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Unplanned Pregnancy - How to Tell Husband

I have two sons (2 1/2 years and 14 months), which is wonderful but also a lot of work as my husband and I both work full time. I think I may be pregnant again. I'm currently on an international business trip and haven't taken a pregnancy test. I'm scared to tell my husband - he will freak out. I guess I'm looking for some advise on how to tell my husband about this possible unplanned pregnancy, when I know that he is not "excited" about having another baby. I'm also interersted to know what life is like with 3 kids? Another note: baby #2 only started sleeping through the night about a month ago, so we are just starting to "recover" from over a year of little sleep. Thanks for your help.

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Thank you to everyone for your support and sharing your stories. I fly home tomorrow and will take your advice and support with me. This community has helped me so much - even though I'm 3,000 miles away from home - I feel better prepared for whatever is ahead of me. Thanks again!!!

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Take a deep breath first:) You are most likely imagining it to be worse than it will be. I found out I was pregnant w/ #2 3 months after I started my new job!! After 2 pregnancy tests, I called him on the phone and he calmed me down...short story; you will be just fine

1 mom found this helpful

Just tell him once you have it confirmed. You don't know how he will react exactly. My husband takes the whole 9 months to warm up and then once the baby is born he is a proud papa for a few days. Then he kind of backs off (he doesn't like newborns) until they are 4 months of age and smiling everytime he holds them. I have 4 kids. I think 2 is easier than 1 and 3 is more busy but once the baby is old enough to interact with older siblings life gets easier. My middle two are 19 months apart and are now two peas in a pod. It will be difficult at first but it will get easier.
You mentioned #2 just started sleeping through the night, I recommend Babywise or Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy child for the next time around and see if you can get the next baby sleeping through the night by 3-4 months. I have a 2 1/2 month old and she has already started sleeping through the night. best of luck.

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I have been there and done that and I pray that your husband reacts different than mine did. But to prepare you...my husband didn't talk to me for two days...he was completely silent..I told him at night in a Christmas card after the kids went to bed. Of course I included the whole, God wouldn't give us more than we can handle, this is a blessing, we will love this one just as much, and so on. And I did mean that...I was not unhappy about our unplanned pregnancy, I wanted another one but he had said no...so I just planned on waiting until our two others were a little older. It made it very hard to be excited when no one else was jumping for joy and that made it harder still. He got up and went to his moms in the morning and I IMMEDIATELY called and told my Father in law the "good" news and told him that he better tell his wife before Justin gets there and she BETTER muster up SOMETHING POSITIVE to say...and make it better instead of worse. Everyone knew that my husband didn't want more, but he also KNEW that the birth control that we were using was only 86% effective and we got pregnant VERY easy with the other two. So I gave him space and he didn't get involved in the pregnancy, he was just kind of obsolete to it...there were a few times that he was a little mean about it and hurt my feelings very bad....and he feels bad about that now. Our youngest is now 3 yrs old. I told my mom that if anything happens to our baby that he was going to feel like total crap and he would deserve too....well it did. I had delivered naturally with both the other two pretty easily and with him, my cord prolapsed and had to have a big emergency c-section..as it turns out, his cord prolapsed, was around his neck and at some point in the pregnancy tied in a true not. He was not breathing, then when they did he started posturing and cried the first 24 hours..well as long as he had a voice..:-( AND I tell you...God did that part on purpose too, just like my pregnancy. My husband formed an instant protective bond with my son and I know that through the days of our lives, we will be so greatful for ALL my kids.

So I don't know how to tell you to tell your husband, but I guess I would suggest, having him be by himself with you there and just put it out there. Don't make a huge deal out of it (even though it is) b/c if you do, you're going to be even that much more upset if he doesn't react well. I didn't expect my husband to react well...he didn't..and I was still upset b/c planned or unplanned, I loved my son from the moment he was put in there and wanted to protect him.

Life with three......I love my life...times get hectic and loud, but you do it b/c you have to. B/c there are three little people that are depending on you to do it everyday...and life passes by so quickly and they'll be small such a short time.

Good luck! I'd love to hear how it goes :-)

3 moms found this helpful

J.-- my little boys are the same age as yours, so I know how hectic it can be! I only have the two, so I can't offer any personal experience with three, but everyone I know who has three says that the transition to three kids is easier than going from one to two! They say that the hardest thing is learning to divide your time (initially) between the two, and so the third doesn't feel shocking like the second one did. Maybe it's because you already have a routine down and you're already used to doing for two. About how to tell your husband: my second pregnancy came much sooner than we expected, and I was scared to tell my husband, so I bought a little T-shirt for my son that said, "I'm the Big Brother", and I had it on him when my husband came home from work. My hsuband was like, "What does this mean???" And I was like, "It means what you think it means." He had to laugh-- he took it much better than I was expecting. Another idea that I've always thought was cute is to send him a small simple cookie bouquet (to your house, to keep it private), and have the card say something like, "Daddy, I can't wait to meet you on January 29th [or whatever your due date is]." If you really want to butter him up, you could add, "Will and Jack [whatever your sons' names are] say you're the best daddy ever, so I know how lucky I am." Maybe that'll melt his heart and take the edge off the shock! Good luck-- I know how you feel! :)

~B.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi.
Been there too. My third child was not plan at all. To be honest I had went tot he doctor to see when we could schedule a date for me to get my tubes tied. So they did all the paper work and my exams.One of them was a pregnancy test, which I just laughed and said we could of skipped that one. The doctor comes back telling me we would have to wait. I was so scared thinking something was wrong with me. He smiled and said I was 6 weeks preg. I could not believe it. I started to cry, and I mean cry. I allready had a 4 yr. old daughter and a 3 yr. old son. I was done, I did not want no more children.
No need of diapers, or bottles, baby furniture,little clothes ect.....

