Two Year Old Dropping the "F" Bomb.

Just my opinion, but I think that anything made taboo makes that thing much more seductive/enticing. And as others have said he has found just one more way to get mommy and daddy to react. Wow what power he has discovered! I think that at two he is a little young to understand why a word is bad. In fact your strong reactions to his saying it is teaching him that it is bad! I think punishment of any kind for repeating something he's heard his older cousins say is completely inappropriate! the hot sauce thing on the tongue that others have suggested seems very cruel to me for something beyond understanding for a 2 year old. That being said I agree with others that you should just continue to ignore it! And to the parent who suggested you act as if you don't understand what he's trying to say -- BRILLIANT!

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Hi M.,
When my 2 year old repeated a bad word that he heard in our beauty shop I got down on his level and said "we don't talk like that!" He said "well, Dottie said it", but I said, "but we belong to Jesus and WE don't talk like that." It worked.

If you don't attend church, you can still say "We are Andersons, or whatever your last name is, and We don't use bad language!"

Also, have you had a talk with "grandma"? Why is she allowing this kind of language? I would say this kind of language is not allowed at Grandma's house, so if you want to come here you have to control your language. If Grandma called the parents when the kids blew it and they had to leave, I think there would be some changes. Your son probably looks up to his older cousins, so without them changing or being held accountable, you are fighting an uphill battle.

You may have to reconsider your childcare options. I hope this helps.
D.

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Hi M.!

Most every parent has to deal with this situation at one time or another. So, please don't think your son is the only boy who cussed at 2! :o)

BUT, from my end of your story, it almost sounds like Grandma Daycare is a little too laxed, and not neccessarily "watching" things closely. She is probably comfortable with all the kids together, as she makes lunch or whatever. The older one's are probably getting your son to say this bad word, and laughing everytime he does...which of course takes it's turn on you in order to make YOU laugh.

The cousin's may not be in trouble for this in their home, and you have no control over that. BUT, you can help YOUR son learn his manners, regardless of his cousins behavior. This sounds like a life-long lesson you will begin teaching him. That he should NOT be influenced by his cousins. Now or ever. Sounds like you may have to watch that.

I would let Grandma in on the little "game". She may not be aware of it, yet. Simply ask her to please listen closer, as the other boys are teaching your son bad language, and you won't have it. She will either be shocked about it, or know about it. If she knows about it, and doesn't know how to handle it (she IS a Grandma, and only wants to love her grandchildren), then you may sadly need to re-think your son's daycare situation. It depends on how serious it is, really.

Start there, M., you sound like a smart, loving mother who definitely knows best for her children :o) I believe you will handle it just fine.

:o) N.

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Dear M.,

I have 2 children and they have never used any 4 letter words. Why? Because I didn't allow them to watch TV or movies or be around people who use those words. Children immitate what they see or hear. This is why home schooling is such a great idea...at least the first few years when kids are so impressionable.

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You might try using a word when you are frustrated or bump yourself, etc in the same content of the "F" word and see if he responds to the word YOU and your husband use. Be consistent with the word you use or look up a word in the dictionary, something that sounds different. Children are mimics and often will pick up on what you are saying and repeat the same word.

WOW! What great responses you have gotten from SO many wise moms out there. I have three teens now, 17, 15 and 13; two older boys and the youngest a girl. I ran a 24-hour day care for six years, newborn to 14 yrs. I have been through the ringer with words and actions. My enrolled children came from all group types; lower and higher income; state funded families to paying cash. Legit jobs and not to favorable but I didn't ask what I didn't want to really know, get the picture? I have tried the tabassco ('cause I remember my mom using it on my sister); I did the biting into a bar of soap or pushing liquid soap on my index finger tip and rubbing it on the roof and tongue; time out for one minute per year old in total isolation (usually in a corner where I could see him/her but they couldn't see anyone because they were facing the wall with arms out straight without touching the two walls). Each technique worked for some but not for all I had to find what worked for each kid. I also had written consent forms with regards to the tabassco and soap. When using the soap I told the child when we have dirt on our hands we wash them off with soap and water so when you have dirt in your mouth I will wash it out for you with soap and water. They had to count to their age (it was great watching the older ones squirm as the younger ones watched because they didn't want it to happen to them) then they could have a cup of water to swish and spit it into the sink.

