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Unplanned Pregnancy - How to Tell Husband

I have two sons (2 1/2 years and 14 months), which is wonderful but also a lot of work as my husband and I both work full time. I think I may be pregnant again. I'm currently on an international business trip and haven't taken a pregnancy test. I'm scared to tell my husband - he will freak out. I guess I'm looking for some advise on how to tell my husband about this possible unplanned pregnancy, when I know that he is not "excited" about having another baby. I'm also interersted to know what life is like with 3 kids? Another note: baby #2 only started sleeping through the night about a month ago, so we are just starting to "recover" from over a year of little sleep. Thanks for your help.

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Thank you to everyone for your support and sharing your stories. I fly home tomorrow and will take your advice and support with me. This community has helped me so much - even though I'm 3,000 miles away from home - I feel better prepared for whatever is ahead of me. Thanks again!!!

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Take a deep breath first:) You are most likely imagining it to be worse than it will be. I found out I was pregnant w/ #2 3 months after I started my new job!! After 2 pregnancy tests, I called him on the phone and he calmed me down...short story; you will be just fine

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Just tell him once you have it confirmed. You don't know how he will react exactly. My husband takes the whole 9 months to warm up and then once the baby is born he is a proud papa for a few days. Then he kind of backs off (he doesn't like newborns) until they are 4 months of age and smiling everytime he holds them. I have 4 kids. I think 2 is easier than 1 and 3 is more busy but once the baby is old enough to interact with older siblings life gets easier. My middle two are 19 months apart and are now two peas in a pod. It will be difficult at first but it will get easier.
You mentioned #2 just started sleeping through the night, I recommend Babywise or Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy child for the next time around and see if you can get the next baby sleeping through the night by 3-4 months. I have a 2 1/2 month old and she has already started sleeping through the night. best of luck.

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I have been there and done that and I pray that your husband reacts different than mine did. But to prepare you...my husband didn't talk to me for two days...he was completely silent..I told him at night in a Christmas card after the kids went to bed. Of course I included the whole, God wouldn't give us more than we can handle, this is a blessing, we will love this one just as much, and so on. And I did mean that...I was not unhappy about our unplanned pregnancy, I wanted another one but he had said no...so I just planned on waiting until our two others were a little older. It made it very hard to be excited when no one else was jumping for joy and that made it harder still. He got up and went to his moms in the morning and I IMMEDIATELY called and told my Father in law the "good" news and told him that he better tell his wife before Justin gets there and she BETTER muster up SOMETHING POSITIVE to say...and make it better instead of worse. Everyone knew that my husband didn't want more, but he also KNEW that the birth control that we were using was only 86% effective and we got pregnant VERY easy with the other two. So I gave him space and he didn't get involved in the pregnancy, he was just kind of obsolete to it...there were a few times that he was a little mean about it and hurt my feelings very bad....and he feels bad about that now. Our youngest is now 3 yrs old. I told my mom that if anything happens to our baby that he was going to feel like total crap and he would deserve too....well it did. I had delivered naturally with both the other two pretty easily and with him, my cord prolapsed and had to have a big emergency c-section..as it turns out, his cord prolapsed, was around his neck and at some point in the pregnancy tied in a true not. He was not breathing, then when they did he started posturing and cried the first 24 hours..well as long as he had a voice..:-( AND I tell you...God did that part on purpose too, just like my pregnancy. My husband formed an instant protective bond with my son and I know that through the days of our lives, we will be so greatful for ALL my kids.

So I don't know how to tell you to tell your husband, but I guess I would suggest, having him be by himself with you there and just put it out there. Don't make a huge deal out of it (even though it is) b/c if you do, you're going to be even that much more upset if he doesn't react well. I didn't expect my husband to react well...he didn't..and I was still upset b/c planned or unplanned, I loved my son from the moment he was put in there and wanted to protect him.

Life with three......I love my life...times get hectic and loud, but you do it b/c you have to. B/c there are three little people that are depending on you to do it everyday...and life passes by so quickly and they'll be small such a short time.

Good luck! I'd love to hear how it goes :-)

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J.-- my little boys are the same age as yours, so I know how hectic it can be! I only have the two, so I can't offer any personal experience with three, but everyone I know who has three says that the transition to three kids is easier than going from one to two! They say that the hardest thing is learning to divide your time (initially) between the two, and so the third doesn't feel shocking like the second one did. Maybe it's because you already have a routine down and you're already used to doing for two. About how to tell your husband: my second pregnancy came much sooner than we expected, and I was scared to tell my husband, so I bought a little T-shirt for my son that said, "I'm the Big Brother", and I had it on him when my husband came home from work. My hsuband was like, "What does this mean???" And I was like, "It means what you think it means." He had to laugh-- he took it much better than I was expecting. Another idea that I've always thought was cute is to send him a small simple cookie bouquet (to your house, to keep it private), and have the card say something like, "Daddy, I can't wait to meet you on January 29th [or whatever your due date is]." If you really want to butter him up, you could add, "Will and Jack [whatever your sons' names are] say you're the best daddy ever, so I know how lucky I am." Maybe that'll melt his heart and take the edge off the shock! Good luck-- I know how you feel! :)

~B.

