Unhappy Baby - Dublin,OH

I read your question and thought "Oh my gosh, this was me with my first kid!" He was colicky from DAY #1 and continued the catnapping and unhappiness for fourteen long, agonizing weeks!

I now have a 12 week old baby and guess what? He's colicky too. Yep, that's right - I am one of the "lucky moms" who birthed two absolutely miserable babies who scream all the time. I will never know what it is like to have a calm, peaceful, happy brand new newborn baby.

But...trust me 100% when I say there is hope. Seriously...trust me!

During the colic with my first son, I swore up and down and left and right that if having a baby meant going through hell like this, then he'd be an only child because it was entirely too much, emotionally, on me.

And then he grew out of his colic and turned into just the most wonderful and amazing child I've ever seen. I was so worried and scared that the first 3 1/2 months were an indicator of what a miserable, dark human he would grow up to be and wow, did he ever change for the better!

I'm in the midst of screaming and unhappiness (again) and while it is difficult, all I have to do is look at my 3 year old and KNOW that my newborn will eventually turn the corner and be a happy, healthy little guy too.

C. - you are not doing ANYTHING wrong. As a parent, you are trying EVERYTHING you can to soothe your baby and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Shame on your family for scolding you and making you feel even worse. Like anyone who has a miserable baby would just sit there and do whatever they could to make it worse..NO ONE likes listening to a screaming baby; it totally rips through your heart and your psyche.

For me, it was hard to believe what people told me. They said "right around 3 months, it will be like a switch was flipped and your baby will be completely different". Much to my surprise, at 14 weeks with my first child, that was exactly the case - we went from screaming and crying all damn day to a happy baby that wanted to smile, laugh, and play. With my current child, I have 3 more weeks to go (count 12 weeks from the due date) and he'll see happier days.

Just keep loving that baby in the best way you know how. She won't be like this forever, I promise! PM me if you just need to vent - sometimes talking it over with someone who has been there/done that can be helpful. There are moms I know from the old mamasource boards who listen to me complain about my current screamer and it really helps!

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Your daughter is probably uncomfortable, and wearing her all day probably gives her some distraction and comfort. She might do well with even more sensory input. Among other suggestions, Dr. Harvey Karp, in The Happiest Baby on the Block, suggests trying a loud shushing sound, either from you, a white noise machine, or a vacuum cleaner. Babies develop in the very noisy environment of a mom's belly, and often find more noise comforting.

When my daughter was colicky, I also found that very firm thumping on her back seemed to ease her discomfort. Alternately, jogging down hard on my heels when I walked her also worked well, often easing her into sleep. This is something you could try while you're wearing her.

Good luck, C.. She will eventually get past this stage as her bodily functions mature. It seems like forever now, but when you look back on it in a few years, these early months will have seemed to fly by.

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My nephew was collicy.. it's hard on the family for sure. My poor sister in law told me once that she thought my nephew "hated his life". He was a tiny baby :(

He did out grow it. Keep wearing her... don't let family talk you out of something that is working for you.

Something that worked for my nephew was to bounce. My SIL and brother would sit on one of those big exercise balls and bounce bounce bounce. It would help him sooth to sleep when very fussy.

Good luck, and know that this too shall pass. You don't see 1 year olds still collicy.

J.

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Hi C., you poor thing! I just wanted to add that I didn't really see my son smile until 3 months. Up to that point he mostly did a lot of eating, sleeping and pooping. Your baby sounds normal to me for this age. And good for you to keep wearing her depsite what others say. I agree with the Happiest Baby on the Block theory that babies actually need a "4th trimester" in the womb, so by you wearing your baby, you are helping her feel safe, secure, loved and happy. Who wouldn't like that? Can dad try wearing her too at night to help put her to sleep? It would be a great bonding experience for them both! Good luck and with a bit more time this will pass.

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That's tough. My son also had reflux and was on zantac. We held him upright after eating like you are and elevated his crib slightly. I am wondering if you are nursing? If so, she could be sensitive to something you are eating that comes through your milk. Many babies with reflux also have an intolerance to the protein in cow's milk. My son was one of those kids unfortunately and threw up constantly. If you are nursing, you may want to eliminate all dairy (be sure to read labels and look for words like whey and caesin) for 2 weeks. It takes that long to completely get out of your system. She may be unhappy because she isn't feeling well. If you're not nursing, talk to your doc about a formula that is dairy free to see if that helps. It is worth a try and good luck! It will get better as she gets older. www.kellymom.com had some good info on this topic for me.

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All of our children found skin to skin contact to be very soothing and my husband loved that bonding experience. He would take off his shirt and lay the baby on his chest in our bed with just a diaper and the cover on. They also enoyed being skin to skin in a warm shower, especially after a bad crying session.

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Reflux definately takes it's toll. Sorry you are having to go through this. Both my little ones had it. My daughter was on till 11 months & son till 7 months. You can also elevate their bed at the head & it helps. I would put daughter On back to sleep & woke to her gurgling stomach acid! After that I propped her a litlle on her right side. this helps the reflux from coming up cuz it has to go against gravity to do so. She slept sounder after that. Hope this helps you.

