. But let him know your feelings for him. Let him know that you were just trying to talk to him about your fears of him being away when the relationship was as such an early stage.
If you dont have a contact number then write him a letter and let him know you need to talk to him. Let him know how you feel about him. But do let him know that you and he need to talk about something very important. Give him a phone number to call you and if he calls dont mention the pregnancy right away. Talk to him a bit first. If he doesnt call or reply with a letter then you might have to write a second letter and let him know that way you are pregnant.

D. Honey, I know this is a very stressful time and a time of many feelings. I would look in the phone book under adoption for a crisis pregnancy center. NOT PLANNED PArenTHOOD. Many of these centers work with women whether they plan to keep their baby or place them for adoption. Realize the adoption is the most selfless act there is. TO provide your child with a two parent home, emotionally, physically and financially prepared for a baby. It is the most loving thing any mother can do for her baby. As a mother to a baby who was selflessly given to me, I know the answer he was to many nights of tears and how we where an answer to his birth mother's prayers as well. I can't imagine my life without him. His birthmother was a divorced single mom who knew exactly what she was giving to me.. She knew the heart ache but the joy in knowing that he was loved, safe and cherished renewed her heart. He knows all about her and there will be a day when he gets to meet his first mother as he refers to her. The birth father was a college student. Neither was in a position to provide for a baby and while they could have "gotten by" it wasn't the best for any of the 4 people involved. They would have had to work 2 jobs and have a babysitter raise their baby. Please give this option some thought. One of these crisis centers will be able to help you see all of your options and decide what is in the best long term interest for you all. GOod luck sweet girl.

I would not write him in boot camp he is under enough stress ,besides this is something that should be told in person. If you are nervous about this had your friend go with you just in case and to give you support. He will need a few days to dial with this so if possible tell him on his first day home. Tell him you want him the father to know and want to know what are his feelings on this development in his life. If you have make up your mind what you plan to do tell him also. If when the child is born he is not willing to up with the cost of rising him tell his commending offer, they will take the money out of his pay. Good luck and God Bless!

Be honest with him now. He will own up to his responsibility. Raising a child by yourself is doable but it is very difficult. Honestly is the best policy. He may want a paternity test. Do it! With him being in the military your child will get medical benefits and child support.

As someone has already said, you are still a good person. It sounds like you are a very intelligent person as well. You used 2 forms of birth control that didn't work. What else could you have done? I mean, really?
You haven't mentioned in your request whether you were for sure keeping this child or how far along you are. Adoption is an absolute blessing. It's also probably one of the most difficult decisions a mother-to-be could make. Being a mother is the most rewarding thing that I ever could have done. It is also the most worrisome, exhausting, and neverending job that I have ever had. Just weigh ALL of your options. If you are accepting of the fact that every aspect of your life is going to change, then you will be fine. I seriously want you to understand just that: Everything is going to change.
I would not under any circumstances tell this guy in a letter. You say he coming home for a few days before being shipped off again. I would find him and tell him then. He needs to be told in person. If he is unwilling to see you in person, then and only then would I tell him over the phone or via an impersonal way such as a letter or text message.
I know this situation is tough. I have been in a similar situation. You can get through it with the support of family and friends. Please feel free to message me anytime!! God bless and get some rest!

Face to face after his boot camp.

Hang on, Sweet Gal! You can do it!
God's grace is sufficient for you and this little one.
Do you have a supportive family, friends, church family?

You are not a failure. This baby is not a mistake.
You are a blessing and so is this baby.
Please take care of yourself and get around people who love you.

Hi D.. That's a lot to deal with. My advice would be to wait until he comes home on leave. I think you have a greater chance of getting a more positive reaction, compared to how he may react if you tell him during his training. I'm in the Army and know the stressors of boot camp, and that's not the Marines which is even more demanding. I hope that if you wait to tell him, that his boot camp has instilled a sense of pride and responsibility and you and your baby will have a better outcome. Best of luck and remember to ask to God for help as well.
-R. E

Whether to tell him at all depends on what you plan to do about the pregnancy. If you're planning to abprt, there's no real reason to tell him at all.
If you're planning to have the baby and place it for adoption, there's no real reason to tell him either.
If you're planning to have the baby and keep it, then he needs to know because he might want to be a part of the baby's life, even though he doesn't want a committed relationship with you. If he wants to be a part of its life, then I would insist that he help support it.
I would not recommend getting married if he asks you merely because you are pregnant. Marriages based on anything other than love between the adults involved rarely turn out to be happy or successful ones.
I may get flamed for saying this, but at your age and in your circumstances, I would not recommend having this baby. You are obviously not ready for the stress and expense of a pregnancy, much less that of being a parent.

