Un-athletic Boy

We have the same issue here. My son is nine years old, and not interested in sports. This is all the boys do on the playground. Although my son seems to be well liked by the kids, he tells me he does not feel like he fits in. He told me last year that he just walks around on the playground so other kids don't see he has nobody to play with. My heart broke for him. He does not feel comfortable playing the sports, and I don't think the other kids would want him to play since he is not good. I did look into other things he could do on the playground that were not sports oriented, but would keep him busy (hackey sack, yo yo, sidewal chalk, etc.). This sometimes works (seems to draw other kids to him who may want to share). It is really, really hard for the boys. I never realized how much so until I had my son. Good luck!

Hi there! I have a co-worker who had the same issue with her son (it really isn't an issue!)...he was super tall (over 6 feet) and did not like sports at all. She got him involved in music. He ended up being great at drums and became really active in the marching band. This might be a great outlet for him to meet some friends who share similar interests!

My son was the same. I gave him credit for being his own person and not giving in to peer pressure. We put him through the paces of Park District sports and he was just not interested. his sisters became cross-country track runners and he followed suit. Contact sports was not for him. My son maintains he did not suffer from not playing sports, though he was not friends with the regular guys. he also went into Boy Scouts and liked that a lot and made friends through that. Since your son sounds like a pretty social kid, don't jump the gun. He may just keep all these nice friends. Many kids today are more tolerant of diffferences than previoous generations, they teach that in schools.

I honestly think you have nothing to worry about. I don't know about you but for me as a kid, I had about 10 or 12 different group of friends K-12. It's very unlikely he's going to stay friends with the same group forever. This is the age when they really start to become their own person - what they like, don't like, into, not into. So some of the other boys are sporty, that's fine. Just means he won't be playing sports with them which also means there isn't that same amount of connection. Doesn't mean anything's wrong, he just probably needs to find other kids with the same interests as himself. I think it's great he's not giving in and doing something that he really doesn't want to do so I commend you for obviously raising him well and to him for being true to himself.

Why does he have to be interested in sports? Will that make him a better kid? I have one who wasn't into sports, but has been into music - school band since 4th grade. He is now a Freshman in college and is majoring in music education. I think your son will be fine with friends. If need be, he will adjust and find other friends with similar interests. Kids have friends that come and go. They are lucky to find the one that will hang with them throughout a lifetime - that is a friend!

C.

My 25 year old son hated sports. He hated being outside. He had friends that did all kinds of things. He just never did sports. He is good at them like me but he does not like to participate like me. I played at home but never at school.

He loves video games, computer games and weight lifting. He will bike or walk. When he was a teen he made money working for a golf course. He only plays golf to wipe his dad fanny off.

My youngest wants to play sports like his cousins both girls and good althetes. He has one big problem he cannot see well. I picture him in the field receiving a ball to the face. I solved the problem with a real bow and arrow. He has learned to shoot quite well.

Basically what I am trying to say is find his love and let it shine. Do worry if he will not or does not like to play sports. As long as he is happy and secure do not worry. The new Shaggy Dog shows the son being forced into sport but he wants to be in the play Grease. I found that quit funny.

what does your son want to do? Who does he see himself as? Help him find out who he is. I find the hardest thing as a parent is to help our children be who they are not what we see them being. It is to easy to try to any make them full fill our dreams and not see who they really. Step back and see your son in a different angle or light. What are your dreams for him? What are his dreams? As long as you love and support in his success and failure he will never be a loser.

I am a girl but had a similar problem at that age cuz I went to a super-jock school where sports were idolized like... anyway.

If I were you, I'd arrange more playdates with the particular boys he can't play with so much on the playground so that he can retain those friends, and then he'll spend time on the play ground with the less sporty ones and time on his own at your house with the more sporty ones.

If you can, arrange play dates with the sporty kids to be at your house and try to introduce them to games and such that your son likes that might be carried over onto the play ground at school one day when they feel like it.

I had two of those. Well, actually they tried sports a tiny bit. The first one is an amazing human being, a Navy 'nuke' and plays sports when he feels like it and the second one is an amazing human being and he just finished a major part in Highschool Musical. I also worked with children for a living at least twelve years if I'm counting right and I am observing them all the time. If he doesn't appear depressed or unhappy then I assure you he is thriving despite sports. Those are also the people who receive the awards for music, dance, management of sports teams, speech, debate, math, languages and whatever. He sounds wonderful. And I didn't hear that he locks himself inside playing xbox all day. So he is very resourceful. Not to worry mom, you have a wonderful nine year old who probably does fine during recess.