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Hi.
Been there too. My third child was not plan at all. To be honest I had went tot he doctor to see when we could schedule a date for me to get my tubes tied. So they did all the paper work and my exams.One of them was a pregnancy test, which I just laughed and said we could of skipped that one. The doctor comes back telling me we would have to wait. I was so scared thinking something was wrong with me. He smiled and said I was 6 weeks preg. I could not believe it. I started to cry, and I mean cry. I allready had a 4 yr. old daughter and a 3 yr. old son. I was done, I did not want no more children.
No need of diapers, or bottles, baby furniture,little clothes ect.....

But now my 9 month old baby boy makes my mornings, my days so happy. I love him so much, and just to think that I did not want no more children. Never in my mind did I think about not having him. But I was just in denial (sp) of having more children. But after having him and having him here with me all of us are so happy for him to be here. His our little sunshine.My daughter is so excited to have him here, even my son. My daughter doesn't remember her other bro. when he was a baby. but she will remember her little bro. But for sure no more children since I did get my tubes tied and burn. But go ahead and tell your husband, I'm very sure he will be happy deep in his heart and in the long run he will be excited that God has sent him another baby. Let pray it's a little girl. It's hard, I know... but it's so much fun. My daughter now 5 yrs. old and my son soon to be 4 yrs. old still don't sleep through the whole night. Well only my daughter. Having 3 kids it's not as hard as some ppl say it is or think. I get my older ones ready and then I get myself ready and then my baby last. Or I get the kids clothes out and my husband helps me dress them. He would comb her but no thanks. I rather do her hair. ;) We have a yukon, and yes they are all in a carseat. My daughter sometimes goes in the front, since we all don't fit in the back. She is in pre-k so then I have to get my two boys ready to go pick her up. If I can do it, I know you can too. Good luck and let me know when your duedate is and how your little one are taking it. I'll be praying for you J. and that your husband takes it all well. Take lots of care and no stressing ok.

M.-SAHM of 3 and married for 10 yrs. Loving it.

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I had another scare a couple of weeks back. I told me husband the responce that I needed. "I know that you may not be overly excited about this but I need you to be excited about this. There is a good chance that #2 might be on the way." Maybe this wouldn't work for everyone, but I just couldn't imagine what might come out of his mouth. I wanted someone happy and memerable to write in the baby book, like we were able to for #1. He was acctually very supportive and excited. It did turn out to be a false alarm. Now he is scheduled for the big "V" on Father's Day weekend. Happy Father's Day, right? LOL.
Good luck. I'm sure everything will work out the way they are supposed to.

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Wait till you get home. Heaven forbid you are not pregnant, or the pregnancy doesn't take...I miscarried just after I found out I was pregnant once. When you are sure, just tell him. You can do it in a funny way, or serious way, but just tell him. He may need some time to warm up to the idea, and try not to take it personally if he does react negatively at first. If you settle on finishing your family with three, just point out to him that now you have "gotten it all out of the way." Also he has some responsibility in the matter too, you didn't get pregnant all by yourself and if you didn't use any birth control, then what does he think! As for having three kids, it is managed chaos. Having three that close together...like herding cats! God gives us what we can handle though, you will be fine. Are you plannning on putting all three in daycare or would it be more beneficial financially/developmentally, etc to stay home with them? Just some things to think about.

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Hi I have three wonderful children and my sons are one year and 7 days apart. I personally believe that each child is the perfect fit in the family puzzle and even though my last one wasn’t planned he certainly has enriched our lives. Both of my sons are extremely close and the bond is they have I think is part due to their close age. If you can handle two I promise that one more isn’t going to be any different! Good luck and I hope this has helped, S.

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My third baby was not planned, either. In fact, my second childbirth was very complicated, and I was advised to not get pregnant again. When I learned of my third pregnancy, I was afraid I was going to die. I looked past my fear, however, and realized that if God had not wanted me to have this baby, He would not have allowed me to get pregnant. Every baby is a precious gift from Him. Trust God to give you the strength and resources to get through another pregnancy. Trust your husband to love this baby as much as the first two. He will--I promise. After getting over the initial shock of learning about my pregnancy, my husband and I embraced it, and looked forward to our new little one. And we prayed. I had a perfect delivery, with no complications, and a wonderful, healthy, beautiful baby girl. We couldn't imagine our family being complete without her. See this as the blessing that it is, and you'll be fine. A family with three kids is just a little bit noisier, a little bit messier, and a whole lot more fun.