You have been given a lot of great advice so far. I just wanted to share my opinion in that I definitely agree that the father should know regardless of what you plan to do as far as when the baby is born (keep it, adoption). Also, I personally would not share this news in a letter. I would either talk to him in person or over the phone. The military can really mess with a person's head, especially while in bootcamp. I would try to discuss it with him after bootcamp or while he's on a leave (if he gets one). I would start by opening up to your family. You will need their support and I'm sure they will love you through this difficult time.

No matter what you decide to do just know that you are a strong person and you can do this and you will get through this. It's a scary situation to be in but completely doable also. Having a child is the greatest gift that God gives us. Best of luck to you!

J.

You need to tell him when he comes home! Boot camp is hard enough without other things added on. Second A Baby is a gift from God, I do not care how or why it happened, the child is still a blessing. There are people out there that will help you with having your child. Tell the man that you love him and that you are sorry for things that you said or/and done. Pray, God will help you. This child is a blessing you just do not know it yet! You can do this,and congradulations on baby. B. A

D.,
Being a mil. spouse it is very important to understand that some guys just go to the cut all ties extremes when life is changing. I feel for his sake and yours you need to discuss this matter at hand. Even without being married this child can have two loving suppportive parents. Not telling him is never an option. It took 2 of you to create this child so it take 2 of you to decide to keep the baby or adotion. A phone call is not always the best because they are rushed, a letter is usually better.

I am so sorry however you do need to tell him, He may feel differently. We all say things sometimes when we are mad. Things will work out. I wish you the best of luck If you need a friend PM me Id love to chat with you. I got preg young too. I work from home so if you are worried about extra cash and spending time for school let me know Ill love to share more about what I do with you it might help you when the baby comes have more time. Everything will be alright sweetie.
K.

Hi, D.,

First, the issue that came up between you and the father is kind of classic. It's a common communication problem between men and women. The woman states her fears about the relationship, and the guy feels attacked. His response is also very common. He got defensive. This doesn't mean that he actually didn't feel the same about you. He just felt very disappointed. Now his feelings are probably starting to fade as he launches into this whole new thing in life, boot camp, and it can be very overwhelming, too. I know this part can be hard to hear, but it's true. The good news is, feelings can change. You two can work on this. It might be that you will rekindle what you had started.

I'd tell him immediately, and try not to burden him with the relationship part of it. Just tell him what's going on, what you think you might do (keep the baby or give it up for adoption; I hope you won't consider abortion at this late date, but that is for you to decide).

I would tell him that I'm sorry about the way I brought up my fears and didn't mean to make him feel defensive - that I was just stating fears but that I truly did feel that he was different from other guys - and was voicing my fears to get his confirmation that he really was the special person that you had found.

I'd start with this. Be friendly, try not to be dramatic. Then, whichever way he responds, tell him about the pregnancy. Don't wait. It's only fair to tell him, because this is his child, too.

Now, about adoption. It is a very, very painful thing to do. But so is raising a child without the father involved, or in a less than ideal situation. I know a lot of moms out there would like to say otherwise, and will be mad at me for saying so, but, D., this is reality. I have found that it's very hard to care for a baby *with* my husband coming home every night, being a dedicated husband and father, and very involved, changing diapers at least as much as I do. Even so, babies have so many needs. In the first several months, you might not even be able to pee without that baby in your arms, or else you might have to leave that baby in the crib to cry while you do, and you will find that incredibly hard to do. The baby might wake up at 2 in the morning and you have to be up, too, no matter how exhausted you are. You could be up for hours every night, then have to go to work in the morning. It's just incredibly, overwhelmingly constant. Some days, I barely managed to brush my teeth, before my daughter grew up to the point where she could entertain herself a bit every hour (around 9-10 months of age). Some babies are easier, but not many.

I'm saying that, if you want to pursue college, adoption is about your only chance. I got pregnant when I was in high school, and I decided to give my son up for adoption. The night I said goodbye to him was the hardest moment of my life. I won't tell you otherwise. I cried, non-stop, for about four hours. For months afterward, I grieved. But it got better, and I got to send him letters and birthday presents, and his adoptive parents sent me pictures and updates. It was a semi-open adoption. You could opt for an open adoption, if you choose adoption. It's wonderful because you can spend time with your child, maybe a couple of times a year, and really, you'll find that that's all you need, and you'll be happy that s/he is in a good family who loves him or her so, so much.

