E.B. asks from Miami, FL on March 08, 2010
i'm pregnant with baby number 3.... why am i so unhappy about this pregnancy??? I can't seem to get excited about this and i am only 6.5 weeks. i'm pro-life and always have been but why do i tell myself every day i don't want this baby?? i always wanted a large family and i wasn't done after my two were born. my youngest is still a baby and in diapers - my oldest will be starting kindergarden in september. i guess because this wasn't planned and it was an oops is why i'm not happy about this. everyone around me seems to be so cheerful about it and when they bring it up i just cringe my teeth... is there something wrong with me? should i talk to my doctor before it's too late. my husband has accepted it. am i the only one out there that has these feelings??? i'm so unhappy it's affecting the relationship with my husband and my kids. what do i do???
So What Happened?™
So I've read everyone's comments and the whole reason why i wrote what i wrote is because sometimes you need a stranger looking in from the outside to tell you the 'truth" basically. I appreciate everyone's advice. And even though some comments were beyond my control everyone has their own opinions on different things. I have chosen from the moment i knew i was pregnant that i would be having this baby. but my feelings towards it were absolutely bizzarre and i felt alone. after reading responses and realizing that there are more woman out there than just me who have had these feelings, my sense of overwhelming eased up a bit. i'm still very nervous and i will be seeing the doctor to see about my hormones and depression; god has a plan for everyone and when you mess up his plan, it usually doesn't turn out the best in the end. i've accepted that. but also remember that woman have a choice of freedom now, before we never did our lives were ran by other people around us. yes abortion is always an option for the woman who choose to go through it, i would never misjudge anyone for that. you only walk in your own shoes and since you only walk in your own shoes then you are who decides the future for yourself. Long story short, thank you all for your caring thoughts and opinions and thank you mostly for those who have shared their overwhelming experiences with me as well. i hope by the end of October you will hear from me that this baby was either a boy or a girl!! i have two boys already but as long as it's healthy is what counts. i'm not big on the sex part. anyhow - i also wanted to mention to those of you who said they don't beleive in 'unplanned' pregnancies. let me tell you, there's a reason why we trust birth control until that birth control decides not to work. i was on yaz for 10 months and took it religiously..... so don't always trust in that contraceptive either. thanks again ladies... god bless and take care!
D.W. answers from Jacksonville on March 09, 2010
Look around at all the parents out there that CAN'T have babies....you sound selfish.
Give the baby to someone who will appreciate it. Lots of people wanting a baby to love.
When people complain about "unplanned" pregnancies it sounds irresponsible. I have 4 children and I planned and wanted every one of them but I still get the "where they all planned" "What are you thinking" "How do you have time to do anything" "Get a hobby" comments all the time. Because when people who "accidently" have big families, they're quick to point out that it was an accident.
C.T. answers from Tampa on March 09, 2010
I will try and make it short.
After an vasectomy and waiting more than the appropriate time to have sex....I got pregnant. Needless to say, all hell broke loose. I did decide to continue the pregnancy and 9 months later my more than beautiful daughter was born. She is 31 now and making such a difference in the lives of 5th graders in the inner city school system. She is a great teacher and contributing more than her share to this world. Who knows why things happen to us or the reasons.....but my advice (if you decide) is to keep this baby. Who knows "who" you will be the mother of.
C.B. answers from Los Angeles on March 08, 2010
I think I could have written this one. I felt the exact same way with my third pregnancy. Counseling would probably help. I felt that way for most of my pregnancy....but the minute they put my son in my arms my depression was gone!
J.C. answers from Fort Myers on March 09, 2010
My sister had an unplanned #3 close in age to #2 and she felt the same as you. Her dr. put her on anti-depressants as if she was experiencing "post partum" but just "pre partum". Probably b/c #2 was still so young and she was still hormonal from that. It helped her ALOT to get motivated and feel excited about the new baby. You may want to check with your dr.
1 mom found this helpful
R.M. answers from Nashville on March 08, 2010
I'm sure it is hormones also. Especially since you wanted more kids but just didn't want them timed this way. Not to say that it is "just hormones, get over it". Hormonal imbalances are very real! And I am sure that women who are suffering from post partum depression are also told they just need to adjust their attitudes. The great thing is that now we are more enlightened than that. (Well, most of us.) Good for you for reaching out and trying to work through this, you will get through it!
Talk to your doctor, talk to your husband, talk to anyone who can sympathize, even if they are thrilled with the pregnancy. Work through it before you start suffering from post partum depression, and before it really does affect your kids and your marriage. My husband didn't understand the first time I had depression, I had to educate him. After I got treatment of course. He just kept telling me to get over it, decide to be in a good mood already. It is not that simple. You will need help from your doctor. I'd talk to them first, so you know what to say to your husband.
