Unplanned Pregnancy

My sister had an unplanned #3 close in age to #2 and she felt the same as you. Her dr. put her on anti-depressants as if she was experiencing "post partum" but just "pre partum". Probably b/c #2 was still so young and she was still hormonal from that. It helped her ALOT to get motivated and feel excited about the new baby. You may want to check with your dr.

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I'm sure it is hormones also. Especially since you wanted more kids but just didn't want them timed this way. Not to say that it is "just hormones, get over it". Hormonal imbalances are very real! And I am sure that women who are suffering from post partum depression are also told they just need to adjust their attitudes. The great thing is that now we are more enlightened than that. (Well, most of us.) Good for you for reaching out and trying to work through this, you will get through it!

Talk to your doctor, talk to your husband, talk to anyone who can sympathize, even if they are thrilled with the pregnancy. Work through it before you start suffering from post partum depression, and before it really does affect your kids and your marriage. My husband didn't understand the first time I had depression, I had to educate him. After I got treatment of course. He just kept telling me to get over it, decide to be in a good mood already. It is not that simple. You will need help from your doctor. I'd talk to them first, so you know what to say to your husband.

My first pregnancy was unplanned, and we were in a terrible financial situation. I was a complete wreck. My husband had no idea what to do, couldn't bring himself to get excited because he was so worried about me. Unfortunately I didn't have a chance to work through it, I miscarried in the first trimester. Once I was on the mend, I was able to look back rationally and see that I needed help for depression/hormones. But it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty still. You just need to have some support and know that you can get through this. Talk to your doctor as soon as possible, they will reassure that it is totally normal. (And if they don't, find a new doctor.) Good luck!

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I am shocked at how insensitive some of these comments have been towards you. I think they are uncalled for. Telling someone to get over it and stop being selfish because other people suffer with infertility is a terrible thing to say.

I suffered from infertility and finally became pregnant with the aid of fertility drugs. And guess what? I felt like you do. After all of that, I couldn't talk about being pregnant, hear about it, think about it. I had to turn over the pregnancy books I had so I couldn't see them. I was very ill and could not get excited about anything. When we went to the appointment to check the heartbeat, my husband cried with joy and I sat there with no reaction, except trying not to throw up. I felt terrible guilt for feeling that way and couldn't understand it. I talked to no one at first because of the shame I felt. And eventually talked to my parents and my husband, which helped, although I don't think they understood the depth of what I was feeling.

You could be feeling overwhelmed with what you have already on your plate, you could be having hormonal issues, or feeling worn out, or any number of other things. Please talk to your doctor. See a therapist. Talk to your husband and anyone else who will listen. Do all of this before you make any decision that you may come to regret. I don't judge you, but seeing as you say you are pro-life, you want to be sure you are comfortable with any decision you make.

As I was in my last trimester, a friend called me to tell me that another friend of ours was having a tough time. I emailed her to tell her what I had been through, what I tried, what helped, and that I was here if she needed me. Within minutes my phone rang and she was in tears. She couldn't believe that someone could understand how she was feeling. You can see from many of these responses that there are many who have been through what you are going through. You aren't alone in this.

For me, I was feeling better and got more excited as I got well into the second trimester. My feelings passed and I became very excited and am thrilled to have my beautiful son. But, each person is different. Again, I ask you to talk to someone about how you are feeling, especially your doctor. And it is something the doctor should be aware of anyway, because if you are suffering from depression during the pregnancy, you should be watched for post-partum as well. I managed to escape that. Luckily.

I hope you find peace and can make the best decision for you and your family.

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I've heard it said that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I'd say your hormones are putting you through the wringer. Try not to look at it as an
oops. If you (heaven forbid) miscarried, you'd feel awful. You've been given a delightful surprise! You wanted a large family and your wish has been granted! There are couples who have terrible infertility problems that are envious and would absolutely love to be in your shoes. It's hard to find a silver lining sometimes, but eventually you will, and you will be just fine.

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Hey E.,
I was in the same boat. My second was a oops too. I was really depressed when I found out. My life had just gotten adjusted to my little girl and I felt like I couldn't share love with the little one growing inside of me. It changed when I saw the ultrasound, felt him moving etc. When he arrived, he wasn't at all like his big sister. He was a little clingy, but had a happy personality. He takes life with smiles and is very laid back. Everyone who meets him goes away with a grin on their face. I know right now it seems like an elephant on your plate, but I know you will see the positive. I hope this helps.

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I would talk to your doctor about your feelings and concerns a.s.a.p.! I have a feeling that just talking about your situation will make you feel a little bit better!!!! Hang in there!!!!