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J., I don't know what your religious convictions are, but I truly believe no pregnancy is "unplanned." I don't mean this as a slam!! WE don't always plan our pregnancies! I say this with much sympathy!! Once my husband and I started "trying" to have a baby, it only took a couple of months. Our first born almost died at birth due to Beta Strep. It was quite traumatic. We were very content with our little boy and the miracle of his survival - no "interest" in having another baby any time soon. Our next son was born 13 months and 5 days later!! Then our daughter was born 16 months after that. We didn't "plan" these pregnancies and we were being "careful." 3 kids in 2 1/2 years! J., I call my second child my "not what I wanted, but what YOU (God) wanted" baby. And we have been so blessed. I look into his eyes (he's 14 now) and thank God for His ultimate plan! I would never in my wildest dreams "chosen" to have children that close together, but I'm forever grateful that His plan sovereignly trumps ours every once in a while! :)
I hope this helps! I didn't really directly answer your question on how to tell your husband, but know that EVERY child is a blessing - you never know what this child will do or become!!
I'd say be honest with your husband about your feelings, and tell him straight up! Trust that God will work out the rest. It probably wouldn't hurt to fix his favorite meal first! :) Let us know how it goes!
I have been married to the same wonderful man for 18 1/2 years and we have 4 children.

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We had a very similar experience. We had two boys, 3 & 1, my husband was working on his thesis, and we were living in my in-laws basement. It just so happened that I figured out that I was pregnant with number 3 while my husband was on a 4 week trip to Argentina. I wasn't ready for another baby, and spent some time crying about it. My husband was overwhelmed with all of his responsibilities, but had a good attitude about the news. Seven years later...I'm so glad that things happened the way they did. We got a beautiful baby girl who has been nothing but a joy! Funny thing is that we've never had any more kids even though we stopped using any prevention about two years after she was born. We're so glad that we had her, and wonder if we wouldn't have had we not had that little accident.
I'm sure that you'll find the right way to tell your husband, and even though it will be rough for the first year or so, it's great having three kids. It is an adjustment, but not too bad. Good luck!

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BABIES ARE A BLESSING NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT THEM!!!!

I have a 8 yr old, a 3yr old and a 2 yr old and each one of them brings such joy into my life. Is it easy?? HECK NO!! Is it worth every minute of it?? OH YES!!

My daugher who is almost 3 now was only 3 months old when I found out we were expecting again. While I was pregnant with the youngest, my kidney failed, I was in and out of the hospital. Dr's told me to have an abortion, that he would kill both of us if I tried to carry to term. Well he is here and healthy and almost 2 yrs old. I am also well, my kidney is healthy again and by the Grace of God I share my story with others so they know that God WILL NOT PUT ON YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE. IF HE BROUGHT YOU TO IT, HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH IT!!

Just have faith, that no matter what, you will be ok. Another baby to love??? Why not!!!! They are miracles and blessings!!

Have a great day!!

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Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything! Don't fret over this until you know for sure. After that I would suggest being honest with your husband, it does take two!
Children are a gift from God! God bless you and your family!

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Well the telling part is something that is inevitable. You must take the test at first chance, so you personally will know. As far as it being planned, well, let's face it, someone way higher than us makes those plans for us. I have 4 kiddos - my daughter is the oldest, she's 22 months older than the first son, which my three sons are all 16 months apart. There was no planning on all of that. I can tell you that if my husband and I looked at each other right I was pregnant it seemed. IT was CRAZY! I was one the pill was that 0.01% regardless which one, but refused to give up sex you know?

I think the longer you wait to tell him after you find out, the harder it will be for both of you. Changes will be going on inside your head because of the new little bundle already draining your emotions, so don't let yourself get worked up over it. Plan a nice dinner, have someone watch the other two, and just tell him! Plain and simple! Sometimes the first response isn't the one you wanted, but how did you feel knowing that you might be pregnant, when timing isn't exactly what you needed it to be? Just make sure he knows that you didn't expect or want to be pregnant right now, but you two have to decide what is best for you, the baby, and your family. He needs to support you, which it sounds like you have a great husband, so let him get over the shell shock!!!

Oh, and the 3 kid thing. MY whole perception is YOU EITHER HAVE ONE KID, or YOU HAVE MORE. Once you get past that first child syndrome, and manage to make it work, whether it is two, three, four, heck sometimes we have aboout 15 kids running around here, and it is just more food, more clothes, more fun. It all changes when you add number two. Everything after two is just another number. You just have to make sure you get into your routines with the older two, and stick to them, so when number three comes, you have a working system!

Keep your head up, it will be okay, I promise! Other moms, including myself are still sane!

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J.,

I am in a similar situation. I found out I was pregnant after my son started talking about another sibling, strange I know but he kept on and on for days and finally I was like 'Whoa, where's Aunt Flo?' needless to say she won't be here for a while still...

I was afraid my husband would be upset, because another kiddo was not in our plans, however I was plesantly surprised when I handed him the test: He say 'Who's is this?' I said 'Your wife's.' He said 'Oh' and has been happier about the whole thing than I have! He even picked out a name which is a first considering he wasn't very involved with our first two on the name thing.

I suggest you just tell him, No need to worry about it unless you plan on termination, which I'm praying you don't.