My first pregnancy was unplanned, and we were in a terrible financial situation. I was a complete wreck. My husband had no idea what to do, couldn't bring himself to get excited because he was so worried about me. Unfortunately I didn't have a chance to work through it, I miscarried in the first trimester. Once I was on the mend, I was able to look back rationally and see that I needed help for depression/hormones. But it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty still. You just need to have some support and know that you can get through this. Talk to your doctor as soon as possible, they will reassure that it is totally normal. (And if they don't, find a new doctor.) Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
C.H. answers from Miami on March 09, 2010
I am shocked at how insensitive some of these comments have been towards you. I think they are uncalled for. Telling someone to get over it and stop being selfish because other people suffer with infertility is a terrible thing to say.
I suffered from infertility and finally became pregnant with the aid of fertility drugs. And guess what? I felt like you do. After all of that, I couldn't talk about being pregnant, hear about it, think about it. I had to turn over the pregnancy books I had so I couldn't see them. I was very ill and could not get excited about anything. When we went to the appointment to check the heartbeat, my husband cried with joy and I sat there with no reaction, except trying not to throw up. I felt terrible guilt for feeling that way and couldn't understand it. I talked to no one at first because of the shame I felt. And eventually talked to my parents and my husband, which helped, although I don't think they understood the depth of what I was feeling.
You could be feeling overwhelmed with what you have already on your plate, you could be having hormonal issues, or feeling worn out, or any number of other things. Please talk to your doctor. See a therapist. Talk to your husband and anyone else who will listen. Do all of this before you make any decision that you may come to regret. I don't judge you, but seeing as you say you are pro-life, you want to be sure you are comfortable with any decision you make.
As I was in my last trimester, a friend called me to tell me that another friend of ours was having a tough time. I emailed her to tell her what I had been through, what I tried, what helped, and that I was here if she needed me. Within minutes my phone rang and she was in tears. She couldn't believe that someone could understand how she was feeling. You can see from many of these responses that there are many who have been through what you are going through. You aren't alone in this.
For me, I was feeling better and got more excited as I got well into the second trimester. My feelings passed and I became very excited and am thrilled to have my beautiful son. But, each person is different. Again, I ask you to talk to someone about how you are feeling, especially your doctor. And it is something the doctor should be aware of anyway, because if you are suffering from depression during the pregnancy, you should be watched for post-partum as well. I managed to escape that. Luckily.
I hope you find peace and can make the best decision for you and your family.
1 mom found this helpful
B.C. answers from Norfolk on March 08, 2010
I've heard it said that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I'd say your hormones are putting you through the wringer. Try not to look at it as an
oops. If you (heaven forbid) miscarried, you'd feel awful. You've been given a delightful surprise! You wanted a large family and your wish has been granted! There are couples who have terrible infertility problems that are envious and would absolutely love to be in your shoes. It's hard to find a silver lining sometimes, but eventually you will, and you will be just fine.
1 mom found this helpful
B.A. answers from Miami on March 09, 2010
I was in the same boat. My second was a oops too. I was really depressed when I found out. My life had just gotten adjusted to my little girl and I felt like I couldn't share love with the little one growing inside of me. It changed when I saw the ultrasound, felt him moving etc. When he arrived, he wasn't at all like his big sister. He was a little clingy, but had a happy personality. He takes life with smiles and is very laid back. Everyone who meets him goes away with a grin on their face. I know right now it seems like an elephant on your plate, but I know you will see the positive. I hope this helps.
1 mom found this helpful
P.L. answers from Hartford on March 08, 2010
I would talk to your doctor about your feelings and concerns a.s.a.p.! I have a feeling that just talking about your situation will make you feel a little bit better!!!! Hang in there!!!!
K.G. answers from St. Louis on March 08, 2010
I felt that way with my second. And now pregnant with my third, I am still in denial, even though I'm 12 weeks along.
I'm pretty sure that I felt that way because I thought I didn't have room in my heart for another one. I was happy with the way my life was going, and this was a huge change on the horizon. I was not excited about having to go through the adjustment. Plus, the pregnancy itself was beastly, as is this one.
Anyway, I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I think many of us go through it. I think you should talk to your doctor, but mostly, I think you should talk to your husband. Let him know how you are feeling. Once I finally had that conversation with mine (who was so super excited about the baby), it was a lot easier for me to be me at home and feel all the feelings I had.
When our second was born, it took me a while to get used to him. Now I can't imagine life without him! I am sure that it will be the same with the next one.
N.K. answers from Miami on March 09, 2010
I felt the same way, I was doing this alone without the support of someone who loved me, it was unplanned (I was on birth control), and wondering if it was the right choice. I am glad I had my daughter though, and I am sure that once you hold your child, spend time bonding and growing together, you will not regret your decision to go along with it. Depression, feeling like you're carrying all this weight on your shoulders and feeling lonely can make you doubt yourself, especially if you weren't planning for the baby. At least you have the luck of having a husband and being able to conceive children, something a lot of women don't and they wish they did, so be happy for that and talk to your husband about your feelings. You can also try marriage counseling, and therapy, to help you become adjusted to the fact that you soon will have another family member. I don't judge you nor do I like to judge people or resort to name calling, as other people have done in this discussion forum. I am merely trying to offer solutions and support in letting you know you're not alone.