23 answers

Unkind Husband

I was wondering if anyone has good advice for dealing with an unkind husband? He is so cold and distant. I get criticized and put down daily no matter what I do. Everything from what I cook to what I wear or how I decorate the bathroom. Literally EVERYTHING I do is put down in one way or another. I am a SAHM of 2 children one of which is 10 and is disabled and is completely dependant on me for everything. I just need some advice I feel myself shutting down and turning inward. I cant feel this way. I have children to care for. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you for letting me vent....

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for listening to me.I 'm sorry it's been a while since I was able to get back here. As for the situation with my husband, it is definately not the first time his behavior has been like this. It is a pattern in our nearly 16 years of marriage. Forgot to give a little background with the initial post. My husband is in a career that he loves and has passion for. He is pretty much his own boss. He makes an excellent income even in this economy. I was even able to leave my job in the medical field to take care of our children without any issues. We have discussed the numerous times and Divorce was never a thought. Too many people are quick to throw in the towel these days. I have never been afraid to get my hands dirty and do hard work. I will be seeing a therapist by my self at first. I realize I need to get out some of the "old hurt". It's amazing how much words hurt isn't it? I absolutely refuse to play a victim ! It's not the kind of person I am or the role model I want to be for our children. I am confident in the fact that talking to an "outsider" will probably be best at this point. As far as family support, they haven't been around since our son was born. It's quite disgusting how people don't know how to treat someone different than them! but, that's a whole other story in itself! We were able to sit and talk calmly to each other for a while yesterday. I let him know that this pattern ends now! He realized that I am under a great deal of stress keeping all of this together. I told him that even though he thinks he's not going "too Far" he is and it hurts deeply. It's starting to sink in. We are not out of the woods yet but, we are working on it. Truly working on it, not just a band-aid fix to get us by. I think that this Mamapedia website is wonderful. I stumbled upon it recently and I am glad I did. The advice is great and I thank all my mommy friends out there. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless all of you!!

Deb

Featured Answers

Divorce. No one deserves to be treated badly.

If you took vows to "love, honor, and cherish" he broke those vows first.

good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Hugs to you. I am sorry that he is treating you this way! You don't deserve this. My suggestion to you is to look him in the eye and the next time he says something nasty, say in a firm voice-- his name first, then ENOUGH. STOP IT WITH THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS. IT hurts my feelings and I don't appreciate it. See how he responds. He may come off as more mean or nasty or he may realize that he has been a jerk and apologize. Since I don't know your hubby, I can't say. But its good to state how you feel when someone treats you badly. You can't control how they react, but you can control how YOU react to them. If all else fails, ignore the comments and don't speak to him- after he has said something mean. When he sees you aren't speaking, he will want to know why-- you can simply tell him that unless he has something nice to say to you, you won't be listening to his garbage or insults. And walk out of the room. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to take this. Best wishes and I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful night.

M

9 moms found this helpful

As usual, Ditto to SH, please get yourself a therapist, ask your OBGYN or regular doc for a referral, if only to have someone to talk to, and to have someone on your side.

Man I HATE posts like this, your husband is lucky I can't rip his face off!

Peace to you sista! Don't let him drag you down to his level!

:)

6 moms found this helpful

You are describing an abusive relationship. I second the book "Why does he do that." You need to find a way to get out of that relationship, for you and your children.

5 moms found this helpful

Your husband sounds like my verbally abusive mother. I would not tolerate that for a second. I would divorce him (it's much easier to divorce a spouse than your own mother). Do not accept this and get out!

5 moms found this helpful

My MIL (76 years old) said to me a couple of years ago that she realizes now that her husband's critical behavior was a result of his low self-esteem. They had divorced years earlier and he has long since passed, but I wonder if this knowledge would have helped her in dealing with her pain and in coming to a solution other than divorce. I am sorry for all that you are going through - we all need love and support and the people in our lives aren't always "equipped" to meet these needs.

4 moms found this helpful

Divorce. No one deserves to be treated badly.

If you took vows to "love, honor, and cherish" he broke those vows first.

good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

He probably doesn't even know what he is doing. I'd suggest flat out telling him how you feel. If he doesn't respect that and try to stop. . . you might have a problem on your hands.
Your children need to learn that putting women down is NOT ok. This needs to stop now.

4 moms found this helpful

Why do we do it to ourselves? I was in a similar relationship before my hubs and I wondered after I left this man what kept me in the first place? Perhaps it is the added stress of having a child with challenges that doesn't allow you to really deal with your marriage head on. If you don't want to leave , Then you need to take care of YOU first. Go see someone. Build up your strength, your communication skills, then you can approach hubs with your needs as well as what you will NOT be putting up with any longer. Until then vent to us, we hear you.

3 moms found this helpful

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