Best wishes. We're here for your support!

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Even if he is not excited, if he loves you he will be fine. This is still a gift from God if you are pregnant, and He will not give you anything you can not handle...with his help of course. So my best advice I could give would be to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

blessings-

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Hey Jen , Kids are a wonderful gift from God so don't fret ..
he'll be ok after the shock wears off..fix him a nice dinner and slip it in slowly.. just be happy ..and watch out for the next one!!they are rather close for my thinking...But God knows best and all will be fine..GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

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Take the test first! You may be getting all worked up for nothing. But if you are going to have another baby please hear this, "Honey, you did not get pregnant by your self!" My third son was a surprize aswell. If fact my #2 and #3 are 22 months apart. I was so scared to tell my husband that I was pregnant I couldn't even get the words out I just handed him the test stick. He was so great he just said ,"That's what happens when people have sex." I'm not making fun of where you are because I was there 7 years ago I'm just saying that you two are married and you did this together. These children are a physical representation of your relationship, your love. It may not be planned but it's never wrong. I have four sons now and have been married 13 years you and your husband will be fine as long as you work together.

Gia- SAHM of 4 SONS

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Hi~ I too had an unplanned pregnancy last year. I just straight out told my husband (who absolutely did not want more kids) that I was pregnant. I of course was crying and he really surprised me by saying that God must have had other plans for us and that he was actually excited. I would just tell your husband straight out and not try to cushion it in any way. Good luck!

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You will love having three! We had two girls already when we discovered we were pregnant again by surprise. Hubby and I were really upset and scared at first, but our little "party crasher" is 7 months now, and she is so amazing and so sweet... I can't imagine life without her! We had thought that our family was complete with two, but God had other plans for us... that's how we figure it anyway. It's like this: our first was conceieved because we wanted to be parents, our second baby was conceived because we decided our first should have a sibling, and our third baby is because their daddy and I love each other very, very much :)

You have a big decision to make though, which I do not envy you. I did not have a career which meant that much to me, so that made the decision to stay home with my kids even easier. Sounds like you may be in for some sacrifices, but do not doubt that they will be worth it.

Oh, and contrary to a lot of the advice you are getting about taking the test, my advice is to wait if you can and take the test with your husband there with you. Finding out for certain together is a bonding experience and will help him own his (equal!) responsibility for the situation more than you just telling him. My husband and I both freaked out, but we freaked out together.

Good luck J.! Please do not hesitate to contact me if you would like to talk more about the mechanics of raising three little ones. My girls are age 4 years, 2 years, and 7 months.

C.
____@____.com
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www.SaferHomeNaturally.com

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Well J., pray about it. God won't give you more than you can handle. Of course at times you'll need to remind yourself of that but it is true. I have 3 boys and they are wonderful. My first 2 are 17 months apart and though they were a handful, I can look back now and know they were an awesome blessing. Now about sharing the news with your husband, mine didn't speak with me for 4 days after we found out about our 3rd. Eventually things got better and I was able to remind him I wasn't able to create this baby alone. The bond between dad and that baby is really close. If you are pregnant, remember God has a plan and this baby will only be a blessing. Take care!

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First I'd like to disagree with those who have taken your phrase of "unplanned" and "not excited" to mean "unwanted". There is a difference. You never said unwanted. My mother was on the pill when she got pregnant with my youngest sister - my sister was unplanned but not unwanted.

Take a test first and get the pregnancy verified. Even before we were ready to start "planning" our first child, my husband would get depressed just as I did for a day or two after getting negative tests. When we DID start trying, it took us nearly 3 years, so then there were even more months of negatives. Our daughter was born in September of '99 and I became a SAHM which my husband and I had always planned.

In August of 2002, I found out we were pregnant again. Why I was surprised I'll never know since we weren't using anything to prevent another pregnancy :) I was devastated! My daughter was just out of diapers, no longer using bottles, I didn't need a diaper bag or stroller and I was looking forward to starting college that fall since my husband worked evenings and would watch her while I was in class. I took the test While he was at work and gave him the test after he had relaxed that evening. He looked at it and said "Really?" I just burst out crying with despair. I was so angry! My husband just hugged me and laughed. He was so excited! Just as excited as when I had handed him the test to tell him about our daughter! I'm ashamed to say that even though I loved my son the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was actually depressed and angry during my whole pregnancy and about the first month after my son was born. However, I finally allowed God to touch my heart with my son. I was already a Christian, I just didn't want to be "stuck" anymore, I was looking forward to a little "time off". Now my daughter is in 2nd grade and my son will start Kinder this Fall. I am excited that my son will be going to school because he is excited, but I know I'm going to miss having him around all day. My love for him is just as strong as if I had been excited from day one. I am now planning to volunteer through out his Kindergarten and beyaond just as I have with my daughter's classes. I am planning to start college in the Fall or the Spring since now I'll need something to fill my empty days. Totally opposite of how I felt when I found out I was pregnant the second time :) I know I won't get pregnant this time because my tubes were "tied" when my son was born. We are so glad that both of our kids are in our lives!