But now my 9 month old baby boy makes my mornings, my days so happy. I love him so much, and just to think that I did not want no more children. Never in my mind did I think about not having him. But I was just in denial (sp) of having more children. But after having him and having him here with me all of us are so happy for him to be here. His our little sunshine.My daughter is so excited to have him here, even my son. My daughter doesn't remember her other bro. when he was a baby. but she will remember her little bro. But for sure no more children since I did get my tubes tied and burn. But go ahead and tell your husband, I'm very sure he will be happy deep in his heart and in the long run he will be excited that God has sent him another baby. Let pray it's a little girl. It's hard, I know... but it's so much fun. My daughter now 5 yrs. old and my son soon to be 4 yrs. old still don't sleep through the whole night. Well only my daughter. Having 3 kids it's not as hard as some ppl say it is or think. I get my older ones ready and then I get myself ready and then my baby last. Or I get the kids clothes out and my husband helps me dress them. He would comb her but no thanks. I rather do her hair. ;) We have a yukon, and yes they are all in a carseat. My daughter sometimes goes in the front, since we all don't fit in the back. She is in pre-k so then I have to get my two boys ready to go pick her up. If I can do it, I know you can too. Good luck and let me know when your duedate is and how your little one are taking it. I'll be praying for you J. and that your husband takes it all well. Take lots of care and no stressing ok.

M.-SAHM of 3 and married for 10 yrs. Loving it.

3 moms found this helpful

I had another scare a couple of weeks back. I told me husband the responce that I needed. "I know that you may not be overly excited about this but I need you to be excited about this. There is a good chance that #2 might be on the way." Maybe this wouldn't work for everyone, but I just couldn't imagine what might come out of his mouth. I wanted someone happy and memerable to write in the baby book, like we were able to for #1. He was acctually very supportive and excited. It did turn out to be a false alarm. Now he is scheduled for the big "V" on Father's Day weekend. Happy Father's Day, right? LOL.
Good luck. I'm sure everything will work out the way they are supposed to.

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Wait till you get home. Heaven forbid you are not pregnant, or the pregnancy doesn't take...I miscarried just after I found out I was pregnant once. When you are sure, just tell him. You can do it in a funny way, or serious way, but just tell him. He may need some time to warm up to the idea, and try not to take it personally if he does react negatively at first. If you settle on finishing your family with three, just point out to him that now you have "gotten it all out of the way." Also he has some responsibility in the matter too, you didn't get pregnant all by yourself and if you didn't use any birth control, then what does he think! As for having three kids, it is managed chaos. Having three that close together...like herding cats! God gives us what we can handle though, you will be fine. Are you plannning on putting all three in daycare or would it be more beneficial financially/developmentally, etc to stay home with them? Just some things to think about.

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Hi I have three wonderful children and my sons are one year and 7 days apart. I personally believe that each child is the perfect fit in the family puzzle and even though my last one wasn’t planned he certainly has enriched our lives. Both of my sons are extremely close and the bond is they have I think is part due to their close age. If you can handle two I promise that one more isn’t going to be any different! Good luck and I hope this has helped, S.

2 moms found this helpful

My third baby was not planned, either. In fact, my second childbirth was very complicated, and I was advised to not get pregnant again. When I learned of my third pregnancy, I was afraid I was going to die. I looked past my fear, however, and realized that if God had not wanted me to have this baby, He would not have allowed me to get pregnant. Every baby is a precious gift from Him. Trust God to give you the strength and resources to get through another pregnancy. Trust your husband to love this baby as much as the first two. He will--I promise. After getting over the initial shock of learning about my pregnancy, my husband and I embraced it, and looked forward to our new little one. And we prayed. I had a perfect delivery, with no complications, and a wonderful, healthy, beautiful baby girl. We couldn't imagine our family being complete without her. See this as the blessing that it is, and you'll be fine. A family with three kids is just a little bit noisier, a little bit messier, and a whole lot more fun.

2 moms found this helpful

J., I don't know what your religious convictions are, but I truly believe no pregnancy is "unplanned." I don't mean this as a slam!! WE don't always plan our pregnancies! I say this with much sympathy!! Once my husband and I started "trying" to have a baby, it only took a couple of months. Our first born almost died at birth due to Beta Strep. It was quite traumatic. We were very content with our little boy and the miracle of his survival - no "interest" in having another baby any time soon. Our next son was born 13 months and 5 days later!! Then our daughter was born 16 months after that. We didn't "plan" these pregnancies and we were being "careful." 3 kids in 2 1/2 years! J., I call my second child my "not what I wanted, but what YOU (God) wanted" baby. And we have been so blessed. I look into his eyes (he's 14 now) and thank God for His ultimate plan! I would never in my wildest dreams "chosen" to have children that close together, but I'm forever grateful that His plan sovereignly trumps ours every once in a while! :)
I hope this helps! I didn't really directly answer your question on how to tell your husband, but know that EVERY child is a blessing - you never know what this child will do or become!!
I'd say be honest with your husband about your feelings, and tell him straight up! Trust that God will work out the rest. It probably wouldn't hurt to fix his favorite meal first! :) Let us know how it goes!
I have been married to the same wonderful man for 18 1/2 years and we have 4 children.

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