She is 17. I would hope you did what you did for the little girl turning one. It is sad her own mother is ungrateful and not even aware of your hard work and efforts though.
I would sit her down and simply say something like
"you know I love you, you are like my daughter and always will be. I am here for you when you need help. However, when I feel taken advantage of I think I should speak up and say I didn't appreciate that you didn't follow through with your daughters party, that I ended up doing the legwork and paying for everything, being a parent means you have to set aside any selfish behavior and focus on your daughter".
It may go in one ear and out the other, but you should be able to be honest with tact with her so not to put her on the defense.
Tell her you are not attacking her or putting her down, be open to her feelings too, but be prepared for her maybe taking it the wrong way.
I think at 17 their brains are wired so differently then at your age. Being considerate and thoughtful sometimes isn't the forefront of their minds. By simply pointing out how it made you feel and you showing her what maybe would have been a better way to handle it is all you can do.
Hugs and good luck.