You'll be fine and so will your husband!

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J.,
I had told my sister in law about this sight but she is unable to log on so I told her about your post and I wanted her so bad to be able to answer but since she can't she asked me to tell you that she has three boys a year a part and they are 22,21 and 20 now and looking back at the hard infant and toddler times she still would have done it again. They are all boys. The plus in this for them and for her and my brother is that they all have the same friends and they never were in want of someone to play with. Anyway from my own experience of these three nephews is that yes they were all really close and yes it was challenging when our kids were toddlers because my sister has a son their age and I have a son and daughter their age and my daughter has to grow a thick skin when we'd all get together. Poor baby. Another thing is I don't think I could afford them when they hit junior high lol. My brother is 6'5 and his wife 5'11. Today their boys are 6'6, 6'5 and 6'2 and I still don't know how they afforded food for them and omg their shoes the youngest wears a size 18. All of their shoes have to be ordered. Ching ching. So if you don't think you have those things to worry about then I wouldn't worry. It will be cool to see them having the same friends and stuff. Thats alot easier than having one feeling left out when the older one has a play date. My oldest two are close in age but the opposite sex but they to had mostly the same friends when they hit junior high. By the way I never had to worry about telling my husband I was pregnant. Its his doing to not mine alone so start treating it as such. Lol you may want to turn the table around, lol Look what you did to me!!!!! Serious though do the test first then worry about that road.

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once ya have 2 the noise level is the same for 12... I have 5 of my own, 10 adopted and 3 step children... and honey u diden't get pregnant by yourself... he was part of it as well... so he shoulden't be too aweful upset seeing you will be the one carrying the baby and giving birth... would love to have traded places and just get use to the idea of another child for 9 months and let him carry and give birth...Hope all works out for u.. Blessings, Gypsy

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I understand your dilemma. I am pregnant with my second child, my son will be two just three months before this one is born. When I started thinking I may be pregnant I was freaking out about telling my husband. I went during lunch & got a pregnancy test then went home & took it. When it came up positive I went to planned parenthood that afternoon to confirm it. I was worried about what my husband would say so I wanted to be 100% sure before I told him. He was freaked out & happy. Every now & then when my son is throwing a temper tantrum my husband will say something like "just think, there's going to be two of these" or "you want to do this all over again?". And it's always with a sarcastic tone. But yet he has to tell everyone he sees. And my son still ends up in our bed most nights, & if I'm more tired than normal (which normal is already extremely tired), then he stays in our bed all night since that's how I get him to sleep. So even though we are only having our second, I understand how you feel. My advice is to take a test & if you can get it confirmed that same day. Then you just have to tell your husband. My first was actually hardest to tell my husband because at the time he thought he couldn't have kids. But I just told him. Once I knew I told him right after we both were home. I knew that waiting longer would make it worse, plus it would cause a lot more stress on me. So just take a test & tell him (if it's positive). Good luck!

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Take a deep breath first:) You are most likely imagining it to be worse than it will be. I found out I was pregnant w/ #2 3 months after I started my new job!! After 2 pregnancy tests, I called him on the phone and he calmed me down...short story; you will be just fine

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Hi J.,

You should get a pregnancy test, take it and wait until you are back home to talk to your hubby if it is positive. I would not tell him this except face to face. Moving forward, there are classes you can take in natural family planning. It is a God-centered method of avoiding pregnancy or deciding to conceive. Three is definitely challenging...I have 13, 11 and 3 year old sons. Do not worry. Everything will work out as God planned.

Peace,
C.

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Well - first take a test! Don't worry until you know you need to.

Next, if you are, congratulations on your impending blessing. Surely your husband must know that being pregnant isn't a decision you make on your own...he WAS, afterall, part of the process... Pregnancy is one of those hazards of sex... whether it's your goal or not.

Wait to be face to face again before you tell him. His reaction will be completely different when he can touch and see you. And wait until the boys are being quiet and cute before you spill it, if possible - in other words - not in the middle of a screaming crisis saying "oh, by the way dear..."

If you think he's not going to be "excited", as you say, I'd forego the cute suprise delivery of mailing him a baby bib or baking biscuits and saying "we've a bun in the oven". This will be an adjustment for the both (the four really) of you - face it with reality and the confidence that you can do this together.

I won't lie - life with three is a whole new ball game - most especially when they're close together. My 3 are 2.5 years apart between 1 & 2 and 2 & 3. One of the scariest things you'll face is a trip to a public restroom :0) Once the babies outnumber your hands you start to lose a bit of the control. Having 3 in 5 years was very hard - I'm sure 3 in 3 years is a bit harder, but they'll be so close in age that they'll be great playmates and friends. (Try not to think about college expenses right now...)