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My daughter was the same way I remember her crying one day 18 hours straight. I though I was going to loose my mind. I do not think you are making it worse however, I do think the baby can be picking up on your anxiety. I know that was the case with me. I would walk around with a knot in my stomach, and everytime she cried I didn't know if it was going to be one of the marathon crying nights. So I think my tension didn't help the situation. We did however go through 3 formula changes until she went on Neutramagin and it worked like a charm. You did not mention what formula you were using so I am not sure if you have tried it. Also, if the medication is not helping she may need a stronger dose, or a different medicine althogether. I actually switched pediatricians at one point because my first doctor was so matter of fact that I was a walking zombie and pretty much told me I had to wait it out. There is no reason in my opinion why any baby should be in that much discomfort. Imagine walking around all day with a tummy ache, I guess we would scream too, right? So it is not you, you are just overwhelmed. It's very difficult to bond with a screaming child so I understand how you are feeling. I am sure she feels your love she is just uncomfortable. Can't someone in your family give you a break and support you verses scolding you!!!! My mother and mother in law were life savers I was very blessed. I remember my husband was getting ready to leave for work one night (he worked nights) and I stood in front of the door and begged him not to go I was so exhausted. If I were you I would go back to the doctor for medication adjustments, or find another doctor that will help her. In the meantime you can try come chamomile tea. That helped calm and soothe my children it is natural and will not hurt. Also, a nice warm bath and massage can help to relax her as well. My daughter was a cat napper during the day as well so that may just be her, thank god she doesn't scream all night. Does she take a pacifier? If not keep trying until you find one she likes that was also a life saver for us. I would put the receiving blanket next to her cheek with her pacifier and she would turn her head to the side and fall fast asleep. It will get better the first few months are usually the worst. Hang in there and keep us posted

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My 2nd was a reflux baby and I can relate w/ the screaming and just knowing that my little girl was 'in pain' -- on top of Mama getting hormones back into adjustment and the lack of sleep, it's quite a trying time!
My daughter slept in her bouncy sleep for quite some time, next to our bed. It was the Aquarium Wonders where she had music and lights that could be turned on and the vibration was HUGE for her. Someone below mentioned 'bouncing' and that was helpful (as long as you don't bounce right after feeding lol)
But I'm not sure if I could have made it through if I wasn't taking my company's nutrition shakes, which I also took for prenatals; I definitely wasn't finding time to eat enough and even if I had been, mom's bodies need the cream of the crop in order to function with all that we go through and do! Still, with a 3 yr old and almost 5 yr old probably couldn't get by w/o naps if it weren't for my shakes (especially during that time of the month!) So if you'd like some info on helping to keep yourself happy & healthy so you can be best prepared to care for your lil one, let me know and I'll get info to you.
Congrats on the baby, and know that there IS hope!!

I hate to do this to a new mom but I found "The Happiest baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp to be a big help, it is very easy to read and you can skip a lot if you follow the key concepts, check your library. It talks about how to get your baby to sleep longer, swaddeling (the key for us in so many ways) and why babies need to be held. The second key for us was taking out all dairy, so maybe try a soy formula and give it 24 hours. Good luck and it's true it will only last a little while.

My grandaughter was born witha weak esophagus and had to take small amounts of milk at a time or she would choke and stop breathing.This was taking sleep and fun out of having a new baby.I am hoping you have a family member that could come in and help you and your husband get some rest.The baby can sense this from you.I went to k.s and stayed two weeks. Fed the baby small amount of milk ,burped for twenty minutes,made sure I sat her upright for 30 minutes after feeding.Did the same at night ,but gave a warm bath with piano music(I know sound crazy).the baby seem calmer and had less spitting up.Needless to say I have been making that trip everytwo months ,she will be year in april

Regarding your daughter and the reflux issues - I'm going to give some suggestions for what it's worth - feel free to flush any that you don't like.

--Use Dr. Brown's bottles.
--Get Mylicon.
--Someone suggested probiotics...good idea - something like "yo-baby" or putting a spoonful of yogurt in with the formula maybe?

With our first daughter, she used to scream when I wasn't around too. We made time for just him to be with her - he decided he wanted to do "bath time", and the bedtime routine. I let him. Soon enough she got used to being around him, and being with him and quit screaming when I wasn't around.

Your daughter is only 10 weeks old. There's no such thing as "spoiling her by holding her too much." But one thing you might try is swaddling her. My first daughter had to be swaddled so tight, and loved it. Our 2nd daughter hated being swaddled.

With both our daughters, we just said we had to "spin the wheel." Is she too hot? too cold? hungry? tired? does she need "clean pants"? does she need bag balm (or desitin or something) on her booty? does she need mylicon? does she need a pacifier? what haven't we tried? If nothing seems to help the first time you go through it, go through it again. Usually by that point something will take care of whatever she's unhappy about.

Remember too - sleep as often as you can. Sleep when she sleeps. Have your husband get up in the middle of the night to feed her sometimes. Don't try to be "super-duper-all-powerful-incredible all-world mother" who can keep the house clean while the baby sleeps, and make dinner for the hubby and keep the clothes clean, the floors mopped, etc. etc. etc. The only people who can do that are June Cleaver and Harriett (ozzie and harriet)....even Mrs. Brady had Alice!!! And anyway - there are no medals for breaking your back trying to be June Cleaver. You need your sleep too so you can better take care of her.