I felt that way with my second. And now pregnant with my third, I am still in denial, even though I'm 12 weeks along.
I'm pretty sure that I felt that way because I thought I didn't have room in my heart for another one. I was happy with the way my life was going, and this was a huge change on the horizon. I was not excited about having to go through the adjustment. Plus, the pregnancy itself was beastly, as is this one.
Anyway, I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I think many of us go through it. I think you should talk to your doctor, but mostly, I think you should talk to your husband. Let him know how you are feeling. Once I finally had that conversation with mine (who was so super excited about the baby), it was a lot easier for me to be me at home and feel all the feelings I had.
When our second was born, it took me a while to get used to him. Now I can't imagine life without him! I am sure that it will be the same with the next one.

I felt the same way, I was doing this alone without the support of someone who loved me, it was unplanned (I was on birth control), and wondering if it was the right choice. I am glad I had my daughter though, and I am sure that once you hold your child, spend time bonding and growing together, you will not regret your decision to go along with it. Depression, feeling like you're carrying all this weight on your shoulders and feeling lonely can make you doubt yourself, especially if you weren't planning for the baby. At least you have the luck of having a husband and being able to conceive children, something a lot of women don't and they wish they did, so be happy for that and talk to your husband about your feelings. You can also try marriage counseling, and therapy, to help you become adjusted to the fact that you soon will have another family member. I don't judge you nor do I like to judge people or resort to name calling, as other people have done in this discussion forum. I am merely trying to offer solutions and support in letting you know you're not alone.

your just in shock is all,
i WOULD talk to your doctor for sure. but i guaqrentee you over time as your pregnancy goes on and your little life develops inside of you, he/she will steal your heart and you will lose that feeling of not wanting this. either way this baby is comin and you are gonna be prego for 10 mths, you mine as well enjoy it!!! that's how i look at it. good luck i'm here if u would like to talk to someone.

Here's what you do: you look around and count your blessings. One, two, three, four. You have FOUR blessings now (including your husband). Be grateful. Get counseling if you have to, but address these feelings and get passed them. Know that there are others out there who would love to be in your shoes. Personally I have been trying to conceive for 19 months and so far - nothing. Remember: one, two, three, four. Aren't you lucky? And, as a side note, you may want to take the proper precautions to prevent further pregnancies.

You are not alone in this. I wanted my children 2-2.5 years apart. But I got pregnant with number 3 when my second was only six months old. I was on the pill, and it was a shock. I was devastated. All of these awful thoughts ran through my mind. I spent the first month crying and the next few after that just being grumpy. I had to come to terms with the fact that it was happening and I had to deal. My family needed me. If you need to talk to someone, a counselor even, then do. I just leaned more on my husband and friends. I was honest about how I felt with them. And they were all very supportive. It was tough. When I was 9 mos. along, my husband deployed and didn't return until my daughter was 1 month old. But I got into a routine, and plugged along. And I survived. We had our rough moments, but the kids are all fine too. You will make it, just don't be afraid to ask for support. And, perhaps consider and IUD after this one. That's what I did. I got it removed and had another child 2.5 years after my third, planned. Then I got my tubes tied. Looking back, I can see what a blessing it ended up being. My oops child is my only girl.
After I read someone else's answer, I wanted to respond to that. My sister has been struggling trying to get pregnant at all. She was mad at me because I was so upset about my third child. But I don't think she had any right to be mad at me. How you feel is how you feel, it is something you have to work through. It is no one's place to tell you how you should feel because of how THEY feel. Yes, it's unfortunate that people have trouble, but that doesn't make your issue any less of one, just different. If my tubal were to fail and I got pregnant again, I would be devastated. We cannot afford another child, financially or otherwise. Our budget is stretched as tight as it can go. My sister only has one child to pay for. That's the truth of the situation. And I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for reality.

If you know that ultimately you do want this baby, and that is what it sounds like, you are just uncertain about the timing, it will all work out. Chances are you are having early pregnancy hormonal issues. You need to get more sleep, drink more water, and yes, talk to your doctor. And talk more to your husband too. He might be able to help. I'm sure that with two small kids there already you are tired; that on top of pregnancy can be a bit much for anyone.

Same thing happened to me with #3. I felt stressed with caring for 2 and I was afraid the third would push me over the edge. It felt like I had no control over my life. The timing was spooky because I had just started seeing a therapist. She helped me through these feelings and more. I learned so much with her about parenting and working through relationship issues with my husband and family that I feel she finished raising me. Getting help to process my emotions improved my life in ways I never though possible. I used to live in feeling overwhelmed. Now I have tools that help feel more in control.