Remember, all things are possible with God! I believe everything happens for a reason and nothing happens without God's approval. Pray about it before you spill it. Far lesser women have dealt successfully with far more! (Assuming you're not carrying twins or more ;0)

You'll do fine and look back some day when your wee babe is growing up and wonder if one more isn't just what you need...even though you swore during your third pregnancy that you didn't ever want to do this again... Hey, all the moms I know that have more than 3 say the jump from 2 to 3 is tough - but after that you hardly notice the difference another one makes :0)

Hang tight! You'll be fine!

S. - Dental Hygienist and Homeschool Mom to 3 manifestations of my mothers curse to have "one just like me"

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My number 3 was not planned either...once you tell your husband he will be happy.

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Dealing with the sleep issue for the possible new baby - read "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. She's genius and it's worked wonders for EVERYONE I know that has read it.
Good luck - hope things turn out for the best!

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Just tell him. Wasn't he there when it happened? This surely isn't something you did all alone and when he "fresks out", just tell him to grow up and take it like a man. My first two are exactly 12 months apart, then 4 years later the 3rd one came. Yes, it's hard and really nerve racking, but you'll both survive. Just don't let him give you any crap about it, you don't need that just now. Hopefully, you have family nearby who can give you some relief.

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hi J.!
i certainly know how you feel. i have a 6 yr old, 4 yr old & 1 1/2 year old....you should have seem me 2 years ago!! i was quite the case! we were sure we were done w/our 2 boys then "surprise" here we were pregnant w/#3! (my mom-in-law) jinxed me. anyway, i didn't even know i was pregnant for several months b/c i still had periods so it was quite the shock.
i called my hubby at wk & told him the news thru sobs & sobs of tears. it took me a long time to get use to the idea, a lot longer than him!! but today i wouldn't trade my girl (or my boys) for ANYTHING in the world. ALL BABIES ARE BLESSINGS! and you have to remember that. there is a reason you are having this baby b/c God wants you too. you'll see that soon enough. you could toss the stick at him (i did that w/#1) or you could get "congrats" balloons tied to a baby bottle & give them to him. if you really think he'll freak out then i would start w/telling him YOUR feelings then maybe he'll be more "gentle" if he knows you too are shocked & such. trust me, you both will warm up to the idea & eventually will have another lovie in your life that you'll wonder why you were so worried about in the 1st place.
life w/3 can be a bit tricky. carseats all the way across the backseat & lots of time buckling in & out! the biggest thing is making the other 2 know how special of a time this is & that they'll both be Big brothers & helpers!!! we usually have one of us (my hubby or me) w/the oldest & the baby then the other gets the middle or i'll take the baby w/me shopping or whatever since the other 2 are more self sufficient. whatever works for that situation. 3 isn't a lot harder than 2, you just have one more diaper to change & one more plate to fix & so on but you're doing it already.
btw, you can sleep in about 30 or so years from now is what i'm thinking!! lol. hope this helped feel free to respond to me. congratulations!!!!! : )

1 mom found this helpful

Dear J.
I had four children of my own and he had three he had custody of and together we decided to have just one baby - which we did. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the cause of my sickness (I was still breastfeeding, had one fallopian tube only and our baby was 5 months old)was yet another baby!
The doctor gave me time to consider an abortion, but to me that just wasn't on the cards, especially when I saw the little heart beating on the first scan. I simply took the photograph of the scan home and gave it to my husband when he returned from work without saying a word.
Turned out he was overcome and overjoyed!
Every child is a blessing and this one turned out to be his only girl. BTW it goes without saying I was sterilised the day after she was born!!

1 mom found this helpful

we have 4 kids, all were unplanned "surprises". sometimes it happens, you just move over and make room for a new one. sometimes you have to get creative to pay for everything, but it is worth it. life with 3 is even better than life with 2. your next one may come home from the hospital sleeping thru the nite. every child is different. my first one didn't sleep thru the night until after my second one did and they are 2 years apart. enjoy your kids, whether you have 2, 3 or more, stress less.

1 mom found this helpful

I wouldn't bring it up with your husband until you know for 100% yourself. Take a pregnancy test or go see your doctor, and once you know the facts, sit down and talk with your husband to discuss what your options are, based on your moral and religious convictions.

I am personally on baby #3 and without the support system, outside of a handful of very close and good friends and the occasional assistance from my mother. I don't get much assistance from my older kid's father...he thinks paying 250 a month in child support is an exorbitant amount and stopped paying in March, when he actively quit his job. He does not interact with his children that often, but when it comes time for his visitations, the kids stay at their grandparents, whom also don't assist me with anything. There is too much animosity before and during the court battle.

As for the baby I am having now, unfortunately it was unplanned, even though I have cysts and was on birth control...I found out 3 weeks after I got rid of my ex; had him arrested for beating and choking me. I had to sit down and determine what I was going to do.

Also, I don't know what you have opted for regarding birth control, if any, which is based on your beliefs and convictions. If you are interested in birth control, I have found the most reliable was an IUD...I just had mine taken out because of the cysts since I did not have a hormonal one, which could have reduced or prevented the cysts. Once I have this baby, I am going back to the IUD.