My nine-year-old nephew has similar issues - in his case, he is poorly coordinated. He's just always been that way. He has a terrible time with baseball, soccer and other team sports to where the other boys make fun of him. Last year he discovered martial arts and it did wonders for him. It was a real boost to his self-esteem that he had a sports-type activity he could accomplish and show off. Perhaps your little guy would enjoy hapkido or karate or something like that.

Good luck!

Smart, cute, and funny are great qualities to have, a boy does not have to be in sports, just as a girl does not have to be in dance or cheerleading. Talk to your son, does he like art, music, acting, cooking? There are lots of differnt classes to get him in, if he and you find out what it is he is interested in. Do not however feel that he is missing out, he is only missing out if he was afraid or not getting involved for reasons he is not letting you know. Focus on his great qualities and be positive!

J.S.
Not all kids are into sports. I have two healthy normal kids 13 and 10. We tried the soccer and t-ball route but they just were not into it. My boys are into Cub Scouts and now Boy Scouts and they are terrific programs. They combine athletics with outdoor interests as well as thinking skills, leadership, co-operation, and service projects as well. My husband and I belive very much in the programs so we are also pretty active but you can do as little or as much as you want.
You can find the number for your local counsel in the phone book. One added bonus is that they don't have practice every night and games every weekend. Also if you do want to try a sport scouts will take you back when you have the time. As for friends my boys have many friends from all over the school district since the boys in our group come from many different schools and back grounds.
Best of luck,
Peggy

Not all boys are into sports just as not all girls are into barbies. I think it's unfair to suggest your boy is "missing out" by not playing sports. Often, children drift from their old friendships and into new ones as they develope their own interests (other than the ones that society has imposed on them).

Is there a reason he doesnt like it? I thought my son didnt like sports but later learned he had some vision problems even though the opthamologist said his vision was 20/20 I learned later he had binoccular vision. with therapy it got better. My son still is not crazy about sports and I tell him he has to be in one extracurricular activity so we have been doing Tae Kwon do. He has made new friends and it has built up his confidence

If your son is happy and well adjusted, don't worry about it! My son wasn't athletic at all when he was young either. He loved being with people and having a great time but didn't care for sports. So, in High School he became the school mascot so he could be around sports and the people who loved it but also could interact with people on a different level. Even cheered with the cheerleaders. He's a great young man and just made dean's list in college. Let him be who he is and support him in that and let the rest fall into place. Good Luck!

Not every boy has to be into sports. It's OK if he's not.

My son is the same way. He's 10. We did the little league thing for a while when he was younger but after 2 years he was not interested. How sad, he said he did it because his dad wanted him too. (daddy was big into little league) He has no desire to play or watch baseball, football, scoccer...nothing. However we did find he enjoys bowling. He has been on a league since he was 5 and that seems to be the "sport" of his choice, even competing in state tournaments and taking 5th!

My nephew is the same way. No interst in sports but loves dirt bikes.

It's just a matter of finding what his "thing" is. No one says it has to be sports and once he finds his thing, he'll make friends with the same interests.

Good Luck

Hi! I was touched by your post because I too, have a pretty un athletic 9 year old boy! He doesn't mind soccer, so we do that once per year. Also, the best thing I did for him was Tae Kwon Do! I've found it is so awesome for him because he is so intelligent, and it keeps in fit, and striving for goals, and uses his mind at the same time. I use TM Martial Arts off of Essington and Theodore behind Cemeno's Pizza. Their website is TMMartialarts.com. My son has been going there since Kindergarten! He's now a brown belt! It's great for their self confidence also! My son is in the gifted program at school, and loves math. One of his favorite activities is having someone write long division problems on the driveway for him to solve! Good luck, and if you want to contact me, my e-mail is ____@____.com

My son is also 9 and the same way. He would prefer building something though he does like playing tag and dodgeball. Unfortunately, we don't have any boys in my neighborhood his age and he ends up playing with his sisters after school and in the summer. This year I thought he spent too much time in the house and saying he's bored. If your son has friends he can do other things with, he'll be fine.

I wouldn't worry about it. Sports aren't for everyone. My son is 6 and so far has very little interest in sports too. He's tried basketball and teeball and not really interested.

We feel it's important to just support and focus on HIS interests regardless what his friends are doing.

Your son is only missing out if there's an interest and for some reason not able to be involved in sports; such as health or money issues.

I agree with so many of the other posts here.

Is he happy? Does he have hobbies that he finds intrinsically rewarding? If so, I wouldn't worry about it much. Make sure you are introducing him to a variety of activities, encourage trying, but don't force things on him or try to live vicariously through him.