Talk to your husband about it, and talk to your doctor. It may just be the hormones, it may be something more. Don't be afraid to get some counseling to sort it all out. No there isn't anything wrong with you. I dreaded the whole thing with my last pregancy, but after my daughter arrived it was all fine.

With the youngest still in diapers, I understand. To be honest, I felt some of the same feelings with our number 3. (the lack of excitement, the wishing something were different...) But when I first felt her move, there was a change. God in His sovereign wisdom had chosen to give this precious gift to us, and I began to see that this little one was sent as a blessing, though an unexpected one. She is a precious little girl, and brings delight to all of us. I couldn't imagine life without her.

Give it time... it's still a shock. Your feelings will change.

I will try and make it short.
After an vasectomy and waiting more than the appropriate time to have sex....I got pregnant. Needless to say, all hell broke loose. I did decide to continue the pregnancy and 9 months later my more than beautiful daughter was born. She is 31 now and making such a difference in the lives of 5th graders in the inner city school system. She is a great teacher and contributing more than her share to this world. Who knows why things happen to us or the reasons.....but my advice (if you decide) is to keep this baby. Who knows "who" you will be the mother of.

As women our emotions can be very overwhelming but with maturity we can learn how to develop and master our emotions and not allow them to master us

Does it really matter that through no control of your own, you are being blessed with another child to love? Are you going to choose to start loving this baby now or are you going to allow your emotions to dictate otherwise? This little one is a part of you even right now. If you could see that precious little face could you choose to put your emotions to the side and choose to lavish this surprise with love too?

No matter what wouldn't you want to be loved even if you weren't expected? Please be encouraged.

I can completely relate with you. I was very upset when I found out I was pregnant with our third (baby girl). She was NOT planned at all. It took me a while, like a couple of months, to not only accept it but to be at peace and know God had blessed us again.

I think you should allow yourself some time to feel how you feel. It's a big change that's going to happen. You are fully aware of what not only the pregnancy will bring but also how much the birth of a baby changes your life.
I will tell you that our third is such a joy in our lives. She is 6 mths old now and her smile just lights up the room. She (in my opinion) is easier than my two older ones.
I hope this has helped. You are more than welcomed to contact me
if you like.

I felt the same way when I got pregnant with baby # 3 it was unplanned and just not the right moment at all. It may take a while for you to get used the idea but you will don't worry. Just try to snap your way out of it think positive when those negative thoughts come to mind. Remember children are a blessing from God and he will not give you more than you can handle everything will fall into place you'll see. My son is 6 months old now and I am truely happy even though financially things did not get easier for us I was actually laid off 3 weeks into my maternity leave but it all fell into place. It's amazing the adjustments you can make when needed you will be fine. Good luck and mention it to your doctor anyways maybe he can help.

I haven't been in your situation, but I just wanted to send you a note of encouragement. I've read recently that the third pregnancy is usually the most difficult (hormonally, etc) and many women experience some level of depression during or afterwards so you are not alone! And the fact that this isn't a planned pregnancy would make it more difficult to adjust to. Just know that you will never be sorry for choosing life. I wish you the best, and I will say a prayer for you.

This probably won't help but I am so envious - wanted a third baby so badly and was horrified to learn that my ovaries had almost completely stopped working by the time I was 37.

Good luck to you - and know that other moms would love to be in your shoes.

You have a right to your feelings - nurture yourself and do the best you can.

I'm so sorry you are struggling. I had a very difficult time with my second pregnancy. I felt the same way you do, and I had a hard time after the birth of my son as well. I truly believe it was hormones that made me feel the way I did, though I don't know if I would have believed you if you told me that at the time. I wish I had sought help after my son was born so that I would have bonded with him sooner. Now he is almost six, and I can't imagine my life without him, but during pregnancy and for about the first six months of his life, I was an emotional wreck. I kept all of my feelings to myself. You are doing a wonderful thing by reaching out. Now talk to your doctor and your husband. See what they suggest. You will get through this, and you will have a wonderful new family member when all is said and done. Right now you need to care for yourself and allow others to help you.

Hi E.,

I know it must seem overwhelming being pregnant with two little ones already at home. First let me say that a child is a gift from God, and God knows what a great mother you will be to this child.

Second, you may be feeling this way because your hormones haven't leveled out yet from your last baby. (I know mine haven't) Talk to your obgyn about how you are feeling she may be able to recommend a safe prescription or even something holistic like Cod liver oil and butter oil (which I am taking and have really helped).

If you need someone to talk to about this you can also contact Hope Women's Center ###-###-####. They give unplanned pregnancy counseling and everything is free.