I know finances are tight, regardless of anyone's situation, unless of course you are rich and famous...but I have learned being a single mom, that while things can appear tough and tight, I have always been able to find a means to provide for my kids, give them what they need and often the luxury items as well. Its just a matter of evaluating what is priority and what is luxury and allocating those funds for that purpose.

I hope it all ends well for you, but don't get overly stressed about the situation, especially if you don't even know if you are pregnant. Find out and then go forward with your husband.

A.

1 mom found this helpful

Just a different perspective here-- I was an unplanned pregnancy. I was born exactly 362 days after by brother.

When my dad found out, he asked my mom to have an abortion. Obviously, she refused. My dad told me this. He's not very selective in what he chooses to let out of his mouth, BUT, I was't offended. He was just telling me that he was wrong about what he felt at the time and how great it was that she didn't listen to him. It was hard for them to have babies so close in age and honestly it wasn't a picknick for my brother. But we're fine. We're adults with great jobs and great families and we all love each other.

The point of all of this is that my dad ADORES me. I'm 35 years old and he lives and breathes for my kids now. He respects and admires me more than anyone on earth. Every time I walk into a room, he's bragging about me. I'm a daddy's girl, even though daddy didn't think he could handle another baby at the time.

I wish I could put your husband in touch with my dad. Things will work out fine. Baby will wrap daddy around her little finger (or his little finger) and there will be more love in your family. That's always a blessing.

Good luck to you. I like the idea of telling him in a fun and endearing way that involves stroking his ego as a great dad.

1 mom found this helpful

God only gives you what you can handle. If you are not sure that you are pregnant yet find out and see if there is anything to really tell your husband in the first place. Having 3 children is not really any harder with only having 2 although yours are small and close together it might be a little more than having them spaced. Once you find out if you are indeed pregnant then pray about it and God will help you find out the right words to tell your husband and maybe it will be a girl this time and she can wrap her dad around her little finger.

Good Luck

K. c.

1 mom found this helpful

Just tell him once you have it confirmed. You don't know how he will react exactly. My husband takes the whole 9 months to warm up and then once the baby is born he is a proud papa for a few days. Then he kind of backs off (he doesn't like newborns) until they are 4 months of age and smiling everytime he holds them. I have 4 kids. I think 2 is easier than 1 and 3 is more busy but once the baby is old enough to interact with older siblings life gets easier. My middle two are 19 months apart and are now two peas in a pod. It will be difficult at first but it will get easier.
You mentioned #2 just started sleeping through the night, I recommend Babywise or Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy child for the next time around and see if you can get the next baby sleeping through the night by 3-4 months. I have a 2 1/2 month old and she has already started sleeping through the night. best of luck.

1 mom found this helpful

None of mine were planned. I think having them close together is THE way to do it, especially in regards to just now getting your sleep back. I've found that the longer you wait the harder it is to get back into baby mode.

My girls are 5,4,2,1. We've been married only 6 years. But we LOVE having all those little girls and we're now really wanting a fifth!

I understand why having a third would be really difficult. I chose to stay at home with my children (I am a certified teacher for private schools like Montessori and vowed to never put my children in daycare.) But If I chose a career over being with them, it would be terribly difficult to know what I was going to do with a third child!!

I wish you all the best. Don't tell your husband till you know for sure. If you really don't want a third, there are many many women who struggle with getting pregnant who wold be overjoyed to have your little blessing,
S. mom to four girls here on earth and three more in Heaven

1 mom found this helpful

i always look to jon and kate plus 8 and get inspired, or sometimes say well at least its not 6 at one time. ;-). dont be scared, takes TWO to tango, and he couldve "taken care of things" or at least help you out with protection and all that, if y'all wanted to wait to have another one. if you are pregnant, just bust out with it positively and jump around and hug him, then hand him a brochure from "dr. chop vasectomy clinic" best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful

J.,

Before I begin, I'd like to make a little note about Kay's response- if you needed a lecture on birth control I'm sure you know places to get that and may have already beat yourself up. This site is about seeking SUPPORT from other Moms.

First off- confirm your pregnancy before you worry yourself sick over nothing! If you find out you are, just know that things always have a way of working themselves out. Only you know your husband so you have to decide how to tell him but I will say this.. the tone you set can and probably will affect his reaction. So be positive and accept ONLY 1/2 the responsibility. If you take it all on your shoulders he may be more apt to leave it there with you. Just tell him that although it's not what you planned either you know that things will be fine. Remind him that before children you probably thought kids would turn your world upside down and while they may have- it has been worth it- this will be the same.

Good luck and my God be with you!

1 mom found this helpful

J.,

Before you start concerning yourself as to how disclose it, confirm you are first! You might be stressing yourself, and your husband over something that might not even be an issue! You are travelling, proccupied with business! I would recommend you not take the test until you are home, and more comfortable!

If you do find you are pregnant, talk to God about this, he will guide you in the timing, with the words, ect.!
I am trying to find more prayer time, as this is a huge source of comfort to me! Be honest though, with yourself and your husband! It took two of you to get there!