Just a few thoughts for what it's worth....good luck!

Way to go on the baby wearing! :)
Ten weeks is still very young, and babies don't often smile voluntarily at that age so don't worry if she's not giggling and smiling at you, she will soon. :)
Maybe daddy could put a shirt you've worn for a few days over his shoulder or wrap her in it while he's holding her to help calm her down?
I know its hard, but she's in the throws of "purple crying"- a term used for when a baby cries and can be upset but there isn't much you can do for them.
You're doing what you can already: keeping her close and nurturing and comforting her. Good job, it'll get better soon. :)

God Bless you C., and congratulations on your new, little bundle of joy. Is this your first child? She is probably just as confused as you are. she is probably going to be more comfortable in her moby wrap because she is used to the warmth of your womb. At her age, she is still having difficulty seeing clearly. Do not be concerned about that because adjusting her eyesight is new to her. In a few more weeks she will see things more clearly - especially colors. Eventhough your little, angel cannot see you clearly she will respond to your voice so talk to her often. Do not be so concerned about spoiling her for she is a gift from God, and she will grow up so fast. This is all new to her too, and you both will need time to adjust to your new lives. If I remember correctly, she should be able to have juice when she is about 3 months old. If she was my daughter, I would try feeding her some baby food - start out with fruits because most babies love fruits and make sure it is stage one, strained baby food...bananas are always good, and so is applesauce. I would also give her some juice. You may want to water-it-down some since she does have acid reflux. You are doing exactly what you should be doing. Smiling is new to her too. She is learning emotions. She should only cry when she needs changing, or fed, or wants mommy to hold her and talk to her. I know that you love wearing her all day but when she is sleeping you should lay her down. If you don't, you may still be wearing her when she can walk...:) I think that she gives her daddy a hard way to go because she is used to mommy wearing her all day..lol. Spend more time playing with her...put her in a crib and hang a baby mobile with music over her crib...she will love this because it is something new. You will be getting real smiles from her soon, and wait until she giggles...oh my...it is so cute. You're worrying too much and she senses this...try to relax. Try new things with her and talk and play with her. I have no doubt that she is happy baby. If none of these things seem to work, plese let me know. I would love to hear how she is doing, and I want to make sure that you are alright too. It is hard having a new baby to care for and work a full time job. You are in my prayers...please keep me posted because I do care.
HUGS!!!
T.

Oh C.! My heart breaks for all of you. What an awful situation to live through and I'm sure not at all what you pictured.

There is hope - and there are a lot of things you can do to help your baby daughter. I'm sure my colleague would be more than happy to share some thoughts and adjuncts you could speak to your doctor about. His name is Dr. Gary Huber and he's an integrative care specialist. I know he's seen this before. There are a number of causes and fortunately a number of simple things you can do to help your baby.

Factors that can cause this issue include the type of birth (natural or c-section), any digestive issues you faced prior to birth, certain toxins that may have compromised the immune system and gut health, allergies, etc, etc. But it sounds like your baby has a gut that's in need of healing. I'm no doctor, but I don't think Zantac is going to help with that healing. It will treat the symptoms, but you need that baby to heal.

I know he's helped other mom's through similar challenges. Has your doctor suggested probiotics? I'm sure that's going to be item #1 on Dr. Huber's list. Zinc carnosine?

I encourage you to go to the health and wellness site Healthy Alter Ego and submit a question in the "Ask Dr. Huber" segment. He's a dad and has a real passion for healing.

I'm sure if you submit your question your baby's needs will go right to the front of the line - and it's free of charge. So, until there's a papapedia, this may be one way he can help get you some solutions and develop a series of questions that you can review with your doctor.

Wishing you healing and many beautiful smiles to come!

J.

http://www.HealthyAlterEgo.com

I don't think a 10 week old baby smiles--yet. You're going through a tough time. You're doing all you can and it will get better. Hang in there.

This sounds EXACTLY like my posting 13 months ago. I can laugh about the hours upon hours my husband and I "bouncy-walked" our son in the sling now but at the time I was exhausted and miserable. The women who have already posted have given great advice so all I want to say is, you will be fine & HAPPY! I promise. Just make sure you & your husband support each other & forgive each other when things get tense. Enjoy the good stuff and get through the bad. Your daughter will be happy and healthy, she just needs you guys to help her through this. Good Luck.

i know for fact that mold in homes will cause this to children and adluts....check your home.....i lost my stomach.....which started with reflex...also the meds zantac nexime(not sure of spelling) and another have been found to promote bad bateria growth in the lower bowels cause more problems....i have this too from the the meds....come to find out they our toxins....just like molds are toxins....we are implanted with so many...milk has formaldyhide...cows eat moldy hay and so on...our homes are sealed up so we breathe it....it is in our water...food and meds...i now live in a straight truck and expedite for a living....since then being out of a house i am slowly getting better with the help of herbs too..P.