Pray for God to change your feelings towards this pregnancy and He will and you will see once your baby is born you won't be able to image life without your extra addition.

God bless you and your little ones

Talk to your doctor but talk to your husband too. Get as much help now with the other 2 as you can so that you can rest. Remember your 2nd one will be 9 months older by the time the baby comes. A lot changes in 9 months and your current "baby" will be a little more independent and more manageable by the time the new baby comes. You have lots of time to prepare and get excited, don't beat yourself up! When I was pregnant with my 3rd I remember days when I thought, what have I done! And he was totally planned!!!

Good luck,
K.

We are 30 weeks now with our third, very much so an unplanned pregnancy. I also suffered dearly and spent a lot of time in the hospital the first 18 weeks. I still just don't know. I am happy one minute that I get to see what another child that my hubby and I created will look and be like but then the next minute I am freaking out not wanting the baby. It is crazy cause I never felt this way with my other two. I feel bad about it. You are not alone. I really worry about it. My hubby is so excited especially now that we are getting closer to D-day! I guess this isn't much help other then that you are not alone. I know though deep down that I will never have any regrets for such a wonderful gift from god!!

Hang in there! It will get better. We planned our 4th and current prgnancy and I still had a hard time getting excited about it. Looking back I am pretty sure that I was suffering from some pregnancy enduced depresson for the first several months of my pregnancy.
Many Blessings, K.

I don't think there's really any such thing as unplanned pregnancy. If you don't want to get pregnant then don't have sex. Granted, when you're married you're supposed to have sex as this is beneficial to both you and your husband. But if you're not looking to have kids at a certain time, then there's always condoms and what not. I'm also pro-life, and my husband and I don't believe in birth control because with some of them, you can still get pregnant but have an abortion without knowing it, basically. Which is why I suggested condoms and not any specific type of birth control.
It sounds like what you need most is an attitude adjustment, honestly. Stop looking at it like a bad thing simply because you didn't plan for it. God planned it for you, so He has plans for your baby and for you and your family. He knows what He's doing. I say this without knowing your beliefs, but I hope that you can understand where I'm coming from. This baby is a blessing to you and your family. Chances are, you're simply hormonal and emotional right now, and that's why you're not thinking too clearly right now. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that this baby is a blessing. I hope this helped. Congratulations!

look on the bright side! This baby may grow up to be the one that takes care of you when you are old! I have struggled with the same feelings that overwhelm you now, It will get better, our hormones get all out of whack at first, like so many have already said. I am happy for both of my children, but the second one took awhile to accept because I wanted to space them a little more apart. I had to get over the fact that it wasn't like I first wanted and then I became happy accepting the fact and getting ready for my beautiful...smiling...bubbly little angel son!

My sister was in the same boat, pretty much. She has 3 children and had an oops. I offered to adopt the baby and help out during her pregnancy. I think she felt overwhelmed and was afraid how it would affect her other children if she gave it up for adoption. I'm sure she felt it would effect her relationship negatively and financial hurt her family. I'm the only one she told and she decided to take the abortion pill. I was sad with her decision but I love her and support her unconditionally. What ever you decide good luck to you. I'm not sure if this helped or not but I'll keep you in my prayers.

i feel ya! i was sooo bummed when i oopsed my second pregnancy. my first baby was still in diapers and nursing and i felt i didnt have room in my heart or life for another one. plus, we were just kinda returning to normalcy after the first one! i was seriously debating not going through with it. but you know what, towards the end as it became more real, i started internally bonding with that little guy. used my newfound mother experience to really "do it right" this go round...lots of prenatal yoga (check out yogafairy.com, elizabeth bonet offers great classes/support groups), and studied up on hypnobirthing. turned the pregnancy into an empowering experience and a beautiful birth. now, yes, life is a little more hectic, but that little angel is such an awesome addition to my life..just the added joy my heart needed but didn't know it! good luck! (and dont forget your hormones are going crazy right now, that's normal!!)

I am 30 weeks today with #3, which was totally unplanned. Except, unlike you, I was done having kids (we were happy with our 2 girls)...and then BAM! I find out I'm pregnant again. I was in the same boat you are now. I cried every day, wondered how & why this happened, and so on. I called my husband and mother in hysterics telling them the news. No one even had a clue it was a possibility. I was a little late and only had a blood test done to put my nerves at ease. Imagine my shock when the doctor called to tell me it was positive.