Goood Luck and God Bless!

1 mom found this helpful

I would definitely take a pregnancy test before even hinting around. If positive, then maybe do something sweet like an I love daddy bib. I know how you feel. I have two boys and just finally had my girl two months ago. When I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd, I was afraid of how my husband would react. He, just like your husband didn't want a 3rd, but after a couple of weeks into the pregnancy he really started to get excited....especially since it could finally be a girl. Now on about having three. It was quite a task the first 4 weeks or so because I have very busy boys. However, after that hump you get your groove and set-up a routine. With having two boys already, the boys will be good pals and will entertain each other when the baby comes. Don't worry, it will be easier than you think and you will feel so much more love and completeness with three. Good luck to you!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Jen, I am the Queen of unplanned pregnancy! My husband and I have 4 boys, 1 of them planned! My team is a bit on the harder side since we have 1 with adhd. My 3rd was a very hard baby...screamed all the time with colic, exzema covered his precious little body and at 8 months we learned that he is allergic to milk, eggs and nuts so we had to learn real fast how to care for him. The first year with 3 was very hard for me. They were all at home since no one was old enough for school and we couldnt afford day care for them. So its true there is a learning curve to having mroe kids than hands but once you get into the swing of it, its really not that different. Plus this could be a girl!! Thats a huge plus!

As for telling him, I think you should make peace with this yourself and then tell him. You cant get upset or place blame, this child was created out of the love you have for each other and, I believe, a gift from God. So be gentle with yourself. Sometimes it may seem like too much but it will all work out!
Best of luck

1 mom found this helpful

I wouldn't tell him anything until you know for sure. Why get him all worried and worked up for a possibility? Just wait, take a test, when you get a positive then just tell him. He's a big boy :) he'll deal with it.

1 mom found this helpful

I wouldn't tell your hubby til you knew for sure that you were. There's no sense stressin him out over a possible nothing.
My baby just turned a year a month ago, but I know that my hubby wouldn't be tickled either if i had to tell him i was pregnant again.

1 mom found this helpful

I know baby's are a blessing and everything------------
now for you it maybe hard because you think your husband wont be excited about another child....having 3 kids around the same age is really good, they will be able to entertain them selves better and will always have someone to play with. even though it will be hard for a few years it will get better. I have 3 kids and they are far apart and have nothing in common. The easy way to do this is since your on a trip right now is buy a little gift box and put a raddle or another baby toy in it. Take a test first so your not scared on the subject of if you are or not. the gift is a way to break the ice. Ask him what he thinks. If you go in there excited then maybe he will see that even though your scared about being preg. again that it is something that will make you happy. And is going to came no matter what.

1 mom found this helpful

You want advice on how to tell your husband you're pregnant...tell him! It can't get any easier than that. But first, please find out for sure. Take your at-home pregnancy test and then go to your gynecologist to make 100% certain. Then...tell your husband. If he goes through the roof, he ain't gonna stay up there forever. He'll come back down cause the helium will eventually go out. Tell him that you're gonna keep the baby and he can get with the program now, or come on a little later on. Tho' shalt not kill is a sin. Remember that.

Life with 3 kids ain't like riding on easy street. I have three with no husband and only one income. So do where do you want me to start?

1 mom found this helpful

Congratulations, well don't be scared because this is a blessing that you have encountered. Some people can not have children and you have been blessed.My question is were yall using protection? If no, well he has no reason to be upset.If yes, well you know everything is not 100% guaranteed.
I believe that birth control is not only the womens responsibility.

1 mom found this helpful

Why are you afraid? It isn't like you could get pregnant without his help. Hey stuff happens and many children are unplanned but you get through it and you love your baby. If he freaks out then you need to ask yourself why is he blaming you and why are you taking it. Maybe marriage counseling would help.

I have to say, if neither of you are thrilled at the idea of having another baby, you should always used 2 forms of birth control. It may be a mood killer, but so is no sleep and a crying baby. Hope you are not considering abortion. The both of you are at fault here, not the baby.

I've never understood why a woman is afraid to tell her husband she's preg?? If he wasn't using protection and neither were you, then it happens. Hey if you are then it's meant to be. Just sit down with him after you've taken a test to confirm and tell him.

Please let us know how your husband reacts. :)

If you are afraid to tell your husband, you are in more trouble than you think! He did have a part in this making of a child - what did he do to not get you pregnant so soon again? Sounds like you two need some permanent solution in the future to solve this "problem". Good luck.

There is no easy way to tell him but wait until you are sure. There are things out there to prevent pregnancy. If you do not want any more children you should try something, just ask your doctor. A child should sleep thru the night by around 4 months. If he is not you should ask your doctor what to do. It sounds to me like you lack discipline.

You pray about timing to tell him and --you tell him how blessed you both are to have another gift from God. Don't wait and agonise over the "how it". Married life is a two way street.

Looking for the rainbow in everyday--K.

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