What I think I would do if this is still continuing and providing you can afford it. Tell Grandma that you do not appreciate what your son is learning from her environment and that if she can't keep the older cousins and her mouth under control when your children (current and future ones) are staying there or your family is visiting then you will be seeking other means of care. The idea of being in a safe and loving environment rather then the "public" day care (whether a home or a center) is to keep your child learning appropriate behavior. Sort of a "hard love" for Grandma but it may open her eyes.

My sister does not appreciate anyone swearing in front of my nephews and we have an Uncle that has the worse garbage mouth you'll ever hear and he is not a sailor. She has asked him on numerous gatherings to watch his mouth when we are together with the kids. He chooses not to. So it got to where when we were together and he arrives she will gather the kids and leave. He finally got the point.

It is difficult, but hopefully just a stage. There are many, many good replies here I hope you find the one that works best for you. Good luck!

Hi M. :)
I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. And though, I can't relate completely... the worst my girls have said is "Oh, God".. and we just explained that it is not appropriate for us to say and "oh, man" is a better expression. BUT with that :) I have read through most of the responses, which I find some good tools in there. Here is another one that may be helpful to you. No one wants to be around somebody with a foul mouth. With that, isolation may help you (unless he is perfectly comfortable with staring at the walls, which he doesn't sound like the type that would like to be isolated and away from what's going on!). I would lovingly explain that when people talk with yucky and rude words that other people don't want to be around them. Explain that his cousins talking like this is not okay and he can tell them it is not ok. Then, if he does say the "F" word, simply place him in an isolated room (if you talk, make sure you only explain that nobody wants to be around him when he talks like that). He will learn that people don't like to be around it and he will stop. I use this with fits and/or whining. It works great and there is no "punishment" only teaching in it.
Hope it helps!
T.

My son went thru the same thing at the same age. Just continue to ignore him and when he uses the "word" and eventually he will stop. It took alittle while and he would say it every so often to see what kind of reaction he would get but he eventually stopped saying it completely. Good luck and be patient!!
ps. when my son said it and people were around I would say "frog, honey there aren't any frogs around" lol :)

Hi M.,
I am an old pro at mothering, I have 5 children.
Your little boy is testing you, to find out whether or not you are sincere when you say that the F word is not allowed.
Whatever consequences you have offered, are not enough of a deterant to stop him from continuing to say the F word.
You must make the consequences severe enough that he WANTS to stop himself, and that he understands completely for HIMSELF that you mean business when you say the F word is unexceptable behaviour. At 2 years old, he is most likely not mature enough to respond to a verbal repremand.
Try hot sauce on his tongue, or even a swat on his behind.

Argh! My son (Three years in June) is doing the same thing. We have and are trying the same things, but basically are just waiting it out. He also picked it up from an older cousin and we have spoken w/ the cousin and his mother about appropriate language around our son, we don't know if it helped or not, but it made us feel more pro active. Seems like just a "wait it out" scenario. Try not to take it too seriously, and make sure to let him know that your family doesn't use that word. Good luck!

When my boys were young they learned to say "Damn", I would get upset and talk to them etc...Then my grandmother suggested that I just ignore it. That they kept saying it to get a reaction out of me. So I did start ignoring it, and they eventually quit saying it because they weren't getting the reaction they werelooking for. Possibly talk to the older kids and explain to them that you don't like that language used around your child because he is learning it too.

Audrey Wood's picture book "Elbert's Bad Word" (probably in your local library) could be a nice nonconfrontational and humorous way of helping show your son to choose more appropriate expressions of frustration.

In the book, Elbert is a little boy who overhears "a word he'd never heard before" and this word, which is drawn as a sort of little hairy monstery thing, follows him around until a mishap at a fancy garden party prompts him to utter the word and chaos happens. Attempts to scrub the word out don't work and finally a wizard shows him how to use other words that 'crackle and sparkle' instead to express his feelings.
http://www.amazon.com/Elberts-Bad-Word-Audrey-Wood/dp/015...

It's a little old fashioned, but my mom washed my mouth out with soap when I swore as a kid. Only took a couple of times and I learned to bite my tongue or use a different word!

Explain you dont use that word and it is a grown up word only..and replace it with a silly word.

Hi M.,
I feel for you. When my now 11 yr. son was little and he would misbehave I would put a little tabasco sauce on his tongue. Or you could try the old stand by of washing his mouth out with a tiny bit of soap. I know both methods may sound old fashion, but it normally helps get the point across.
Blessings,
T.