Another way to look at this: you might feel sad for him now, but just think of how hard it potentially is for moms having to deal with their sports-loving boys who get to junior high or high school only to be cut from the team, especially if they have no other hobbies upon which to fall back. Talk about tough!

I have four children, and they all have different interests. It seems like they get along with kids that have similar interests. It would be silly for him to participate in sports just because his friends do, because in the long run if he isn't good at sports he won't play. It will not help his confidence and unfortunately he will probably lose his friends, anyway. My advice is to get him in an activity that he enjoys (has he tried theatre, art, music, dance???) and he will most likely develop new friendships. That doesn't mean he won't be friends with the other boys, but he may find kids that are more interested in the same things and be an even happier camper!!!

Sounds like your son needs new friends! What are his interests? If he had more friends with similar interests, like music or boy scouts or camping or art he may feel less inclined to hang with guys who just want to play sports.

Or else, he could just get a good sense of humor about it.

Encourage those things your son is good at that aren't sport oriented. All through life he's going to be in situations where he may not fit in, and he needs to know it's okay to be whomever he is, whether the crowd is moving his way or not.

My oldest son is a self proclaimed nerd. He too was not sport oriented as a child, and even now, at 22, doesn't get involved with organized sports, though he is physically active, rides his bike, goes to te gym, and is in wonderful shape! I never made him feel he needed to be sports oriented, even though his brother 3 years younger was, and to this day still is, very athletically gifted. My oldest was who he was, and I helped him feel comfortable in that skin. He's turned into a responsible, independent thinking adult whom I've very proud of.

It hurts to see your child not be included in a group, but helping that child discover their potential no matter if the group is into it or not, is far more rewarding.

Hi JS,

First let me say THANK YOU so much for posting your message. I thought I was really alone on this one. My son likes sports, but he doesn't like to play organized sports. He is into the computer, building legos, his bike, wii etc.

Too bad we can't create a group for our non-athlectic kids to meet each other. I would love that! It's hard because we tried the "sports thing" and my son just wasn't into it. He likes to watch baseball and swing the bat around, but to be on a team was pure torture for him!

We live in a neighborhood that doesn't have a lot of children and the children that are here and all into sports. It's the same thing you described whenever they bring out the bat and ball he is usually the kid that leaves.

Hang in there, it will be okay. My DH and I have come to terms that he is just not a jock and you know what? That is totally fine. :) Sometimes I think it's harder on the parent's then it is on the kids! We all want our kids to be included etc.

Hang in there and if you ever want to chat let me know. :)

My oldest son loved sports and was in everything. My two younger boys have never had any interest...they did some sports when they were small because I signed them up but really didn't enjoy themselves. I have always had my kids try things to see what they liked...except I made them all learn how to swim and take some music lessons. My oldest son is also very talented playing guitar, drums and singing...so my youngest two are very interested in that and they too are great on the drums and guitar. Don't make your son feel bad that he doesn't care for sports, just help him find something else he is interested in and help him excel at that. My oldest son who was in sports and everything else still had his good friendships change as he got older...boys don't always have those few close friendships like girls do anyway. That's OK too, as long as they do have some close friends. If his friends don't want to be his friend because he isn't interested in a certain sport then they aren't a good friend anyway.

It sounds like he is doing just wonderfully and that you are helping with that. I think the intensity and empahsis on sports at such a young age is crazy nowadays. I say this knowing that my son was a late bloomer in that area and we are in the throws of football right now. As long as he has other activities and a normal social life, I would not worry. My biggest goal with my son, was not that he win an athletic scholarship, but that he would learn fundamentals and be able to play a pickup game of ANY kind in early adulthood and college. If you are concerned about him being able to play socially, and it sounds like you are, maybe your park district has classes or camps for some sports where he can learn them with no pressure. Just a thought. He sounds like a great kid!

It sounds like your boy is happy the way he is and that is just fine. There is no reason for him to feel pressured about sports. Boys tend to get that pressure, which is unfortunate because not all boys are into sports. If he gets some sort of physical activity everyday, then there is nothing to worry about. If he never gets active, then that would be a concern. He does need to be active, but does not need to do traditional sports to get his exercise and activity. There are so many things he can do and try, without being pushed into sports he does not care for. Just continue to nurture his interests and try to introduce things for him to try as you see fit.

OK, so I'll admit I don't have a son and haven't been through this, HOWEVER, I think it's great that you see your son so positively and I'm sure that has to rub off on him. I certainly can see how not being into sports and being a boy can be tough at such a young age.