But rest assured...there is light thru the tunnel. It took me awhile to totally get on board with this pregnancy, but now I am in the home stretch and am enjoying every minute of it. I have faith that you will too (especially because you said you still wanted to have more children). I think it really has a lot to do with the fact that it was a surprise. You are probably feeling kinda jipped about not being able to plan everything out and truly enjoy that first moment of finding out you are pregnant. Give it time and you'll embrace it.

Good luck & Congrats!!!

PS - Feel free to message me anytime you need to talk! =)

Please check your nutrition- making babies' bodies take ALOT from mom, and no one can feel excited if you are missing nutirents- check with WestonPrice.com- they have the best longest standing nutrition- and for me I looked and WOW I knew I needed to eat differently- and wow then I felt great-
please take care of yourself please
best, k

I was where you are a few months ago. my son was 3 months old when I got pregnant with #2. she was not planned, but i didn't want to be pregnant anymore, i was tired of it. now, 10 months later, he's 13 months andshe's a month. i love them both dearly, but I had a bad bought of the baby blues after she was born. i would go talk to a doctor a major hormone embalance could be the problem. talk to your husband, and together find out a way to talk to your other children about how mommy feels, you'd be surprised at how well they can handle it

i know how hard an unplanned pregnancy is. my daughter was one, i was sick alot during my second one, i know this doesnt help but i do know how u feel, i was there. i am pro-life, unless it is medically nessecary to end the pregnancy. i also think that part of the problem is a hormone imbalance, i know my unhappiness for my second was a hormone problem. there isnt alot they could do for the hormone imbalance for me, but now i am not sure. i would talk to your doctor about it and explain to him how you feel and what is going on with you. i dont think you need an attitude adjustment. i think it is more then that. discuss it with your husband too and family. they all should be on board with whats going on...might be easier for them to know so they can all pitch in more. o btw i have a 13 yr old daughter now who i wouldnt have passed up for the world!. good luck and congrats.

It's your hormones. When you find yourself saying "I don't want this baby" try to switch it by saying "I DO want this baby"! The war of the mind is the most difficult one to fight because you are the only one that can fight with your thoughts. That is why the only way to be strong is to say positive affirmations.
Belivieve me, I understand. I am pregnant with #3, inplanned, we are in a financial crisis, I have both kids at home 4 yrs and 2 yrs, I am crazy sick all the time & I am mostly alone day and night. With each baby comes new blessings. Have Hope and Faith. Great Luck!!!

Hang in there! Don't let anyone out there make you feel bad. You are writing because you are surprised about your own reaction and want to feel happier about it...that is obvious! We had a great surprise with our last one and I could hardly talk about it for several months. I knew that once he came I would feel differently, but it is okay to acknowledge that pregnancy and caring for young children is hard work! Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. I agree with everyone who says to talk with others. You could be struggling with depression or adjusting to a hormone imbalance, so you need to be aware of the best ways to be proactive about this.

I promise once you see that little face, everything else will fade away, but until then, take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you can take care of those other little ones. Maybe your husband will look at this as a reason to pamper you a little bit :)

I don't think anything is wrong with you. I think you are going through an adjustment. You didn't plan for this. I don't know how you usually respond to something when it is unplanned, but it just sounds like you are still struggling with the fact you didn't plan it and possibly feel unprepared (in many ways- even emotionally). Some of the greatest blessings are those that are unplanned.

I know a couple of people this has happened to...one ...i don't think her mind changed until she gave birth and then when she saw her child she was so grateful, but guilt set in for how she originally felt. i think that guilt has impacted how she parents and the anger she felt during the pregnancy impacted the child. The other woman came to terms with it earlier in the pregnancy, very honest with how it shocked her and that she didn't feel ready for this. But, she moved past it early on and was very happy.

You can't fake it, but try to work through the feelings you are having and face it without letting the guilt attach onto you. We are never in as much control over things as we would like to be. Nothing is a mistake. The Lord allowed this life to be given to you and your family. You have no idea all that the future holds and the purpose for this. Hopefully, the exciting part for you will be that journey of finding out.

Take a look at why you are really unhappy about this, especially since you state you always wanted a large family. Are you overwhelmed with the two you have? Always tired? Don't feel ready? Feel you will never have time for yourself? I don't think you will get to the bottom of it until you look at the truth of why this makes you so unhappy. If it is only because it is an "oops"...then, you have to decide if you will choose to let that go and embrace what you feel was an "oops."

When things like this happen...especially when we know it will impact so much of our lives...we are in shock and it can take time to get comfortable with an idea.

I hope the best for you and your family.

I think I could have written this one. I felt the exact same way with my third pregnancy. Counseling would probably help. I felt that way for most of my pregnancy....but the minute they put my son in my arms my depression was gone!