Hi M.,

Tell your son that it isn't nice to use that word. Then ask him what can he say that is better. You can simply change it from F*** to Funny or Fumble etc. Think of a silly word and emphasis that instead of shedding light on the F word. Most times you can redirect a child to something else. If that doesn't work, tell him that he will get a time out or toy/tv/book taken away and follow through. Be consistent with whatever method you choose and don't back down. Good luck to you I hope this helps.

M.

At 2, your son is still on the young side to understand punishment so I suggest going back to ignoring it cuz what he does understand is the fun of seeing Mommy & Daddy mad. I'd also talk w/Grandma about the inappropriate language going on in her home, how much you dislike it & that it's a bad example

The most important thing is to try not to react when he says it. They pick up really quickly that it gets a reaction and it reinforces it.

Find his favourite toy and next time he uses the word, tell him the toy has to go into time-out. (Make sure you tell him about this ahead of time, so he knows what the consequences will be). When you do this, do NOT look shocked, angry or upset. He's doing it to get a reaction out of you. If anything, try to appear sad for him.

When my friend's kid started to use the "F" word they just said "I don't listen to you when you say that word" and turn their back on him. As I recall it took a few weeks, but he eventually gave up.

You don't say how long your son has been saying this, but it sounds like you've tried a lot of different approaches, which might be giving your son the message that this is a very IMPORTANT word.

I'm a teacher too, and what I've learned from that is consistency and dispassion are the key. Please don't let this drive you to tears--it does not mean you are a bad mother! Even if he does it in public, nobody is going to think you are a bad mother! They will, however, be looking for your response. So take a deep breath, practice your response, and do the same thing every time.

At two I am sure he is looking for a reaction and my continue saying it because he knows you don't want him to. Instead of telling him he can't say it tell him nobody wants to hear that word and if he is going to be saying it he has to say it in the bathroom. It would also be a really good idea to get Grandma on board with him and the older cousins could stand time outs in the bathroom as well. My two year old hasn't pick up anything worse than Damn, but he and I both have had time outs in the bathroom.

This is a phase and the only way it will go away is if everyone ignores it. Your kid is very smart and knows it bugs you so it has to be a while that he doesnt get a rise out of you. You just might have to keep him around family for a while as you dont want him saying the F bomb on the playground.

My mom would wash our mouths out with soap if we said a bad word. I'll guarantee you we never said it again!

M.,

It's really simple. You need to explain the situation to grandma and let the cousins know that they need to watch their language in front of your son. They are old enough to know that this is inappropriate.

As for your son, you need to make it very clear that he is not to say that word. I have the same problem with my 7yo and her father. Unfortunately, I can't stop her from saying it at all, but I can stop her from saying it when she is with me.

wow, what a lot of great suggestions you have gotten...I agree that using hot sauce or soap seems harsh for a 2 year old. when our son did this (he is almost 3 now), we used the "don't understand you" approach, or started naming similar-sounding words (truck, cluck, chuck, buck, muck, etc) to try to "understand" him...when he realized he wasn't getting a big reaction from us, it completely extinguished the behavior.

now that he is a bit older, if he says words he knows are not nice, we tell him to talk more nicely, or his favorite toy(s) will go on a time-out for the rest of the day. he seems to get that, now...but earlier, he really didn't understand.

good luck & have fun! reserve the hot sauce & soap for the older kids...LOL

Tabasco sauce on the tongue always worked for me. It may sound mean, but potty mouth is unacceptable in my house-no matter what the age. You might want to invest in a dictionary. As my children grew up I would make them look up the word that was unacceptable and find more intelligent responses for future use.

Dear M.,

Don't let your "hilarious" two year old bring you to tears or laughter when he is using vulgar language. Since Grandma is daycare, I'm curious to know why she would tolerate her other/older grandchildren using the "F" word or any other curse words for that matter. Because he is so young, the best solution is to continue to let him know, "We do not use that word" and ask Grandma to do the same. I would also have a talk with the older cousins. If they are old enough to understand that your little one looks up to and will try to emulate them, maybe they will begin to consider setting a better example.

Don't worry too much, as he gets older he will look at the examples you and his father set.

Ah so much fun. It's probably best to ignore it and hopefully it will stop if he doesn't get a response from it. If others question you just tell them he said Truck. While we thought my little ones were saying B**ch. It turned out it was Fish. =) good luck