If you choose to keep the baby, with or without the father being involved with *you*, bear in mind that he is responsible for child support, so you will have that financial help, at least. And you can do so much for your parenting experience, and of course for the well-being of your child, to do as much research as you can to learn how to care for a baby. I cannot stress this enough - and it doesn't matter whether you're 19 or 39, this is true. Instinctive parenting is great, but there is SO MUCH that instinct won't tell you. Read everything you can get your hands on.

I recommend the Sears books, and anything by Becky Bailey or Mary Sheedy Kurcinka for psychology/behavior questions.

Please email me if you have other questions. I will be more than happy to help in any way that I can.

L.

PS even if you aren't decided about what you're going to do yet, I'd contact an adoption agency. They have social workers who can talk to you objectively about what to expect. A good adoption agency will get you in touch with counselors so you can work through what you're feeling and make sure of what you want to do, and help you get through it. The adoption agency will probably also give you workbooks to go through and they're extremely helpful in deciding what you want to do. A good agency wants mothers who are sure of what they want to do - they don't want legal issues later and botched adoptions, so they won't pressure you at ALL. If you do have the baby adopted out, by the way, your medical bills will all be paid in full.

Again, email me if you have any other questions.

Wait to tell him in person. If he rejects you and the baby, you will have to accept it. You can do it with the help of friends and family. A child is never a disaster. God bless you. You will be ok, it just makes life somewhat harder. The smiles your baby will bring to you everyday (ok, most days) will make the hard work worth it..

Tell him now! He is at boot camp not in the Dessert! He should be able to handle the news and it may give him something to look forward to or hang on to when he comes home...Besides it will give him time to think while you two are apart and maybe he won't immediately say something stupid to you and will give thought to what you are telling him! They have plenty of time to think rationally when at boot camp! Everything seems to be so much clearer to them there about life back home! I would tell him in a letter...but only you know him not us! Also if you write a letter he will think about his response! If you call he is the opposite sex so his thoughts are not always like ours and you do not need to be stressed out in your contidition, pregnant women tend to be a bit hormonal and who's to say where your hormones will be at the time...

Hi Damielle. This is tough. I would suggest waiting until boot camp is over to tell him, you'd probably get a better response without the stress. I think that's its important to leave the relationship aspect out of the conversation and just tell him what's going on. You don't need a man to raise a child. Theres no denying that it makes things easier, but you fan do it without him-just remember that. Be a strong woman for you and your child. Now you remember he has financial obligations. Theres no need to get ugly or make theats, but you can and should get child support at the very least. Now don't worry about your family! They lve you and will support you the whole way. You'd be suprised how helpful they can be! I know girls who left their kids with their moms in order to finish school. I think its also important to sit down and discuss your options wth your parents. There is financial assistance available for low income mothers, you could put your child in daycare while youre in school. D., im not saying it will be easy, but you can do it. Children are the most amazng things n life! I had my first baby at 19, so I understand what its like to be a you g mother. Whatever decsion you make,maker hope all is well. Also keep in mind you may could spend time at your parents house in the evenings or even live there to make going to school, doing homework etc easier. Good luck!

D.,

I was 19 once too and had an "encounter" with a man who I thought I loved. Yes, he was good in bed but would have made a lousy father. It was my plan to not tell him about the pregnancy and adopt the baby out. Better for him to not know than to get custody of the baby and leave the country.

K.

I would call and tell him now.The sooner the better.This is something that has to be dealt with and is not going to go away.The sooner the better.best of luck to you.

Maybe the way you were talking from your last conversation with him, gave him the impression that you were not interested. Your fear of his up and comming leave could have been a factor in your responces. I know you don't want to be a one night stand and you don't want to be left with a baby that you can't raise. But you need to think about him. He is giong to a hard place, a lot of fighting, killing and death. You have a life in you that is his. He might just be in love with you and see the hope he could hold on to while he is in that bad place that would carry him. Give him something to live for. Boys go to war and come home MEN. I would tell him after you say your sorry for being afraid. Thing just might come out different. I would and be flexable. If he loves you and want to marry you, you and the baby would be better off.

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