Have you considered/tried other things like Cub Scouts or YMCA classes that focus on other things? They do have "non-traditional" sports/activities for kids like rock climbing, Taw Kwon Do Karate, Yoga and Hip Hop Dancing. Exposing him to something HE shows interest in might help him meet other kids who enjoy other activities other than "sports". Also this will help him stay physically active, in shape and feel good about himself by being "accomplished" in other things. The Y also encourages something called Y-Winners philosophy which ensures that IF something is competitive that everyone plays and no one is left to feel bad. They encourage doing your best, not "winning".

(Can you tell I work at a Y?) Incidentally, I teach swimming. Now there's another "sport" he might enjoy.

Keep telling him what an awsome kid he is and expose him to different things. Soon enough he'll find his nitche. (We do show our young kids "sporty" people on t.v. - softball games, golf, or animal shows and ask them what they think would be fun. It helps to give them an idea of what the activity is about before they try it out.

Cheers to you! Hope all goes well.

Sara

Hi JS,
my son never liked sport,he is 14 now and still doesn't like it.I know it is hard in this sport oriented country,you feel like people will think there is something wrong with your child.
My son was always different anyways.You just have to not care,if he has other interests, focus on that.My son is very artistic,that is his life.
Sometimes they develop interests for sports later on.

Is it that he isn't very good at sports or that he doesn't know much about it. If others in your family like sports try to go to a minor league baseball game or a college basketball game. My son get so excited to go to those type events, he will talk about it for weeks. Of course when we get home he will want to try to practice on his skills as well. If you think he would be interested check out your local YMCA to see if they have any skills builder programs that could help him with a sport.
If he really doesn't like those ideas encourage him with whatever hobby he decides. It sounds like you have a great little boy! Good Luck!

Hi JS,
I have a son who just turned 9 and sounds like they could be great friends. He is "sandwiched" between my other three daughters, all who enjoy sports and I can't figure it out either. He isn't big on team sports, but he joined the swim team, because his sister was going, and did really well. That spurred on basketball, and now he has played on a team for two seasons. He is also a fantastic golfer, thanks to my Dad who started him at an early age and took him often. I think that has a lot to do with their interests. Does your husband get involved? My husband has finally realized that if he takes an active interest, my son responds. Although, who knows? He coaches my 5 yr. old's soccer team and my son is content just to go and kick the ball around himself, no interest in joining a team. I feel bad for him also, when the boys in the neighborhood, or recess gather, I know he is definitely at a disadvantage by not really playing and "knowing" the sport by experience, but he has so many other great outlets and characteristics that I think ultimately, it's his decision whether to "get in the game" or not. My oldest will be 21, so in my experience, if it's important enough for them, they'll make time to do it. Some kids don't get involved in sports until middle or high school and go on to do really well. I think for right now, he just has other interests. Good luck!

Who is feeling sad? You or him. I would leave this situation alone and let things play out as they will. This is where I think we get in trouble because we think we know what is best for our kids or we think we know how they feel and we feel sorry for them. Do not force him to play sports or lead him to only have friends that are not sport oriented. Are these sport kids making fun of him ? He needs to be accepted for who he is; and, it sounds to me he is unless you are leaving some facts out. It sounds to me he is fine with friends who play sports. Besides, these sport kids need fans!! Sounds to me like he could be there number one fan. We need to give our youth a chance to prove themselves. His circle of friends should include all kinds, not just kids like him. Sorry mom. I would back off this one.

Sooner or later his athletic friends will just become friends with the other athletes. This will be h*** o* your child but the kids that have the common interests stick together. They have their practices and games and really full schedules. I don't think anyone means to hurt anyones feelings at that age but this was how it was when I raised my kids and it's still the same way. Make sure your boy keeps those other friends that are not into sports, he'll need them. Maybe you son is into music or public speaking and will be involved in politics...we never know.

Cute, smart and funny are great qualities in a 9 year old. Is he happy with himself????? He doesn't have to be athletic - it's nice if he rides a bike and is curious and adventuresome, then he will always have something in common with other boys. My neighbor's son was like that - busy boy with lots of friends but didn't desire to play a sport until he was introduced to LaCrosse when he was around 13. He always skateboarded and swam. As long as he is interested in trying new things - don't be sad for him. He'll find friends who are interested in the same things that interest him. You haven't said if he is creative (i.e. art, photography, drama), computer wiz, mechanically inclined, a voracious reader. Sports do not have to be his thing although I understand that there is so much emphasis on sports. Good luck!